Brigitte Belle

Author, Entrepreneur, Social Media Strategist, Optimist, & Explorer. Here you can find my strategies and tips on Health & Wellness, Business Success, Happiness, and Love, Dating & Relationships.

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Palm Springs/ San Bernardino Mountains

I recently had the pleasure of spending three lovely days in the beautiful palm springs...

Relaxing by the pool side as well as enjoying the eclectic shops, restaurants, and atmosphere was a nice get away. We took a trip off the highly traveled road to explore the mountain tops where we got a break from the city's hustle and the 112 degree temperature. Although I couldn't manage to take any blog-worthy pictures of my outfits, I did however manage to snap a few shots of the breath-taking scenery. I have to say, I do very much enjoy the rustic vibe which these photos emit.

[rockum]

[brigittebell]

By Jeffery Ignacio

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Clear Skin From Within: A 9 Step Guide to Eliminating Acne For Good

If you’ve ever had to struggle with acne like I have, you know very well how emotionally and physically painful dealing with skin issues (like cystic acne) can be. 

Which is why I set out to learn everything I possibly could about what components constitute clear skin. 

I read dozens of books, did hours upon hours of research, and used myself as a guinea pig to test everything I was learning about achieving and maintaining clear skin.

The result? 

I was FINALLY able to heal my horrible acne which plagued my face for so many years. 

I am SO excited to have finally compiled everything I’ve learned into a book so that I can share what I’ve learned with others. 

Clear Skin From Within: A 9 Step Guide on Eliminating Acne for Good targets acne by addressing the internal environment of our bodies, rather than just treating the symptom of acne through creams and ointments. 

If you’d like to say “bye-bye” to a blotchy, irritated complexion, and “hell-o-o-o-o!” to beautiful, glowing, and healthy skin, then pick up your copy of Clear Skin From Within Today! 

Your skin will thank you for it! ;-) 

Click here to gain access today.

[brigittebell]

The Goddess Guide Now AVAILABLE!

IT’S FINALLY HERE! 

I’m so incredibly excited to announce the release of my 3rd book, The Goddess Guide: Unleash Your Inner Goddess to Get the Man You Want, Not the Men You Get.

If you’ve ever felt frustrated with repeatedly going on datings with poor-quality men,

If you’ve longed for and craved to be listened to, understood by, and cared for by that one special man, 

If you’re tired of men not being able to see your value, and are ready to be treated like the goddess-queen that deep-down you know you are, 

then look no further than The Goddess Guide. 

Your fairy godmother in love (me!) is here to help! 

Get the treatment in love you know you deserve and are worthy of having... 

Click here to learn more about how you can gain access to The Goddess Guide.

[brigittebell]

The “D” You Really Need...

When it comes to having success in dating, every girl needs “the D,” it just might not be the one you’re thinking of...

When it comes to dating, sometimes our priorities can get a little out of balance. What we think we need often becomes the focal point of our attention, while what we really need tends to gets pushed to the back burner. 

For example, I’ve often heard women prioritize qualities in a man that have nothing to do with whether or not he’d be good relationship material. Good looks and sharp dressing often take priority over a good heart and strong moral values. In this post, I’m going to share with you the 4 “D’s” essential to your dating success... 

1. Discernment. If you want a successful dating life, you need discernment, or the ability to accurately perceive another person’s character and intentions. You must be able to spot a wolf in sheep’s clothing, and not allow your heart to impair any decisions made by your head. Discernment can be defined as “the ability to judge well.” So how does one practice discernment in their love lives amidst all the ooey-gooey, lovey dovey feelings that arise? I’ve found it helpful to remove yourself from the situation and unbiasedly evaluate things from a third person’s perspective. What kind of advice would you give yourself if you were giving advice to a beloved friend? What kind of advice would you give yourself if you were speaking to your little sister? Take that advice, and follow it. 

2. Delayed Gratification. Delayed gratification is the ability to put off something fun or pleasurable, for the sake of yielding more rewarding, satisfying results later. Essentially, it’s patience. This is an essential part of dating, because while you may be eager to skip ahead to the fun and pleasurable parts of a relationship, it’s important to take your time in getting to know your date’s character, thoughts, and intentions. As difficult as practicing delayed gratification may be at times, taking things slowly and practicing this kind of patience can yield far more rewarding results than reckless “spur-of-the-moment” choices. 

3. Discipline. If you wish to get the results you want in dating, you must be disciplined. You must be disciplined with your mind, by getting rid of old and negative mentalities and ways of thinking that keep you single. You must be disciplined in practicing self -love and taking care of your body, mind, and spirit, so that you feel good enough to attract the kind of person you’d like to have in your life. And you must be disciplined in applying delayed gratification, in going out and meeting new people, and in learning the principles that will result in a healthy, happy relationship. Consistency is what creates results. You can’t think positively about your love life, go out on one date, and read one book on relationships and think you’re set. If you want to create the results you desire, you must be disciplined in putting forth the consistent effort in seeing your goals become a reality. Be consistent in staying disciplined, and it’s only a matter of time before your dating dreams come true.

4. Dedication. To find, meet, and attract your dream partner (or at least more dates/ potential partners who are most compatible with you), you must be dedicated to attaining the outcome you desire. You must be committed to getting the results you wish to see. You must be dedicated to becoming the best version of yourself. You must be dedicated to finding and maintaining a good relationship. Many people in my life would often tell me, “Brigitte, you can’t try so hard at finding a good relationship. When the time is right, it will just happen.” While I do believe there to be some truth to this and the importance of timing and just letting things happen (you can’t force results), I believe it’s as equally important to take charge of your life and the results you’d like to get by taking initiative. Yes, someone perfect for you may walk into your life eventually, but why not increase the chances of that happening by dedicating yourself to putting forth the work and effort to find and maintain that dream partnership? In fact, I think the reason why so many unhappy couples exist is because people tend to think happy relationships just “happen.” How often in life do things we want just “happen” to us? Do millionaires just “happen” to stumble across millions dollars? (Unless they were one of the lucky few to have won the lottery, it’s not likely. And even then, some amount of dedication was required when they went to go buy the ticket!) 

Like anything worthwhile in life, we must put forth some amount of effort to get whatever it is we hope for. If you want a happy relationship, you must be dedicated to putting in the effort to gain the skill, knowledge, and know-how on how to find and cultivate that kind of relationship. Don’t be the kind of person that just settles for whatever comes their way and believes that life just “happens” to them. Be intentional and dedicated; you are the co-creator of your life and destiny. Take action and be an active part of seeing your relationship dreams and goals come to pass.

