Musicals

[marquise-de-clarabas]

Valjean: *is shown mercy and kindness*

Valjean: *turns his life around, become the sweetest guy ever, become mayor, adopt a little girl*

Javert: *is shown mercy and kindness*

Javert:

[antihenrysquad]

Alternate Titles

Ex-Wives: Hear that Henry? That’s the sound of retribution, and retribution done well

No Way: Catherine of Aragon has had enough of your sh-

Don’t Lose Ur Head: Anne Boleyn has no filter and the best lines

Heart of Stone: Don’t sleep on Jane Seymour or her whistle notes or you’ll be beheaded

Haus of Holbein: bWABWABWABWAAAAAAA (Alt. German Bierhaus Rave)

Get Down: Anna of Cleves displays her Thanos-Tier BDE for 4 minutes and 14 seconds

All You Wanna Do: The complete eradication of Katherine Howard’s happiness, innocence, and dreams

I Don’t Need Your Love: Catherine Parr is a Strong, Independent Woman who Don’t Need No Man (Except Thomas)

Six: Historical fanfiction fanfiction

[justyouravarageshipper]

[i-am-grell]

Cell Block Tango: *Plays*

My thoughts for the next 7 minutes:

[goldstar4cathyparr]

history’s about to get overthrown.

[redladydeath]

Visit Original Link

So, the studio cast had a Megasix! It’s pretty similar to the current one, but it has some extra lyrics. It’s absolutely awesome and deserves to be better known. Lyrics:

Aragon: Alas my love~ Boleyn: You do me wrong~ Seymour: To cast me off~ discourteously~ Cleves: For I have loved you~ Howard: So~ long Parr: Delighting~ in your company

All: Delighting in your compa- Ny-ny-ny-ny-ny-ny N-N-N-N

Aragon: N-N-N-No way! Hey!

You must think that I’m crazy! You wanna replace me? Baby, there’s All: N-N-N-N-N-N-No way!

Aragon: If you thought for a moment I’d granted you annulment Just hold up; there’s, All: N-N-N-N-N-N-N-N-N-N-

Not sorry!

Boleyn: Sorry, not sorry ‘bout what I said I’m just tryin’a have some fun Aragon: N-N-No way! Boleyn: Don’t worry, don’t worry Don’t lose your head I didn’t mean to hurt anyone

Seymour: You can build me up Boleyn: L-O-L Seymour: You can tear me down Boleyn: Say “Oh, well!” Seymour: You can try, but I’m unbreakable Boleyn: Or go to hell!

All: You wanna do your best But I’ll stand the test You’ll find that I’ve Seymour: Got a heart of

All: Sto-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-one!

Cleves: All alone, on a throne In a palace that I happen to– Howard: The only thing you wanna– Cleves: Too bad I don’t agree! ‘cause I’m the queen of the castle Get down you dirty rascal

Howard: All you wanna do, all you wanna do, babe, is Touch me, love me, can’t get enough, see Parr: I’ve had enough Howard: All you wanna do, all you wanna do, babe, is Touch me, love me, l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-

Parr: I don’t need your Alas my love you do…

All: We’re through Too many time’s it’s been told And there’s no way ‘cause all you wanna do, all you wanna do, babe, is Bring me down, but I’m unbreakable!

So don’t lose your head Now history’s been overthrown WE’RE THE QUEENS OF THE CASTLE! Get down… You dirty rascal

JA!

We’re leaving the past behind Historical narrative redefined Her story has come alive When you open your eyes, you will soon realize That we’re so much more than–

Aragon: Divorced! Boleyn: Beheaded! Seymour: Died! Cleves: Divorced! Howard: Beheaded! Parr: Survived!

All: We’re… SIX!

[readyset-notyet]

Lydia, about to unknowingly exorcice Barbara: one of you, will betray me tonight

Adam: is it me, Lydia?

Lydia: no

Barbara: is it me, Lydia?

Lydia: is not you either

Betelgeuse: is it me, Lydia?

Lydia:

Lydia: iS iT mE LyDiA?

[stardustschild]

Apparently my director went to see a production of West Side Story a few years ago, and the guy playing Chino forgot his gun before coming out for his final scene. Once it got to the big scene where he is supposed to shoot Tony, he screeched “Poison Boots” and kicked the actor playing Tony until he went down. The girl playing Maria then had to jerk the shoe off of Chino’s foot, and had to do the gunshot scene asking “How many kicks Chino? How many kicks, and one kick left for me”. 

[tbbackus]

There should be a blog dedicated to theatrical urban legends. Like that opening weekend of Dracula where Dracula (still hungover) vomited all over the audience during the first stage direction that everyone has a friend of a friend that worked on the show and was there.

