Hag Knight

She/Her | 27 | When you can’t shit, shitpost | Knight Posting | Minors/ageless DNI

[cafandnaps]

Working for the worst knight in the barracks isn’t all bad. Sure, the other squires make fun of me, and the other knights beat up my knight, and the princess and her stunning handmaiden never look twice at us, and we’re always broke, and he’s banned from the joust, and the king is threatening the remove him from the palace… but sometimes my knight buys me an ale at the tavern. So I guess you could say it’s got pros and cons.

[cafandnaps]

You’re feasting? You got your ass handed to you in the melee and the joust and you’re feasting? Shall I get you some mulled wine to lull you to sleep too?

-Some squire, probably

[cafandnaps]

My knight has returned positively famished from a long journey. Luckily I have something warm and sweet for them to eat to their hearts content.

[cafandnaps]

[in the style of a documentary interview]

Yeah, so, normally the princess and the court wizard are, like, absolute besties. The only time I’ve ever seen her mad at him was when he transmuted her knight into a frog when the knight forgot to call him “Your Magicness”. That’s not even his real title, it’s just what he wanted people to call him for a week before he got bored of it. Anyway, he turns the knight into a frog and the princess is pissed and she’s like [poor imitation of a princess voice] “turn them back!!” And of course the wizard is telling her it’ll wear off in a week, otherwise it needs true loves kiss and of course she’s not gonna kiss the frog so she had to wait a whole week for it to wear off but it’s still fading so sometimes I’ll see the knight stick their tongue out to catch flies which is, frankly, disgusting.

[ellakas]

reblog to thank ur mutuals for providing enrichment to ur enclosure

[cafandnaps]

Princess who touches herself in the night when she thinks everyone is asleep. Her sworn sword gritting their teeth and forcing themself to remain outside her door even when they hear her moaning their name.

[greelin]

as one does

[medievalsquire]

the sage grabbed my shoulder, looked me dead in the eyes, and said "you're important." i have been trying to avoid him ever since

[namethatghostling]

stop drinking beer with the deer and come have a cider with the spiderrrr

[cafandnaps]

Lord Varys to Ned Stark

[thewindowofthesummerhouse]

Joonas Ryynänen

[cafandnaps]

I’ve been trying to get the princesses attention for almost two years and today I snuck my masters pointed hat and cloak out of the tower and wore it during my leisure hour and she said hello to me! I suppose as princess it makes sense for her to want a man in power(ful robes)

[mold-wizard]

So I just decided it might be fun to flip the script, and gave a bunch of sentient amulets cursed wearers.

[cafandnaps]

She (princess) let me hit (grovel for attention) because I promised to keep the armor on (I can’t get it off)

[wutheringdoe]

live by the sword, die by the tummy ache

[the-kirbe-anon-archive-deactiva]

I love dandelions!

*puts a dandelion in your hair*

Reblog to put a dandelion in prev's hair

[cafandnaps]

Poll for my lovely followers:

Would you be interested if I started posting graphic/NSFW text posts or are you here more for the funny hahas?

Gettin Graphic with the Hag Knight?

Yes I love smut

I’m neutral! You do you, Princess

No, I’m here for the funnies

Other (feel free to respond or tag)

Voting ended onJul 4

[cafandnaps]

I hate posing for portraits they always make me do lame shit like sit with a “demure” smile and pet a Pomeranian. And I ALWAYS have to wear the big fancy dresses. The wizard literally loaned me a hat and robe and there’s a perfectly good abandoned tower in the forest and you’re telling me you want to paint my portrait in the drawing room? Where there aren’t even creeping vines or lurking ghouls! Where’s the *pizazz*