As always, I hope you found this post helpful along your dating journey. Want some juicy dating tips in your inbox? Click here to learn more about how to up your game and increase your chances of dating success!

All my love,

Brigitte 

xx

[brigittebell]

Why You Should Treat Every Man You Date like He's Applying for the Best Job He's Ever Had

I recently had a job interview for a prominent and high-end restaurant. The intensive interview process and lengths of effort this company went through to assure I was a good candidate made me think about how many of us approach our dating lives. So many times in the past my standard for a partner was, "Well, he's cute and he makes me laugh... So why not be in a relationship with him!" And while I do believe it's good to be able to be flexible in what we're willing to compromise on in a partner (after all, no one is perfect; not even ourselves), I also believe it's important to do the proper "screening" of any prospective partners to ensure the best possible decisions be made. 

While this article may come across as a little intense, that's not my intent. Dating is meant to be fun and enjoyable--and not stuffy and interview-like. However, taking a few precautions in getting to know any prospective partners better is something that could prevent disastrous heartaches, and help us find the most compatible person for us. So without further ado, here are a few things you can do to "screen" your potential love matches. 1. Interview him. Here’s what I mean by this: Be engaging. Here’s what I don’t mean by this: Grill him until he feels so intimidated on your date that you send him running out of the restaurant in terror. Interviewing him simply means finding out what's important to him. It means learning to ask the right questions. I love the wise words of Dr. John DeMartini, who said that “The quality of your life is dependent upon the quality of questions that you ask.” I believe this to be true of the quality of your dating life as well. What does your date value? What is he all about? Where does he see himself in the future? Just remember, the goal is not to make the man you're on a date with FEEL like he's being interviewed. The conversation should flow and questions should be asked for the sake of getting to know one another better. The point is that you should be aware of the fact that this guy is just in the interview stage of your relationship. Reminding yourself of this will help keep you grounded when you feel you’re being swept off your feet. No matter how good looking, charming, handsome, rich, or intelligent he might be, the fact of the matter is you’re still just getting to know him. He still must prove to you that he is worthy of your time. Your goal is to be taking note of what he's saying and what's coming out of his mouth. When we're infatuated or smitten with someone it can be easy to overlook potentially problematic issues or allow any "red flags" to go in one ear and out the other. Not anymore. When you're on a date, listen to what your date has to say; and believe them. 

I once dated a guy who would constantly say "girls hate me." I always ignored it and never took it seriously as thought it was just a joke, until I saw the way he treated me and realized he wasn't joking! Girls really did hate him, and for a reason! Listen to your date, and believe them, and you'll be on your way to making much wiser dating decisions. 2. View his history. What does his dating record look like? We may all have mistakes, but does your potential love prospect have a series of relationships where he kept making the same mistakes over and over again (i.e. infidelity, etc.)? He may not own up to something like that, but if he does let you know how his past relationships ended, and you see a repeated pattern... Red flag! Check out his history and don't put it on the back burner of your mind.

I once had a friend who dated a guy who had cheated on every single girlfriend he had ever had. Lo and behold, during the course of their relationship, he cheated on her too. It’s always good to look for the best in others, and give them the benefit of the doubt, but if you see a repeated pattern, chances are history is bound to repeat itself.

3. Check his references. What do other people have to say about your love prospect? While you shouldn’t always base your opinions strictly off of what others have to say, if more than one person is saying something negatively about the person you're dating, chances are there might be some truth to it. I once dated someone who everyone would tell me "is not a good person." Being smitten and love-struck, of course I did not listen. It wasn't until much later (many more tears and heartache later, that is) that I realized what everyone was saying was true. Give someone the benefit of the doubt, but if everyone around you is telling you the same thing, you might want to take heed and listen.  4. Give him a 90-day trial period. This simply means to not let all of your common sense go out the window during the honeymoon stage of your relationship. During the first 3 months of a relationship, there’s still so much you have yet to learn about your partner. Remembering that you’re still getting to know each other can help you remain caution, but also light-hearted in not taking the relationship too seriously or trying to move things too quickly, too soon. Enjoy getting to know your partner, and see each day that passes as an opportunity to get to know them in a better and deeper way.  As a final note, I’d like to add: Don’t forget to have fun! It’s important to have standards, but it’s also important not to take yourself or life too seriously. If you backround check every man you date, google search him, or steal some of his hair during dinner, and send it to a lab to find out if the two of you would have good-looking offspring... then there’s a good chance you’re taking things a little too seriously and need to calm down on the cray and take a chill pill. The point I’m trying to make is to be wise and patient with your dating life. Avoid haste and rash decisions. When you take your heart somewhere, be sure to bring your head with you. Do this, and success in dating will be yours. 

For more tips on how you can increase your dating success, you can get the inside scoop sent directly to your inbox by clicking here.

All my love, 

Brigitte xx

[brigittebell]

7 Key Ingredients to Living Your Best Life Ever

Over the course of this past month, my life has taken several "sudden" radical changes for the better. Things I struggled with and sought solutions to for YEARS seem to have magically resolved themselves within a matter of weeks. Painful circumstances revolving around finances, relationships, and health have all seemed to take an instant turn for the better. While I know these sudden changes seem to have occurred overnight, I know there are many steps that I took to get to the place where I am now. And in a desire to help you get to where you would like to go, I'd like to share with you a few of the "key ingredients" to achieving this sort of “miraculous” life transformation. 

Here they are:

1. Have Faith. I've seen more and more how essential it is to have faith in God. You don't have to call it God if the word makes you uncomfortable (I know many people have negative associations with the word) but you must have some sort of belief in a benevolent Higher Power that is at work after your best interest. You must believe all things truly are working together for your good, that no matter how bad things may get, that there are brighter days ahead. You must have faith that whatever difficulties you're facing are only preparing you for the good that has yet to come. This unshakable belief will get you through life's toughest moments, because you know that it's all going "according to the plan,” and that it’s all going to work out in the end.

2. Stay Optimistic. If you want to not only survive in this life, but also thrive it's essential to stay optimistic. See the glass as half full rather than half empty. Search for the silver lining in each dark cloud. Make lemonade out of your lemons (even if you need to occasionally spike it with some vodka! ;-) Lol). Practice gratitude, constantly count your blessings and remind yourself of all that you have to be grateful for. Science shows us that optimistic people are: More productive, experience enhanced creativity, have greater resiliency for unfavorable life circumstances, have a more “pleasant” personality, make friends easily, and have doors opened for them by meeting new people who are also positive and can be of benefit to them. As I hope you can see, choosing to be optimistic is something that benefits your life in just about every way. 

