i think i was born to be a tour guide for a whale watching program for the explicit reason that i dont particularly give a shit about whales that much. like theyre neat and beautiful and great creatures but most of the time when you go whale watching youre never watching a whale. this is where i come in to infodump at you about various seagulls, petrels, perhaps even an albatross, or point out the various jellyfish floating just beneath the surface and pontificate about the wondrous nature of the life cycle of a cnidarian. i think every whale watching tour would be incredibly successful if they had someone on the crew who went to smoke a cigarette when a whale showed up and then when they werent showing up appeared to gush at you about pelagic loons.
Ok, I now need to go whale watching with you.
take my hand and i shall show you a world of beauty to be found in the most insignificant looking grey birds you could possibly imagine
behold! a pirate. these dumb bastards will steal fish out of a seagull's idiot mouth because why bother catching your own fish when there's a perfectly good idiot who's slower and less aerially graceful than you
