Quite literally and consciously slowly ruining my whole life (tw)
Letting my teeth rot because nothing in my existence is worth taking care of.
Picking at acne or wounds, secretly hoping it will scar because I don't care how I look anymore.
Developing bad coping mechanisms because they're simpler than dealing with shit.
Wasting time on social media instead of working on my personal projects because I just feel burnt out 25/7.
Procrastinating coursework so I have a few more days of doing absolutely nothing.
Spending weeks doing absolutely nothing but dissolving away in a brain-meltingly boring routine.
Not putting a single effort on my major, knowing full well I'm going to fail this way and that I'm wasting my parents money for nothing, but not doing anything about it
Keeping those few friends at a safe distance because a) don't want them to sink with me and b) what can they do? Already used to being let down and betrayed, I'm prepared for the next time it happens.
Needing to constantly have a "crush" on someone (despite being demiromantic) to keep my head busy from overthinking things I shouldn't, but also to give me a sense of belonging, of being "normal".
Oversharing on the internet and making myself sound like the victim for attention and validation, but once I get it I'm like, ew don't talk to me, no I don't want help.
Going through headaches and cramps without medicine because it's nice to feel something that isn't numbness.
Already knowing that the fun I'm having is going to bite me in the behind very soon, and that the laughter will turn to crying eventually.
Promising myself that I'll change, that I'll be better, that I'll get to everything that I need to do and be happy, but never actually doing it.
