I’m going to write this as a cancer patient, but this is really meant for anybody in the disability community/chronically ill/mentally ill/anything. I think something that is not talked about very much in this specific community is grief. And I’m not talking about just any grief. I am talking about silent nights, where there is no comfort this universe could offer you that would ever make any of this feel okay, I’m talking about the days that you are so stuck in your head, nothing feels real, I’m talking about slowly starting to feel like you’re losing the spark you once had, the curiosity you once had, the energy you had. I’m talking about grief that exhausts a human to the point of being bedridden. And I don’t think we talk about how many times this happens, because grief is not a one and done thing, unfortunately. It happens whenever it pleases. It happens after a diagnosis, it happens after a flare, it happens after a triggering conversation, it happens after a doctor’s appointment, even if it was just routine. I think we need to make more space for grief. I think we need to stop expecting people to get used to their diagnosis and their new life that has to accommodate it. I don’t think it’s selfish in any way shape or form for somebody to not hide their grief. This is somebody’s life, this is somebody’s entire existence that has been utterly ripped out from underneath them, flipped upside down, and will never be able to be the same. This is having to accept that you never got to say goodbye to some things. This is having to accept that you can’t do some things anymore, this is having to accept that you need accommodations, this is having to accept that your life is not less than, but it will be different, it is having to accept that you have to figure out how the hell to live like you were just given a new life with no instruction manual. So I think grief needs to be talked about more, I think grief needs to be taken much more seriously, I think grief needs to be understood and accepted a lot more.
And the very last thing I will say, to anyone grieving, grieve as much as you need to, but please know this, your life will never be less than because of a diagnosis, or because you need accommodations, your life, you, are worthy of every single ounce of joy and peace and care and love as anyone else, and I desperately need you to drill that into your mind and never question it.
