[brokenplushie]

Survivors of abuse kill themselves because killing their abusers is considered unlawful.

[notabled-noodle]

because I haven't seen a whole heap of decent information about this... I thought I'd do a beginner's guide to dissociation

disorders that can cause dissociation include:

DID

OSDD

PTSD

depression

OCD

BPD

DPDR

anxiety

eating disorders

some people also experience dissociation due to chronic pain

being dissociated can feel like, but is not limited to:

feeling disconnected from the world

feeling "blurry", "buzzy", "foggy", or "out of it"

not feeling any emotions

not feeling any physical pain

not remembering whole periods of time

feeling like you're floating outside of your body

your brain constantly going in and out of focus

dissociation is generally broken down into two categories:

derealisation: the feeling that the world around you is unreal, foggy, or just out of reach

depersonalisation: the feeling of being outside of yourself, or of not feeling real

I hope this is a helpful post, and that I've made people more aware of what dissociation actually is. if you have any follow-up questions, please feel free to ask!

[imakeartwheniwanttodie]

[dollheartangel]

[ojibwa]

[sickdelights-deactivated2023091]

cant talk rn i'm busy being a danger to myself

[sofiapdf]

trauma is like the river that runs through mountains. some run deep and some you can reach down and touch the bank, but when it dries it leaves a valley all the same.

[apricityjane]

Wanting to have children to give them the unconditional love and emotional support you never had but being afraid to have them incase you unconsciously repeat the cycle of abuse

[sickdelights-deactivated2023091]

Quiet bpd culture is wanting to threat suicide when someone's leaving you but you'd feel worse cuz you think you'd be manipulating them into taking care of you when they really don't want to so you just suppress your breakdown and suffer in silence instead

[darkvveb]

here's to the people whose trauma didn't make them kind and soft. here's to the people who hardened, who had to turn cold in order to survive. here's to the people who had to become cruel or maybe even violent just to keep themselves safe.

you're not monsters. you did what you had to do to make it out. and you did. you survived. and i hope you can find healing. i love you.

[weetbeex]

Just a reminder that compassion is a choice whereas empathy is not!

Empathy: the ability to feel what another person is feeling or to immediately recognise when somebody is feeling a certain way.

Compassion: wanting to support or help somebody.

I’ve seen the word empathy being thrown around endlessly to describe somebody caring and it’s a little disheartening being equated to being a bad person for my low levels of empathy just because I don’t know how others are feeling or I can’t experience what they’re feeling. Autistic people can experience low empathy, mentally ill people can experience low empathy and it doesn’t make us bad or evil.

[cluster-b-ullshit]

I really can’t stress enough how uninterested I am in people telling me that I’m actually secretly capable of empathy. I’m not interested in people trying to discover the empathy “hidden away” in those of us with certain personality disorders. I don’t want anything to do with those conversations and I don’t think they’re worthwhile to have in the first place.

It’s ironic to me that in order to be seen and treated as fully-formed human beings by others, we have to secretly have empathy. Empathetic people are so keen to psychoanalyse us and tell us that no, actually, we do have empathy, because we are good people, really! It’s just locked away because of trauma or illness! It’s still in there, we promise!

People need to acknowledge and accept that some people do not have human empathy, and never will, and that empathy isn’t actually a reliable metric to decide whether someone is a good or bad person. Empathise with us, if you will - isn’t that a funny thought. Accept that our brains are the way they are and that our treatment needs to allow for this. 

[bpdram]

Do you wanna know how is it like to have a fp?

Okay. I’m going to explain how is it like to depend on someone. I’m going to tell you that this is the most fucked up thing in life that could happen to anyone. A fp will take you to the sky, will make you feel alive, but will also make you feel mad and suicidal. They will make you feel things you never knew you could feel. They will make you feel anxious and angry everytime they take a while to reply, they will leave you thinking they found another person to pay attention or that they don’t love you anymore. They will make you feel dead when they go out with their friends, without you. They will make you feel hate for they friends, just because their friends probably make them happy too, and you’re the only one who can make your fp happy. You’ll feel like a puppy at his door, waiting for him to come back. They will make you feel alive everytime they are with you talking to you, and paying attention exclusively to you. They will make you want to live forever. But they will also make you feel bad when they talk to someone else. Or when they play a game. Or when they get happy without you. You will feel jealous of everything. Because that’s what they make you feel. You’ll get jealous because how can they get happy with anything when you can only get happy when they are there for you? How do they let it happen? They should only feel happy and have joy when with you only. And no one and nothing else. But they’re so different from us. They don’t get us. They don’t understand our feelings. How intense they are. They don’t know how is it to depend their mood on someone. To idolize them and later thinking they are the worst person in the world. They won’t understand why you’re going to have a breakdown at 3am saying that they didn’t stayed enough with you. Or that they didn’t talk to you enough. Because the time you give to them is always going to be enough. They don’t understand why we get mad at their friends, at their things, at games they play, at everything. Because they don’t feel the same. They don’t feel the same emptiness like us. The depressive mood and emptiness you get when you remember they don’t really love you like you love them. And this. This is going to hurt you a lot. This is going to break you in half. Because nobody knows how is it to have an fp, unless you have one. And let me tell you: it’s one of the worst things in life.