3. Persevere. There are going to be days that are tough, days where you may feel completely exhausted, used, and like giving up because you're at the end of your rope. It is in these moments that you must continue to persevere and push through. An athlete goes through great lengths of perseverance to accomplish their goals and achieve the kind of body they desire. In order for you to achieve the life you desire, it's essential you persevere and keep moving forward even when things get tough. Doing so will help you gain mental, emotional, and spiritual strength, and prepare you for whatever may come your way. Never try to take the easy way out. Taking shortcuts isn’t what makes you strong. Keep pushing through life when things are difficult, and as a result, you’ll be stronger and more prepared for anything that life may throw at you. 

4. Be Kind & Friendly. Make friends with everyone. Be kind, genuine, and concerned with the wellbeing of others. Doing so will open doors for you in unimaginable ways. Don't just be kind to others for the sake of getting something in return, but also never fail to remember that every person you come in contact with could have the ability to change your life for the better (or introduce you to someone who can). It's all about networking! Be engaging. Listen to what others have to say. Ask questions. Be concerned. Make friends. Make time for others. Be a kind, genuine, people-person and you'll naturally draw more positive people and experiences into your life. 

5. Self-Improve. I truly believe life gets better when you get better. Is there something you don't like about your life? Change it! Granted, there are certain things we can’t change, but placing your focus on those things won't do you any good! You want to focus your energy on the things you can control: Your attitude, your focus, your friends, your job, what you eat, how disciplined you are, what you watch and read, how you spend your time and money. If there's something you don't like, there are many things you can do to improve the situation. Improve yourself and you'll improve your life. 

6. Practice Humility. I've seen humility get me farther in life than skill. There's an ancient proverb that says "Humility precedes honor," and I couldn't believe this to be more true. Someone who has a great attitude and is willing to learn will get farther than the person who thinks they know it all and shows it. Practice humility by being willing to learn, improve, and being receptive to what others have to say (critique and constructive criticism is an essential part of growth), and in doing so you'll be an unstoppable force in whatever endeavor you take on. 

7. Be of service. Find a need and fill it. Do your job better than anyone else. Work harder, and go the extra mile for others. Give your best in all that you do. Don't do it for the sake of recognition, do it because you strive to be a person of excellence. People of excellence naturally get promoted. It's only a matter of time before someone who has the power to promote you takes notice. Give your best in all that you do. Be a giver rather than a taker, and you'll succeed in whatever you do.

For more tips on living your best life ever, you can subscribe by clicking here.

 :-)

Wishing you all loads of prosperity, joy, abundance, and success! Have a wonderful week! 

-Brigitte xx

[brigittebell]

The Platinum Rule & The 5 Love Languages: Loving Others How THEY Want to be Loved

I'm sure we've all heard the Golden Rule: "Treat others how you would like to be treated." However, few of us have ever been introduced to its new and improved cousin: The Platinum Rule, which states to treat others how THEY would like to be treated. When it comes to how we approach love and romance, so often we treat others how WE would like to be treated, without realizing that our partner’s preferences may be different from our own. One of the secrets to maintaining a happy relationship is learning to treat our partners how they would like to be treated... And this happens when we learn to speak one another's love languages. 

Gary Chapman, author of "The Five Love Languages," discovered though his extensive years of marriage counseling, that each of us “speaks” through a primary “Love Language.” Our love language determines the way we prefer to be shown love, but also reveals the way we tend to show love to others. Being aware of the five love languages helps us to not only communicate to our partner the primary ways in which we wish to be shown love, but it enhances our relationships by equipping us with the knowledge on how to love others as they would like to be loved. Many times disputes in a relationship occur when one or both partners don’t feel they are loved or as if their needs are being met. The reality is often not that their relationship actually lacks love; the problem is simply that each partner is not expressing that love in the specific way that each partner wishes for love to be expressed to them. In short, they are not speaking one another’s love language. So without further ado, here are The Five Love Languages:

1. Acts of Service – This means doing things like taking out the trash, washing the car, doing the laundry or the dishes. All of these are Acts of Service and ways to show love to someone who has this primary love language.

2. Words of Affirmation – Speaking kind words into your loved one’s life may be their primary love language. Do you see their face light up when you say the words “You’re so beautiful,” or “You are so handsome.” How about when you say things like, “You are so great, I am so lucky to have you.” If so, Words of Affirmation may be your partner’s primary love language; and being sure to verbally express gratitude for your partner and compliment them is essential to them feeling loved.

3. Quality Time – Having quality time means spending one-on-one time together, completely devoted to paying attention to one another and engaging your partner, with NO distractions. This means no cell-phones, no TV, and no kids in the room. People whose primary love language is Quality Time, desire uninterrupted time spent alone with their partner—it doesn’t matter where or when, as long as it’s spent with the one they love.

4. Physical Touch - This could be any act of physical touch, it doesn’t have to be sexual. It could be a pat on the back, a hug, a foot massage, or playing with hair. People whose primary love language is Physical Touch crave bodily contact. They long to be caressed, stroked, handled, and held; any act of corporeal contact is pure bliss to them.

5. Receiving Gifts – Someone whose primary love language is Receiving Gifts, loves to receive presents and goodies of all kinds. The gifts given do not have to be expensive or elaborate. Someone whose main love language is receiving gifts, gains joy from even simple things like a handmade card, a box of chocolates, flowers, trinkets, or jewelry.

How to Determine Your Love Language:

You probably already have an idea of how you like to be shown love. But if you’re not quite sure of what your primary love languages are (we typically tend to have 1-3 preferences), think of the ways you like to show love to others. To determine your primary love languages it also helps to think about the moments in your life where you felt most loved (was someone telling you something sweet, doing something for you, touching you, spending time with you, or buying you a gift?)

How to Determine Your Partner’s Love Language:

How does your partner show you love? What do you notice makes them most happy or excited? The answer to these questions will help reveal to you your partner’s primary love languages. In addition, you can simply ask them what ways they prefer to be shown love. Communication is key. Learn what they like and don’t like, and what makes them feel most loved and appreciated; and you’re sure to strengthen the connection, intimacy, and love between you and your partner.

The Problem with Speaking Different Love Languages:

Many times discontentment occurs in a relationship because one or both of the partner’s love languages are not being spoken. A man will say, “I work hard and put food on the table, that should show her I love her,” because he is speaking with Acts of Service. But his woman may say “He never spends time with me or tells me I’m beautiful,” because her love languages are Quality Time and Words of Affirmation. A man may say, “We aren’t as intimate as we used to be, and she never tells me how much she appreciates me,” because his love languages are Physical Touch and Words of Affirmation. But his partner may say, “He doesn’t ever buy me flowers any more, or help me out around the house,” because her love languages are Receiving Gifts and Acts of Service.

