conscious-overflow

This is a side blog for me to post about some of the random thoughts I have when consuming various media that I feel will explode out of me if I don't put them somewhere 🤣. Main blog is dancingpieces

[trashcanniballecter]

Shane: I was the one to make the first move

Ilya: that's not true! I did! In the shower!

Shane: I introduced myself to you at world juniors!

Ilya: that wasn't a move! That was normal introduction!

Shane: Ilya, baby, when have you ever known me to initiate a social interaction with a stranger?

Ilya: . . . Holy shit

[weewoo911]

I think that Ilya, being both extremely hot and having a past reputation as a guy who was into casual hookups, would still get people hitting on him and trying to slide into his DMs even post-marriage, mistakenly thinking he’d be down to cheat.

And Ilya would act completely oblivious to those advances and be like “Ah yes I see the problem here, you simply haven’t heard about My Beautiful Husband Shane Hollander. In this essay I will-”

[wtf-is-hockey]

The bellboy bit is overshadowed by a lot of things that happen in ep. 6 but narratively I think it's actually doing a lot of work because like Shane and Ilya have been hooking up for the better part of a decade, but they've only been seeing each other a couple of times a year, and only for a couple of hours at a time, and only, for the most part, to have sex and then split. When ep. 6 begins, they are understandably awkward in the car and when they first get to the cottage. This is new for them and they don't know what to expect. They are going directly from dipping their toes in once in a while to diving right into the deep end. But then Shane starts the bellboy bit, and Ilya is literally immediately right there with him, playing along, doesn't even hesitate, isn't even taken aback by Shane doing it even though Shane is literally never this unmasked and open with anybody, and it's like, oh, they actually do know each other. They don't know a lot about each other but they know each other. They're nervous about what this means for them but they don't make each other nervous. They're terrified of what the other is thinking about being together but not of what the other thinks of them. The cottage is presented as the beginning of their relationship but the bellboy scene makes it clear that they're already as attuned to each other as people who have been together years.

[aphony-cree]

What if Buffy's mom hadn't found out about slaying at the end of season 2 and Buffy had to convince Spike to stay in town and pretend to be in a band with her because that was the cover story they'd told Joyce

[fluffyspuffy]

And then eventually end up accidentally actually starting a band because it’s easier than maintaining the lie

[aphony-cree]

Joyce says they can use the garage to rehearse and she always makes them snacks. Buffy starts to worry she'll never get Spike to leave

[fluffyspuffy]

Buffy insists on calling the band Slayer and Spike keeps failing to convince her that there’s already a band with that name

[disco-tea]

Low key I feel like Buffy would just see it as a cover and it’s a ‘fake band’ but Spike gets like way into it and it’s a Real Band™️ to him and he’s a little annoyed Buffy doesn’t take it as seriously. He’s always like “you missed practice this Tuesday what the hell’s up with that. We have a gig next week btw”

[saunteringvaguelydownwards]

#he starts trailing after her on patrol to bitch about missing practice or how she's sloppy on her chords #starts pitching in on the slayage because vampires keep interrupting his tirades #''EXCUSE ME we are having a ROW'' *stakes fledgling* #no chip necessary spike is literally the guy in the band with zero chill about the band #he undeads the band. he unbreathes the band. he spends all his time not sleeping... on the band. #(willow is their manager xander is the merch guy) #(giles was secretly plotting to lure spike into a trap until he notices spike is... actually better at corralling buffy on patrol than he is #because spike doesn't want her injuring her hands or doing anything that fucks with her breath control) #(giles is also weak to the nostalgia of it all and tunes their instruments when he thinks they're not looking) #(when faith arrives mid-S3 she's quickly recruited to sing backup) (via @entirelytookeen)

[muffinlance]

@worldsokayestdragon :

#spike after learning Oz plays guitar: why İsn't he in the band? #buffy: he's already in his own band. which is actually a real band unlike our fake band that you keep forgetting is just a cover story #spike: we're never going to make it in the music industry if you don't stop calling our band fake

