i, piggy

i’m like if carrie bradshaw wasn’t carrie bradshaw but instead a tumblr user named biyomoon

[national-rail]

me: do you think this train touches the overhead wires normally or do you think she gets freaky with it

train conductor who i've been distracting from my lack of ticket for 35 minutes now: y'know i think she gets freaky with it

[medievaljournalist]

forgot to leave a note for my doordasher to bring a blunt weapon to get past the catacomb skeletons so congrats to whichever necromancer is about to get my banh mi i guess

[weardgirl]

they are finally giving me a magnificent gilded cup for all of the folding chairs ive helped put away at various events and functions

[daofeibutdead]

idek what that means I think a yes would have sufficed

[sexhaver]

for context this person claimed that Mitski bought them as a child sex slave and had them chained up in her dorm at college. and everyone just believed them for a few days

[maidthings]

In an earlier post today, one of the individuals behind this account used the phrase "women's wrongs" to describe using a date to get a free meal with no expectations. We here at maidthings are firmly of the belief that there is nothing wrong with this behavior, counter to what the post has suggested. We have had the individual in question incinerated and replaced with an identical duplicate which believes itself the original, and apologize sincerely for anyone affected by this lapse.

[999aethers]

[the-nyanguard-party]

"aough we shouldn't be unearthing all this forbidden knowledge of cosmic horrors" well the cosmic horrors are going to be there whenever we know about them or not. also being a wizard is fun

[plasmalogical]

i honestly prefer to kick a man when hes down. its the easiest time to do it

[blizz4rd1203]

Who the fuck is that thing tolling for

[panicatthecriscodisco]

[skeletonsonmars]

yeah i dual-wield

[skeletonsonmars]

love wins!!!!!!!

[greelin]

warm baked goods are insane. something so beautiful and almost maddening about absolutely tearing into them when they’re fresh. feeling warm all over after. I really do get vampires for real

[stuckinapril]

I’m fine

[stuckinapril]

I need divine intervention

[disgustinggf]

i'm actually very normal if you ignore everything i have ever said and done

[disgustinggf]

[liecanthrope]

biting someone's muzzle is a love language

[liecanthrope]

sorry guys but this is literally what affection looks like

[stupidkidfag]

[hellenhighwater]

Well those are allllmost done

[codebreakerblue]

question. why do you have 7 featureless grey monoliths in your driveway

[hellenhighwater]

There's eight actually but the last one is still in the garage

[jackfromthefairytale]

question. why do you have eight featureless grey monoliths

[hellenhighwater]

They're actually a really dark purple

[fishofthewoods]

question. why do you have seven featureless really dark purple monoliths in your driveway and an eighth in the garage

[hellenhighwater]

Some of them do have features though. There's holes and hinges and stuff, so I can put secrets in em

[nobodywasneverhere]

question. why do you have 8 really dark purple occasionally featureful monoliths

[hellenhighwater]

The heart wants what the heart wants

[fred-the-dinosaur]

this reads like a muppet sketch

[fred-the-dinosaur]

see? See!??!

[hellenhighwater]

You're not wrong

[hellenhighwater]

This post is less than six months old.

[d0n-d13g0]

THOSE ARE JUST ARTFUL SPEAKER ENCLOSURES

[hellenhighwater]

Ah, no, this is my artful speaker enclosure.

[milk5]

Mangled corpse of cave man 8000 years old grasping primitive samsung phone discovered in croatian bog soil

[milk5]

forensic evidence suggests that he was typing the following message at time of death:

not my White Ass succumbing to Great Tusk Predator 😭😭