"baby gorl im LITCHERALLY killing myself"

[medievalthymes]

bro your whimsy. you forgot your fucking whimsy. your solemn and somber attitude is scaring the hoes

[seathiing]

One of my co-workers has a standing desk that he uses sitting down. It looks like this

[fefairys]

[lgb-without-t-deactivated202509]

[fullmetalfisting]

Me: *looking at a porcelain hand in the home decor aisle of a store* if I lost my hands in some kind of tragic accident, I’d decorate my entire home with hand-shaped things. Then I’d invite guests over for like, dinner parties and such and sit there expectantly just basking in their discomfort.

My boyfriend: Do you hear what you say when you talk? Do you know what you just said to me?

[innerchildabortionclinic]

penis dashboard kind of night

[amazoogle]

[flowerbleedme]

[papayajuan2019]

what the fuck is a salesforce. we're briefly alive for a few violent decades

[boasamishipper]

actually the reveal that there was no timeskip at all is hysterical. milchick really spent that whole weekend going all over town firing people, hiring people, putting together insane fruit baskets, and serving cunt in his motorcycle helmet. then at the orders of the board he had to very quickly fire the people he hired, rehire the people he fired, commission an oil painting for the severed floor lobby, redecorate the break room, and put together an award-winning claymation corporate apology video designed to showcase the new innie perks and reforms that don't exist as well as that one time helena eagan's innie sucked face with the innie whose outie his ex-boss is obsessed with. where is HIS waffle party

[slunch]

[girlnephew]

[oldbutchdanielmolloy]

he’s literally dylan’s favorite perk 🙂

[infectiouspiss]

boyfriend asked what i was doing, told him i was editing a picture, boyfriend asked "is it something like house stretched out with the words 'menstrual blood' on it or some shit?", boyfriend was wrong, boyfriend was also onto something this goes hard

[resurrectedteleport]

losing my shit over this

[theanythingmachine]

my first favorite hobby is yapping. second is being extremely quiet and not talking ever at all ever.

[squarizona]

mh computer tryin to say chimichangas I give uP

[thegaymertrainer]

Um

[seabassapologist]

No hope for any of you, none at all

Also yeah smash

[mouchefska]