Callsign Boots (evai)

they/he ▪︎ non-binary ▪︎ lvl 32 ▪︎ pansexual ▪︎ chaotic neutral / chaotic evil ▪︎ multifandom ▪︎ masktok ▪︎ AuDHD ▪︎ tumblr raised fandom slut

[shanesbian]

in s2 im hoping to see ilya driving really fast in his faggiest sports car

[weewoo911]

Loads of Hollanov fics have them getting walked in on while making out etc which is great

But I’d love a fic where one or both of Shane’s parents drop by the cottage for phone charger/laundry pod reasons and find Shane snuggled on the couch fast asleep on Ilya’s chest and that’s how they find out

They’re dressed in soft casual clothes, sleeping like the dead and wrapped around each other like vines and Ilya’s hand is in Shane’s hair and Shane looks so so comfortable and relaxed

Meanwhile his parents are staring slack-jawed at the sight of their son using his archenemy the Russian Rage Machine as a teddybear/pillow

[ilyannarozanova]

I think the idea of a role reversal comes up sometime in their first year of being in an actual relationship when they're talking about past experiences and Ilya mentions Svetlana pegging him and Shane is like 🧍she what. And Ilya is like haha wow so you've topped with your girl best friend and I've bottomed with my girl best friend. That's crazy. And then their jealousy detonates with the force of a bomb and they have to fuck about it immediately.

[shanehollandered]

ok walk with me: hollanov university au wherein shane is full on no homo-ing his way through life. so far, it's only ever been about fantasies and looking at other men, he's not even kissed a guy, he's only thinking about it but thinking about it means nothing, no homo. he has a girlfriend (could be rose, though for this im picturing his book canon hs gf). the sex is. he's not crazy about it, she isn't crazy about it but it's fine, it works.

until one day his gf sits him down and is like, shane, babe, i know you're trying but you're not really good at this, and i’ve heard a few other girls talk and this rozanov guy apparently is, like, making them see through time and space, and shane. shane. i want to see through time and space, too.

and shane is of course mortified and is like, you wanna fuck rozanov??? which he kinda gets but also rude. he thought he was doing okay!! he makes sure to get her off!! isn't that what sex is about? but anyway, his gf is like, no, silly, i want him to teach you.

shane blue screens for a whole minute while she keeps talking about how rozanov can show him and teach him and she’ll be there, so it’ll be learning by doing which shane is best at, he’s a practical guy. and shane is. he’s. interested. because he wants to get better at sex, at pleasuring his gf, okay, that's what he's supposed to do, that's what straight guys do, it's what fucking rozanov does. shane definitely doesn't think about his infuriating smirk ad what way shane wants to kiss it off his face. and besides, it's not gay because his gf would be there, he's not doing anything with rozanov, so really, no homo.

which is how he ends up in his bedroom with his gf and rozanov, who, for whatever reason, agreed to do this. he's smirking at shane in that way of his that raises shane's hackles in a warm, shivery way. and rozanov seems entirely at ease as he tells shane to walk him through what he usually does and shane starts explaining (while his gf, standing behind him, undresses) and ilya snorts a little and just says, no, hollander, show me.

his gf climbs on the bed and she pulls shane in for a kiss, says, show him, and shane can barely keep up. it's awkward, even more so than usual, because he can't focus on what he needs to do to get her off, too aware of rozanov sitting on his bed, watching silently, and shane can't even see him out of the corner of his eye but despite the awkwardness does something to him, makes him feel all flushed and hot and dizzy, but it's just the embarrassment, right?

it takes him forever to get her off and finally, ilya looks at him with an indiscernible expression and then with pity at his gf, says, i see the problem, and shane’s immediately defensive, muttering you're the problem under his breath, and gives them fucking homework to write down what they want to work on, what they do, how they do it (and he's looking at shane the whole time) and shane is quietly seething because what a fucking dick.

anyway, it turns into regular sessions and at first, rozanov is hands off, guiding shane with just his voice and shane tells himself he gets hard because he's turned on by his gf. and then, ilya’s hand is on him, moving him just so, and shane almost comes. it escalates and escalates and escalates, and all the while, shane tells himself that it doesn't mean anything, it's not gay, his gf is there, he's fucking her, and rozanov touching him, holding him, its not gay.

all the while it's a physical threesome and an emotional twosome, and shane wants more and more and more, wants his gf not to be there, and it's not gay, right, because he's doing it for her and rozanov is showing him, making him feel things he's not felt before, this is how sex is supposed to feel like, and shane can use it to pass this feeling on, because now he knows.

except of course it doesn't feel like that at all with his gf. and meanwhile rozanov is out there fucking other people and shane is not jealous, he isn't. and rozanov isn't gay either, so. it's fine. it's fine it's fine it's fine.

