the gay cousin @cantmovesleepeat - Tumblr Blog

one of my small joys working in customer service is reading out someone’s joke spam email in a very loud and professional voice over the phone. “i’m going to send you an email, it looks like the address we have on file is HOT PANTS DADDY SIXTY NINE at yahoo.com. is that correct?”

and always get a “sigh…yeah.”

interestingmistakes

Reblogging this manually. Op doesn't want credit for fear of being terminated.

star-mom-selkie

happy pride month

probuccalfat

these women did wonders for the “i’m single and i like it that way” community… i’m having a sexy ass life!

unfuckablebogtroll

happyk44

[Text ID: 1. Patricia Clarkson on Why She Didn't Marry or Have Kids: 'I've had a Sexy-Ass Life.'

"My mother said, 'Patty, I just don't want you to wake up at 50 and be unhappy,'" the actor said on 'Table for Two'. "I woke up at 50 in stilettos and a thong."

2. Linda Evangelista Doesn't Date Anymore: "I Don't Want to Hear Somebody Breathing"

3. Whoopi Goldberg On Marriage: 'I Don't Want Somebody In My House'

4. Charlize Theron Doesn't Think She 'Can Ever Live With Somebody Again'-- and Jokes Future Partner Will Have To 'Buy the House Down the Street' /end ID]

maskdoll

fuck i’m trying to catch all these flies but they think my vinegar is stupid. i have honey also but that’s for me i can’t give them any of that

estrogenesis-eeveeangelion

management trying to hire and retain employees

pussyluvr2000

Every job application in 2026 is like can you please tell us a bedtime story

lakevida

complimented a womans clear raincoat this morning and she said Well i feel like a sandwich

iheartcilia

I would have said clit if I was her

lakevida

you keep your clitoris in a plastic bag?

fidelcostco

the human brain is so cool, if you're tired and stressed enough, your brain will go, "don't worry, I got you" and shadows will start moving

fidelcostco

and what's the genital situation on the shadows

fidelcostco

oh this is my post

sailermoon

this is how new yorkers @ mamdani

sailermoon

roswellsoup

bonus/proof:

we tipped her well dw. best waitress ever 🍒

parakavka

Today a very friendly Golden Retriever came up to me and I said "hey buddy :D" and the owner asked "do you know each other?" like his dog had a social life he didn't know about

newlyy

Not that I think all marriages are doomed but when deciding who to marry you should ask yourself “is this someone I’d want to divorce?” As in, is this someone I believe would be mature and fair, even when they’re upset and don’t particularly like me at the moment. Is this someone I could continue to trust while going through an adversarial process? And if the answer is no, don’t marry them.

qqchurch

datadegroove-deactivated2026042

what's boobies. heheh i'm a visual learner by the way *someone shows me their boobs* jesus christ what the fuck is that

battletoads

official-boob-posts

official boob post

clementine-kesh

so embarrassing when you finally get around to watching or reading some landmark piece of media well known for having a massive slash fandom and finding yourself completely drawn in by the homoeroticism as well like oh my god has anyone else heard of these kirk and spock guys? sam and frodo? sherlock and watson? anyone else seeing this?