[crutchie-morris]

or the one where the bridge never came out for Javert’s suicide and so he just pretended to stab himself and then lay there until the lights went out

[musicofthestage]

best story i heard was when a friend of mine saw a show where juliet forgot to bring the dagger out on stage so she just ripped the squib out of her chest and blood squirted everywhere

[agatharights]

During a passion play a friend of my brother was supposedly in, one of the roman soldiers who was supposed to stab jesus on the cross and accidentally grabbed the wrong spear- he was supposed to grab one with a fake tip, but instead he grabbed one with an actual metal tip and, well

Jesus screamed “JESUS CHRIST YOU STABBED ME”.

Since that Jesus had to be taken down due to a bad case of stab-itis, the backup Jesus came in, but he weighed significantly less than the original Jesus- which would have been fine, except that at the end the cross was supposed to ascend upwards with Jesus on it, and the weights hadn’t been adjusted.

So Jesus, instead, ROCKETED UP into heaven (or, just, above the stage).

[soulpunchftw]

This is wild from start to finish

[totalspiffage]

I was in Peter Pan once and one night at a performance, the adhesive holding our Hook’s mustache on was wearing off. It was near the end with a big fight scene and when he got attacked, he let his mustache fall and went “YOU RIPPED MY MUSTACHE OFF!” in a scandalized tone and it added a new note of hilarity to the whole scene (which was supposed to be funny anyway)

[punkbatsarchive]

In my seventh grade play, which was a midsummer night’s dream, Thisbe didn’t have a sword so she stabbed herself with a coathanger

[redheadeddisneyfreak]

My junior year we were doing Romeo and Juliet and after Juliet poisons herself it was supposed to go dark and she’d get off the stage. well the light crew accidentally turned them back on and Juliet who was sitting up slammed back down on the wooden bed with a loud bang. To which my theater teacher says into the com “zombie Juliet” and everyone who heard that had to keep as quiet as possible while our eyes were filling with tears.

[sammywhatammy]

i attended my county’s performing arts high school majoring in vocal studies, (mostly geared towards musical theater and opera styles) and once a year we got a field trip to new york (we were in jersey, so it’s not exactly far). we would do one touristy thing, an actor’s workshop with friends of our teachers working in various performing industries in nyc, and then see a show. 

my first year doing this, our industry contacts were 1 actor, 1 casting director, and 1 producer to get different aspects of the business, and they all gave us amazing advice and told fantastic stories. the actor in question was Zazu on Broadway’s The Lion King for several years, and told the best story by far.

in The Lion King, there are only two pieces of pre-recorded noise in the whole show. one, when Pumbaa does a MASSIVE fart while fighting the hyenas, and the other being Mufasa saying REMEMBERRRRRR as Simba climbs Pride Rock. the actor told us while struggling not to laugh that, during one night’s performance, someone forgot to flip the tape of these pre-recorded noises.

so, at the end of the show, the great climax where Simba finally accepts his place in the Circle of Life, the heavens parted and-

PFFFFFFFFFRRRRRBTFTBTBFTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT

everyone froze. and then all ran off stage positively HOWLING with laughter.

the lesson: sometimes there are fuck ups you just can’t recover from.

[cinder-ember]

During a high school production of Beauty and the Beast, where I was assistant costumer and assistant prop master, our director decided that we needed to spice up Gaston’s introduction. You know: in the movie, when Lefou runs in trying to catch the duck/goose that Gaston has just shot out of the sky?

Originally, the actors were going to stroll on stage with our Lefou hauling in the really neat (and real!) taxidermied deer head that we had found in a local thrift store. Now, two days before opening night, our director wants Lefou to run in from off stage and catch a stuffed duck that Gaston has just shot. This, of course, requires two things to work properly as a scene: a gunshot noise, and a stuffed duck.

The gunshot noise, we had covered. Blue-collar, redneck school? Guns a plenty to record. The stuffed duck? Harder than you might have thought to obtain.

Three hunting stores, two taxidermists, and one Pet Supply Store ™, I’d finally found a semi-realistic pheasant squeaky toy. What follows is an account of the ways this dog toy managed to be the nightmare prop of the six show run.

Opening Night: The stagehand, who was supposed to drop the bird from the ceiling catwalk, missed his cue and didn’t drop the it. Lefou’s actor rolls with it and does an excellent job of looking around foolishly before getting cuffed upside the head by Gaston. The stagehand then drops the bird squarely on Gaston’s head. Cue laughter.

