eternity! it's the sun fused with the sea

"words in the heart can not be taken." brown lesbian. she/her.

[worldwright]

youtube with ublock origin experience of the 20 second gap between every video on a playlist where youtube desperately throws itself against the impervious ever-evolving uncaring face of the adblocker's wall screaming and clawing and calling PLEASE! PLEASE, OUR AD REVENUE!! DON'T YOU WANT TO SUPPORT THIS CREATOR? DO YOU NOT CARE ABOUT OUR WALLETS? AND THEIRS? into the vast and empty sky before the adblocker gently raises one of its many iron-banded arms and flicks youtube away into the void just to hear its wails fade slowly into nothing

[melonisopod]

It's funny when I get the "You seem to be experiencing interruptions. Find out why" popup as if two unskippable 30-second ads wouldn't feel way more intrusive and annoying than a slight delay for a video to start.

[freakoutgirl]

Ilya kicking his feet and twirling his hair when Shane gets his Angry Jealous Face about Ilya saying he could marry Svetlana, but then Shane starts crying and Ilya is like wait no shit I fucked up. stop crying I was kidding don't worry I'll marry you.

[perotovar]

HEATED RIVALRY (2025-) 1.02 "Olympians"

source

[gentlesleaze]

Ilya's off-screen/cut-off gestures — Pointing to himself (and then Shane) to illustrate 'Ya tebya lyublyu' — Kissing Shane's hand in the car

[monmothermothma]

ANDOR | MAKE IT STOP (2x10) - dir. Alonso Ruizpalacios

[thisfeebleheart]

too much too good because it was the Shane Hollander that got on his knees for him

[thisfeebleheart]

Shane loves his personal space. Ilya also loves Shane's personal space.

[tvuniverse]

HEATED RIVALRY -> 1x06 | The Cottage Shane and Ilya not being entirely honest about their feelings

+ 1 time they were

[thisfeebleheart]

pinned down and so happy about it

[therealrashid]

getting emotional at the thought of shane and ilya stumbling into that flint of desire conversation. ilya goading shane asking if he jerked off to posters of hockey players in his room when he was a teenager, trying to get a rise out of him and make him blush. but shane, extremely earnest in that way of his, says when i jerked off as a teenager it was just like a bodily function, i wasn't really thinking of anyone. the other boys would talk about beautiful actresses or look at dirty magazines but they never made me feel anything really. and ilya is still making fun of him poor shane you didn't think of anyone because you were waiting for me, hm? it's only me? and shane. in that earnest way of his. says yes. eyes shining. says i didn't know, not really. until you looked at me in those showers. i didn't know it could feel like that. and ilya obviously has to fuck him violently about it immediately

[castielchitaqua]

I feel like ive said this in multiple occasions, mainly in the tags of gifs because I am like that, but Ive been having many versions of the same thought brewing and rotating in my brain for basically a month. 

I know hollanov is way more than their sexual dynamic, but the first few ep of the series provide sooo much food for thought so I don’t feel bad about going on this particular tangent. the thing about shane is that he’s so controlled and contained all the time, he has to fit in the specific saw box that his momager and the media and himself have especially created for his public persona but sometimes the confines of how the world sees you and who you truly are get blurry. also he’s a teenager he doesnt know who he is all he knows is play hockey dont stare at your teammates when they shower. so he’s mostly well behaved and strict and controlled all the time and he doesnt indulge in thoughts about what he wants and what he craves, he has sex a couple of times with girls and he gets to have an orgasm about it and it’s so detached it’s almost medical but thats fine. enter ilya who is hot like burning and flirts and teases and pushes him in a way that feels a little different that pure sport rivalry. and the beast inside his belly starts stirring and moving and pacing in a way thats not familiar anymore (im guessing it was when puberty hit but then he squashed the immensity of his desire under the bricks with which he built his career and that worked till now). And this russian boy feels dangerous and the danger allows him to feel free, to detach himself from himself and explore what the beast wants. And the beast feels hungry and wants and actually gets what it wants in the purest form imaginable but now he knows what it’s like to desire and have his needs met and be sated (yes by this guys dick lodged deep inside his throat whatever). And the thing about desire is it never stops it’s never enough once you want you can never stop wanting and it claws at you until it can crawl out of you. so yes, no wonder shane was trembling with it in the vegas scene. he needed it in the most literal sense. 

