[only-cat-memes]

[phantomrose96]

I'm very very glad that my knee-jerk, gut-feeling, primal-instinct reaction to seeing a Default Influencer is embarrassment. I think this saves me from a lot of bullshit.

[phantomrose96]

Some lip-filler lady on enough Ozempic to euthanize a horse: "The sad truth is an elite lifestyle takes money and discipline. Buy these brands on credit if you have to. Skip meals."

Me: "Oh. Oh I'm physically experiencing the effects of secondhand embarrassment. You live like this? This is your life? Your interiority? If I was anything like this I'd kill myself I think."

[phantomrose96]

To be clear ☝️, absolutely not gender-exclusive. Some broccoli-haired shirtless 23-year-old man on enough trenbolone to euthanize a different horse starts talking about how to be a high-value male and I start thinking instantly about how I'd have 4,000 slugs use me as a jungle-gym before I'd want this man within cootie-contagion distance of me.

[phantomrose96]

[refuzz]

[phantomrose96]

Respect for my soldiers… she’s saving him… the hons…

[softichill]

I think abt this tiktok all the time

[thesadcyborg9million]

Diversity hire bryson ur absolutely slaying

[helloitsbees]

check out the mourning doves’ new single “hooOOOO hoo hoo hoo” if you get the chance. sound of the summer.

[helloitsbees]

….?

???????????

[helloitsbees]

oh wait this is EXTRAORDINARILY delightful. this isn’t a case of Blorbo From My Shows this is Henrietta Pickles From My Porch

[divorce-enjoyer]

what the fuck

[divorce-enjoyer]

new nemesis dropped

[marriagesaver]

Hey, we can talk this out. We don't have to fight

[divorce-enjoyer]

WHO ARE YOU

[sunshinemoonrx]

HUH?

Most cop thing I've ever read. what the fuck are you talking about. The posts you're looking for might be on this website but we won't show them to you???

[sunshinemoonrx]

I'm sure all my settings are set to "yes show me mature content no don't filter anything" what are you TALKING ABOUT

[sunshinemoonrx]

the posts are ON THE WEBSITE. I can't search dirty words?? am I five??? is this club penguin??? when I get you

[3000s]

elvis died because it wasnt getting enough fiber

[3000s]

ive never fucked up someones pronouns this badly before, sorry

[skoople]

fan edit i made of squidward meal prepping

[kirbyfuckingbadass]

youre pissing me off

[hardwrench]

if you see me in your dreams that’s not me and you should stomp it to death for identity theft + copyright infringement

[dogpuppy]

[achesspiece]

i got captured so it'd be really cool if my god promoted a pawn to bring me back to life but i know he'd just bring back his bitch dead wife as usual :/

[achesspiece]

you'll never guess what just happened

[achesspiece]

[cheaphalloweencostume]

i need to come up with a way to say “i mean like, movies for grownups” that doesn’t make me feel like a villain

[cheaphalloweencostume]

*peeks in the replies* *gets really nervous and locks my house up and leaves*

[cheaphalloweencostume]

well, i mean more like La Piscine or Mulholland Drive,

[cheaphalloweencostume]

i think i am going insane

[you-need-not-apply]

Bro I just nearly fucking died

[you-need-not-apply]

My throats fucked but I like inhaled toothpaste and my throat seized up and I couldn’t breathe worst part is I spat toothpaste everywhere trying to get it out of my mouth and my throat is like fuzzy now?? Water did not help honey tea might

[you-need-not-apply]

Dude I was dry heaving into a sink barely breathing and my brain went “this is gonna make a sick ass tumblr story”

[epistleii]

is this accurate

[you-need-not-apply]

Absolutely flawless how did you get these photos?

[dancinbutterfly]

I can never leave here

[escuerzoresucitado]

[myfinalmessagefatdudesequalshot]

that is the most beautiful airfryer i have ever seen

[myfinalmessagefatdudesequalshot]

found it! bruno smart air fryer in mint green BZK-KZ02TW-GR

[masklayer]

Theirs a horse in the pingles

[queer-as-city-folk]

tumblr users are living in a world wholly their own which I can not help but envy

[disheveled-notion]

New “do it scared” just dropped

[orcboxer]

the pokemon move Swift is fascinating to me. a pokemon shoots stars at you and you "I bet a cat could do that." that's normal. that's Normal Type. you got Scratch, Tackle, Headbutt, and of course, shooting rays of heat-seeking stars at people.

[orcboxer]

I always thought the star animation was some sort of abstraction of whatever the move was supposed to be, but no in Japanese it's called Speed Star which also translates to Speedster so they translated it to Swift. It was always stars and that was always normal

[orcboxer]

it's—you're lying to me. youhavealotofpeople LYING. tometomyface. That's—You're trying to mentally cause me harm,

[64mpg]

if i do something wrong they kill me

[64mpg]