If you know me, pretend you don't.

[composure-rose]

[ch4nn3l4st4tic]

[composure-rose]

did i even have any potential to begin with...

[composure-rose]

I'm sick.

I'm sick of myself. Sick of my body. Sick of living this way.

It may hurt physically, but it's nothing compared to emotional pain.

Disappointed, disgusted, embarrassed, and everything else.

I have no more words.

[composure-rose]

MISS JENNIE KIM

[composure-rose]

a week of restricting -> binge -> purge

Also known as the circle of my fuck!ng life :))

Long story short just for my own entertainment.

If you've ever taken laxatives you know it can hurt, a lot. And this time it went so badly for me I was almost throwing up from pain. But did it stop me? Sure not. After a few hours of terrible pain I totally forgot how it felt and kept eating. In the next day my stomach hurt really bad, but did that stop me from eating again? Of course, not. Luckily I fell asleep before I could binge again.

I feel like my body is getting destroyed more and more.

So moral of the story: I'm a freaking loser.

***

I actually wrote it some time ago and my circle of life kinda changed, now it's more like:

ana -> bed -> mia -> ana -> bed -> mia -> (...)

And it goes on and on.

I do feel a bit more in control at the moment but it may be because I've dreamed about my teeth falling out lol. So I'm trying to keep the damage as small as I can.

[samxcamargo]

If you’re scrolling through tumblr trying to distract yourself from something you don’t want to think about or you’re looking for a sign that everything will be okay, this is it. So, breathe. Relax into this moment. You’re alive & that’s all that matters.

[composure-rose]

When people say "eatıng dısorders are bullshıt" they don't know how literal it actually is 💩

[composure-rose]

Pretending you had a meal is a different kind of art ✨️

[composure-rose]

I'm back from a big binge cycle and I'm scared.

I feel like I have to eat 500 kcal and no more because I need to recompense, but it makes it easier to binge again, so I know I should keep it low-key. Even tho my calorie budget is set to 1000 a day I still can't get myself to go up the 500.

It's so ironic, because when I'm bingeing it's like the calories don't exist, but when I'm back on track every single one counts.

So yeah, I'll try my best to actually be elastic with it and change my silly little thinking.

[composure-rose]

So, the story of my life.

A few weeks ago I finally reached 4 in front of the number on my scale, and since then I've been constantly bingeing :)) I feel like I've gained all the weight back or even more. I'm too scared to check. I get that I had a very stressful time, but come on. Like, can't you have some other addiction? One time I even tried drinking to not binge lol (because of course alcohol calories don't count).

The worst part about this is that in 24h I'm leaving on a vacation. With two pretty girls, and one of them is a literal thinspo. I hate myself so much. I feel like bitting myself, throwing up till bleeding and working out till I pass out. But the truth is, nothing will help.

I was supposed to be fasting this past week, but instead I ended up fooling myself by saying it's my last time being bad, and after I come back I'll finally change.

How stupid is that.

I'm so pathetic.

I feel like screaming.

[composure-rose]

I just binged, second day in a row. Just when I started to get it all again.

I finally got my 4 in the front after so many years. And I fuxked it up just like that. I'm so upset.

And tomorrow I have to go out with friends. And with a boy I liked. I can't stand myself.

I will try to workout throughout the night and take a cold bath. I hope it will help at least a bit. But who am I trying to fool. I messed up, and it cannot be fixed overnight. I'm such an embarrassment.

Do you have any tips? It's an emergency, please

I feel horrible. I want to punish my body so badly.

[4bsorb]

[youre-in-my-veins-you-fuk]

You never know if someone needs this. Reblog this, even if its not your ‘blog type’. Just do it.

[fuckyeahknbsnkygofree-yaoi-deac]

Yes, please reblog

[dendenmusume]

Do it. Now.

[alienpal]

i sat here and thought about reblogging this or not but then i realized how many people feel suicidal, and i  have too its not dan and phil but i could honestly care less, bc i rather have someone not die then make sure i strictly stay to my ‘blog type’ 

[lauriehalseanderson]

Blog type doesn’t matter. Caring for people does.

[typewrxter]

This isn’t my blog type but *deep inhale* 

SAVING SUICIDAL LIVES IS BETTER THAN KEEPING IT TO MY BLOG THEME SO DEAR YA’LL WHO ARE SUICIDAL I’M HERE SIS/BRO/SIBLING!! STAY STRONG!!

[the-sinkmire-symphony]

Fine I promise.

[just-roos-beep-deactivated20250]

fine. ok.

[samlikesbooks]

please reblog

[bylerbestie]

Ughhhh fine I promise

[rockbottomwithashovel]

… thank you

[composure-rose]

TW// BINGE

I'm having the worst 'binge' time. I literally thought I'm quite over bingeing or at least it's not such a big issue as it used to be but I haven't feel well for few days, again, so bad eating habits came back. I even considered recovering for a moment, that's how bad it became. And whenever I can't restrict I go back to bingeing, feeling like I have to do one of it, because for me there's no in-between. So I've been eating so shitty for these days and that makes my depression worse which makes it an even bigger mess. Today I forced myself to eat so much I was about to cry. It's not even that I'm not hungry, I'm literally almost disgusted with food but felt such a big urge to eat, it felt like I'd explode if I didn't stuff my mouth. I really hate it here. I feel so gross once again.

And the worst part is that it's been over a year since this started. In March last year I was so sure I'd be able to do it, that I wasn't about to end up like many other people. I was even surprised when someone talked about being in a binge cycle for half a year. Now here i am, worse then ever.

I'm so ashamed of myself. I just want to go back to days when I'd stay in bed, maybe watch serials, without eating. But now I'm an adult and I'm in a really bad situation at house, which means I don't have much time to get it all together. I've been on the edge for such a long time, it's getting too exhausting again.

[composure-rose]

Guess who just did a tounge piercing to don't eat for few days 😀👏🏼👅

[composure-rose]

I just broke my fast on 62 hour.

And guess what I ate? 2 kaiser rolls.

Great job, loser.

Family issues = binge

I hate myself

[composure-rose]

Right now I'm at this tough point where I want to eat so badly that it makes me miserable but at the same time I'm like "no dude, you can't".

And I don't like it here.

[composure-rose]

Ok, so I'm on some website about committing suicide. Some people are so annoying, like stfu and leave but some people are so hilarious. I mean I was looking for the easy way to end this all but now I prefer to just keep reading because it's super funny.

My love hate relationship with people is messy.

My depression is even messier.