As I hope you can see, learning to speak one another’s love languages is an essential tool necessary for a mutually happy and healthy relationship.

How to Get Your Partner to Speak Your Love Language:

How then do we get our partners to speak our love language? Firstly, it’s important to learn to communicate your desires to them in a loving way. Don’t ever nag or beat your partner over the head. Constantly express gratitude. Positive behaviors are affirmed through positive affirmation, not through nagging. If you wish for your partner to do something differently, or more often, simply tell them: “I love it when you…. (help me out with cleaning the house, play with my hair, buy me flowers, tell me you love me, etc.) ” Or, “It’s such a turn on when you….” Then, once they do whatever it is that you’ve told them you like, shower them with appreciation to re-enforce that positive behavior. Be sure to tell them: “I can’t tell you how much I appreciate….” Or, “I am so incredibly happy that you…. Thank you so much!” Overtly celebrating positive behavior is a way to ensure that your partner will do those things more frequently.

I hope you enjoyed this article and found it helpful in creating more love and intimacy in your relationships! If you’d like some more juicy tips on how to cultivate more love in your relationships, click here to get the inside scoop.

Wishing you all the best in life and in love,

Brigitte xx

[brigittebell]

How to Be the Author of Your Love Story

What stories do your tell yourself?

Do you believe that due to past experiences, you are unlovable? Unwanted? Or not good enough? When you look back on how you perceive your love story, do you feel as if you’re writing a novel on tragedy? Or are you living out a romantic comedy (where the guy or girl gets the relationship they want)? How you perceive your past experiences alters the course of your future experiences. The stories you tell yourself are responsible for your perception of reality, and whether true or not, they play a major role in the kind of life you live and the experiences you attract. 

I know that for myself, because of past experiences, a story I often told was “all men want is sex.” I even wrote an entire book dedicated to the subject! While I meant well in writing the book (I wanted others to wisely consider the choices they were making in their love lives, to yield the most fruitful results), that book became a self-fulfilling prophesy as to the kind of experiences I would attract even years later on. My “programming” or perception of reality was based on some very limiting, and most often, not even true beliefs. So now let me ask you again: What kind of stories do you tell yourself? What limiting or false beliefs have you picked up throughout your lifetime which have resulted in the outcomes you’ve obtained?

Are you the victim of your love story? Or are you the hero that triumphs over all obstacles?

Do you hear yourself asking “Why me?” Or a powerful, “Bring it on! I’m ready for love and unafraid of what the future holds!”

Are you the damsel in distress waiting to be rescued? Or are you the empowered and strong super-woman that saves the day and gets the love she wants?

One of the beautiful things about life is that no matter what experiences we’ve had in the past, we always have the power to transform the future through our present choice. In any given moment we have the choice to decide what we want to go on the next pages of our life story. So if you didn’t like the past few chapters, there’s good news! You have the rest of your story to write, and YOU get to decide what goes on the pages. So in an effort to help you re-write your love story and help you create the kind of life you desire, we’re going to do a little activity that will require you take out a pen and paper…

Ready?

On your paper I want you to answer the following questions:

What kind of character have you been in your life’s own love story up until this point?

What kind of character would you like to be?

In your dream love life, what kind of story is it? Where does it take place? What kind of partner do you attract? What is your relationship like? What is the end result (Do you get your “happily ever after”)? In taking the time to ask yourself what it is that you truly want, you may even find yourself believing a relationship so wonderful, something you so deeply desire, is unobtainable. These are false and limiting beliefs that you hold in your sub-conscious mind coming to the surface. Recognize them, but choose to decide that a wonderful, fulfilling romance truly IS possible for you. In fact, I want you to believe that it is not only possible, but that it’s on its way to you right now.

I want you to take the time to visualize the most captivating, charming, and enchanting love story you can conjure up, one you’d like to be true for you, and write it down on paper as if it’s part of your story that’s already in the process of happening. I want you to frame any past hurts, regrets, and remorse as part of your story—all serving a purpose—leading you to the best possible outcome which would not have been possible were it not for those pains. In doing so, you’ll be altering your perspective about your past—and transforming it in a positive light—while simultaneously writing a new story which you’d like to occur. It’s a powerful act of visualization and elimination of negative/limiting beliefs and false perceptions. You are the author of your life. You get to decide what goes on the pages of your love story. Choose to stop being the victim, and start being the hero/heroine who gets to live their “happily ever after.”

May all your romantic wishes and dreams come true… 

For more tips on how to break free from your past and get the love you desire, get the inside scoop by clicking here. 

All my love,

Brigitte xx

[brigittebell]

The “KEY” to Maintaining a Healthy Relationship

Many people who strive to find and have a good relationship believe that once they've attained the relationship they desire, that all the work and effort they made in improving themselves is done. They've got what they've wanted therefore they no longer need to try. Nothing could be further from the truth...

In fact, I believe this to be the reason as to why many happy marriages fall apart after so many years: They stop trying. What came naturally in the beginning, like leaving little love notes around the house for one another to find, or complimenting one another, has been put on the back burner and forgotten. What was once second nature is now seen as too much effort. What couples need to remember is that whatever kept the attraction going in the beginning of the relationship needs to continue in order for both partners to say happy. The courtship cannot die. Men need to keep taking their wives out on dates, and women need to keep getting gussied up and looking good for their man.

Another reason it see relationships fail is because people get lulled into a false sense of security. They think, "Now that I'm in a relationship, I no longer need to keep doing the things that attracted my partner to me in the first place." The reason I say it's a false sense of security, is that just because two people have made an agreement to commit to one another, that agreement could be broken at any time. Either partner at any moment could walk out and leave. I don't say this to make you feel as though you're walking on eggshells and feel as though you have to constantly worry about your partner leaving you all the time, I say it to urge you to keep the romance alive, and more than that, to keep doing the things that attracted your partner to you in the beginning of the relationship. Which brings me to the main "KEY" to maintaining a healthy relationship:

Keep Enhancing Yourself.

Stay committed to self-improvement. Don't allow yourself to drift into mediocrity simply because you are comfortable. What attracted your partner to you when you first met? Was it your passion for learning, your extensive knowledge of music, your ability to geek out on comics or sci-fi, or the fact that you’re a total fitness junkie? Whatever qualities about you that attracted your partner to you must stay as a consistent part of your life in order to remain as irresistible as you were to your partner when you first met.