Saturday Matinee: Different stagehand throws the bird instead of dropping it and beans Lefou directly in the face with the prop. Lefou falls over. Cue laughter.

Saturday Night: Bird is missing during curtain call. Director hauls the deer head down from it’s place on the tavern wall and tells Gaston and Lefou to revert to the old blocking i.e. no gunshot, no bird, just walk in with trophy. During Gaston and Lefou’s conversation, gun shot sound goes off and a stagehand throws the bird onto the stage…from the wrong side of the stage. Lefou and Gaston stare at it in awkward silence for a solid thirty seconds before Lefou makes off-script, subtle joke about Gaston’s gun going off late instead of early. Cue adults in the audience laughing.

Sunday Matinee: Director begs the stagehands to get the cue right at least once. Gunshot and bird prop go off without a hitch. Lefou accidentally catches the prop when it falls from the catwalk. He’s so startled that he caught it that Gaston runs right in to him. They drop both the gun and the bird props, and grab the wrong prop in their scramble. Gaston spends the rest of the scene gesturing dramatically with a stuffed pheasant, instead of a gun.

Sunday Night:  Director is fed up with bird prop, decides that Lefou should just carry bird prop in after gunshot happens off stage. Lefou accidentally squeezes the prop during the intro conversation, startling both actors into silence with the squeaky toy noise - apparently, neither of them realized it was a dog toy.

Monday Elementary School Show: Lefou walks on stage with the bird. Accidentally drops the prop during conversation with Gaston. Gaston doesn’t notice the dropped prop and steps on it. Cue depressingly sad squeaky toy noise. Cue ten years olds laughing.

[fat-hippie]

I was in Twelfth Night during high school and we were lucky enough to have identical twin girls playing Viola and Sebastian. Due to the blocking in the first half of the play, their characters didn’t appear on stage together but rather almost consecutively one after the other for a majority of the first act.

It was awesome because when people saw the play and didn’t know the girls were identical twins, it literally looked like it was one actor doing multiple, uber fast costume changes.

One of our first performances was for our peers and it was a big school so lots of people didn’t know the twins. This - for some reason - was also the performance they chose to record.

Listening to the confusion of the audience during the playback was fantastic and completely topped by the moment Viola walked off stage left just as Sebastian walked on stage right and someone right beside the camera goes “OH WHAT THE FUCK” so loudly it drowned out everything else.

The best thing? That was the copy of the play that was made available for purchase by family and parents. Haha.

[whereismyvillage]

Oh my god. I went to one of the Spiderman shows where he flew out above the audience and then got stuck and had to awkwardly hang there for about 10 minutes, but these stories are brilliant.

[andthereisnotragedyinthat]

okay so, my senior year of high school and I’m part of the stage crew for Peter Pan. There’s a scene where Hook and Smee are searching for Peter and the Lost Boys. Now the theater department at my high school isn’t very well funded (in the southern USA, football is king), so the sets we managed to make were pretty kickass for the money we had. We had a structure painted like a big tree stump for the entrance to the Lost Boys’ hideout. You could climb to the top of it, but also go inside it through a trap door that we kept locked up during most of the play.

It’s like our third show and everything has been going surprisingly well. Hook and Smee climb to the top of the “tree trunk”, supposedly looking for Peter and not knowing they’re standing above his hiding spot the whole time.

Turns out someone didn’t close the trapdoor properly, because the second Hook steps on it, he plunges through the thing. He’s able to catch himself, but he’s got his ass and one leg dangling through this hole where it’s like a ten foot drop to the ground. All of us stage crew are literally two feet away from him offstage, just gaping at him because???? Y'all this fall looked BAD. Looked like my dude did the splits in mid air. The whiplash caused his fucking wig to come off. The audience is dead silent, all of us backstage are dead silent, the director is like already looking up how to treat a broken groin.

The kid who was playing Hook was like a fuckin sophomore and he KILLED it. He gave himself a second to catch his breath, never broke character, just looked up at his castmate and growled “Smee, you fool, help me up!”. He ended up playing off the wig thing as an embarrassing comedic bit for Hook, and the play went on. He was completely fine. It was the best thing I’d ever seen.

[squidspawn]

There was an infamous performance of the opera Don Giovanni where in the last act Giovanni was suppose to be dragged into hell via trapdoor but the overweight actor got stuck, leading someone from the audience to shout: “Hey everyone, Hell’s full!!” 

[sarahviehmann]

I’m pretty sure I’ve reblogged this before but the Lefou story has me in tears every time.

[dwlostcompanion]

As someone who did Tech stuff in High school for 4 years, Lefou!

