On the topic of Shane being sensory seeking instead of sensory avoidant, I do think that Shane sometimes get the impulse to hit his head or hands against something. He has worked very hard to keep that under control (can't risk head or hand injuries in his line of work.) But sometimes he just wants that percussive feeling when he feels like there is too much energy trapped under his skin.
He is also aware that he is a large man, a hockey player, and any type of violent-looking motion is going to be judged and he'll be called short-tempered or violent.
The violence of hockey helps. Sometimes, he likes getting slammed against the boards or pinned there while fighting for the puck. But that doesn't help him off ice. He has a punching bag, but its not the same. Wrestling with Ilya or Ilya laying on top of him also helps, but it's not perfect.
A couple years into their marriage, he tells this to Ilya. He works hard on sharing these things, that he'd usually worried about being judged for, to his husband. Ilya's already so vulnerable with him that he tries to return the favor as well as he can.
A week after he tells this to Ilya, he walks into their home gym to find Ilya attaching velcro strips to the walls in the corner Shane usually does yoga in, where there is no weights, equipment, or mirrors . There's a stack of huge gymnastic mats next to him, velcro on their edges. There are also boxing gloves on top of the stack.
"If anyone sees," Ilya says without turning around. "They will think this is for boxing. I recently took this up, you see."
Shane swallowed. "What is it actually for?"
Ilya grabbed a large mat, taller than him even, and pressed it against the wall, pulling to test that it's firmly stuck on there.
Ilya then takes a couple steps back and throws himself into the wall.
Shane takes a startled step back. "What are you doing?"
"Didn't hurt at all," Ilya grinned, now sitting on one of the mats on the floor. He bonked the back of his head back against the mat. "Completely safe."
Shane cheeks flushed. "I don't need this."
"Okay," Ilya bonked his head harder. "Its for me, then. Maybe I let you use it sometimes."
"Ilya...," Shane walked over and climbed in Ilya's lap, face in the crook of his neck.
"Shane," Ilya said back, wrapping his hands around him. "You know there is nothing you could do that I would think is weird?"
"Well," Ilya hummed. "I have had my tongue in your asshole, so this is-"
"Shuddup!" Shane slaps him on the shoulder.
The set up goes unused until a couple weeks later, when Shane is feeling like there are ants under his skin. He tells Ilya he's going to work out in the gym, but based on the blush on his cheeks, Ilya understands what he's saying. Ilya tells him he'll go for a run, recognizing Shane wants privacy to test this out.
When he gets back, all he asks Shane is, "anything hurt?"
"No," Shane smiles at him, feeling settled in his body. "Nothing at all."
areudirty
origamiaround
amandla
