Summary: “Go?” Rozanov repeats, and Shane thinks he manages to nod, thinks he manages to spin some kind of excuse that he knows Rozanov doesn’t really buy, but he needs to go. He needs to get out of here. He needs to find somewhere quiet and calm where he can ride out this panic and painful tightness until he can catch his breath again. He needs-
He needs to go.
“I’m sorry,” he says, turning heel and resisting the urge to just book it right for the front door only because he’d rather not have to explain to Hayden why he returned from a hookup with Boston Lily in men’s clothes that he certainly didn’t leave in.
It’s not until he makes it halfway up the stairs to Rozanov’s bedroom that it occurs to him in a cold rush that it isn’t just anxiety that makes it this hard to breathe.
“No,” he tells himself firmly, white knuckling the bannister and trying to take a deep breath just to prove that he can.
It wheezes.
(how the tuna meltdown is averted through the power of food allergies and anaphylaxis)
Summary: “Go?” Rozanov repeats, and Shane thinks he manages to nod, thinks he manages to spin some kind of excuse that he knows Rozanov doesn’t really buy, but he needs to go. He needs to get out of here. He needs to find somewhere quiet and calm where he can ride out this panic and painful tightness until he can catch his breath again. He needs-
He needs to go.
“I’m sorry,” he says, turning heel and resisting the urge to just book it right for the front door only because he’d rather not have to explain to Hayden why he returned from a hookup with Boston Lily in men’s clothes that he certainly didn’t leave in.
It’s not until he makes it halfway up the stairs to Rozanov’s bedroom that it occurs to him in a cold rush that it isn’t just anxiety that makes it this hard to breathe.
“No,” he tells himself firmly, white knuckling the bannister and trying to take a deep breath just to prove that he can.
It wheezes.
(how the tuna meltdown is averted through the power of food allergies and anaphylaxis)
Shane Hollander has a secret life. No, not the one where he's hiding his trysts with his rival. He's a pseudonymous hockey romance author under the alias Jane Dutch.
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I love this fic very much!! The mixed media is *chef's kiss* I could rage about it for ages. This is a repost bc I whole (and hole 🤡🥵) heartedly believe it deserves all the love.
so tell me when you're going to let me in, i'm getting tired and i need somewhere to begin
It's how it's always been done. The season starts in October and ends in June, every Cup winner has their name written on it, and omega and alphas are expected to contribute to the pool of future hockey prospects.
on ao3
It's not that Shane didn't expect it.
If it's about hockey, Shane already knows everything. Since he started getting scouted in middle school, Shane has more or less had a general outline of what his life was going to be: minor hockey to junior hockey to—hopefully—the MHL. He's anticipated every entry-draft and every championship, had planned for it, or followed the plans Mom built for him. Shane anticipated this too. This was the thing that he tried not to think about, or have to talk with his mom and dad, since he was thirteen. It's been settled into stone since his medical chart first had O written on it.
Thinking about it made Shane's face heat and his stomach wrap itself into knots, and hearing his mom and dad try to talk about it was even worse. The thought has always made Shane feel like a kid, even if he's nineteen now, and a MHL draftee, second overall or not. He feels like a kid even while putting on his Rebooks, like his mom wants him to use them, and the Montreal hoodie he'd been given in draft day, getting ready for this meeting a week after it.
All the big suits from the day of the draft are in the conference room when Shane and his mom get there, along with a few more strangers. It takes Shane shaking their hands, trying to pretend his stomach isn't all up in knots again, for him to realize they're all probably the team lawyers.
"Shane, we just want to tell you again how happy we are for you to be joining our franchise," the GM says, smiling cleanly at both him his mom. Everyone sitting around the table's got a smile like that. "We're very excited. We've followed your career very closely in the junior league. Naturally, we were all hoping you'd win the Prospect Cup for Canada, but we were impressed with your performance in the tournament either way, and we know you're going to be doing great things along with us."
Shane nods, because it feels like it'd be rude not to. He can't make himself meet anyone's eyes.