Spike (with reluctant but knowledgeable backup from Giles) finally convinces her that "Slayer" risks bringing copyright lawyers down upon their heads, a fate worse than vampires

Buffy turns around and re-names their band "Fake"

[esmeralda-anistasia]

#Buffy at their next concert: hi this is my Fake band and you're at my Fake concert#Fake band fans go NUTS when the Fake lead singer pulls her signature move: peacing out mid-song to go beat up some guys out back#Meanwhile: extended guitar and drum solos#the fans eat. that. gimmick. up.#Buffy returning covered in blood an hour later: oh god you're still going. Okay Fake second song here we go#and the crowd goes WILD

[unavailabletozombies]

Shane: Sit down, i'm gonna torture you now

Ilya, smirking: Kinky.

Shane: I think you're sweet and beautiful.

Ilya: What-

Shane: You deserve to be cared for.

Ilya: Stop, now-

Shane: Your feelings are valid and deserve to be heard.

Ilya: I NEED A SAFE WORD!!!

[kalinara]

It really does bug me how certain parts of the fandom do not seem to be able to discuss Ilya's very obvious, undeniable trauma without minimizing Shane's.

You never see the reverse. And admittedly that'd be very hard to do. Ilya's dad is awful from the very beginning. His brother is using him. The laws of his country are oppressive and terrible.

But it's possible to talk about that without pretending that everything is fine and good for his partner. (Disclaimer: this is about the tv series, not the books. One day I will read them and I'm sure I'll have many thoughts about that too. But not today.)

I've said before, I don't think that Shane's family is meant to be a perfect contrast to Ilya's terrible one. I think that they're meant to be parallels instead.

Yuna and David are good people who very obviously love their son. They're warm and affectionate and supportive. That part is a contrast, yes.

But they're also his managers. Yuna overtly, but David is always in support of her. And from the beginning, we see what that means:

In the same scene that we see Grigory Rozanov tell his son to listen and not speak, we see Yuna Hollander nodding and smiling through her teeth at racist microaggressions while subtly nudging her son to stay attentive.

That's a very deliberate parallel.

The next scene that we see Yuna, Shane has just learned that his rival orchestrated a joint ad campaign and is distracted. Yuna is pushing about Reebok hard - he has to be seen wearing them, he's the youngest person they've signed to a deal, he needs to represent the kids like him. There's no real opportunity for Shane to get a word in edgewise, assuming he'd have been inclined to do so.

But I don't think it's an accident that this scene is placed in between the reveal of Ilya's machination and the shower scene. This was a moment where Shane might have been able to talk to someone about what was happening, but instead, it's about brands and pressure.

The next major scene between Yuna and Shane is later: Shane's late to the restaurant. Yuna understands, she's already ordered his food for him. That part's very sweet. But when he starts talking about YouTube, her immediate response is "you should have been watching hockey." David's a bit better here - he expresses some interest in the videos that Shane claims he was watching, but then falls into line pretty quickly. "Is Rolex on YouTube" has a bumbling charm, but it also serves to redirect back to Yuna's business deals.

It bugs me a bit that David seems to have a warmer reception from the side of fandom that is willing to be critical of the Hollanders, because he doesn't really do anything different from Yuna. He's softer about it, but it's still the same pressure.

I've brought up episode four before, but I think that's where we see the crux of what Shane's relationship with his parents has become, in two important scenes.

One is in the montage, the orange soda ad, where Shane's in the wet t-shirt, being made wetter, and then Yuna comes over and adjusts his shirt to maximize the sex appeal.

To me, that's the single most disturbing scene in the episode. Because, yes, Shane is a grown man. And there's nothing wrong with a grown man taking part in sexualized ads. Even if he looks extremely uncomfortable.

But when your mother is the one who sets up the ads. When she is the one ignoring your visible discomfort and adjusting your clothes to expose more of your body...

