shitpost galore @chipotlechuu - Tumblr Blog

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1-jar-of-stars

On Friendship.

meanbuddhist

my body knows something that i don’t and i can’t get her to talk to me

vadergf

I feel like someone is standing next to me talking about how I'm dead

rudolphsboyfriend

The chemical they put on ants and all the other ants think they're dead that's what happened to tumblr except the chemical is unmarketability

bisexualalexmercer

tumblr may have censored porn but check this out

i hope Elon musk KILLS himself and DIES a thousand DEATHS. and i hope every other billionaire a very merry DIE DIE DEATH KILL MURDER DEATH KILL

the-trash-eating-llama

tarantula-hawk-wasp

Shout out to the phrase “I’m going to become the joker” for capturing a very specific and real emotion

leviathan-supersystem

I get how the whole “listening to music as a dick-measuring contest for who can listen to the most obscure band” thing can get grating sometimes but I don’t think people realize just how vital that phenomenon is for new up and coming bands to get a foot in the door. it’s understandable to be annoyed by hipsterism but unless you want all music to be industry plants and former child stars you’re just going to have to accept it as part of the social ecosystem.

leviathan-supersystem

most of your friends probably won’t go around hyping up your amateurish self-released bandcamp project, but you know who will? the most insufferable hipster jackass you’ll ever meet.

leviathan-supersystem

[your best friend playing your music in front of someone else]: yeah haha this is my friend’s band… i know it’s kinda weird and rough around the edges but i’m kinda into it… if you’re not tho i’ll turn it off.

[pretentious music guy you’ve never met before playing your music in front of someone else]: yeah so i found this on bandcamp and it completely blew me away, no one is making music like this today, it’s so raw and experimental and interesting, i can’t believe they only have 3 listeners on spotify, they’re brilliant, frankly if you don’t like this music you should kill yourself,

gaia-is-here-now

collection of my favorite i am your beast tooltips

and then of course.

sadclowncentral

my family is fucking addicted to macgyvering and it's becoming a problem. every time something in this house breaks, instead of doing the sensible thing of replacing it or calling someone qualified to fix it, we all group around the offending object with a manic look in our eyes and everyone gets a try at fixing it while being cheered on or ridiculed by the rest.

it's a beautiful bonding activity, but the "creative" fixes have turned our house into a quasihaunted escape room like contraption where everything works, but only in the wonkiest of ways. you need a huge block of iron to turn on the stove. the oven only works if a specific clock is plugged in. the bread machine has a huge wood block just stapled to it that has become foundational to its function. sometimes when you use the toaster the doorbell rings. and that's just the kitchen.

it's all fun and games until you have guests over and you have to lay out the rules of the house like it's a fucking board game. welcome to the beautiful guest room. don't pull out the couch yourself you need a screwdriver for that, and that metal rod makes the lamp work so don't move it. it also made me a terrifying roommate in college, because it makes me think i can fix anything with enough hubris and a drill. you want to call the landlord about a leaky faucet? as if. one time my dad made me install a new power socket because we ran our of extension cords

sadclowncentral

to the people saying this isn't safe in the tags: my dad has a engineering degree and my brother is a mechanic this is like. state sanctioned macgyvering. safe sane and consensual macgyvering. our house will not burn down. in fact, i think it has made us all better in approaching problems from all angles when they arise, which has served me well in life, especially in high stress situations.

does our hot water switch off every thirty seconds making showers an exiting exercise in counting and resilience? yes. but one time the door of the train toilet broke, trapping me inside, and i went "well i can either succumb to the panic of claustrophobia or do this family-style" and then spent twenty minutes breaking down the lock with my shoelace and the belt i was wearing. so i'll take the cold water any day

myothertardisisonthemun

Never have I wanted to see inside a stranger's home more

derinthescarletpescatarian

OP lives in a point-and-click adventure game

cinnabaexoxo

If anyone is wondering where we are on a scale of 1 to fucked, Weird Al Yankovic just did a full cover of Rage Against the Machine - Killing In the Name

In this man's 46 year long career, through everything, he has NEVER spoken about politics. He has NEVER spoken harshly to anyone. He has NEVER performed songs with heavy swearing or forceful lyrics. This man guest starred on My Little Pony as "Cheese Sandwich," the only other party pony as fun as Pinkie Pie!

