yo. @confuseddisastertm - Tumblr Blog

the-muppet-joker

IF YOU ARE COMING TO MAKE SOCK PUPPETS WITH ME, BRING THE FOLLOWING. BE PREPARED:

Sock

Small piece of cardboard

Pencil

Scissors that you Trust

Hot Glue Gun

Gloves (for protection)

Googly eyes

Felt

Fake blood

Real blood

Someone who would never betray you

An open mind

ycable

welcome to body world (inhales shakily through my clenched teeth) a world where everyone has a body

ilynpilled

happy yaoi day!

the-quasar-hero

Come, you simply must meet my associates! This woman right here is a delightful pervert of sorts, and this fellow here, he’s some kind of a fucking idiot.

faggotfungus

psshaw

lilifred

everyone's talking about the ibs/autism haha funny comparison thing while I'm still stuck on the concept that hamsters exist in the wild. like naturally

tf do you mean they're a wild creature. you find those ankle-biters at the pet store

psshaw

Not a biologist, but the evolution of mammals is way more granular than you might expect. Humans are the sole surviving species of the genus Homo, which was a real party before the other ones went extinct. You're in for a fun time.

Domestic cats are believed to be domesticated not from tigers, but from the African wildcat:

Which evolved to be small just because it's sometimes more useful to be small.

And no, hamsters are not off-brand rats. They're part of the rodent order, which includes beavers, moles, capybaras, guinea pigs (yes, also wild) and lots of other fun things:

thesecretuncle

Shit. This dude knows an extreme amount about a niche subject. Crazy what you can accomplish when you have treatment resistant IBS

psshaw

I want it on record that I shit mostly normal.

crowned-as-king

bloodymary tma teaholding jmart au. do we see my vision

blancdasta

Justice League International #3

shocker ted “attached-at-the-hip-with-booster” kord wants to go on a gay adventure water is wet fork in kitchen

prokopetz

"Isn't it weird that [thing humans commonly eat] is poisonous to literally every domesticated animal" I mean, there's a pretty good chance that [thing humans commonly eat] is at least mildly poisonous to humans, too. One of our quirks as a species is that we think our food is bland if it doesn't have enough poison in it.

xeansicemane

Humans have a really weird mix of mundane superpowers.

We're not fast and don't have a lot of natural weaponry but we're bizarrely tolerant to a broad range of toxins to the point that one toxin is considered a morning necessity for some to perform at work. Gotta love us.

I mean, joke's on us: because all those plants produce a poison that we like, we cultivated them in unimaginable numbers and spread them around the world. Maybe the meta-strat is 'the ones with opposable thumbs like poison so much that if we make them a new kind, we're set for life'

lesbianshepard

waaaay back when I was a cashier in retail we would talk about dumb shit while unloading the truck, and we got to the "what would you do in a zombie apocalypse" me and another worker were like yeah we would just die. End it all, we can't fight or run or shit. I refuse to put that much effort into survival.

And my manager was like no!!!! If that happened, I would drive to find you guys in my truck and we could eat stuff from my wife's garden and I would make sure everyone I know survived!! I would carry you all on my shoulders away from the zombies!!

Anyway, random shout out to that guy. You were too kind for retail management, Devin.

lesbianshepard

also afterwards everyone who was talking about their cool bunker fantasies were like "Damn, Devin's right, we should also be considering helping people around us." which is the only recorded instance of a retail shift making people better human beings.

sluttyquarantinetheory

More games need to let you fuck up your romance entirely. Like truly one of the funniest things that has ever happened to me in a game is Alistair dumping me because i made him king and then like an hour later i was knocking on his door like "hey by the way i need you to fuck Morrigan."