In an ideal world, if you have a miserable time at your job and you want to complain, you could do so with your friends or family. In an ideal world, your parents, in particular, are supposed to be able to give you support and comfort.

But what happens if Shane has a bad day? What if the Reebok shoes give him blisters? What if the wet-t-shirt itches? What if the underwear set was really cold? What if the photographer makes mean comments? What if a director gets handsy? Can Shane complain to his parents? Would he?

Don't get me wrong, I think that Yuna would raise hell for Shane if she ever thought there was some kind of problem like that. But does Shane realize that?

Or does he think that any expression of discomfort would get the same response that he got when he said he didn't want to go to Wimbledon?

Folks have pointed out the parallel that both Scott and Ilya have basically lost a significant portion of their childhoods at the age of twelve, when Scott lost his parents, and Ilya lost his mom respectively.

I think it's significant that Shane would have been around the same age when, as he told Rose, the sponsors and crazy stuff started. When hockey stopped being fun and started being more intense. When his parents stopped being his parents and started being his managers instead.

It's not as profound a loss as Scott and Ilya had. There are times when Yuna and David do act like parents. We see that best in the fifth episode, when Shane is staying with them after his injury. When hockey and brands are off the table, they are able to act like his parents again.

They're alive, they love him, and they can learn to be better.

But it also says something that, after that truly lovely and honest scene between Yuna and Shane, that Yuna doesn't let her son cry it out until HE's done. She's the one who says "okay, enough. what's the plan?"

And then, it's back to branding, sponsorships, sports and money. And yes, Yuna is doing this for her son. But she's also, again, running roughshod over his discomfort - likely a big contributor to why her son has a meltdown at the dinner table.

A gilded cage is still a cage. A velvet fist is still a fist. And just because Yuna and David are warmer and kinder than Ilya's family was doesn't necessarily mean that beneath that the pressure is all that different.

I think a lot of the aversion to being critical of the Hollanders comes from the way that (from what I understand) they really embrace Ilya in the Long Game. I'm looking forward to seeing that develop in season 2. But we can accept that the Hollanders are good for Ilya while at the same time acknowledging that they may not have been always the best for Shane.

(That said, when I see folks talking about how Yuna can go out and get brand deals for Ilya like she does for Shane, I cringe. I'd like to think Ilya wouldn't have the same reliance that makes her dynamic with Shane uncomfortable, but maybe let her find him a different agent/manager anyway.)

[ahexagon]

shane really hit the jackpot as someone on the spectrum because ilya is perceptive enough for the entire nhl. he clocks every homosexual in the room like he's psychic

shane has never had to interpret a social cue again ik he's content

[reduxed-lux]

sometimes i wonder how much of Ilya and Shane's adult sexual behaviors are straight up because of each other.

for Ilya, obviously hes a pleasure top throughout their relationship, but would it have been different if he wasn't pleasuring The Shane Hollander, the object of his sexual affection and fiercest competitor, who checks him into the boards and then lets him put Shane face first into the mattress in the hotel room?

Ilya was surprised the first time he gave a command and Shane followed it without a word. Shane fell to his knees three seconds into that hotel room with nothing but a few blowjobs worth of experience and a dream.

Shane Hollander, the person who his father rips into him for losing to, his greatest rival and the source of the worlds dissatisfaction with him. Goody-two-shoes, golden-boy Shane Hollander. Perfect beautiful Shane Hollander wants to be taken apart and the only person who can give it to him is Ilya. and that thought crawls into Ilyas brain and makes a home there.

For a dude with as low self worth as Ilya, pleasure is the only thing he feels confident offering to someone else. if The Shane Hollander wants something from me, then i must be worth something.

and for Shane, a majority of his physical submission seems to be related to his performance of masculinity out in the "real world" vs the interior space of their relationship. hockey is obviously a big factor contributing to this necessary performance, but Ilya doesn't help!