There's a full desk watching him, like he's surrounded by sharks. Mom's sitting by his side, and holding his hand out of view, but it's just the two of them against a full room. "Of course—" the GM continues, and Mom's hand squeezes, "there's the matter of the future prospect contribution."
Contribution is a weird way to put it. It sounds like a gift, not something you're made to do; maybe that's the point. The GM's talking like this is just another conversation in his week, and it probably is. It's Shane's life the one that's going to be changed.
"Now, as his agent, I'm sure you've read everything in the contracts we've sent, yes, Mrs Hollander?"
Mom straightens up. "Yes. I took the liberty to cross-check it with other omega draftees in the league's history—"
The Metros GM raises a hand to stop her, smile turning more patronizing than welcoming now. "I'm also sure you've read up all the precedents you could, Mrs Hollander. But the terms to Shane's contract, if he's going to take it, and we hope he will, are those we presented to you. We've been very generous in our offers, considering the caliber of Shane's playing."
"It's not the contract's payment that I'm concerned about," Mom says.
The table must have been expecting that too, because the GM's smile doesn't flicker. "Naturally. Now, Shane, I understand it might seem very daunting for you at this moment—" he says it like it's something Shane will grown out of, grow used to, somehow, "but I assure you that this has been part of the induction of every omega in the entire history of the league. There have been several other omegas in this year's draft—including other picks from us—and all of them will make prospect contributions. It's not only you."
That's offered with an air of reassurance, but Shane struggles to find anything comforting in it. He's not going to feel any more prepared no matter how many other omegas are expected to pump out a baby for the league.
Do we all agree that Shane can't be blamed for shooting his shot after Rose looks him in the eye and says "your winter doesn't scare me"? Like, even for a gay man?
I mean, I'm bi, so she woulda had me at the looking me in the eye. But.
That's an OBJECTIVELY effective line, right?
Or is that my lit nerd sensibilities projecting? 😝
Shane wants to figure out if he's gay before he gets drafted—and no, the way he felt when Ilya Rozanov smirked at him with a cigarette between his lips in Saskatchewan has nothing to do with it. Unfortunately, the random guy he hooks up with to try and make sure one way or another takes a picture, and Shane gets outed before the draft. In the ensuing scandal, he goes seventh overall, to Ottawa.
It turns out, having the worst thing you can think of happen to you when you're seventeen years old can end up being pretty liberating. And land you an unexpected best friend.
Relevant Tags: Canon Divergence - Shane is drafted to Ottawa, Shane Gets Outed, Friends to Fuckbuddies to Lovers, Mutual Pining, Fluff, Everything Goes Right, Mixed Media.
Tbh Ilya’s depression was present in Heated Rivalry book too. He didn’t suddenly just catch depression like common cold. There are multiple instances in Heated Rivalry, when Ilya is feeling lonely but he doesn’t know the term for it yet. And I think, in those moments, he was having some really depressive thoughts. One particular moment which stands out to me is the, “I’m coming to the cottage” scene. Unlike the show, Ilya doesn’t have any of his friends over in that scene in the book. In fact, I think he doesn’t even consider any of his Boston teammates his friend. And since Svetlana too isn’t a friend of his in the book, he also stops taking to her. He was definitely lonely here and started to develop symptoms of depression, even when things were kind of looking up with Shane.
"The Back of Pride Night", Shane Hollander, Ilya Rozanov, Scott Hunter [Hudson Williams, Connor Storrie, Francois Arnaud] from Heated Rivalry, the bonus rear cover from the [REDACTED] zine
Mar 2026
I messed up a few things with this one, mostly because it was going to have a big title text over the top of it. Shane and Scott's hands on Ilya's back look horrible (again, they weren't actually meant to be visible), and while I'm tempted to go in and change it, I'm not going to because hey, guess what? People make mistakes too. The little rainbow bit was a colour swatch from another part of the image, and I messed up the layers when I was overlaying it. If you know how hard it is to differentiate between 700+ colour layers, you'll understand my plight right now.
(Also, the first time I did this, I spelled both "Rozanov" and "Hollander" wrong and had to argue with my own brain even after I fixed it because I'd stared at it for so long they'd ceased to be words)
Please do not repost my work to other sites without permission
Luca Haas interest in Ilya CONFIRMED. Ilya Rozanov interest open to interpretation. Kip's breadcumb emulated.