In the words of Anthony Robbins, if you “do what you did in the beginning of a relationship, there won’t be an end.” So to quickly recap what I’ve discussed, in order to maintain a healthy relationship you’ll want to:

1. Keep the Romance Alive. Do the same sweet things you did for your partner in the beginning of your relationship. Keep being kind to one another, doing the thoughtful things you did for one another in the beginning of the relationship. Keep dating, keep buying her flowers, keep complimenting one another, keep flirting. Do these things, and you’ll be sure to keep the romance alive.

2. Keep Enhancing Yourself. Stick to self-improvement. Don’t let go of the things that attracted your partner to you in the first place. Keep going to the gym, learning new things, and engaging in new experiences. Don’t lose yourself just because you’re in a relationship—keep pursuing your interests. Doing these things will help your partner continue to make the choice of wanting to stay with a person as dynamic and interesting as you.

I wish you all a lovely week, and happy, healthy relationships! 

To get the inside scoop and more juicy tips on what you can do to enhance your relationships, click here!

Wishing you all the love in the world, 

Brigitte xx

[brigittebell]

How to Know if You've Made a Man (or Woman) Your God: The Difference Between Love and Idolatry

When you're in love, you feel as though you'd do anything just to make your partner happy. If you could buy them the world, you would. And in a healthy relationship, that feeling is reciprocated; it's mutual. So what's the difference between love and idolatry?

Idolatry happens when no matter how badly a man/woman may treat you, you're willing to do anything to keep him/her in your life. Anything. You want to keep him/her AT ALL COSTS. You have no boundaries or limits as to what kind of behavior you will accept.

The problem with this is that the men/women you date can obviously sense this, and any bad behavior they showed towards you in the beginning is only going to get worse; because they know they can get away with it. Idolizing someone only works to further propagate codependence rather than love.

I know that for myself, there have been many times in the past where a guy I was dating showed me tons of affection and attention in the beginning, and then would suddenly withdraw his attention and would seemed to have lost interest. This would obviously hurt, but my actions only made it worse. Rather than pulling away a little and allowing these guys to sort through their emotions, or simply accept the fact that they lost interest or weren't as interested as they initially led on to be, I would allow my fear of losing them to kick into full gear, thus beginning the idolatry. Because I became afraid of losing them, I would begin doing anything to keep them in my life. And this behavior isn't attractive; it's gives off a very discernible "I'm desperate and needy" kind of vibe. Not to mention, it puts on the other person the pressure of "Oh crap, this person NEEDS me in their life to be happy," and that's a burden nobody wants to feel. Another person should not be the sole responsibility for your happiness. Yes, a happy relationship will account for some of your happiness, but it should not be the determining factor of whether you are happy or not. When you make a man or woman your god, you’ll always be left feeling unsatisfied, because no human can meet 100% of your needs 100% of the time. So how can we avoid this relationship idolatry? Here are a few simple things you can do:

1. Have other healthy interests and activities that don't revolve around your man/ woman. Pursue your passions. What interests you? What excites you? What activities light you up? Go out and do those things. Having a healthy set of interests is imperative to maintaining a healthy self-esteem, and to having others feel attracted to you. When you have interests other than your partner that make you passionate about life, it takes the pressure off of them to make you happy. Not only that, but pursuing a wide variety of interests makes you a dynamic and interesting individual that people enjoy being around.

2. Have boundaries. If someone is showing you less attention, or treating you as a "side dish" rather than the "main course," or just treating you poorly in general, your intention shouldn't be to keep them in your life at all costs. (You don't need that crap). The way to avoid this from happening is to have healthy boundaries. Know what you are willing and unwilling to do. Know what kind of treatment you are worthy of having, and don’t allow yourself to be walked all over.

3. Keep loving yourself. It’s something I’ll preach until I’m in the grave. I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again: When you love yourself you are much more apt to making wise dating decisions. When you love yourself you get your “fill” of love, so that you aren’t so desperate to get it from someone else. It’s like the difference of going to the grocery store when you’re hungry, versus when you’ve just eaten. You’re much less likely to reach for the quick-fix, “junk food” like potato chips or microwave dinners, and instead reach for the steak and vegetables that you’re going to have to prepare for a few hours, yet will be so much more satisfying. In the same way, when you love yourself you don’t settle for just anybody that comes along. You’re willing to wait for that high-quality individual to enter your life.

I hope you enjoyed this post, and I wish you all the best in life and in love.

You can get the inside scoop on all my love-related tips by clicking here.

All my love,

Brigitte xx

[brigittebell]

Love Versus Codependency: How to Have a Healthy Mentality Towards Romance

It has been said that “Love is the same neurochemistry as obsessive compulsive disorder,” with chemicals flooding our bodies during times of romance, causing us to feel slightly obsessive and even dependent upon our object of affection. What then, is the difference between healthy love and unhealthy co-dependency? 

Dependence is defined as “the state of relying on or being controlled by someone or something else,” whereas love is described as “an intense feeling of deep affection” or even “a deep romantic or sexual attachment.” While love and co-dependency almost sound similar, there are few differences to be wary of. There is a fine line between the two, yet these subtle differences can result in a very happy, healthy, and functional relationship, or a very unhappy, unhealthy, and dysfunctional relationship. Co-dependency is the reason why many women will stay in relationships with abusive men, or why many men will stay in relationships with women who repeatedly cheat. In other words, co-dependency occurs when there are a million reasons for you to leave someone, and yet you keep searching for that one reason to stay. 

Now some of you might be saying, “Wait a second, I think about the person that I love all the time! I am (to a certain degree) dependent upon them; I rely on them for affection, support, and understanding.”  In this article, I’ll share with you a few differences to help you discern codependency from love, as well as a few things you can do to kick codependency to the curb.

Let’s take a look at some of the differences between the two:

So now that we’ve looked at a few of the differences concerning love and codependency, the question is what can we do to get rid of any unwanted, codependent behavior?

 1.     Avoid Over-Investing Your Emotions.

The more you invest, the greater the risk, or the greater you have to lose. I’m certainly not saying never to invest your emotions in another human out of the fear of experiencing any pain or loss. What I am saying is to be wise with how you invest your emotions and at what point you decide to do so. For example, a woman who sleeps with a man too early on in the relationship may experience feelings of insecurity about where the relationship is heading. Because she over-invested her emotions, her feelings of insecurity may result in a sense of co-dependency. She doesn’t want to lose what she’s over-invested in. This is just one example, but over investing can happen in a number of ways. The goal should be that both partners grow together in the amount of love, affection, and interest they invest in each other. Having healthy boundaries and knowing your worth can help you do just that.