Ilya is a hard shell to crack, and opening up to Ilya first is practically a requirement to finding anything out about him. if Shane wasn't so vulnerable, Ilya wouldn't have been able to open up to him, maybe ever. by leaning into his own submission, he gave Ilya the sense of control and autonomy that he needed to grow their relationship.

Shane also refuses pleasure constantly. he refuses food he likes, relationship with people, sex, all for the sake of his hockey performance. as a hedonistic guy himself, would Ilya be as fixated on pleasuring his partner if Shane was willing to take pleasure for himself?

neither of them knew how perfectly their burgeoning freaks were matched until they tripped into each other and then they made each other worse. thank god.

[millinerswings]

"I like you" isn't just a stepping stone to "I love you" - it is a distinct narrative beat in its own right.

As the audience, we already know that Ilya loves Shane because we heard him say it in Russian. But we also know that love is not enough - Shane loves Rose but they weren't compatible. Sometimes love isn't enough, for a variety of reasons.

This is why Shane and Ilya are terrified of coming to the cottage. Because we still don't know if they're compatible beyond the incredibly hot sex and psychic level hockey passes. The tuna melt date was nice before Shane crashed out, but that was just one afternoon.

"I like you" is the missing piece in their relationship. I know that I love you and I desire you and we play good hockey together, but do I like you?

The cottage scenes answer: yes. I like playing with you and I like cooking with you and I like talking to you and I like sharing space with you and I like sleeping next to you and I like waking up with you. I like you.

I like you and I love you and I still have no idea how we can possibly make this work but I really want to figure it out.

[snap-crackle-cunt]

what shane says: im gay

what shane means: i can never love a woman in any way resembling the way i love you and when i tried she called my shit IMMEDIATELY so what im trying to say is i can't sidestep whatever we are the way you can, i will never ever love anyone but u

what ilya hears: somewhere along the line of our multi-year situationship that began with me immediately sucking ur dick, i have determined that i like men.

what ilya says: ya no fucking shit bro what

[baelonthebrave]

had many many favourite parts of that episode but I did love shane's mom being like 'so do you love your team ilya?' and ilya so confident he knows how to answer this question right like 'not as much as i love your son mrs hollander' and shane's mom being like EH ❌🙅🏻‍♀️ WRONG ANSWER and shane being like mom what the fuck??

[my-2nd-account]

Shane is like: ok so I haven't slept with anyone since the last time we were together and you haven't slept with anyone since the last time we were together and we're going to spend 2 weeks in my house and I'm making you lunch and we're sleeping in the same bed and you're telling me about your mom and I'm telling you about my parents and you like me and I like you and I don't want you to marry someone else and you wish all the women you slept with were me and you will switch teams and move to my country so we can be closer to eachother and we're starting a charity to make it easier to be together and I already have our future planned because I care about this I care about us and you love me and I love you and you're kissing my ankle and you comfort me and hold me when I panic and you're meeting my parents and supporting me through it and you're drinking my dad's vodka and eating pasta at my family's house and you tell my parents that you would leave Boston for me and that I'm the only person you've ever loved. Ok great 👍

Ilya: ... your boyfr-

Shane: hold your mf horses my whAT!!!!??

[adventuresinaverage]

losing my MIND over the fact that Ilya probably thinks he's actually helping when they go to Shane's parents' house.

They get there and Shane is like "Ilya and I are, uh..." and Ilya is like "hmm we haven't talked about this but I know Shane is really uncomfortable right now, so I will shout out the one (1) english word I know that describes this situation. LOVERS."

Then they're talking about how long they've been together and Shane is like "since our rookie season" and Ilya is like "well, hold on now, you said you don't like lying to your parents, so let's be very clear about when this started. We have to be so clear about the fact that it started the summer before our rookie season. Wait, would it make you feel better if I give your parents the exact date and time of our first hookup?"

