the widening gyre

I really don't give a damn about my bad reputation. Old enough that I've no fucks left to give. Sometimes NSFW. [she/her] {header art @nalonzooo}

[ismickeyadopted]

random twitter posts x Heated Rivalry part 1/?

[takingmeds-art]

[clytemnestraaa]

so like after they’re outed there’s definitely a big studio gay porn parody made about them, that’s inevitable. i feel like they try to watch it together and get too jealous lmao. “this guy doesn’t look like me.” “well no but he’s still hot.” “you think he’s hot?!” “what like you don’t think i’m hot?” “that’s not you!” “you didn’t answer the question.” also shane gets too mad at the hockey inaccuracies

[siderealcity]

Sometimes I think about how so much of what makes Murderbot who it is comes down to it being a rental SecUnit. When Leonide tells Arada in Network Effect that Company Units have a reputation for being dangerous, she's probably 100% correct. Because of their nature as plug-and-play security for anyone, they have to be designed to be far more versatile than the SecUnits a corporate like BE owns. Three has to be able to secure salvage operations and mining outposts and work with BE's systems and that's kind of it. BE might need its security to fend off hostile takeovers and workplace uprisings, but Murderbot has to be able to do all those things and planetary surveys with unknown hostile fauna, and asteroid mining belts, and whatever the next client might need it to do, and it has to be able to work with whatever other proprietary software the new clients have every single time. It's better at adapting to new situations than Three partly because it's older and more experienced, but also because that's a big part of its function.

And at the same time, Company SecUnits are treated much worse than Three by virtue of being rentals. Many--if not most--of Murderbot's clients didn't want to have any SecUnits, but were required to take them per Company rental agreements for other equipment. Even the ones who specifically did want SecUnits didn't have any investment in what happened to them. They were the equivalents of the U-haul you'd rent to move your couch across town. They just needed to do a job briefly and hopefully be in good enough shape to get their deposit back at the end, but if not, eh. No big deal. Murderbot has never had the same clients for very long, and it's never had to work with the same SecUnits for very long. Every contract changes. Nothing lasts.

No wonder MB loves fiction while Three loves nonfiction. Three has seen basically nothing about reality outside of its job and wants to know what's out there. MB has seen way too much reality and would like some breaks from that shit now, please.

[academicblorbo]

Everyone: omg Hollander leash your dog, Ilya is barking at opponent hockey players again

Shane Enabler Hollander: ok so Ilyusha this player has had zero assists in the entire season, he got drafted last, and finally - and this is crucial - he once scored a goal in his own team's net

Ilya Heart Eyes Rozanov: thank you my ShaneWiki this is valuable data, off I go

[aretasreads]

Smoke and Annie — Art by Howie Noel

[cliff-marleaus-left-toe]

I have this headcanon where in an alternative universe Ilya had a moment of insight at the beginning of their hookups so when The Raiders asked where he was going instead of saying he was gonna see Montreal Jane he was like 'I am gonna see my close personal friend Shane Hollander we are gonna eat takeout and play videogames in his house he is my best friend actually.' And the Raiders were like, 'Yeah, right.' But he kept the bit, and every time they were in Montreal, he told the Raiders he was meeting Shane, and the rivalry was just league PR bullshit. They never truly believed him, but it didn't really matter at the time. And When they were eventually at the cottage and Shane told Ilya his plan Ilya was like 'Do not be mad but I have been telling Raiders you are my best friend and every time we play monteral I come to see you to play videogames and eat takeout for years and they never belived me so there is still plusably denibility but if you wanna launch a friendship we dont have to wait or built up I already laid the groundwork.' And Shane is in his head like 'I am gonna marry this man.' So they announce the charity the same summer and the raiders are like 'well shit he was telling the truth.' And since Ilya did lay the groundwork, when the media asks them about Ilya and Shane's 'have been friends the whole time' narrative, the Raiders are like, 'Yeah, he told us they were friends; we just didn't believe him.' Which makes the public opinion on their friendship largely positive but doesn't really change the overall timeline all that much just gives them some room to be publicly affectionate and kind of takes the heat off the fanmail gate bc instead of the public thinking it was an enemies-to-lovers hot sex in hotel rooms 9-year situationship with messy breakups and hookups in between they think it was a slow-burn friends-to-lovers situation filled with yearning and Queer self discovery which is more palatable to the public.

