you confirmed my oldest fear and now i've never felt more alone in my own bed.
styofa doing anything
we're not kids anymore.

ellievsbear

if i look back, i am lost
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he wasn't even looking at me and he found me
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@coolgrandma26
you confirmed my oldest fear and now i've never felt more alone in my own bed.
i watch this video of holly woodlawn every day
I already solved it
the beer
tony in age of ultron: im going to create this terribly designed surveillance bot that the avengers specifically told me Not to create..oh it turned evilā¦..oh shit. its killing innocent people. oh an entire country is destroyed. oh yikes
tony in civil war: my murder bot killed innocent people :( a tragedy nobody couldve predicted. so now you All have to sign this paper to give up your rights or go to jail. We need to be put in checkĀ
tony in endgame: i was right for building the murder bot actuallyĀ
tony in the iron man movies: i didnāt know weapons killed people :(
tony in the avengers movies: i didnāt know weapons killed people :((
tony in every mcu film: other people matter?! :(
oh to be a stage girl in the 30s sitting in my uncomfortable outfit, looking all feathered & positively dazzling in a dressing room packed with other feathered n positively dazzling ladies, sighing because my good stockings have ripped again & having another one of the girls touch the rip on the back of my thigh with tenderness before she tuts & says āthatās too bad, sugar. letās see if i have some that will fit youā. oh to try on the same tights that have been on her legs & to have her say āthe trick is petroleum jellyā before she makes me wiggle them down so she can get out a tub of vaseline and make me shine from the waist down & then tell me weāre gonna be stars together one day and we donāt need anyone else but each other and for me to climb over all the snoring girls late at night to lay right next to her & hold her tender hands & say āyeah, ok, just me and youā
i literally forgot until just now that when i was 13 i tried to write a novel about a 13 year old girl version of indiana jones. she had blue hair and a robot arm and a ghost butler. she did extreme sports. i didnāt want her to be a mary sue so she got hurt and cried all the time while saving the world. her ghost butler was in love with her. it was a very inappropriate relationship because she was much too young but i was 13 so these things did not occur to me. she lived in a tree. oh my god. why do i remember this in such vivid detail. i have long since deleted the files but i can vividly recall the opening scene because i went over it in my head so many times. it has been over a decade.
i can practically guarantee that at some point she skateboarded down a pyramid
look just know that if i rewrite this it will be all your fault and also i am keeping the robot pig and the ghost butler is going to be another teenage girl who is just really into butlering and being dead
i decided to give it a try but i couldnāt think of a good antagonist and panicked so i donāt think this is happening
Maggie bit down on her left sleeve as pain shot electric from her right arm into the rest of her. There may also have been some electricity. That was one of the problems with having a cybernetic arm. The other problem was that it was broken.
The heels of her heavy boots dug into the floor and she buried her face in the crook of her flesh-and-blood elbow to stifle a mortifying cry.
There was a screwdriver being twisted around in her arm. She was justified. This fact did not make it less mortifying.
āWhy,ā asked Butler, ādid you jump out of a building without a parachute?ā Butlerās voice was flat as she worked to repair Maggieās arm. Butlerās voice was usually flat. It was unclear if this was related to being dead. She may well have been equally flat in life, as befit a girl named Butler.
Potentially named. It seemed more likely than its being a title. Memory and identity were all a bit tricky for ghosts.
Maggie sniffled. The leather of her jacket did a poor job absorbing her tears. āI thought it would look cool,ā she said. Another shock of pain made her grit her teeth and hide her face again.
The work might have gone faster if Butler had hands instead of hooves. Unfortunately, she had neither. Just an intangible spectral aura. She was settling for hooves because Snoots was the easiest thing for her to possess. When he was not being possessed, Snoots functioned primarily as a bluetooth speaker. Under the circumstances, Butler thought she was doing pretty well.
āI recorded it for you,ā Butler said.
āYou did?ā Maggie asked, her voice thick. She wiped her nose on her sleeve, then reached into her pocket for her phone. She found the most recent video, and played it.
In the video, her hair floated blue around her face. Behind and above her, something exploded. She did not look back at the explosion. The video stopped before her arm caught a cable, before inertia and weight nearly tore her arm in two and made her scream her throat sore.
āThatās rad as hell,ā Maggie sobbed, her voice choked. She bit her sleeve again.
āIām sure Mecha Kaiser was very impressed,ā Butler said.
āChimp,ā Maggie corrected.
