Murderbot + text posts [127/∞]
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@bizbeth9
Murderbot + text posts [127/∞]
It had come to that.
My favorite human ritual is the unspoken rule that if you enjoyed a concert, you must clap without stopping at the end (if you were seated, you may rise to express further respect). The musician will bow, then exit the stage, but you must keep clapping. The musician must return and act surprised, bow again, then exit once more, and you continue to clap. Then, the musician will return and play one or two extra numbers (you stop clapping during the music) and at the end after they leave for the last time, you can clap as long as you wish but the musician will not return. It’s just such a cute song and dance. I've been to shows where the musician expects it (to the point that i could see their timer backstage that indicated how much time they had left for the show and they bowed for the first time with 20 minutes to spare) so they just go through the motion of pretending to end the show but the extra number is completely planned and we all expect it. Everyone in the audience is in on it but we all just do it anyway because it’s like a conversation were the audience and the musician are saying Thank You to each other over and over. Makes me feel some type of way
hear me out…
“Hear me out” and it’s the most conventionally attractive alien father figure you’ve ever seen
I mean? Yeah? Gantu is obviously conventionally attractive
Deep voice, big muscles, Tall
Like. What am i missing here?
honey he has a fish for a head
So what, all of a sudden mermaids aren't hot?
Is Captain Gantu (Lilo & Stitch, 2002) a "Normie" Hear-Me-Out Pick?
absolutely that is a conventionally attractive alien
no he has a fish for a head
(my tags for context:)
#I feel like if people are going to argue that pyramid isn't a normie pick then gantu can't be a normie pick#so I voted no#but i also think both of them are intended to be attractive in a general way so in my heart they're obvs a normie yes#idk maybe my argument here is that normies don't even notice what they like half the time
And then peer-reviewing these tags:
YOU. you understand me perfectly.
[ID: A screenshot of a Tumblr comment that reads “I would be at a loss for words. Not only is this situation terrible, but it’s also terrible.” End ID.]
[Video transcript:] Person angrily yelling: “–fucking computers bullshit. It’s fucking sick! It’s not cool anymore! It’s not fun! It’s not fun to be on the fucking computer! They changed everything about it! It used to be so coooool!”
literally saying this every day of my life
i walk out of the shower, and bam, first thing im greeted with is my cat gagging. four seconds into being clean, and barf is already making its way back into my life.
my first thought is to "take the bullet for the president." the bullet of course being cat yack, and the president being the thick luxurious carpets of my bedroom.
i discard this thought. im clean. i like being clean. i have been clean for only four seconds.
my second thought is to remember that there is a large, plastic sheeted area in the corner near the cats food bowl. ms. kitty is a messy eater, so she has to eat on the sheet.
i grab my cat and toss it across the room onto the sheet. i feel like im throwing a live grenade out of my trench. cat drives heaves once in my arms, then throws up in midair, approximately one foot out of my grasp.
i watch the barf fly in the same arc as my cat. conservation of momentum. theres not much velocity imbued by peristalsis.
both land at the same time. vomit splats. cat lands gracefully. she turns around, looks at me with total serenity, and throws up a second time. still on the plastic. i tell her that shes a great cat for staying still to do that. she does not give a shit.
i get some dirty clothes out of my laundry hamper and pile them up so she can sit on them. she loves dirty laundry. cats are nasty like that. i clean up the barf and she watches with interest. i have tossed her across the room, and now, stolen her barf. i am utterly befuddling to her. she tolerates me though because i give good scritches.
i toss the vomit soaked paper towels into the trash and come back with a bowl of bottled water (she has preferences) and a cat squeezy treat. she accepts three sips of water but declines the treat. very reasonable. i go back downstairs and put the treat in a ziplock in the fridge so she can have it tomorrow. i come back and shes trotting on her wheel.
i ask how long shes been able to do that. she doesn't answer - in part because she is a cat, but mostly because she is an asshole. she just keeps jogging. i turn to walk away and she meows at me to spin the wheel faster.
i do not. i go upstairs and play halo. a few minutes later she comes and sits next to me before falling asleep.
Hm. So apparently people with epilepsy can learn to sense when they have a seizure coming. I wonder if you could use that as a plot device thing in a story somewhere.
Like there's some big-ass Great Public Council Meeting about some important politicial issue, Roman Senate style, and there's two opposing sides about the issue, but also a big chunk of undecided people who could be persuaded to vote either way. And there's someone in attendance, who hasn't spoken out loud about the issue anywhere but sides strongly with one of the options. And just when the dispute is about to swing to the wrong direction, they sense a seizure about to happen, and it's too late for them to try to get out of there or really even warn anyone.
So instead they just stand up, boldly announce, "I, for one, am sure that [option they do not want] cannot fail! If I am wrong, let the Gods smite me right where I stand!" and then the fucking seizure hits.
I used to get really bad nose bleeds but sometimes could feel when they were starting. One day in middle school this guy in geography class wouldn’t shut the fuck up about that conspiracy theory that Delaware doesn’t exist, so when I felt one coming on I loudly interrupted the rant our teacher was inexplicably allowing to derail the class by saying “if you don’t stop I’m gonna have an aneurism!” The guy of course just kept going so a second later a small torrent of blood gushed out of my head and, being a dramatic bitch, I collapsed face down onto my desk into a nice little puddle of blood. Anyway apparently outside of intense Roman Senate-esque debates, these stunts apparently induce panic attacks in educators and end up with you getting lectured about how traumatizing it is for your classmates when you “fake your death for dramatic effect”
I believe this falls into the "I don't think people should be punished for objectively funny crimes" category.
measure once cut also once, no prablem
#i know i already reblogged this but i need to like. cross stitch it or carve it into wood or quilt it or something
concept for a vcarving project
parenting commitment level 3000
apparently a requirement for working at poison control is a talent for stand-up comedy
have you guys ever seen a crocodile with its fingies out
i had a nightmare last night i was at a marina with my friend and there were saltwater crocodiles swimming all around and she said, "don't worry, they won't come up on the docks. they don't hurt people." and i said, "what about that one? does that one hurt people" and she said, "which one?" and my dream comedically cut to a crocodile in the water wearing a Jason mask.
sound on, they are not singing the tune you would expect.
gnome ann has lived in my head for almost a decade now and i think everyone needs to see her
Pebble and sea glass paintings!
Sometimes I see art and think to myself "You know, that was an excellent use of that person's time." and nod sagely.
This makes English sound somewhat like chaos magic, which . . . I mean, I guess??