fez

25. t4t. i play the banjo now

[gobstoppr]

are you uncomfortable from your hands being dry? if you apply lotion, you can instead be uncomfortable with how greasy they are now. Subscribe for more tips!

[ghostbrother2]

if this 5000 year old tree isn’t too old to realize that its trans neither are you

[sisterofiris]

Hey students, here’s a pro tip: do not write an email to your prof while you’re seriously sick.

Signed, a person who somehow came up with “dear hello, I am sick and not sure if I’ll be alive to come tomorrow and I’m sorry, best slutantions, [name]”.

[yay855]

I mean, if someone wrote that to me, I’d probably believe they were sick.

[rox-and-prose]

“Slutantions” has me crying laughing

[watermite]

i once emailed my professor with a migraine. a mistake.

“I amsick will not to choir because i have a heache. i Hope its very and i am so sorry

love,

blue”

the subject line was “OW”

[xakumi]

THE SUBJECT LINE IS THE BEST PART JSJFJSJDJS JUST IMAGINE GETTING AN EMAIL WITH NO CONTEXT OTHER THAN “OW”

[themodernsouthernpolytheist]

As someone who has taught college, please send those emails because 1) We WILL believe that; no one would write that on purpose and 2) we need a laugh sometimes.

[asortoflight]

On the other side of this, once after getting taken to the ER by ambulance, I got an email from the professor whose class I’d passed out in, and the message had no text, just the subject line “you good?”

[whisky-gerblin]

Reblogging for the last addition

[badgraph1csghost]

Claritin makes me weird, but I have allergies so there’s about a month and a half block of time where I’m taking Claritin and am just weird most of the time.

Anyway, my last year of college, I got the flu or something in late March and was also taking Mucinex. I told my professor I couldn’t come to class one day by email except I couldnt think of what to say, so my medicated ass decided to make a Fry meme. I think it said something like “Not sure if I can go to class with a head the size of Texas, bottom text.” I didn’t think until the next day that it probably wasn’t socially-acceptable to tell your philosophy professor you weren’t coming to class via Tumblr style memes. When i got back to class, i found that she’d printed it out and taped it to the classroom bulletin board.

[badgraph1csghost]

Oh shit you guys i turned on my WinXP laptop that I used to use back then.

IT WAS ON THE DESKTOP. THIS IS WHAT I SENT.

It’s even worse than i remember it

[omnicat]

I laugh myself hoarse every time this post comes around, so here it is again.

[bucketbunny]

Once emailed a professor from my hospital bed high on painkillers after a really bad car crash which my heart actually stopped the email “Dead cant class sory”

[sarumans]

i was very sick over new years and one day i woke up to find i had emailed my manager in the middle of the night:

she said it was the most beautiful sick email she’s ever gotten

[the-haiku-bot]

she said it was the

most beautiful sick email

she’s ever gotten

Beep boop! I look for accidental haiku posts. Sometimes I mess up.

[thinkspam]

[pawberri]

One weird experience of transitioning is failing at ur assigned gender role the whole time and everyone constantly deriding you for it but then u come out and it's like we lost a beautiful gender conforming warrior today. Must grieve for my wonderful child who pissed me off by being ugly and weird since day 1

[grumfy]

today i went for a drive and saw a big ass Jeep with the license plate P@P@ BE@R and a window sticker that said “Bought with Daddy’s Money…and I’m Daddy” and I sped up my car a bit to look through the driver’s window and prayed that I’d see what i hoped to see and sure enough there was a big chunky bear with a big ol beard driving the car with this twink chewing gum on his phone in the passenger seat and even though the window was tinted i could see was another one in the back seat…and the world was right for that single moment

[estrogenesis-evangelion]

average cis conception of gender is roughly equivalent to "every single liquid is either type O+ blood or cold-pressed peanut oil." and you're like "are there not perhaps a handful of exceptions" & they get so mad they start funding nazi militias

[estrogenesis-evangelion]

you try to start soft with "well there are other blood types. and other methods for expressing oil from peanuts" and they shriek NOOOO YOURE EMASCULATING MY DEAD DAD WHO I HATED

[estrogenesis-evangelion]

you try "actually there's also milk, and seawater, and room-temperature elemental mercury" and they accuse you of taking a day off your regularly scheduled child rapes to lie specifically to them

[estrogenesis-evangelion]

BUT IF PEANUT OIL ISNT REAL THEN HOW AM I CURRENTLY SMOTHERING MYSELF IN IT i didn't say it wasn't real i said there were other liquids YOURE SO OWNED BY MY OILINESS ok

[estrogenesis-eeveeangelion]

god whoever wrote this must be so fucking hot

[reallyreallyreallytrying]

“average person eats 3 spiders a year” factoid actualy just statistical error. average person eats 0 spiders per year. Spiders Georg, who lives in cave & eats over 10,000 each day, is an outlier adn should not have been counted

[theparadigmshifts]

evangelicals being like "god made men to do This and be like This and women to do That and be like That that's just how it is" and it's just a picture of a white man and woman following traditional gender norms makes me so insane like you boring fascist fucks. god made 2 million species of beetles. god made whales, ducks, humans, and 1500 other species capable of same sex behavior. god made fish and amphibians that change sexes. god made more than 30 different intersex variations in human beings. god, in his infinite curiosity. wake up!!! fuck!!