āWhat?ā
āHeās a chimp now. A cyborg chimp. Cyber Chimp.ā
āOh, no.ā
āYeah.ā Maggie rubbed at her eye with the heel of her palm. āIt doesnāt look as cool as it sounds.ā
donkey sayingĀ āparfaits may be the most delicious thing on the whole damn planetā implies
the existence of a concept of a hell and damnation in the shrek universe;
the recognition that the earth is one of several spherical bodies which orbit the sun
parfait is a french word which implies another troubling feature of the shrek universe: france
tyra banks psychological torturing skinny women made me the gay i am today
This is the punkest thing I have ever seen in my whole life.
She is right, lying doesnāt count at the library.
Put that last line on my headstone
So uhh Cyrus from Andi Mack and Number 5 from Umbrella Academy are having a heated Twitter argument about veganism and climate change
I wish I could make this kind of stuff up
The thing that gets me is that these dudes are barely younger than me like ik Joshua is 18 and Aidan is 16 which isn't far off from me (19) but it's still like. You guys are kids holy shit wow I genuinely wish I had their energy
The difference between their Twitter bios is hilarious it's killing me
This made me lose it
It just doesn't stop
WHAT IS GOING ON JCKDKDK
WHOO MADE THIS ššš
Iām dead.
they really gave us a female lead in a star wars movie & made her kind and good and angry and powerful and complex & then spent the next 2 movies revolving almost her entire storyline around a white male war criminal who abused her, abused her friends, abused her family. all the while validating all the people who romanticized gaslighting and torture. for fan service lmaoĀ
they also gave us a strong black male lead who was kind and rebelled against his entire way of life when he saw the atrocities he was expected to take part in. He risked his life to save others and was shown to love and care deeply for his friends and willing to sacrifice himself to save him. Then the next two movies infantilize him to be this weak self preserving side character with literally no agency beyond yelling other characterās names.
They also gave us a Latino sci-fi hero who was an ace fighter pilot with a heart of gold and a wealth of courage who showed an incredible amount of support and kindness and trust towards a man who he had just met. Then the next two movies relegated him to being a chronic fuck-up and then ret-conned his ace pilot backstory in service of a racist drug dealer backstory to make him more like Han Solo
so women are supposed to grin and bear the books, the comics, the movies, the plays, the tv shows, the stories, the sci-fi, the translated ancient poems, the fucking millennia of men writing about their self inserts torturing women and it being declared as High Art by other men, weāre supposed to read it in our free time, study it in classrooms, include their styles in our own writing, accept their cultural influence as natural, watch it in the cinema, write about it, talk about it, accept it, aspire it, but men canāt tolerate three seconds of female wish fulfilment of a woman snapping the wrist of a creep without feeling personally kicked in the balls.
This reminds me of something I observed in college while I was doing my honors thesis on women in modern horror films. I watched a LOT of horror during that time as part of my research, and sometimes that was done with my family around.
And my dad and brothers? Were deeply disturbed by the movie Jenniferās Body. I was flabbergasted. Itās not scary! Itās not even that gory. But they were horrified by it. These men who grew up on 70s slashers were legitimately shook by 90 minutes of Megan Fox eating a few teenage boys, mostly off-screen.
Similarly, my all-male reading panel for my thesis? Were so disturbed by my synopsis of the film Teeth that they couldnāt even talk about it. One of them said he couldnāt look at his wife for a week after reading it.
Again, grown-ass men who study and teach media for a living. Who definitely watch and enjoy horror movies. One of whom was a huge Tarantino buff. We watched and read worse in his intro to mass media class! But one movie about a girl whose vag could bite was enough to haunt him.
Then of course you have things like the Gone Girl backlashāmen yelling that Amy Dunne is evil and women clamoring to assure everyone that they know she is not someone to emulateāthe backlash against Carol Danvers, and, more recently, the griping from MRAs against the upcoming film Hustlers, which is about strippers scamming their Wall Street clients.
My conclusion? Most menāat least most straight, cisgender men, who are both my sample population and most of the ones whining that Carol is a āvillaināāare perfectly fine with, and desensitized to, media where men do violence to women (horror movies), or men do violence to men (horror and action movies). Theyāre even sort of fine when women do violence to women (āooooo cat fight!ā).
But they get intensely uncomfortable when women are depicted doing any kind of violence to men, especially in films that tilt the balance of power to the other side of the m/f gender binary beyond a single moment or scene.
So woman as flesh-eating monster with men as her preferred cuisine? Woman who responds to unwanted sexual contact by biting it off? Woman who frames her cheating husband for murder? Woman whose response to harassmentābehavior that many of the loudest whiners know is both creepy and reflective of their own thoughts/actionsāis to break something?
Too scary. Unacceptable. Disturbing. These men hate being presented with the idea, even in fiction, that their position of power is socially constructed, that it could easily be flipped the other way. It terrifies them.