And then Yuna is like "you've been in love that long?" and Ilya is like "I need you to understand I've been drilling your son into mattresses from here to Florida for the last decade, but I can't say that because I want you to be my mother in law, so are you picking up what I'm putting down?" and Shane is like ILYA and Ilya is like "I am ANSWERING MY MOTHER IN LAW'S QUESTIONS"

And then he drinks his vodka and eats his pasta in his Boston shirt, very proud of himself for being sooooo supportive, meanwhile Shane is actively praying for a black hole to swallow him up

[ticklefighthockey]

kinda love this dynamic where ilya's like i get to have sex with anyone i want anytime i want and i also get to tell you about it while you visibly try to repress your feelings. but the second i think you might be having sex with someone else i am going to absolutely fucking spiral. epic crash out. because when I have sex it is empty and meaningless and utterly devoid of real emotional intimacy but you are a rule-following little dweeb who would still be a virgin if i hadn't deflowered you when we were like 18 so i fucking KNOW it means something to you!!!!!! the hypocrisy is delicious

[conscious-overflow]

And yet Ilya thought Shane might not love him, when he knows Shane doesn't just casually sleep around (especially not multiple times with the same person. )

[thisfeebleheart]

"It's a long story."

Shane and Ilya through the years

[darcylindbergh]

the thing that's been rotating in my head like a horrible little rotisserie thorn is that yuna says: i think we thought maybe you were gay.

we thought maybe you were gay.

we thought maybe you were gay as you grew up and became a professional athlete. rookie of the year. as you navigated this famously homophobic career path. as you tried to put together a public persona, as we guided you through sponsorships and brand deals. we thought maybe you were gay as we watched you, our shy and anxious and awkward son, as you grew into an isolated adult. few friends, no real romances. your mom still buys your shirts. you have always lived alone.

we thought maybe you were gay, but we didn't say anything.

i think - your mother, i - for a while now, we've thought maybe for a while now - we thought - we thought it, we didn't say it, never out loud - because that would mean we had to address it and that would mean we might be right. we kept our eyes down and our mouths shut and we know you so, so well, but we didn't ask and we didn't say anything, not even when scott hunter did all that right out there in front of god and the cup and everyone, and we let it slide off us and into history, past tense, and didn't look too closely at your reaction because we thought maybe you --

i'm sorry that i made you feel like you couldn't tell me.

because i did that. and i knew i was doing it while i was doing it. and i know that you know, now, that i knew i was doing that. i looked away so things could be easier for you because it's there's nothing to tell there's no need for a statement. no need for a plan.

and all this time, all your adult life, since your rookie season, the summer before, you've been in love - lovers - no, look at the way you look at him, you've been in love - and you've kept it secret while we made him your rival. pitted you against him. played up conflict and animosity against him. we sat together at tables with an empty chair where he should have been, where he is now, and hated him if we thought of him at all, and now you sit here and tell us you want to keep that secret another ten years, another fifteen because we made you think that this - this weight, this pressure, this fear we can see in the line of your shoulders and the way you breathe - that this is somehow easier.

you would have kept that secret another ten years, another fifteen. you aren't telling us now because you're ready, or because you want to. you're telling us because you were caught.

found out what, exactly? as if maybe your father was still going to keep that secret for you. as if he didn't tell me, not the whole of it. not everything he saw. as if you could have pretended you hadn't seen him, and he would have pretended he hadn't seen you. another ten years. another fifteen.

we thought maybe you were gay.

but we hung onto: maybe not.

[proudofmygeneration]

All scenes featuring Ilya Rozanov in Game Changer (the first book in the Game Changers series). Please note: Shane doesn't exist in this book.

[Playing against Boston]

(I've put the rest behind a read more)

[a bit later]

[much later]

[later]

[during a game against Boston]

[during a later game against Boston]

[after Scott has come out to some of his teammates]

[after Scott has come out to his coach]

[Scott winning Hart trophy]

[in a gay club after the award ceremony]

[still in the club]

[also still in the club]