[castielchitaqua]

And on the opposite side I cant imagine the mind melting satisfaction and pleasure ilya must get from knowing he did that to shane. He fucking knows he did that, he’s smart and he has this amazingly unnerving sense about people and where to push to get that he wants from them or get under their skin. He takes 2 looks at shane in saskatchewan and he can grasp everything about him, the repression and the metal cage he daily locks himself in, has for who knows how long. So he’s a man with a mission now, and he’s all cheeky grind and teasing touches and speed on bold moves, but you literally never know the depth of someones grave (especially if they dug it for themselves) so he doesnt know how long and how much effort t’s gonna take to get what he wants and finally scratch the urge to ruin this boy, add a special tally to the count of his sexual conquests. The answer is: not much at all. Which is testament of two things specifically: 1. How hot you are and how good you are at flirting and how desirable you are so you can take this trophy and preen and hang it in your mind palace and 2. How hungry he actually is. and the thing is, he’s so hungry he can barely resist him in the showers. He’s so hungry he drops to his knees 2 seconds into their first hookup. He’s so hungry it takes him 30 seconds to confess his archrival he’s got a dildo he fucks himself with and that actually gives you real psychological damage. Whatever. So ilya actually gets what he wanted all along but the urge doesnt stop. Its not just a tally anymore, not another addition to the count, because the intensity with which he craves him is terrifying and he’s had his experiences but he’s never felt this wanted in his life and instinctually he knows he never will again. So he indulges him and himself and he keeps meeting with him and doing stuff and shane keeps fucking giving him things so easily and ilya doesnt think he even realises the immensity of the things he gives him so willingly and at one point he realises it can never stop. This can never end. and yes, shane had all that in him already, but it’s more than likely that if it weren’t for him he would’ve never realised it, he would’ve kept having lame sex with hockey bunnies like it was a chore and married one of them and he would’ve likely died without ever knowing what it was to want something. but he didnt and thats on him. ilya iterally shaped him into what he is today and no one could ever give him what he give him and now its been years and their desires have become so interlinked you can never unwind them. and while made sure he can never have a satisfying sexual experience with anyone else but him, he ruined his own wants in the process. he corrupted him and then moulded himself in the shape of the hole in his belly and now he can never be free of him. How do you go to sleep every night knowing that the best hockey player in the world has never known desire in a way that hasn’t been tainted by your image. How can you think about anything else ever when you know, every time Canada’s golden boy will have sex in the future, you’re gonna be in the room with him and his partner (actually, the absence of you, which has the same shape of shane’s want)

[castielchitaqua]

[therealrashid]

okay and another thing. this show is affecting queer people so deeply every SINGLE. queer person i know who has watched it. is having some sort of severe mental break about it. is it the depiction of the closet, the family dynamics, the professional life vs the personal life, is it the asian parents, is it being gay is illegal in your home country, is it finding love even though you never thought that would ever be something in your future, is it scott hunter’s aching loneliness, is it shane’s coming out scene, is it ilya’s phonecall, is it the patience of clawing your way to a happiness you never thought could exist for you, is it the intimacy, the weight of it, is it the love. is it the love

[therealrashid]

and meanwhile the straight people of the world will be like teehee what a fun silly sexy show. DONT talk to me about it like that i’ll go for the throat

[themoonandmyman]

As a retired whore, I’ve been with many a fuckboy in my time.

Ilya? Not a fuckboy.

A fuckboy doesn’t care about treating you right or making you cum, or making it clear that it’s just a hookup, which is what Ilya does with the women he sleeps with. Neither him nor Shane treat their hookups with disrespect.

With Shane, his behaviour may be contradictory and confusing from Shane’s perspective, but it’s not coming from a place of disinterest or malice. We know that it’s coming from a place of fear- fear of discovery, fear of attachment, fear of love and what it would mean.

So yeah, in my personal subjective opinion, he’s not a fuckboy. He just enjoys sex, and that’s morally neutral.