2.     Find What Brings You Joy and Go There…

One problem among people who are co-dependent is that they place all of their happiness in the hands of the person they are co-dependent on. Rather than placing your joy upon a single person, it’s important to have a wide variety of healthy interests in order to have many things in your life that make you happy—not just one. What brings you joy? What makes you excited for life and living? What are you passionate about? Do those things. Fill your life with those things. Actively seek activities that bring you joy, a sense of productivity, and a healthy self-esteem. I know that for me personally, this means being disciplined in taking care of myself, spending time with those I love, spending time in nature, reading, writing, and learning new things, going on photo adventures, blogging, and making delicious vegan dishes. Ask yourself: "What can I do right now that would bring me more joy?" Or have a list of things you find enjoyable to choose from that you can have at hand so that any time you are feeling negative; you can go out and do one of those things. Surround yourself with like-minded people, passions, and hobbies you enjoy; and you’ll be much more apt to developing a loving partnership, rather than a co-dependent one.

3.     Self- Soothe (Take Control of Your Mind)

Codependency has to do with thoughts of fear, worry, abandonment, loss, and a lack of love. The key in overcoming codependency lies within taking control of your mind by gaining mastery of your thoughts. When you have the urge to do something impulsive (something you’re going to either say or do and undeniably regret later on when you’re in a more sane, less emotional state), take a moment to first calm yourself by taking a few deep breaths. Think first, then react. The key is learning train our brains to respond from our rational prefrontal cortex, rather than the emotional limbic system. We can all learn to do this by having a healthy form of stress management, like exercise, yoga, or meditation; and by identifying which areas of our life we have the power to change. Begin to recognize when you are acting out of an emotional response and choose to instead respond unbiasedly and un-reactively. A helpful thing you can do is write out all your daily stresses, and separate them into two categories: Things you can control, and things you can't. Then focus your energy accordingly. Do this, and you'll be one step closer to being a happier, less-stressed, more-balanced, loving, and emotionally stable individual. 

4.     Self-Love

Something amazing happens when you practice self-love: You realize it is no longer the responsibility of another human to make you feel loved and worthwhile. You have the power and capability to do that all on your own! In practicing self-love you increase your ability to avoid relationships that are dysfunctional, codependent, or otherwise unhealthy. You don’t go “looking for love in all the wrong places” because you are already filled up with it. If it’s not something you already do, then it might be wise to begin taking some time each day and week for a little self-love and self-care. Some of the ways I show myself love are by making sure to eat right, get enough sleep, speak kindly to myself, and engaging in activities that I’m passionate about, and that boost my self-esteem. Practicing self-love is an essential aspect of attracting a happy, healthy relationship.

I hope you all enjoyed this post, and I wish you all the best in life and in love!

For more helpful advice on how to improve your love life, sign up by clicking here to get the inside scoop!

All my Love, 

Brigitte xx

[brigittebell]

The Do’s and Don'ts of Online Dating

So if you’ve ever tried online dating, I’m sure that like me, you have your own share of horror stories/ disaster dates that could easily fit into a hysterical scene of a romantic comedy. Because I’ve spent a lot of time dating online, and learned what successfully attracts high-quality, highly-compatible matches; I’m here to help you make your online dating experience a little easier (and even, dare I say, enjoyable and successful as well!).

First off, I’d like you to get clear on what your intentions are when it comes to online dating. Are you looking for a fling? Or are you seeking a long-term serious relationship? Get clear on what it is that you want so that you can convey that to others. Also, if you’re looking for a long-term relationship and are spending all your time on Tinder, you’re in the wrong place. Typically sites like Match.com or Eharmony have people who are more serious about settling down. (The reason often being is because people who are more serious are typically willing to pay for sites like Eharmony and fill out long questionnaires, as opposed to those who join free websites or apps that are less time and money-consuming). In addition, there are a TON of niche sites for WHATEVER interest you may have. Do you like horses? There’s a site for that. Do you maintain a gluten free or vegan diet? There’s a place to meet others who share your passion. Are you a farmer or are you a sugar baby looking for a sugar daddy? Yes, there are sites for that too. Whatever your interests may be, try doing a google search and you’re likely to come across a community of singles who share your interest too.

Once you’ve chosen a site according to your romantic goals, it’s time to come up with a username. You want your name to be reflective of the kind of people you’re trying to attract. Obviously names like “Boyfriend_Material” and “ThunderCock” are going to come across very differently (and yes, those are actual usernames of actual men who messaged me by the way--lol). For the ladies, you want your username to be fun, playful, and representative of who you are. Remember that all of life is about effective marketing, and it is no different with your love life. If you want to attract the right partners for you, you have got to effectively market yourself.

Now that you’ve gotten an idea of how you want to pick your username, I’m going to share with you the biggest mistakes when it comes to online dating that people tend to make.

Since photos tend to make the biggest impression first, we’ll start with that.

Some of these should go without saying, but there are SO many who don’t follow these simple guidelines that would boost their online dating success exponentially! Your photos should be:

-Good quality and have good lighting.

-They should be clear and easy to see your face (your viewers should NOT have to search for you). And above all…

-Be sure to be smiling!

When someone views your profile, they’re getting their first impression of you. If you look angry, serious, or indifferent; you’re going to come across as an angry, serious, or indifferent person. I experienced the importance of smiling in all of my photos when a man once told me, “I’m confused, in some of your photos you look so happy, and in other ones you look angry or upset. Which one is it?” Of course I’m not angry or upset, but some of my more serious-faced “modeling” photos made me come across that way. In each picture you should be smiling, happy, and looking like you’re having a good time. It also helps if you have photos from traveling, doing fun activities, or showing something you like to do (i.e. snorkeling, playing an instrument, etc.) This gives you depth and dynamic as a person, and provides a good place to start conversation.

Now for the don’ts of photo-taking….

You’ll want to avoid:

1.      Ab or body photos (Where's your face? I can’t see it)

2.      Photos with other girls or friends (I don't want to wonder who she is, and I don't want to have guess which one you are!)

3.      Party photos (Unless this is a huge part of your life, and you also wish to attract a party girl/guy, having too many party photos may give the wrong impression to someone who isn’t into that. Remember your photos should be tailored to attracting the kind of partner you’d like to have. Ask yourself: What kind of partner do I want? And choose your photos accordingly).

