Bitch ✨

Hey I’m Alex. Probably a bunch of bees disguised as a person. Non-binary ace walking disaster.

[apollos-boyfriend]

having such an obvious favorite character trope is life ruining bro

[apollos-boyfriend]

i can’t say shit about liking a character that acts slightly in a very specific way without being hit with a tidal wave of “of course you would” to live is to suffer

[wyrmicelli]

me tongue-deep in a sandalwood candle: 🤤

the tjmaxx employee loading a fourth tranquilizer dart into their blowgun: i need backup

[snowown]

[bingusmyboy]

“Maybe i was better off dead”

[supermodelcats]

[muddlemore]

[weaver-z]

If you ever, and I mean EVER think that you fucked something up royally, remember that the organizers of the 1904 Olympic marathon:

- Had zero stations for water on the 26 mile (42 km) course

- Accidentally gave North American competitor Tom Hicks a cocktail made of egg whites, brandy, and actual fucking rat poison

- Had a guy come into the race late wearing a beret and cutoff slacks, sneak into an apple orchard during the race because no food had been given to him for 40 hours, eat rotten apples, projectile vomit onto the track, fall asleep for hours, and finish in fourth place OVERALL because most of the other runners collapsed of exhaustion or injuries

- Conducted the race on a dusty road, which caused so much dust to be kicked into the air that an American runner somehow inhaled enough to tear his STOMACH LINING open

- Accidentally released feral dogs onto the track

- Fucked the other competitors up SO BADLY that Tom Hicks—the guy who ate RAT POISON and was HALLUCINATING the entire run—came in first place

[postmarxed]

[o0kawaii0o]

Hero of Time

[tsalala]

A mountain lion cub feasting on a mountain goat carcass. Photographed by Stay Wild Media.

[ziawouldntwannabeya]

[silvaerial]

Patron Saints of One-Way Trips

[walmartnoodle]

Wdym you hate Stratt? Without her you don’t get a story

[jiiin22]

the bravest human

[catchymemes]

[jomjjeoro]

hey guys. this is my invention. check it out

[bastionkeeper]

listen no matter how depressed I am whenever this post shows up on my dash I fucking lose it I just laugh so hard, it’s such a good post. The way it’s presented? Soap on a sink nozzle, okay clearly this is some sort of handwashing appliance. Then there’s just water going everywhere no further explanation it’s so good I’m so happy

[hotvampireadjacent]

https://twitter.com/birdtickler/status/1552657242909904897?s=21&t=q4JEDIALmV-cAjcoEOypdw

[littlemisspipebomb]

ok so I looked it up, and it turns out they made a track out of PVC pipes, down a hill. The owner didn't realise PVC expanded in the heat, so on a turn the track just fell apart and the dude inside went over a fucking free way and into a swamp.

[aspiringwarriorlibrarian]

The funniest part is that the inspector was watching the whole time, and once the ball stopped he left without saying anything. Park management just shut it down then and there.

[baronfulmen]

"The ball cleared a small hill, briefly going airborne, then zipped right across Route 94, the two-lane road splitting the park. Cars honked and slammed on their brakes. If there had been opposing traffic, Frank would have become part of a real-life game of Pong, volleying from one bumper to another.

Still in pursuit, we followed the ball toward a small lake in Motor World that had been earmarked for a fleet of tiny bumper boats for children. The area wasn’t open yet, but the empty boats were being tested and floated on the surface. The ball soared over the grass and smashed into several of them, scattering the others with rippling waves from the impact, which launched some of the boats several feet in the air.

Charlie and Ken waded into the water looking for the hatch. After some difficulty, they got it open. Charlie pulled Frank out by grabbing him under his armpits like a baby. Frank crawled up the bank, coughing and sputtering. He splayed across the grass as we all stared at the ball, which bobbed in the water like it was attached to a fishing lure.

We did not ask for the inspector’s report, nor did we ever hear of one being filed. Ken Bailey returned to Canada. The snow-makers cleared away the PVC. Told to dispose of the Bailey Ball, they rolled it into the woods, where it remained for many years."

I don't know that this beats the teeth story, but it's pretty great.

[bish0ps]

[crying-over-really-dumb-things]

A second Dollar General has hit the server

[crying-over-really-dumb-things]

[crying-over-really-dumb-things]

Further update: Greg is trapping goblins in the Dollar General

[papayafromtv]

during an argument with Ra's about whether or not the Al Ghul family could even be considered legal royalty, Jason convinces him to spend a ridiculous amount of time and resources declaring Nanda Parbat and by consequence the League of Assassins to be a part of their own independent nation/country, of which the Al Ghuls are the royal family. an unintended consequence of this is that they are then somehow invited to participate in the Olympic games, whereupon Jason thinks it would be funny to compete in the precision shooting division. it becomes rapidly less funny when he runs into Dick Grayson in the Olympic Village, because Dick lost a bet and had to compete in America's gymnastics division for that year.

a leaked series of press shots shows a photo of the two recreating the spiderman pointing meme in the middle of the street and then a photo of Jason booking it while Dick gives chase, and the footage of Jason winning the gold will forever be immortalised in Gotham meme culture simply because Dick is seen in the background of the entire livestream, standing in the front of the viewing area with his arms crossed and fucking glaring into the side of Jason's skull without blinking or looking away for a second.

Ra's has to give a statement about how he agreed to house Bruce Wayne's second ward as part of a witness protection program, and when he comes back from the press conference he solemnly declares to Jason that 'being royalty wasn't fucking worth it.'

[littleguysdaily]

[valtsv]

sick of hearing about "healing crystals" that "cleanse your mind and body of negative energy" i want to know which rocks can hurt you and fuck up your vibe so bad

[valtsv]

everyone suggesting uranium isn't wrong but anyone who said "literally any rock if you're willing to resort to violence" are the only people who can get on my level. you're hired.

[milfbaitt]

caincore

[valtsv]

okay which fandom that sprung up out of nowhere overnight like mushrooms after rain is this a reference to i can't keep up anymore

[valtsv]

oh you meant like. that guy from the bible who invented murder. right.