I don't wanna be here anymore

this is a BPD blog, made for venting and writing my thoughts as a recently diagnosed individual.

[brutussposts]

Fighting the urge to just take all these mf pills

[sugaglos]

The best medication that could help me with my mental illness?a bullet through my head

[brutussposts]

I've been feeling like such a fucking loser.

Everytime things go well, something just fucks it up, I feel like im cursed, like im paying for something I did.

Like I don't deserve to be happy, or loved.

[brutussposts]

I always wonder, who is the real me?

The one when I'm taking my meds?

The one off meds?

Who am I?

[karmareleased]

I keep overestimating my existence in other people's lives, both postively and negatively. I am not the reason someone wakes up in the morning or smiles at a post they see that reminds them of me, nor am I so despised that my presence is demonized and people avoid me at any cost.

I am just nothing. Insignificant. And it's probably for the best that way.

[speakingspirals]

i hate feeling. i hate thoughts. i hate it all.

[traumadumprrrr]

you ever just sit and realize that you're an awful person

[infectedbugz]

People don’t enjoy my presence. They just tolerate it.

[brutussposts]

Why am I so awkward with others?! Ughhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

[brutussposts]

I pushed everyone away, again, im so stupid.

[brutussposts]

Feelings like this mofo

[brutussposts]

I don't know why i do the things I do sometimes, it guess it just feels like the right thing but I always feel guilty and ashamed after.

[brutussposts]

I pushed everyone away, again, im so stupid.

[brutussposts]

I feel so done.

Not sad.

Not angry.

Just empty.

[brutussposts]

God, I love smoking in the dark

[brutussposts]

About to fuck up this Christmas's dinner

Status: drunk.

[brutussposts]

Let's mix anti psychotics with alcohol

[brutussposts]

I want a version of "cocky" but with clit/clitoris