4.      Sad looking (No one wants to date someone who's depressed).

Now when it comes to writing your “about me” section of your profile, make sure to avoid:

-         Writing too much (Nobody wants to read entire essays, they’ve got hundreds of profiles to search through and are likely to say “Next!” if they come across one that is too long.)

-         Writing too little (How are your matches supposed to decide if they like you?)

-         Being too serious, or giving boring details (Nobody wants to know what year you graduated high school or what the name of your cat is. They’re meeting you, not your cat—at least for now.)

-         Trying too hard (It’s cool to share things you’re passionate about, but try avoiding long lists of accomplishments and talking too much about yourself—this could potential come across as trying too hard to impress your matches. Your profile should be brief, to the point, and help others get an idea of who you are without giving too much away).

-         Coming across as pretentious, snobby, or judgmental (The last thing you want to say is: "Don't even think about messaging me if _____. Or, "I only date girls who know five languages and have traveled to at least 4 countries." Having long laundry lists of what traits you desire in a partner could scare potentially wonderful matches away. Pick 3 traits that are most important to you, and then kindly give an invitation to message you if they match up. Use positive language rather than negative or belittling words. Saying you’re looking for someone who is “Health conscious” or “fit” is much, much better than saying “No fatties.” That kind of language is not cool, and certainly not attractive).

-         Being negative (Avoid talking negatively about your life. Online dating is not a place to vent. Also keep your ex-girlfriend/ boyfriend drama to yourself. No one wants to hear how you think all men or women are dirty, lying cheaters.)

Your profile should be fun, positive, optimistic, and inviting. It should display the things you’re passionate about, and come across as welcoming and inviting. Being a happy, healthy person is what others find most attractive, and it should be conveyed in your profile.

Now let’s say you’ve come across a stellar profile you’re absolutely bananas about. What should you say? Creating the profile is one thing, writing the message is another! Here are a few Big NOs you want to keep in mind when it comes to writing your message:

-Starting off with dirty talk (Does that ever work in real life? If the answer is no, which I’m sure it is… What makes you think that would work for you online?)

-Writing a whole life story before they’ve even responded to your first message (Is that how your conversations work outside of online dating as well? Start by introducing yourself first).

-Just saying "hey" (Not very captivating. It’s a boring, general message that could easily be copied and pasted a hundred times. If you want to captivate someone’s attention, point out something they said in their profile, relate to any similar interests you may have, or ask them something personal and specific about themselves based on what they shared in their profile. This will show you actually read it, are interested, and took the time to say more than just “hey.”)

-Completely overlooking something they specifically said in their profile. (If I'm looking for a monogamous relationship, no flings, and make it clear I want something real and serious; the last message I want to get is "Hey, you wanna hook up tonight?" No! Didn’t you read my profile? Ladies and gents, don’t shoot yourself in the foot by overlooking details. Go for sending out quality messages, not just mass quantity messages.)

-Asking someone out on a date the first message (You’re likely to have better results if you exchange a few messages FIRST.)

-Making sexual remarks about my body rather than a romantic one. (Now I know what every woman is looking for is different, but I’d much rather hear how you like my smile or my eyes than how you like my ass. That can be said at a later time, but until I get to know you better, keep the compliments above the shoulders. Unless she makes it clear that sex is what she’s looking for.)

Your ideal message should include a greeting (say hello), a specific compliment, and/or a relation and question to something specific to your love interest’s profile. You want to be engaging. Give them something to answer to. Be specific and pay attention to detail.

Remember that what every woman or man likes will be different, and that’s why tailoring your messages and your profile to attract the kind of man or woman you’re looking for is so important. If you’re going to catch a fish, use fish bait. Use the right “bait” to lure in the type of man or woman of your choosing.

As always, I hope you found this article helpful, relatable, and enjoyable.

I wish you all the best in your online dating endeavors!

Love,

Brigitte xx

[brigittebell]

Be Value to Attract Value: How to “Score a 10″ in Dating

For this post, I’m going to give a little lesson on business and how it relates to the results you're getting in your love life. Studies support the idea that everything and everybody has a quantifiable value on the open market; and everybody’s out to get the best deal possible in love and in life. While a person’s perceived value can certainly be subjective (we all have unique preferences--hence the term, “one man’s trash is another man’s treasure”), typically the vast majority will agree upon what’s a “good catch” and what’s a not-so-good one.

So to help you get a better idea of what you have to offer, what kind of people you'll likely attract, and what you can do to increase your success in the dating game, I’m going to teach you about your VRIN Score. VRIN stands for traits concerning value, rarity, inimitability, and non-substitutability.

Let’s take a look at each factor:

Value - How much value do you provide? You must be able to out-perform competitors.

Rare- To be of value, you must be considered rare. The price of a resource is a reflection of it’s value. (Or in the case of dating, how selective you are with your time, energy, and emotions is a reflection of your value. Also, how you practice self-respect and maintain boundaries conveys your value).

Inimitable- How unique are you? How difficult would it be for someone else to do what you do? Are you unrivaled, unparalleled, or matchless with what you have to offer?

Non-Substitutable- Can you be replaced? How easy would it be for someone to substitute you?

Now I know this might seem like a kind of morbid approach to take when it comes to dating, but it shouldn't be seen that way. It’s really just about striving to be the best version of yourself for your own sake, and for the sake of your partner.  

When you dedicate yourself to self-improvement, and work on improving your “VRIN score,” you'll make yourself an indispensable, unmatched asset that any man or woman would feel like an absolute idiot to let go of.

What it really all comes down to is self-improvement. Studies show that the more positive qualities and traits you bring to the table, the better you will do in love. In other words:

Dedication to Self-Improvement = Better Dating Results

Now let’s take a look at what assets people search for when “shopping” for potential partners. As superficial as some of these may seem, the research shows this is what people look for when seeking out a partner:

1. Physical Appearance

2. Possessions or money

3. Status or prestige

4. Information or Knowledge

5. Social Graces or Personality

6. Inner Nature

Research shows that the happiest couples are the ones who are more or less balanced in each of these areas, or at least balanced out by being complimentary of one another (i.e. beautiful women who date less attractive, yet prestigious men. Or handsome men who date less attractive women with great personalities).

The good news is that while there are certain things about ourselves we may not be able to change, there are many things within our power to improve. To help give you an idea here are a few action steps you can take:  

Physical- You can work out, eat healthy, get enough sleep, get gussied up and well-groomed, and give your wardrobe a little boost.