[theveriest]

That’s because he’s not a fuckboy, he’s a rake!

A romance novel rake is not a bad guy, he’s not a cad, he’s just a guy who loves fun and partying and FUCKING, and he’s very good at it. He takes pride in being good at sex, in pleasing his partners. Often in the beginning of the book he has many sexual partners and no interest in monogamy. And also often his love interest is a straitlaced virginal bluestocking (that’s Shane if you’re keeping track).

The rake will keep seeing his many partners and having (very good) sex with them until one day he finds, to his horror, that he doesn’t WANT to have sex with anybody else. He wants to change! He wants a committed relationship with one person! And when the rake falls in love (or admits to himself that he has fallen), he is ALL. FUCKING. IN. Maybe deep down he played this part because he thought some part of him was fundamentally unlovable, that nobody would want to commit to him anyway so he’ll just avoid that whole messy feelings bit but then BOOM here comes the doe-eyed sincerity of the ingenue with a steel chair!

Shane said “I don’t want to pretend I don’t like you anymore,” and suddenly Mr. Womanizer isn’t interested in sex with anybody else! Shane says “I am making a plan to keep you in my life,” and suddenly Mr. Cool and Composed is making teary eyed love confessions in TWO (2) languages!

God I fucking love it when a rake falls in love, it’s just so good.

[dykestoevsky]

on my knees sobbing hiccuping snot bubble: please shane hollander is a FREAK he’s a freak he’s not actually a delicate flower he likes to say no when he means yes he LIKES when ilya ignores his objections please don’t woobify him its freak4freak or nothing

[ticklefighthockey]

Shane is so real to me bc if someone chased after me for two years trying to fuck me and then very tenderly and thoughtfully took my virginity and then fucking ghosted me for 6 months and told me we were nothing I would also cry pitifully and hornily in a bathroom once they paid attention to me again 🫶

ugh thank you for reminding me of this so I can lose my mind about it all over again. god I NEED fic set in that six month period where shane thinks ilya’s dropped him. the shame the embarrassment!! the sense of painful betrayal shane tries not to feel because it’s so humiliating that he feels betrayed!! because that means that he trusted ilya and that means he fell hook line and sinker for ilya’s whole act. I feel like after the first month or so of ilya leaving him on read shane tries really hard to put it out of his mind and not think about it anymore, which of course just means he’s thinking about it all the time. he’s lacing up his skates wondering if ilya told anyone, if it was some kind of bet or dare, if ilya laughed about taking his virginity after. he’s lying awake during his pregame nap unable to sleep thinking about how the sex rocked the foundations of his world and for ilya it was just another tuesday. he’s at dinner with the pikes passing the salad and flushing hot thinking about how he brought ilya into his home, took ilya inside his body, came without even being touched, and now ilya rozanov will always know that about him: how badly shane wanted it, how hungry he was for it. and the worst part is that now shane knows exactly how good it is!!! and he’s never going to have it again!!!

[nevcolleil]

THIIIIIIS.

And meanwhile, Ilya is so unused to mattering that much to anyone, he didn’t clock that Shane would pay him attention at all til Shane says "With who?" like he's jealous.

And Ilya was SO fucking happy to not have been forgotten. He walked out onto the stage grinning.

He was laughing in that bathroom like, 'Okay, you won. You got me. I couldn't stay away.' He was so thrown off by Shane actually being upset .

Amazing.

[toptony]

No one ever said it would be so hard.

[aphantasias]

sexually inexperienced shane assuming he & ilya's incredibly romantic sex is probably totally normal and he's just particularly bad at handling hookups while an extremely sexually fluent ilya privately and repeatedly spirals over how Not Casual their sex is and how little control he has over it. poetry

[aphantasias]

shane doesn't have enough experience to know better BUT ILYA has waaaaay too much experience not to!!!! which makes all of his behavior with shane when they're bumpin SO scrumptious because while yes i do believe he's a great and attentive sexual partner in general, i don't believe for a SECOND that he ever fucks ANYBODY like he fucks shane. with that level of reverence? possessiveness? hunger and curiosity and delight and agony all at once? nah. if he was looking at all of his hookups like that before he was even inside of them he would have like 500 children