Offbeat and Out of Tune

butch | 20s | this one's for jokes

[duckbunny]

don't infantilise yourself. you are not a child who needs an adult to make your decisions for you. you are a splendid and magnificent autocrat and you are consulting your trusted advisors. you are exercising great wisdom by inviting an expert to give their opinion before making your ruling. often the path of wisdom is to say "good morning, I'm trying to [perform task] and I have a question about [aspect], can you tell me who I should speak to for advice?" before you do it. sometimes the path of wisdom is to hire a plumber. there are times when you cannot do things for yourself but that doesn't mean you are not an adult. you don't need a grown-up. you need a specialist.

[duckbunny]

this has come up a couple of times so let me be really really clear:

the path of wisdom is sometimes to hire a plumber.

the path of wisdom is always to hire an electrician.

[trans-girl-nausicaa]

a convo in the replies of a post where one of them is hidden because i blocked them and the other one makes a comment that i cant possibly understand due to how out of context it is is funny to me every single time

[junoniadoesart]

(not my screenshot)

[parkchanwoohoo]

I've posted about this before but back home at my old job I used to get pho so fucking often that the owners of the place stopped asking me what I wanted and stopped handing me menus when I walked in. After I moved to NY and I could only go back to Chicago like once a year, I sat down and they gave me a menu and I was like "Oh no I already know what I want, can I get--" and they were like OHHH #36 WITH EXTRA NOODLES YOU'RE BACK and I almost cried

[clonebutchblues]

There are a few things that I unequivocally love about myself (thankfully) and one of them is the way I talk. It's this weird mix of accents from the places I've lived and I've ?? idk not intentionally but not entirely haphazardly cultivated a personal vernacular that makes me, me? I couldn't explain it, but sometimes I say something or type something out and have a little giggle to myself about how much that sentence sounds like something I would say. Anyway that one looks like me fucking myself, Mister Rorschach

[owa-tagoo-siam]

[replicated]

i'm not really into blondes but this is an objectively absurd connection to make

[not100bees]

In order to be properly non-pedophilic you have to want to fuck somebody old but not with gray or white hair because that's too close to blonde which as we've established is the hair color of children. So ideally somebody old as fuck but bald. And obviously wanting to have sex with a man is misogynistic so it has to be a woman. And it can't be a white woman because that would be racist and it can't be a woman of color because that would be fetishistic, so ideally a woman with some unnatural skin color, oh let's say, purple. But it can't be an alien, because we don't know anything about alien life cycles so it could be an alien child or an alien that looks like a child. So it has to be an animal from Earth, but obviously one of human level intelligence that can communicate is otherwise that would be bestiality. So an old purple female animal that can speak English. I think the only creature you can be hot for is the Ant Queen from A Bug's Life.

[kholdseid]

[eixd-deactivated20150710]

The rest of the space is going to be pretty pissed when they see this. 

[thesassycat]

did you google how to take a screen shot

[escapedheart]

@hellsite-hall-of-fame

[liveleaker-deactivated20250423]

i dont even have sex i just make the posts for clout

[quinkkill]

Unfortunately me until Thursday

[liveleaker-deactivated20250423]

bro has sex scheduled on thursday

[targetedknowledge]

[cute-catts]

[lakemojave]

They. They forgor

[lakemojave]

[hotsoupeymiku]

[grimmtidings]

They were opened in AUGUST 2001. Oh my god. That's both hilarious and tragic.

[predstrogen]

this is a fucking futurama bit

[warmfigure]

i am massively overdue for a very very good week where not a single bad thing happens and everything is easy

[unlettered-heathen]

reblog to give prev a very good week where not a single bad thing happens and everything is easy

[bugs-are-buddies]

(via entomemeology)

[texasfartsupply]

reminds me of this unfortunate text exchange between my father and me

[captainwarbuckle]

It’s practically 2014 and you guys still don’t know how to google if an article is real or not before giving it 100,000 notes

[orangechickenpillow]

[lyrslair]

[fuckyeahcomicsbaby]

You don’t have to love your body

[naamahdarling]

I really needed to read this today. Thank you.

[dogpuppy]

[plantbard]

Believe women

[frogmoss1]

If I was there she’d have 39,999 cugarwtes

[frogmoss1]

40,001

[frogmoss1]

If I was there she’d be S13 Ep19

[frogmoss1]

40,002 cigaretws

[spitblaze]

If you’re transgender I want you to go out there and make the worst, shittiest, most twee or cringe or weird or kitsch or gross or all-around unappealing art you possibly can. The idea that all art, especially stuff made by oppressed minorities, has to be Serious and Cool or even GOOD is a prison. Art is first and foremost about self-expression, not being Cool or Good At Art. Make whatever you want. There's no rules and anyone telling you otherwise is a liar