[five-very-happy-years]

I was a costumer on a stage version of Titanic, and in the scene where the women and children are getting in the lifeboats, one of the men (who was supposed to be saying goodbye to his wife he knows he will never see again because his is about to die), realized his fake mustache was falling off and instead of playing it cool… he rips it off his face, and hands it to his wife with the line “Something to remember me by”…it was the funniest thing that I have ever seen in my 8 years in theatre, the entire cast lost their shit laughing at the most dramatic moment possible

[ubertumbleweed]

I saw a Hansel and Gretel opera done by our really incredible and professional local opera company.

As the kids shove the witch into the oven, which was supposed to spark and fizz, the damn thing caught on literal fire.

The witch throws herself backwards she looks like she’s literally flying over the kids. And the kids are just standing there stunned as people run onstage with fire extinguishers.

It was very dramatic and 18 years later it’s all I remember about the opera.

[iamdefinitelynotanalien]

I love these

[idontthinkiknow]

Jr high production of beauty and the beast at a performing arts school. The castle set is a big multi level structure with stair units connecting the levels. The stage crew had put on none of the stairs during a transition. The beast was supposed to walk in on the floor level and angrily storm up to the top to brood out the window after belle goes back to check on her father.

Chunky 7th grader is playing the beast and storms on, looks at the situation and proceeds to clamber up the levels parkour style but is panting and heaving once he’s at the top. He’s sitting there catching his breath and he wheezes “man. I gotta get some stairs in this castle.” Audience roars.

[annabelle--cane]

why has it taken my seventeen years of life to find out that a musical theater fake news site exists

[godlessondheimite]

the theatre kid reading the crucible is ben whishaw

[broadwaybadass]

is this my brand now

[redamancy-and-daisies]

[disc80s]

watching broadway musicals live? no, thanks, I'll watch broadway bootlegs filmed through a Sony Ericsson phone camera at 240p, with terrible sound, split into 3 parts and titled as slime videos so ytb won’t take them down, like god intended

[broadwaybuff]

Bitches be so upset that The Prom is closing today. It’s me, I’m bitches.

[bl0odylips]

Broadway show: hey we’re closing

Me, a bitch that could never afford tickets or even go to ny: the AUDACITY, theyre closing before I could see it. Why is this happening ;(

[sprnklersplashes]

I've never taken drugs but I have seen Haus of Holbein live and I imagine that's pretty much the same experience

[extork]

I have been quoting this tiktok for the past two weeks.

[soupsluts]

This bitch had like 5 accents

[tqueeninactive]

transcription:  “you’re a nice guy. (shifts to singsongy british accent) i’ll think about it maybe xo baybeoi uh oh eehjfgoi SHEND HIM KISSHEOIS. i didn’t know i would moive in with his missusWOOOOOT GET A LOIFE WE’RE LIVIN WITH HIS WOIFE like.. (disturbingly serene) what was i meant to do…? ehehehe. (sudden american accent) oh bitch oi seemBUHHURH BREAST KILLA?? mm. HEHEHEHEHEHE (back to british accent) she doied. that’s what she desehves. (sudden new yorker accent) this stoopid princess bitch has been fuckin goin against me since i downloaded this goddamn app. she’s like (peppa pig again) oih you’re heare? no problemm. an- oo OO OOOHOHOHOHOOO OHOHOHOHO HOHOHOWAAAAAAAAA!!!!! ….oh i was first heh!”

[katyazamolodchikova]

you’re a nice guy 👨‍💼! I’ll think 🤔 about it MAY-BEE🐝. X O 🤗💋 baybwee👶! UH OH here we go 🚀🚀🚀! SHENDS HIM KISSES😘😘😘! I didn’t know that I would move in with his Mrs.👰 WHUUT😲! GET A LIFE! You were living with his wife 👱‍♀️like what was I meant to do🤷‍♀️? Oh bitch 💃obviously- BUH HWUH BREASTKILLUH 🔪🙍‍♀️! Yeet ✌️! hehehehehehe 🤣🤣🤣🤣 she DIED 😵. It’s what she deserves 💁‍♀️. this STOOPID princess 👸 bitch 🐕 has been fuckin goin against me since I downloaded this goddamn app 📱. She’s like, “OH yaw here, no PRAWBlem!” eh OO OO 😮OOOoOooOO 😩😩😩😩OOOOoo 😱oOO😱oooo 😱O😱😱OO😱OOO WHAAAAAA🤯🤯🤯🤯🤯🤯🤯 Oh I was first heh!🥇🏆

[enbymoomin]

Falsettos as John Mulaney Quotes

Marvin:

Whizzer: 

Trina: 

Mendel: 

Jason: 

Charlotte: 

Cordelia: