Busy Mind + Sentimental Heart

SENTIMENTS IN POETRY https://busymindsentimentalheartpoetry.tumblr.com Copyright © 2020 Busy Mind + Sentimental Heart. All rights reserved.

[busymindsentimentalheart]

It’s painful to be tough.

You cry in silence.

You hurt in silence.

You take the blows and pretend they don’t affect you.

You hold back, telling yourself to just hang in there.

Because you know that if you choose to retaliate, your words won’t be kind. And in the end, you’d regret saying them.

So you take a deep breath, swallow your tears, and suppress your emotions—pretending you’re unfazed.

But sometimes, I just want the people I love to see that I’m hurting. I want them to know how their words could sometimes feel like daggers straight to my heart. I want to cry in front of them and show them that I’m human—that I have limits. That when I get hurt, it’s all-consuming for me. When pain touches me, it doesn’t just pass through—it settles deep, leaving its mark long after.

There are moments when I want to stop pretending, to stop being considerate, and finally let them know I’m exhausted.

But then, I wonder… what if letting them see my pain only burdens them? What if, in trying to be understood, I just end up making things heavier for them? They’re not bad people. I know they’d never want to hurt me, but I can’t help but feel that my weakness might be too much for them to carry. So instead, I swallow it down, choosing strength—not just for myself, but for them too.

At the same time, they might mistake my pain for weakness. Or think I’m being overly sensitive. And the thought of being misunderstood scares me the most.

So if I’m going to be misunderstood, I’d rather be the one to decide what they see. I’d rather be the one to decide which parts of me they get wrong. That’s why, when I take their blows and respond with silence or deflect with humor, I do it deliberately—because if they’re going to believe something about me, I’d rather they think I’m strong. I want to control how people perceive me rather than letting them misinterpret my emotions on their own.

But sometimes, I wonder if that’s really a good thing. Am I truly taking the high road, or am I just making things harder for myself? Is it strength, or is it just avoidance?

I don’t know. Maybe it’s both. Maybe it’s neither.

Or maybe, it’s something else entirely. Maybe it’s my way of choosing kindness—not because it’s easy, but because I don’t want to become the kind of person who hurts others the way I’ve been hurt, even if it’s unintentional. I’m not trying to be self-righteous here; I guess what I really want to say is that I don’t want to be the one who misunderstands.

I don’t mind if the world misunderstands me. But I do mind when the people I love do. I wish they could see right through me—see the hurt beneath the silence, the exhaustion behind the smiles. That way, I wouldn’t have to explain myself. If they could see me breaking, maybe they’d stop before pushing any further. If they could see my discomfort, maybe they’d choose their words more carefully. If they could see me struggling, maybe they’d spare me their criticisms, offer encouragement instead, and stop trying to press me into a mold that may not have even been meant for me. If they could recognize the weight I carry, maybe they’d pause and give me a moment to breathe. No need for explanations. No room for judgment. Just understanding.

But that’s not always how it works. It’s not that I’m blaming my loved ones, and I’m definitely not trying to play the victim. I know they’re not cruel. I know they’d never intentionally hurt me. It’s just that sometimes, I get frustrated when they’re unaware of how much impact their words can have. Words can either lift you up or bring you down, and when their words come with criticism, it’s painful. What’s even more frustrating is when they equate that criticism with ‘being real,’ ‘tough love,’ or ‘just offering advice.’ I know they mean well, but it still hurts, because I hear it differently. The dissonance between their good intentions and the way it affects me—it’s something I can’t easily overlook, no matter how hard I try. Regardless, I’d end up telling myself to just hold it together and be strong.

So yes, it’s painful to be tough. But even through the pain, there’s grace. I find strength in it. Maybe I don’t always know if this is the right path—if holding it all in and choosing resilience will ever bring me the understanding I long for. But I do know that strength isn’t just about enduring. Sometimes, it’s about choosing to be kind when it’d be easier to be cruel.

Maybe that’s why I keep going. Not just because I have to, but because I refuse to let pain turn me into someone I’m not. Some might see that as foolish. Others might mistake it for weakness. But I’ve always believed that kindness carries its own kind of strength. That even when it comes with sacrifice, it’s never truly in vain.

So I’ll keep pressing on. Even when it’s painful. Even when it’s exhausting. Because that’s who I choose to be.

[busymindsentimentalheart]

There’s a day when you realize that no matter how many things life throws at you, there’s always a reason to keep fighting back. Don’t lose that reason—no matter how tiny the world may see it.

[busymindsentimentalheart]

How amazing is it really when the love of your life and your best friend are wrapped up in one? I’ll tell you there’s nothing quite like it. It’s sublime. It’s a rare form of gift and here I am wondering how did I ever get so lucky? I find friendship within a marriage is just as important as romance. At the end of the day you just want to be with someone whom you can unapologetically be yourself with. For them to see you at your best and at your worst and still love you just the same. For them to still want to be with you even when it’s not always easy. To be with someone whom you don’t mind losing an argument to once in awhile. It’s the friendship that will make you have those things in marriage. Passion may wither in time whether we like it or not; but to be with someone whom you can count on no matter what the situation in life may be is a blessing. If that’s not real and raw love, then I don’t know what is.

[busymindsentimentalheart]

Wouldn’t we feel much better if we appreciate the things we have at the moment—no matter how little they may seem to be, than to dwell on the things we used to have? Life’s too short to get stuck in the past.

[busymindsentimentalheart]

Just because something is hard it doesn’t mean it’s impossible to achieve.

[busymindsentimentalheart]

Love is different for everyone; yet somehow pain relatively feels the same for all of us.

[busymindsentimentalheart]

Don't wait for your misery to leave because it won't. It will stay as long as you let it. So if you really want to relieve yourself, grab that misery of yours by the hair and drag it straight out of the door. It's not going to be an easy fight, but boy does it make a huge difference once you've decided to not let it consume you anymore.

[busymindsentimentalheart]

People who lack at so many things certainly have a lot more to pray for. And that's exactly how I function. I am very well aware of the fact that I have no discernible talent whatsoever. No, this isn't a self-deprecating post. All I'm saying is that my moments of greatness come from God's mercy alone.

[busymindsentimentalheart]

I don’t like bittersweet moments. The moment should either be really happy or terribly sad. In fact, I’d take sadness any day over something bittersweet. In sadness you can cry till you run out of tears, yell out your frustrations till your lungs give out, or break any piece of furniture that your hand may find. In happiness you can laugh all you want that your knees give in and your belly starts cramping, dance around like a maniac without a care in the world, or whistle and hum your affections because there’s just not enough good words to describe the sensation.  But what the hell can you do with bittersweet? It’s like a tight feeling in the chest—emotions bound in chains and shackles yearning to escape. You want so badly to break down but somehow and someway you make yourself believe that what happened is for the best. You smile but deep inside you’re really falling apart. It’s when crying is the only relief you need but your emotions are balled up like a fist in your heart and it just wouldn’t let go, so all you do is take a deep breath and hope for something. Sadness will eventually dissipate in time and be replaced with happiness once it has its fill, but a bittersweet moment lingers on because it’s stuck in a miscellaneous file folder that lies somewhere beneath your heart—forever undesignated. Bittersweet is really happiness misplaced and sadness denied, both at the same time. 

[busymindsentimentalheart]

Do not expect yourself to win in a fight

If you’re not prepared to bleed.

[busymindsentimentalheart]

Never be ashamed of your scars—

they are the manifestation of your strength and survival.

[busymindsentimentalheart]

Sometimes the most that you can do for yourself is to close your eyes and breathe.

... then maybe grab yourself a donut.

[busymindsentimentalheart]

I believe that when we go through certain situations in life, we must let ourselves go through the entire process. Shortcuts may get us to our desired destination quickly, but only prematurely. Even if we have to go through arduous, painful, and lengthy ordeals, every time and effort we put in is for our own growth and self-refinement. Nothing good comes out of haste.

[busymindsentimentalheart]

A lot of my regrets and embarrassing moments in life stem from acting on impulse. I’ve spent countless of times (still am, unfortunately) letting my heart take the wheel. Whenever I’m governed by my emotions, a lot of my decisions are askew, reckless, and at times vindictive—devoid of any sound judgment. Nobody could think straight when they’re too busy reacting. Besides, it’s so much easier to succumb to your emotions and be in the heat of the moment. Yes, that’s the easiest option but man, the consequences can be detrimental. At the same time, these are the memories your brain could never cancel. These memories will keep resurfacing and will make you feel bad over and over again, and will make you wish you can just turn back time and do things differently. Over time, I’ve gotten a lot better in handling my emotions and not let them determine my actions. Do I still mess up? Yes. Do I still have moments where I let my emotions take over me? Definitely. See, this is really a hard habit to break. I’m still a work in progress when it comes to that department. Although I must say I can see a huge distinction whenever I allow my heart and my nerves to calm down, so that my brain can function much clearly. I’m not saying we should overanalyze everything and neglect our feelings. By all means, let your heart feel whatever it wants to feel, but also give your mind the allowance to think straight. Rationality must not be subverted by emotionalism. Let your feelings go on intermission, and let insight take center stage.

So, don’t let your emotions handle you, rather you handle your emotions. While it’s good to follow your heart, I’ve learned that one should never forget to be wise.

[busymindsentimentalheart]

I live in my imagination more than anywhere else. I’m still not sure if that’s a good thing or a bad thing.

[busymindsentimentalheart]

Animals are such great companions. First, they don’t ask you very personal questions. Second, they’re great listeners. Finally, you get to choose whatever you want to tell them without the fear of being judged at all.

[busymindsentimentalheart]

When I’m angry, just let me be. I promise I don’t intend to stay angry for long especially when you feel sorry, so just give me space to let it all air out. And when I decide to forgive you, please know it doesn’t warrant you to be chummy again with me—at least not so fast. Just because I’m not angry anymore, it doesn’t mean I’m ready to talk. My heart might have forgiven you, but my pride requires much longer time to sulk. So just keep your distance until my pride is ready, then we can go on acting normal again. I ask that you please respect this whole process for both our sakes.