[theparadigmshifts]

"god wants women to have perfect no-makeup makeup looks and stay at home not talking back and upholding capitalism" god??? that guy who made lizards that shoot blood out of their eyes?? that guy who made salmon do whatever the fuck that is?? are you fucking crazy???

[memorycycle]

sorry im late to work i saw a horse in my mind

[trainthief]

Love local coffee shops. your “refugees are welcome here” sign goes really well with the one that says “bathrooms are for paying customers only”

[cerisefern]

You’ve clearly never had to deal with people doing hard drugs in the grocery store bathroom and it shows.

[trainthief]

Bro I literally manage a coffee shop with an open restroom policy, and I prioritize enforcing that policy and making sure everyone feels comfortable. I’ve dealt with everything from the easy end of the spectrum (people quietly doing hard drugs) to a lady ripping all her hair out and setting it on fire in the sink. I clean up after this stuff day after day and I still feel VERY strongly about the fact that human beings should be allowed the basic decency of a place to poop. Yes, I very frequently end up having to kick someone out of the bathroom for doing drugs, and when I do I always offer them a cup of water on their way out. Because they’re a person and I give a shit…

[cannabiscomrade]

It’s safer for people to do drugs in (clean) public restrooms than it is for them to do it on the street. It’s also ableist to deny someone the use of a bathroom. There are countless gastrointestinal disorders that cause bathroom urgency and potential incontinence. There are other conditions, like pregnancy, that necessitate quick and easy access to restrooms.

also what makes you think a paying customer wouldnt misuse the toilets in some way, and a person using it without buying something would?

contrary to popular beliefs people with money do drugs, and homeless people need the toilet just like the rest of us

[prettyporcelainporcupine]

Having a sharps container “for medication injection” in our bathrooms has dropped the amount of needles I find in the bushes and planters down to a whole 2 in the past 4 years since we rolled them out. I used to find them so often I got in the habit of wearing cut resistance gloves in 90 degree weather in case I had to pluck napkins out of the landscaping.

[prettyporcelainporcupine]

I read a lot of the notes and I really can’t say enough how the “you couldn’t pay me to clean up other people’s shit” comments kinda piss me off. It is not that serious, it’s really not. You dump a bunch of Triade III on it, let it sit for 10 minutes, wipe it up.

If it’s watery you throw absorbent on it like you do throw up, we use a kitty-litter type clay based absorbent. You put a trash bag in the dust pan and sweep it all into the bag.

Takes me 15 minutes to clean an absolutely destroyed bathroom stall in a place that sees THOUSANDS of people daily. It’s a shopping and restaurant area that opens up into a nightlife location after 5pm, with some bars opening at 3pm and several restaurants becoming full nightclubs after 9pm. You pay for parking, but anyone can walk in off the sidewalk and not pay a dime and just hang out until 2am.

On a busy night I cover 3 location’s restrooms (2 venues have multiple rr) but on slow days I’m covering around 7. 7 buildings, thousands of drunks, I get a LOT of bio spills.

Our sharps containers are toolbox-looking things that hang on the wall with a flap that allows things to go in but not come out, ever (rip to like 5 phones that I know of), when full it gets closed, locked, and sent to be incinerated. I literally never touch a needle anymore. If I find one on the ground outside we have sharps shuttles which are long plastic tubes that look like giant tampons with a flip top, you put it on the ground, step on it to hold in place, and sweep the sharp into it. Takes like 20 seconds.

The answer to this entire issue is to TREAT SANITATION WORKERS BETTER not make going to the bathroom a fucking ordeal. Pay me I will clean your bathrooms, let homeless people piss with dignity!!!

[brightlotusmoon]

[mentalmilkshakes]

[shamebats]

If T makes you gain weight and E and antidepressants do it too, and so does enjoying good food and not being hungry all the time, then perhaps maybe sometimes joy & weight gain come hand in hand and that's good

[hymen-restoration-project]

hi it’s me again please allow me to edit my original ask:

my girlfriend has recently become a woman and needs a new name. she likes japanese jazz fusion and birds. she is very strong and will be useful in raising the feminarchy; she can easily overpower me (a man). she has a funny little mullet. please help.

Wren

[baevidtennant]

gratitude. getting the papers ready now

[hymen-restoration-project]

Top surgery this, top surgery that. You boys never shut up about it. Completely ignorant of women's struggles. I got pop surgery and became a little corn kernel. I can't go outside ever again. I need to be so careful of my temperature now. And for what. You to make jokes about eating me out at the movie theater? Fuck off.

[sludgewizard666]

if it sucks hit da bricks <- litany against sunk cost

take it easy but take it <- litany against burnout/apathy cycle

fuck it we ball <- litany against perfectionism

now say something beautiful and true <- litany against irony poisoning

[catgirlforeskin]

casting these before getting out of bed like buff spells before a raid boss

[depsidase]