I'd rather be in outer space šø
Sweet Seals For You, Always
dirt enthusiast
Stranger Things
Not today Justin

Discoholic šŖ©

JVL
almost home
noise dept.
KIROKAZE
we're not kids anymore.

Andulka
let's talk about Bridgerton tea, my ask is open

Product Placement
Xuebing Du
Lint Roller? I Barely Know Her

ā
Today's Document
Game of Thrones Daily
Peter Solarz
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@beetlebeauu
can axolotls survive in a gallon bucket of sprite
Yeah they can but you really shouldn't.
peeling those sour rainbow gummy strips into long thin strings and putting them into cheap energy drink to create something im calling battery acid spaghetti will update once ive finished it
dont do this
I really hope its not too bad bc i actually love both components.
it forms a dry skin at the top made of the sour pellets. not a great start.
tastes really good actually. i also feel like i am about to explode.
do not do this.
Unanimous consensus: Do not do this
Other people: Hold on Iām about to do this
Rip to y'all, but I'm built different. Trying this tonight
Best I can do with what I have (I'm at work rn)
Oh that is a... fascinating smell
Don't do this
Alright now Iām curious
Didn't have strips so I made what I call battery acid cereal
Don't do this
World Heritage Post
only the important ones
why is this post completely broken in every way imaginable
Broken notes⦠deactivated account⦠removed imageā¦.
Finally, we have them all.
In addition: OPās name is just⦠gone. No ā[insert username]-deactivated[insert a bunch of numbers]ā as is the standard for deactivated blogs.
Just the world ādeactivated.ā Look upon their post, ye mighty, and despair.
Itāll be almost impossible to find this post unless it wanders across your dash.
@hellsite-hall-of-fame
crazy seeing all the maga tumblr users come out of the woodwork today. donāt you know this is the gay people website?
Maybe Trump isn't so bad after all I got my cooking tiktoks back š„°
i hope you canāt ever get your propaganda pasta to be al dente
Aināt no way Trump just said the government would establish two genders: male and female, in his inauguration speech, and people are still trying to say that queer folks have no need to be scared š fucking losing it
like to charge, reblog to cast <3
oh my god...
so the first screenshot is trying to look this up on tiktok normally, "donald trump rigged election" and it says that search violates community guidelines.
the second screenshot is looking up the same exact thing, but with a (australian) vpn on. canadian vpn didn't fix it fyi.
THIS is exactly the type of censorship to be looking out for on tiktok. this actually is crazy.
Reblog this if you slept with my ex-wife Susan.
Trying to prove a point to my divorce lawyer.
[plain text: āReblog this if you slept with my ex-wife Susan.ā end plain text.]
[plain text: āReblog this
if you slept with my ex-wife
Susan.ā end plain text.]
Beep boop! I look for accidental haiku posts. Sometimes I mess up.
Have you ever been to earth?
On earth, we use the word āburritoā to describe a tortilla filled with things you eat. Pretty simple stuff, and Iām surprised you at least got that part right. My burrito was, in fact, filled with food. In this, you and I agree and are friends. But this is also where my lifelong hatred begins for you and anyone else whose brain has been repeatedly scrubbed with the same mixture of bleach and Pop Rocks as yours has. Because that should have killed you, but left you around long enough to do what you did to me today. Let me explain:
Youāre an idiot.
Let me further explain:
Burritos are eaten from one end to the other. So that means when you assemble a burrito with motherfucking ZONES of ingredients going that direction, you create a disgusting experience for the burritoās end user. When you make a burrito, you should put the ingredients in layerslengthwise.Ā That way, every bite has AT LEAST A FUCKING CHANCE of getting at least two types of ingredients, and there is little chance of becoming almost hopelessly trapped in a goddamned cilantro cavern.
Have you ever eaten one of the things you make all fucking day? You should try one. They are pretty good WHEN YOU ARE NOT WILLING YOURSELF THROUGH THE FUCKING EMPIRE OF SOUR CREAM ONLY TO END UP IN LETTUCE COUNTRY.
When you eat a burrito, you donāt stand it up and bite down on it lengthwise like a fucking Rancor. Humans canāt usually dislocate their jaws, and Iām not a fucking pelican. But you must think thatās how itās done, since that would be THE ONLY FUCKING WAY to take a bite of your crapstrosity and have it taste like a burrito.
And guess what else, player? You probably canāt guessĀ anything, because Iām pretty sure youāre just a mop with a hat on it that fell over and spilled some shit into a tortilla, but just in case, hereās what:
Humans also donāt eat burritos like fucking corn on the cob. Like a fucking typewriter from one end to the other a little at a time and then DING next line. But today I wish I had tried that. Because at least THEN I would be able to eat some rice, then beans, then be all like HEY BEANS IāLL BE RIGHT BACK JUST GOING OVER HERE TO THE GUACAMOLE FOR A SECOND.
Nope.
My experience was more like HEY BEANS ITāS JUST GOING TO BE YOU AND I FOR A MINUTE UNTIL I CAN FUCKING EXCAVATE THE RICE FROM BENEATH YOU BUT BY THEN YOU WILL BE A FADING MEMORY OH HEY I WAS WRONG IāM IN THE FUCKING CHEESEOSPHERE NOW RICE MUST BE NEXT I HOPE ITāS NOT ANOTHER FUCKING SALSA POCKET.
You built this thing like a fucking pack of LifeSavers.
And donāt even fucking think Iām about to open this shit up and re-engineer your nonsense 90 degrees. I ALREADY PUT A HOLE IN IT WITH MY FUCKING MOUTH. YEAH. THATāS HOW I DISCOVERED YOU FUCKING SUCK AT LOOKING AT THINGS. I AM NOT GOING TO DO FUCKING TORTILLA ORIGAMI TO GET THIS SHIT BACK TOGETHER, ONLY TO END UP WITH A BURRITO THATāS BEEN SHOT IN THE GUT AND IS BLEEDING YOUR INEPTITUDE.
Whatās that? I should ask you to mix it up first next time? IS THIS JAMBA JUICE? I DONāT WANT TO DRINK MY FUCKING BURRITO THROUGH A BENDY STRAW, AND I DONāT WANT A PILE OF BURRITO SOUP IN A FLOUR CAN.
I just want a burrito.
In conclusion:
Youāre the worst thing that has ever happened to the universe, you owe everyone everywhere an apology for this burritobomination, and I hope your babies look like monkeys.
UPDATE FOR EVERYONE WHO SAID āJUST EAT IT WITH A FORKā:
A fuckingĀ fork?
I DIDNāT ORDER THE FUCKING COBBURRITO SALAD.
If anyone ever handed me a burrito with a fork, THEY WOULD BE WEARING A BRAND NEW BURRITO HAT FROM MY FALL COLLECTION TEN SECONDS LATER.
Thatās like buying a car and having them hand you a fucking wrench with the keys. Like YEAH WE KNOW THIS MOTHERFUCKERāS GOING TO EXPLODE AND BE SPREAD ACROSS EIGHT LANES AS SOON AS YOU HIT THE GAS, BUT SHIT, WE GAVE YOU A WRENCH, SO BE COOL.
Jesus already gave me two burrito forks. One at the end of each arm. Theyāre called fucking HANDS.
A fork. My god. I havenāt cried since I was six, but Iām fucking sobbing now.
People eat burritos with forks?
God is sorry he made us.
(Source)
I always need this on my blog.
I canāt be laughing this hard in the morning.Ā
Yes
They're going crazy on LinkedIn
every time i listen to āyouāre a mean one mr. grinchā i canāt help but sit there and think āwhat did the grinch do to hurt you?ā because dude just stands there for 2 minutes and 58 seconds and drags the grinch into the dirt
he stole christmas, kayla! stop with your #notallgrinches propaganda!
you know what if someone told me i was a three-decker sauerkraut and toadstool sandwich with arsenic sauce iād probably be bitter enough to steal christmas tooĀ
Interestingly, though The Grinch Who Stole Christmas is narrated by Boris Karloff, the big musical number is sung by the late Thurl Ravenscroft - an American voice actor better known as the voice of Tony the Tiger.
My headcanon is that the Grinch and Tony the Tiger had a bad breakup, and āYouāre a Mean One, Mr. Grinchā is the resulting breakup song.
Did this really HAVE to be the first thing I see when I opened up Tumblr?
Yes.
oh god theres art
@altadude you know what must be done.
ive been avoiding reblogging this honestly but just. What the fuck. What the fuck tumblr
I apologize to all my followers for this
if i had to read this you do too
I have a hate-hate relationship with this
ā¦ā¦ā¦
Good grief⦠Iām sorry, but I canāt not reblog thisā¦
Tis the season bitches
DAMN IT WHY WOULD YOU BRING THIS BACK YOU HEATHEN
Why is this on my dash?
ā¦..Iām.. Bothered? by the fact that Iām not bothered by this.
Youāre not bothered?? Iām not only not bothered, Iām freaking invested. Iām having actual empathetic sadness for The Grinch. I want them to go into coupleās counseling. I want theĀ āten years laterā when Tony visits Whoville on business and meets the reformed Grinch whose heart has grown 3 times its usual size. I want them to reminisce over a shared dinner of roast beast and wine, then spend a drunken night together, then realize that maybe things are different and people really do change. I want a 3-act story where thereās a long dark night of soul searching and the realization that maybe weāve allĀ got a little bit of bad banana with greasy black peel inside us, but that doesnāt mean we canāt make a damned fine banana bread if someone will give us a chance.Ā
@hellsite-hall-of-fame
Iām bringing it back 5 years later, tis the season!
Oh itās deeper than that folks. Right @biggest-gaudiest-patronuses ??
An Archive of Our Own, a project of the Organization for Transformative Works
imagine youāre a guard for your castle, and you see this lady calling for help and saying sheās the queen, so you bring her in and everyone watches as she fucking eats the babies in there and just goes, āyep. Sure. New queen.ā Because she got them, along with you, all high on psychedelics. And then she transforms into a giant fucking blue creature and crawls away, never to be seen again.
God forbid women do anything