[ivealwayssaidthis]

this pic is going platinum as a reaction image on My Blog

[fuckrozanov]

i’ll never get over shane finally being brave enough to try dick for the first time and then thinking he was about to get left with nothing but blue balls an identity crisis and 12 tabs of “muscular russian top” open on pornhub

[teathattast]

[teathattast]

Gonna grab some pain givers from the harmacy

[justiceforplutoo]

as much as i think the trope of "ilya says something raunchy and shane is so scandalized" is really funny, #myshane has genuinely no reaction. he's been with ilya for over ten years. absolutely nothing that man could say could faze him.

shane's on a red carpet for some event or whatever and ilya whispers something in his ear and walks away. unbeknownst to either of them, the microphone catches just the faintest whisper of "—uffed to the headboard—" (or something else of equally freaked up nature) and shane, completely poker faced, just turns back to the slack-jawed interviewer with his usual media trained answer to whatever question he'd just been asked.

the clip goes viral immediately.

[ilyasmole]

happy wet shane wednesday 💦🍆

so shane can come untouched, right? at this point it's almost a novelty the way ilya can get him to do it, and it's so easy to get him there too especially with penetration. shane has prostate orgasms all the fucking time it's literally one of his fav ways to come and one of ilya's fav ways to get him there. but the thing about these orgasms is usually ilya is on top and only looking at shane's face, or behind and only looking at shane's hole. he rarely ever actually gets to see shane's cock when he comes like this, and he realizes how fucked up it is that despite making shane come like this so often, he's never fully been able to appreciate the spectacle of it yk?

so i think ilya proposes fucking in front his bedroom mirror so he can get a good look, because he wants to see. and even though shane feels a little self conscious abt it (i'm imagining this during their situationship era) it's also ridiculously hot to him so of course he says yes. so that's how they find themselves standing in front of ilya's full length bedroom mirror, skin to skin, ilya pressed firmly against shane's back with his cock buried deep inside of him. and shane's head is lolling back against ilya's shoulder, knees bending slightly to give him a better angle (and also bc he can barely stand up when ilya's fucking him like this). ilya's pace is slow, deep, precise. he pulls out slow and fucks back in slow, adonis belt slapping firmly against shane's ass every few seconds and making his cheeks jiggle like he's in a porno. but ilya can barely even pay any attention to that because he's too distracted by what's staring back at him in the mirror.

shane's cock, standing at full attention and bobbing with every thrust, drooling beautiful syrupy precum profusely from the tip onto the floor. it's unfuckingreal to ilya, he can't stop fucking staring at it. he knows shane gets wet but this is ridiculous. is it like this every time? does he leak this much whenever they fuck? has ilya just never noticed before? it's like a fucking faucet the way it just steadily drips down onto the hardwood. and ilya feels fucking insane. he keeps fucking shane slow like that, eyes hooded and fixated on that fat and leaky cock, and shane's making little noises that go right to his own cock which is still hitting shane's prostate with every slow thrust. shane's hand comes up behind him to cradle the back of ilya's head, fingers digging into his curls, his scalp, and ilya knows he's close, can see it plain as day in his blissed out expression.

ilya's own fingers dig into the soft flesh of shane's waist and he tugs him impossibly closer, murmurs, "are you gonna come for me, hollander?" all low and sensual, and shane can barely speak, can only give a desperate nod as his eyes squeeze shut and his cock bobs in the mirror. "yeah? you gonna show me how you come from just this?" and he punctuates the words with the slow pounding of his hips, burying his nose in the side of shane's face and keeping his eyes fixated on where shane continues to leak. it only takes a couple more hard thrusts and then shane is keening with a rough and guttural edge to his voice, and at this exact moment ilya stills inside of him, stops moving, just grips shane's hips tight and remains seated fully inside of him while he watches shane's cock work its magic.

