May 19
thinking about 15 yo carlos getting a hopeless crush on 17 yo jannik and imagining how it felt from carlos' perspective is sooooo painful 😭. that age, where everything is so awkward and tender and confusing and innocent and overwhelmingly intense. jannik, so tall, red curls, freckles, beautiful face. carlos, two years younger, two years behind. his body still climbing out of boyhood, with all the insecurities trapped in that in-between stage. and they're opponents. and they're both boys. it's impossible, impossible in every way. a kind of unreachable he, dreamer to a fault, has never known before