[eusocia-deactivated20210518]

[het-brunette]

[altamont498]

This is why you shouldn’t hit kids, folks. Though it’s not like you needed a reason to begin with.

[thelastonewaspokenfor]

spanking ain’t the same as hitting fuck you shouldn’t need a moral twitter post to know not to abuse your child

[queen-mayhem]

It very much is, actually.

There’s the literal definition to consider, of course - spanking = striking a child with the intent to cause fear and/or pain. And that’s…. hitting….

But here’s the important part: If a child is old enough to understand the distinction between “spanking as a deserved punishment” and “unacceptable physical assault,” they’re old enough to respond to other methods of discipline, so you’re hitting them because you want to hit them. If they’re not old enough to understand that distinction, there’s no point in spanking them and you’re just hitting them because you want to hit them.

Kids aren’t great at understanding cause and effect, especially if it’s displaced over time. A child literally does not consciously understand that cause and effect is even a thing until they’re around 18 months old. Once they develop it, it’s still a pretty limited/immediate understanding until they’re much older. For example, they can understand that if they spit food out, the food isn’t in their mouth anymore, or that if they make grabby hands towards something, somebody will give it to them. But they don’t understand that, say, taking off their clothes will make them uncomfortably cold.

This is because children aren’t really capable of future planning until they’re older. A 2 year old might be able to plan his actions out a few steps in advance (eg, if I climb onto the chair, I can reach my sippy cup that’s on the table and then climb back down), but that’s about it. Kids can conceive of the idea of the future in a more distant sense once they’re about 3 (eg, “when I grow up” and “can I go to grandma’s house tomorrow?”), but the ability to consciously take or not take actions to affect future outcomes doesn’t really develop until they’re about 4 or 5. For example: A child’s ability to delay a small treat now in exchange for a larger treat later improves significantly between the ages of 3 and 5. And delayed gratification tests are testing a good thing vs. a better thing. A good thing vs. the absence of a bad thing later is very different. The first is more concrete and material - do I want one sticker now or two stickers later? The second is more abstract, and plenty of adults struggle with that kind of reasoning. (For example - do I want to go to a party now, or do I want to not have COVID later?)

And then there’s the issue of moral development. Kids don’t even start to understand the idea of “acceptable/unacceptable” behavior in any real sense until they’re about 18 months old. They don’t develop emotions like shame and guilt (which suggest an ability to reflect on their own behavior) until they’re about 3. And most kids don’t internalize any real kind of moral code until they’re about 4 or 5.  

So, at what age should a child be considered old enough to understand the purpose of a spanking and distinguish it from unacceptable physical assault? It depends on the kid, of course, but I’d say no younger than about 4. 

And guess what? All those things that make them able to understand the purpose of a spanking also make them able to understand things like time-out and losing privileges. You can explain things to a 4 year old. They have the ability to engage in logical and moral reasoning. Which means you have options for punishment beyond hitting them. Which means, if you choose to hit them, it’s about you, not the child. You’re either too lazy to discuss a child’s behavior with them, too lazy to enforce other kinds of consequences/use a continuum of consequences, or you’re spanking them for your own emotional catharsis - spanking out of anger, frustration, and vengeance, which changes the spanking from “punishment” to “abuse.” 

And all of this is kind of a moot point because spanking doesn’t even work. It really, actually doesn’t work. It does nothing to cause long-term changes in behavior. This research has been done over, and over, and over again. Spanking can cause immediate changes in behavior, but does nothing to cause long-term changes in behavior, promote moral and ethical development, or improve self-regulation skills. It actually has the opposite effect on self-regulation skills! Children who were spanked are also usually more aggressive, more defiant, commit more anti-social behaviors, and are more likely to develop mental health problems in adulthood. And I promise, whatever “gotcha” you think you have about these results has already been accounted for in the literature (eg, “but what if aggressive, defiant, anti-social kids just get spanked more!”).

Tl;Dr - Spanking is exactly the same thing as hitting your children, because it is completely ineffective as a disciplinary technique. And when it’s not a disciplinary technique, it’s just hitting. 

By the way, in case you feel like arguing this with me: I have a bachelor’s degree in child development. I’ve actually read this research. I do kinda know what I’m talking about here. 

[drowsyd0ll]

[blossomaes]

trauma moods