and oh, what a fucking sight. completely untouched, shane's cock stutters and bobs of its own accord, and then he's erupting in steady bursts, whimpers and moans flying past his lips as his balls tighten and twitch. and ilya can barely fucking believe his eyes, flummoxed that shane's cock has just been doing this all the time they've been hooking up and he's been missing it. he's truly never seen anything like it, the way it moves like it's its own entity, the way it pulses and throbs under the low light, the way it spits cum in long, thick strings, the way it makes shane all pink and warm in the face. and when the cum finally tapers off and switches to a slow and leaky dribble, any restraint ilya had been holding onto goes out the window. a practically inhuman sound falls from his mouth and his jaw drops, chin resting on shane's shoulder as he feels himself be pushed off the edge.

he manages to get out a slurred "i'm coming" but he sounds drunk, and he feels drunk too. shane's eyes open and they both make eye contact in the mirror as ilya empties himself, vein in his forehead throbbing, eyes rolling a little bit. shane's grip in his hair tightens, an encouraging gesture, and ilya moans again when he sees shane's spent cock, going soft now, twitch a little bit in the mirror, one last small dribble of cum oozing from the tip.

safe to say, it's not the last time they try that.

[oatmealdiva]

troy, homophobically, after watching a joint interview of shane and ilya: they’re probably fucking

troy, homosexually, after ilya comes out to him: they’re probably fucking

[mashruuums]

I love this trend and couldn't resist doing it with hollanov 😔

[mashruuums]

I love this trend and couldn't resist doing it with hollanov 😔

[sluttywilliams]

do you guys think shane and ilya kinda really miss slamming each other against the boards once they play on the same team so then they sometimes feel the almost desperate need to slam each other against every single flat surface they can find when they fuck to make up for it

[peachyjude]

shane would be such an overprotective person about the people he loves, but especially about ilya, especially when they’re married. like they’re at a bar or something and shane overhears a guy next to them say something about derogatory about ilya under his breath and shane immediately turns around and goes. i’m sorry. what’d you say? no, go ahead, say it again. what’d you say about my husband? speak up, i’ll wait. he stands up and towers over the guy and the guy’s all sheepish like okay wait he’s going to actually rock my shit and ilya is like genuinely holding shane by the scruff of his neck going if we get banned from this bar i swear to god shane it’s fine we’re good please don’t but shane is already taking off his wedding ring

[castielchitaqua]

actually. shane is always a couple steps closer to arson than most people realize

[lavenderprose]

I need you guys to walk with me and understand that Ilya and Shane's first fuck as a married couple takes place on the edge of Ilya's bed ("Our bed, Hollander, our marital bed--" "Jesus fucking Christ Ilya--") while Usher Yeah! plays at bone-melting volume from the backyard and guys from three different hockey teams yell the lyrics even louder. Shane realizes that Ilya is inadvertently thrusting to the beat and for one very brilliant second it is the hottest thing ever. The mood is genuinely almost ruined when the song switches to Sweet Caroline. Harris should never be allowed to DJ again.

"SWEET CAROLINE. BUM BUM BUM." - Eleven highly inebriated hockey players and David Hollander, who's having great memories of his own wedding where they played the same song.

"Good times never seemed so good..." - Ilya Rozanov, whisper-singing to himself and completely unaware of it as he rails his husband into next Tuesday.

"Why is this hot. Oh my god why is this hot." - Shane Hollander, who at the age of thirty is still discovering things about himself.

[my-2nd-account]

I'm all for Ilya picking up Shane in a sexual scenario. H o w e v e r, I do believe Shane is the one picking Ilya up in any other context. Ilya fell asleep while they were watching tv? Shane is carrying him to bed. Ilya refusing to go somewhere and stomping his foot and being stubborn? Shane throws him over his shoulder and carries him kicking and screaming. Ilya hurt his ankle while they were playing football at the cottage? Shane is carrying him inside and coddling his ass (he's fine but he's acting like he just got shot).

Which is why myshane is the one carrying myilyushka into the house after their wedding with the Pike kids.