[kimberellaroo]

The other possible angle on this is that when it's really revealed, the Raiders don't want to seem like idiots for being openly told and not believing him for so long, so they go "oh y…yeah, absolutely, we've known they were friends forever" and that helps it seems like "old news, we're all over it already, what rock were you living under?" To the public. And then the Raiders get confused about how much Rozanov actually told them over the years in their barely-remembered, often drunk conversations, because he definitely said "friend", right? Or did he say boyfriend? Did he already come out and we didn't believe him? Anyway, it's a bit embarrassing to get homophobic about it now if we'd already been told years ago, so best to just pretend we knew and accepted it all this time

[wolfythewitch]

furthest we've ever been

[hollanoveau]

it’s late 2016. shane hollander is dating rose landry. ilya rozanov is breaking every traffic law known to man in his hideous sports car and tearfully scream-singing DONTCHA WISH YOUR GIRLFRIEND WAS HOT LIKE ME….. DONTCHA WISH YOUR GIRLFRIEND WAS A FREAK LIKE ME…..

these two things, of course, have nothing to do with each other

[men-of-actual-play]

[themoonandmyman]

once again thinking about my princess Jeff. Right now Ilya and Shane have her in their little enclosure they built at the cottage.

It’s her first time there, and the transport was the hardest part. Many many boiled eggs and insects and small pieces of meat were involved in the coaxing process. There were at least three tantrums, as Shane calls them.

Now they’re just chilling on the dock and she’s sitting with them, baking in the sun :)

[themoonandmyman]

@hollzy-baby

LMAO yess like he asks Ilya where her paperwork is one day and Ilya just goes ‘paperwork? Ohh.. um. Oops’ ‘WHAT DO YOU MEAN OOPS?’

[robs-your-robins]

Head empty only thoughts of the rogues being approached by Batman and the Batfam on their nights off to help take down other rogues.

The Riddler, out for cocktails wearing the Moschino 1994 Question Mark Coat: Oh my fucking god, what do you want?

Batman, stood in the strip club: The Joker left me a riddle.

The Riddler, slamming down his cosmo: His bitch ass did what? Give me that shit.

Steph: He's kidnapping kids and selling them to militias-

Penguin: No, I heard what you said. I don't fuck with human trafficking. I'll have the docks cleared in the hour. Just leave that Black Mask bitch to me.

Poison Ivy, opening her apartment door: Harley isn't here, Red.

Jason: Yeah, I want you to settle a debate for me.

Poison Ivy: I get one day off and you-

Jason: Dried or fresh herbs?

Poison Ivy: What the fuck? Fresh obviously.

Jason, into his cell: Do you hear that, old man?

Batman: I'm making a stew. Agent A said-

Poison Ivy, snatching the cell: Answer me this, Bats. Would you taste better fresh or dried out like jerky, huh? Tell you what, call up Big Blue and ask him.

Batman:

Jason:

Poison Ivy, covering the phone: Oh don't look at me like that, Red. Even Catwoman said they're fucking.

[deletiaclementine]

Ilya in a Slav squat at the petting zoo sheep pen, smiling so big you can see all his teeth while tears drip down his face as he coos at the lambs who baa back. “Shane look how little they are.” Shane pats his head while watching Hayden chase after the twins who have somehow gotten involved with a goat getting loose

[cyberdelph]

Delicious by saulance

[stuckydrewx]

@rillils this is giving me such vibes of my fic for you 😫😫😫

[the-witch-of-the-wandering-ways]

My new period-appropriate crack headcanon is that the boston raiders once used akinator to figure out who montreal jane is and it kept telling them if was shane hollander and they kept thinking it was the weirdest fucking bug

[bookgeekgrrl]

#dont ask me how it actually works #it just works the same way marleys scary mirror works #it just does#that or infinitely funnier is the idea of ilya adding the option and answering the questions to make sure it was accurate #anyways #hollanov #shane hollander #ilya rozanov #heated rivalry (op's tags)

[puppygirllaika]

"chekhov's gun" my ass. he used a phaser.

[tinylilhollander]

The salt and pepper in Ilya's hair doesn't show up as clearly as it does in Shane's. Instead Ilya, despite sometimes admitting to feeling like he has to claw his way to joy and happiness from the bottom of the deepest pit, develops laugh lines.

They start as creases in the corners of his eyes, the natural consequence of David's awful dad jokes, or Yuna's brand negotiation horror stories, or a stellar Cens reunion, or something wild and out of the blue that their toddler says, or a bitchy comment from Shane from their seats in the stands as they watch games rather than play them, or the way Shane's hip now clicks in a comically loud way every time Ilya spreads his legs.

Initially the lines fade away immediately.

Then, as the years go on, they linger, so that Shane gets to look at them and hear the sound of Ilya's laughter in his head for longer and longer. Then, they stop fading, and Shane can see the evidence of every beautiful moment they've had together etched onto his favorite face in the world.

When Ilya finally concedes and says they're not laugh lines anymore - he's officially got wrinkles, Shane beams at him and kisses each one reverently.

"You know me, I would never complain, but what was that for?" Ilya asks and Shane smiles back at him, knowing the lines on his own face largely mirror his husband's.

"Just grateful that I've spent long enough with you to get to see you with wrinkles."

And when Ilya swoops forward and kisses him, it feels every bit as wild and exciting as it did when they were nineteen.