When THIS man stops laughing, we are in trouble.

aleprouswitch

Seeing Weird Al screaming "FUCK YOU I WON'T DO WHAT YOU TELL ME" with his whole chest, zero comedy, really is like seeing the nicest person you know finally snap because everything around him is so fucked up and horrible. I've always respected Weird Al as an artist and as a person, and this has only upped my respect for him.

mombinaryjew

^This exactly!^

nwmo

NEW FISH JUST DROPPED

cannibalcaprine-deactivated2024

I KNOW that playing God is morally wrong, but holy HELL, it looks fun.

ninjakittenarmy

Why is it playing God? We aren’t violating any natural laws. God set the parameters of the universe to allow these things. There’s nothing wrong with it, there’s no hubris in learning more about how to manipulate the universe around us.

cannibalcaprine-deactivated2024

We made a whole-ass fish.

ospreyonthemoon

The reason this was accidental BTW is because they used paddlefish eggs as a negative control group for a breeding experiment on sturgeons because the scientists, quite naturally, assumed that they were SO unrelated it would be genetically impossible for them to mate. Like. I cannot stress enough to you how these creatures last related ancestors were

140 MILLION YEARS BACK.

If you don't know how far that is, that's basically the start of the cretaceous. Let me simplify that for you even further. Chimpanzees and humans seperated, what, 5 or 6 million years ago?

This is basically like if humans could hybridise with THESE THINGS.

This is the sort of thing that should be impossible. They used those eggs to be ABSOLUTELY 100% SURE NOTHING WOULD HAPPEN.

And then THEY GOT FISH OUT OF IT.

Like. You can quite clearly understand why they didn't think anything would happen. WE ARE MORE RELATED TO BLUE WHALES THAN THESE THINGS.

THE AMERICAN PADDLEFISH AND THE STURGEON ARE SO COMPLETELY UNRELATED THAT THIS IS NOT PLAYING GOD. IF ANYTHING THIS IS AN ACT OF GOD.

THE SCIENTISTS HAD NO BLAME IN THIS BECAUSE NOTHING LIKE THIS HAD EVER HAPPENED BEFORE

It sort of goes against the rules of genetics a bit.

ospreyonthemoon

Oh i forgot to add

THESE THINGS, FOR HYBRIDS, HAD A REALLY HIGH SURVIVAL RATING. LIKE 70% OF THEM SURVIVED.

To put that into perspective, getting a blue whale and a squirrel and trying to hybridise them is more sensible, and that wouldn't produce anything but getting you banned from science. Most animals that aren't plants can barely hybridise two degrees away from each other.

BUT THESE TWO ENTIRELY UNRELATED FISH create PERFECTLY HEALTHY HYBRIDS.

the scientists literally had to do the tests AGAIN just to be like "okay this is real right. This is actually like, not a fluke, this works right" and it worked again. They just Can!

jackofacetrades

So for those who don't know what the original fishes look like, this is an American Paddlefish:

And this is a Russian Sturgeon:

So honestly, saying the hybrid is "weird looking" is a bit fort de café when you see its parents. I think the sturddlefish looks cute.

marlinspirkhall

"these creatures last related ancestors were 140 million years back"

(glances at fish)

Yeah that's exactly what I thought you'd look like, you Mesozoic fuck

thriceandonce

#Holding a red squirrel in my left hand and a blue whale in my right desperately hoping to make a purple squale (via @dykepuffs)

somethingunlikeanythingelse

sturddlefish

keepinventory

sees art with thick smooth line art: ah yes i want my art to look like that

sees art with sketchy thin line art: ah yes i want my art to look like that

sees lineless art: ah yes i want my art to

keepinventory

…… this isn’t my post. i didnt makethis post. why does it say i made this post

faunlord

not to be boring and solve the fun mystery but it says that bc it’s a “chat” post, not a text post. which used to not include the OP’s username, so tumblr assigned you op I Guess (source: i made this post in 2014)

keepinventory

thank you for giving me custody of this post 🙏 i just picked it up from elementary school and tomorrow it has soccer practice

dragon-in-a-fez

this website will never go offline because it doesn’t use any of the technology that makes the rest of the internet functional

lovely-v

jrr tolkien does not get enough credit for his funny bitch move of inventing the word ‘gentlehobbit’

lovely-v

you said it not me

your-local-fluie

[ID: a comment by penny-anna that reads “distant precursor to anypony. /End ID.]

ewaneneollav

the child was discovered incredibly emaciated & only knew the words “bluetooth speaker”

sludgebitch

im the complex video game nerd and my feelings towards this video game are rather nuanced

sludgebitch

since you people are intent on riffing on my shit badly

he's gonna take you back to the past, to analyse, compare and contrast

lakemojave

"Please don't hit on anyone when we go out later you keep swearing chivalric oaths of fealty"

Me after one beer talking to a woman two inches taller than me: I could be yuor sword

spaghettioverdose-deactivated20

@draconincascension

raccoonmilf

Kind of fucked thinking about the fact that there is one single American legally authorized to research the critically endangered pygmy raccoon in Mexico and it is, in fact, the same person who did Dashcon.