just another oxy-Moron

24 ~ mostly She/They Finally past figuring out if my head is empty or full.

[sailatina3]

If someone pretended to be plural and got a kick out of being someone else i cant help but think maybe theres a reason they like presenting as someone else

[alteredpanel]

[demilypyro]

not a different person, exactly. the same person, slightly to the left. like timelines converging. "i would never say that." but I did. i remember saying it. and yet I never would. too cheerful, too calm, too cynical, all at once. three voices, disagreeing on what is proper behaviour.

[clearlyconfusedjumboshrimp]

Not exactly a mental health post like this blog typically has, but I’m sad right now. :(

I’ve been hurt so much, and there are people I care for and feel cared for by, but I really just want someone to hold me tonight.

I want someone who will hold me and fuss over me and let me cry so, so much without getting worried or thinking less of me afterwards.

Sometimes I think maybe I’m a bit emotionally repressed for not being “weak” with the people in my life, but right now I really think I’m just hurting, and I’m looking and waiting for the right field to keel over in.

My holding back isn’t some sort of twisted thing I do that I need to “work on,” it’s me trying to make myself happy, out of love for myself. And yes a bit of fear and self-consciousness, too, but these things persist even when we see through them.

However it does feel like I need to just keep waiting, keep growing as a heart, keep growing my relationships until I am finally ready to ask someone to hold me again, and trust that they love me, and that they’ll stay with me until it passes, just so I might not hurt as much while it happens.

God, I need to know I am loved the way I love others. It’s hard for me to feel it, often, if people are not very verbally explicit about it. It doesn’t mean the love isn’t there, but it still hurts to not feel it when it feels as though one should.

[clearlyconfusedjumboshrimp]

You know, I keep remembering I’m a system these days. It’s been months that all that self-awareness pops up in the back of my mind, and trying not to think about it too hard, to ask big questions, or not telling anyone but my therapist about it, but it just explains so fucking much.

Had a really intense (mixed/negative) sexual experience recently and like. Oh. Of course. I may have fucked this person before but subbing is not just a different tone or whatever but a different person.

I can’t make decisions that involve her without considering her well-being and much reduced capacity. But how can I make my needs understood in a way that I don’t have to disclose everything? I don’t want to do that anymore, don’t want to take that risk.

How do I take care of us when we’ve slipped back into the system closet, completely ignoring I’d ever brought it up with anyone in my life? How can I hold onto its reality and consequences when everyone else lets me act like it never happened?

I don’t know how to take care of all of us right now; trying to fit in as a normal person has worked far better than anything else I’ve done before, especially since finishing grad school, but I feel I hit a wall when I want to just point at what’s happening under the surface.

[snakeautistic]

Do any other autistic people find that losing objects and being unable to find them is one of the most triggering things for them? Luckily I don’t lose things often, I usually have a pretty good idea of where everything is ‘supposed’ to be, but when I can’t find something- no matter how unimportant it is- i get really agitated and tear apart my house looking for it. I won’t stop looking until I find it, or until it really clearly seems like I won’t. I have memories of being like this as a kid as well, and it being a common cause of my meltdowns.

[beemovieerotica]

I feel like I would have been diagnosed with OCD a lot earlier if the vast majority of screening questions (for mental illnesses in general) weren't based on the person's perception of their own behavior, in isolation. and what i mean by that is asking someone with OCD "do you wash your hands excessively?" is not a good question.

a person with OCD believes they are washing their hands the correct number of times. it's not excessive. we believe we're exhibiting best practices and helping to keep everything clean.

better questions might be, "does it seem like you wash your hands a lot more than your friends or family?" "do you get dry patches or cuts on your hands from washing your hands?" "do you find it deeply distressing, more so than how you've seen other people react, when you get something on your hands that you can't clean off right away?"

being asked "are you overly preoccupied with bugs, symmetry, and contamination?" also got "no" responses from me years ago in my life. what they didn't ask for, and didn't know, was what *exactly* I was doing in my day to day life that genuinely ate up my time and mental space to a concerning degree, but I *didn't know* that other people don't do this.

"do you spend a lot of time cleaning?" -> no, it's not a lot. it's a good amount. why?

"do you become frustrated because it seems like no one else meets your organizational and cleanliness standards - do you often 'take over' for other people because they can't do it right - do new friends seem surprised by how strict you can be about your living space?" -> oh. yeah. yeah I get it now.

[dian-and-the-gods]

The Gods are nature

Jupiter is the rain that waters your plants and soothes you with its sound as you sleep. He's also the great storms and power that rain has and we must address through climate change care

Minerva is wisdom. You find her when learning something new about anything on the internet; when your elders teach you an old recipe or a way to do a craft; when you study for an exam and pass; She's also there when you struggle with your studies or can't wrap your head around a topic.

Mercury is there when you buy or sell something; when you find a new gig that allows you to get through the week; when you finally have enough for that thing you wanted. He's also there when you struggle with finances and when you help a friend in need.

Mercury is there when you study a new language; when you can't quite comprehend grammar classes; when you crack a joke; when you travel or go on a road trip, the whole road there is Mercury

The gods are always all around us, they are these things we interact with everyday

[shebloomedbutwontforgethepast]

And after a while you just stop. You stop watering your plants. You stop watching netflix. You stop reading. You stop replying to your friends as fast as you used to. You stop buying yourself nice things. You stop putting an effort into how you look. You stop taking care of yourself like you used to. You stop sleeping. You stop eating healthy foods. You stop petting your dog. You stop socializing.

You stop with everything. You find yourself sitting in your room for hours on end, without doing a single thing. Days feel like years. And you think you can’t do it for much longer.

[chocolate-lilies]

My therapist told me that you don’t only spiral down. You can spiral up again. So maybe one day

You water your plants for the first time in a while. Surprisingly they’re not dead yet. You remember a movie that you really enjoy and you find the energy to watch it. You feel better afterwards. Maybe you still can’t find the motivation to reply to your friends but you buy yourself a nice scented candle and read your book. You take a nice long shower and you feel refreshed, so you put on an outfit you find cool. Then after what seems like forever, you get a good night of sleep. You wake up with more energy than usual so you play with your dog. Then you cook that healthy meal you really enjoy. You reach out to a friend.

You start remembering what brought you joy. You start again with the little things. You look back on the days that have passed and feel relieved they’re over.

Remember, you don’t just spiral down. You spiral up as well, even if it takes more effort to get started.

[dreamilypurpleoutcast]

[krispypotato]

And you can use their reality to keep them calm if they are panicking! We had a husband who was always panicking trying to find his wife. Telling him she had passed away was not an option, but through the family we figured out their routine and could tell him not to worry, that she was at the salon or getting coffee with MaryAnne and would be home soon. It calmed him down, stopped him from trying to climb out of windows looking for her, and kept him in his own reality.

If you are working with dementia patients and they aren't your family, try to get small details from the family that can help!

[godesssiri]

We had an older gent who was always wanting to get in his car and drive off so we would tell him his car was in the workshop. Eventually someone came up with a car of a make and model he’d owned that was non-working so we parked it up in the garden and he used to get in and sit happily behind the wheel and go for ‘drives’ - he even used to give other residents lifts to wherever they thought they were going.

Trying to orient someone with dementia is cruel in the short term and ultimately pointless. You’ll only upset them by trying to tell them the truth and they’ll have forgotten in an hour and be asking after the same long dead people again. My mother has worked in dementia care for over 25 years and will often tell families “So-and-so is happy in their dementia world”

[backofthebookshelf]

This is honestly the first time I've heard of dementia being treated in such a way that it sounds like a comfort instead of a torment

If I live long enough I might get to relive some of my life

[spitblossoms]

[schizoetic]

Some ways people helped me while I was in psychosis:

Remaining calm since everything was amplified to me. Yelling at me could do something like trigger my mind to think nuclear bombs are falling

Listening to me without intentionally confirming my delusions or feeding them. This kept me safe from spiraling

Being kind. No matter how unwell I was I could still detect kindness

Having someone to advocate for me

Simply keeping me company. A silent distraction from a mind full of delusions goes a long way

Letting me vent however I needed to (as long as I wasn't an endangerment to myself or others)

Talking to me in good spirits. In psychosis a bad mood is contagious

Reminding me to take my medication or softly reinforcing their importance

Not acting like I'm unruly and viewing me with eyes of compassion

Providing me with basic comforts like food, drinks and clothing

Playing calming music

Laughing with me and not at me

Gently encouraging personal hygiene

Accepting that nonsensical ramblings or writings happen

Understanding that delusions may hold very big power over someone and can persuade someone to do things out of "character"

Being supportive of my being sober

Guiding me away from toxic individuals who don't have my best interest at heart

Not holding grudges no matter how embarrassing I may be when I was lost in my mind

Joining me outside to feel the comforts of the outdoors (once I was stable with mental health support)

Providing hugs as long as it was consensual

Most importantly I was seen as a person. Someone with as many complexities as anyone else

[mythicalcoolkid]

You don't wish your disability was worse or more visible, you wish your disability was taken seriously. Please stop confusing the two, I guarantee you would not get the support you need JUST by being more severe or more visible. Please listen to visibly disabled people when we tell you it isn't better on our side

[1anonyymous1]

Already knew this was gonna happen. Saw it in a dream

[flebus]

being OCpilled is so fucking mortifying honestly. like oh... yeah..... heres my guy. i invented him. i can't think about anything else except for him this week. but he isn't cool or anything. he actually sucks. im just ill.

[clearlyconfusedjumboshrimp]

@funnier-as-a-system

[sovietnam]

[scrupulosity-comics]

I feel like a many-headed hydra monk of contradictory but all-encompassing self-criticism is a pretty good representation of moral OCD.