Luca is NOT a starry-eyed kid with a childish crush. (But he WAS a starry-eyed kid with a crush. And now maybe he's trying to feel out whether Grown Luca and Real Ilya have a shot to shoot.)
+ the power of Ilya Rozanov's direct, exclusive attention
THIS is the most glaringly obvious sign of ilyuca / haasanov in this chapter. Luca is giving such 'you all look like hot lumberjacks' energy - if not with the purposefulness that Kip had, searching Scott out, just thoughtlessly honest. It's what he's being honest about here that mimics Kip's little breadcrumb.
AND ILYA.
I don't personally think that CANON Ilya, who is with Shane, is actually "interested" when he says 'Interesting' here - maybe not even without Shane, because of age, or his position as captain. I think it's more likely he's on the lookout for another baby gay to mentor, as per his consistent role in the GC universe. BUT. If you choose to see potential interest, real interest, in Ilya for Luca, that line here is... interesting. 😉
On the topic of choice, I don't know if it's so much I CHOOSE to see Luca's bashfulness here as evidence- and the things he says as hedging - or if I just can't help picking up what Luca is putting down...
But I DO have ideas about what Luca means when he says 'particular'.
I think it's clear, from the fact that Rachel WAS writing a book for Luca, that when Luca says "to do that with", he's talking about finding men. And Ilya's talk about it being difficult to find someone "careful" is him reaching out about that. Maybe Luca gets that, maybe he doesn't.
But I also think when Luca says he's joking about "that" being the problem / the reason why he can't find anyone, he's not talking about the poster. He's just finished joking about that. And Ilya doesn't respond like he's still talking about the poster being over his bed. He asks what Luca means by "problem". Luca is "joking" that his infatuation with Ilya is the distraction. But I don't think he's actually joking. And he just plays his momentary drunken boldness off as a joke while staying vague enough that maybe he could be talking about still having the poster, as if it's actually a believable bit, pretending to still have it. Ilya is maybe concerned for a SECOND. But Luca moving on quick, being vague, allows him to let it go.
I just KNOW Luca is flustered right now because he's getting alone time with Ilya:
I just know his adrenaline is pumping. He feels a little breathless. He's telling himself he's ridiculous but feeling excitement like it's anticipation anyway. And that leads to some quasi flirting. Telling Ilya of course HE is the favorite. Luca can't compare. Luca used to have his poster. Luca is giggling and blushing. He's feeling it.
And maybe there IS a smidgen of leftover hero worship going on here, but Luca ISN'T actually the child the others tease him about being. He doesn't come off as a starry-eyed kid who still sees his childhood crush as larger than life. Ilya, who is a good judge of character and incredibly perceptive, doesn't TREAT HIM like a starry-eyed kid who maybe can't see Ilya for who he really is. Ilya feels comfortable teasing Luca about having that poster. Feels comfortable talking about sex. (For all but that solitary moment of the conversation, when he maybe wonders if Luca's not-joke really DOES reveal a problem. He's assuage but then definitely stays close to the jokes about Luca's age as an occasional pressure valve.)
Luca conducts himself like an adult who knows where his childhood crush ends and where his interactions with his captain should be contained... He just also conducts himself like maybe, at least with some liquid courage in him and under the influence of Ilya's direct exclusive attention and the level of comfort Ilya is showing talking to him like this and teasing, he thinks maybe it's not ENTIRELY impossible he could shoot his shot. Hypothetically.
And I just know he huffed like that when Ilya called him a kid with such frustration 😂
The rest of this is maybe just me interpreting to suit the ship 😝 But:
Ilya asking Luca to draw something ILYA WILL PERMANENTLY ADD TO HIS BODY.
Don't you know he fills entire SKETCHBOOKS with options he obsesses over for WEEKS after this! MONTHS!
I BET Luca's cheeks picked.
I'm sure we could write 100 fics JUST about what's going through Luca's head when his cheeks pink.
And speaking of what's going through Luca's head... What do you think is in his head HERE:
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