Emotional- Take note of areas in need of improvement (do you ever get too angry, jump to conclusions, or let assumptions and emotions get the best of you?) Try to start practicing emotional maturity. This means being patient, kind, and loving, and maintaining a positive attitude even when things don’t go your way. It means being communicative of your emotions in a rational way, and being respectful of your partner’s.

Intellectual- Read Books, take classes, learn a new language, travel, study popular topics of interest, dig deep and research subjects that you’re passionate about. (To me) there’s nothing quite as sexy as someone who is a wealth of information and passionately shares their knowledge with others (and I know there are many others who agree).

Financial- Pay off debt, save money, invest your money, start a business, hire a financial consultant.  

Personality - Exude confidence, meet new people, be engaging, be kind, sociable, outgoing, charismatic, and empathetic. Be positive and fun to be around.

Spiritual- You can take up a spiritual practice, be kind, practice philanthropy, take time to meditate, and get in touch and in tune with yourself/the Universe.

Time and time again, studies have shown that the more equitable the partner’s assets, the happier the couples will be. If you wish to date a person of value, the most powerful thing you can do is become a person of value yourself. Be value, and you'll attract value. Make self-improvement and the desire to be the best version of yourself a consistent part of your life, and you'll be well on your way to attracting the man or woman of your dreams.

I hope you enjoyed this article, and I wish you all the best in life and love!

All my love,

Brigitte xx

[brigittebell]

7 Mentalities That Are Keeping You Single

Ever had someone ask you the question, “Why are you still single?” and this was your answer? If you’re wondering why you’re still single, the answer may lie within what mentalities you hold towards dating... Read this article to see if you’ve ever fallen victim to any of these mentalities!

1. You're Ambiguous. You're mentality is that of "I don't know if I want a relationship, but then again, I do. I don't know if I like him... No wait, I do like him!" You're wishy-washy, indecisive, and always changing your mind. The first step in getting rid of ambiguity is to first recognize it. Everyone is ambiguous at times. We don't know what we want 100% of the time. Sometimes it takes us a while to weigh out our options by examining the pros and cons. But being too ambiguous about your life, especially your love life, can be damaging. Once you've recognized where or what you might be ambiguous to, the next step is to make a decision, and stick to it. If you're genuinely having trouble making a decision, try writing out a pros and cons list. How would being in a relationship enhance your life? How would it not? Seeing your thoughts out on paper adds a measurable amount of clarity.

2. You're Malcontent. Your mentality is that of: "The grass is always greener on the other side." In your mind, there's always something better than what you have, because you're not appreciative and aren't grateful. This is a human nature thing. As humans, we're always trying to get the best deal possible; and it's no different with our relationships (sorry, but it’s true). The thing is, if you're always trying to get the best deal possible and are never satisfied with what you have, you may end up alone. Keep in mind that there's always going to be someone who may seem better on the outward surface, but deep down may not be the most compatible for you. Learn to appreciate the relationships and people in your life that you have by counting your blessings and being grateful for them.

3. You're Passive. Your mentality is that of "when the time is right, a relationship will just happen." Let me ask you something: When was the last time in your life when something you wanted just WALTZED into your life with ZERO effort on your part? If you're answering completely honestly, the answer should be "never," because acquiring anything we see of value requires SOME amount of effort. Think about it in terms like this: Say you want to bake a cake. What's the first thing you need to do? Go to the store and buy the ingredients. Then you would follow a recipe, execute its instructions, and voilà, you'd have yourself a cake. It's the same principle that applies to our love lives as well. If you want it, you gotta go get it. You must put forth the amount of effort required to see your dreams become a reality.

4. You're Resigned. You've given up. You've come to the conclusion that maybe you're just "meant to be alone." You've experienced failed relationships before, or haven't yet found the right one for you, and as a result have resorted to resignation. You figure since it hasn't happened so far, it’s likely not going to happen ever. Maybe you're just one of those people who are “meant to stay single.” Have you ever had this thought? I’m going to help you get rid of it by telling you this: If you have the desire to be in a relationship, it’s because you're meant to be in one. All of nature goes along with this truth. Eagles fly because they are meant to fly, fish swim because they are meant to swim. If you desire a relationship, don't succumb to the cynicism of resignation. If the desire for you to be in a relationship is there, it’s because you're meant to have it. 

5. You're Cynical. Your mentality is that of "There are just no good men/ women out there."  Similar to the mentality of resignation, you've had your fair share of dating disasters and have drawn the conclusion that there are just no more good “fish in the sea,” to you, they all seem rotten or taken. Here’s a fun psychology fact for you: Your brain looks for what it believes to be true. In other words, having this kind of cynical mentality towards dating actually gives you a sort of “goggle vision” in which you can only see people and possibilities that match up with your expectations. Therefore, if you want love, it would be wise to raise your expectations towards dating. It’s time to lose that cynicism and replace it with the optimistic mindset of: “There are plenty of fish in the sea. There are tons of good, single men/ women out there who would like to date me and whom I would like to date!” Even if you may not feel it, keep saying it. Soon enough it will open your eyes to all the possibilities of potential partners there truly are out there. 

6. You're Cold. Your disposition is so strong you give off a palpable "Don't come near me" vibe. You've been hurt before, so your defenses have been built up, and it shows. You cross your arms to physically show you're closed off to the idea of being with anyone. You're cold, distant, despondent, and removed. This kind of demeanor isn't attractive or welcoming to anyone. Granted, you're likely doing it on purpose to make sure no one does actually come near you. But if you desire love, you've got to change. Focus your efforts on becoming more warm, welcoming, open--rather than how you've been hurt-- and you'll be sure to give off a much more alluring and magnetic energy.

7. You’re Judgemental and Unrealistic. You nitpick any of your potential partner’s perceived flaws. You are quick to judge, and nobody can meet your set of unrealistically set standards. I’m not telling you to throw all of your standards out the window, however, there is a difference between having goals and being completely idealistic/unrealistic. Do you have a long list of must-meet traits that you seek out in a partner? Your pickiness may be keeping love at bay. I love the way Tracy McMillan, author of Why You’re Not Married Yet, shares her two cents on shallowness and perfectionism:

 “The problem with perfectionism is that it is so dehumanizing. It causes you to see people not as human beings but as things. Objects. Objectifying someone causes you to focus on the things about a person that aren’t important and overlook the things that are.” 

Your main concerns when it comes to picking a partner should be about their character, how they treat you, and whether or not your core values match. Not whether or not their shoes clash with their outfit. It might be helpful for you to make a list of truly the non-negotiable traits you seek in a partner, versus the things you’re willing to be flexible with.

As always, I hope you enjoyed this post. Wishing you all the best in life and in love!

Brigitte xx