In feeling that terror, they experience a tiny modicum of what living, existing, moving, being perceived as a woman in the world is like.
And they flinch every time.
Here have a newspaper comic from 1993
nakedsasquatch itās ya man
Okay but seriously folks - as often as I joke about this movie stirs my loins and as weirdly popular as this text post got a while back, I wanna rap with you all about why the George of the Jungle remake is a pretty important piece of cinema.
Itās literally the only movie I can think of that is based completely around the unheard of āFEMALE gaze.ā Granted, while Iām a huge movie buff Iāve not seen every movie ever made. But even so, even if thereās another example of the āfemale gazeā in cinema that has escaped me itās still damn impressive that a kids movie from 1997 based on a Jay Ward cartoon from the 60ās managed to turn gender representation in media on itās fucking ass!
First things first, letās look at our leading lady and love interest - Ursula, played by Leslie Mann.
Let me just say that while Leslie Mann is adorable and a talented actress, she does look a little less conventional and a little more plain compared to the bombshells that Hollywood likes to churn out. Leslie, in comparison, looks much more like a real women youād meet on the street. She dresses pretty conservatively and plain throughout the filmĀ ; Wearing outfits that are more functional than fashionable for trekking through the jungle, pulling her hair back and so forth. Not that if she was dolled up and more scantily clad it would give her character any less integrity, but can we appreciate how RARE that is in the male dominated industry of film? Just think about all the roads a film about a woman in the jungle COULD have taken but didnāt - no scenes with her clothes strategically ripped or anything! You can say this is a kids movie, intended for children and thatās why the sensuality of the female lead is so downplayed but there are PLENTY of kids movies that handle women in a very objectifying and sexualized manner despite the target audience is pre-pubescent. Like, a disgusting amount. So I donāt think āitās a kids movieā is why the film doesnāt take ANY, let alone EVERY, opportunity to showcase the main female characterās sex appealā¦
ā¦especially considering the sex appeal of the film rests squarely on the well defined shoulders of our male lead, George of the Jungle played by Brendan Fraser in the best god damn shape of his life!
*Homer Simpson Drooling Noises*
Whenever members of the reddit community try to compare the sexualization of women in fiction to the design of characters such as Batman and Superman, I always want to just sit them down and show them this movie. Because THIS is what the female sexual fantasy looks like, and Batman and Superman are male power-fantasies. Look at him - his big blue eyes, his soft hair, his lean, chiseled physique built for dexterity rather than power. Heās wild and free, but gentle. Itās like he fell right out of that steamy romance novel your mom tried to hide from you growing up.
Hell, the whole plot seems to be designed around how damn hot he is! First, for the majority of the film, he wears only a small strip of cloth to cover the dick balls and ass. Everything else is FAIR GAME to drool over for 40 minutes. Then, after he meets Ursula she takes him with her to San Francisco just so we can enjoy him in a well-tailored suit (as seen in the gif set), running around in an open and billowy shirt along side horses while Ursula and all of her friends literally crowd around and make sexual comments about him, and my personal favorite, ditch the loincloth entirely and have him walk around naked while covering his man-bits with various objects while one of Ursulaās very lucky friends oogles him and makes a joke along the lines of āSo THATāS why they call him the āKING of the Jungleāā¦ā
And yes, itās also a very cute and funny little movie. Out of all the movies based on Jay Ward cartoons, it was the most faithful to the fast-paced humor and wit of the original source material (yes even the new Peabody and Sherman movie which honestly I thought was too cutesy-poo.) But thatās not why this movie is popular with the gay community or why we all became women in 1997. Itās just really cool that thereās a film out there where the sensuality of the female form takes a back seat for the oiled up, chiseled, physique of Brendan Fraser (in his prime that is)
One thing to add: in the scene mentioned above where the ladies are watching him in the billowy shirt running with the horses, it pans back to about 50 feet away to two guys in suits at this party looking at the women and one of the guys says, āMan, what is it with women and horses?ā So not only does this movie highlight the female gaze, but it blatantly points out that western male sensibilities donāt have a clue what actually appeals to women.
ALSO
heās non threatening
as mentioned above, he looks built for dexterity rather than power, but heās still a 6+ foot tall extremely muscular man, and not once are you worried for Ursula when heās with her
ALSO
letās take a look at his rival - Lyle is a cravat-wearing trust-fund kid (who, interestingly, is into Ursulaās fortune more than her, which kind of makes this a gender-swapped gold-digger thing too). Heās blonde and Ursulaās mom LOVES him. Heās more uncomfortable and less prepared to cope with the jungle than Ursula is, in his pastels and shiny shoes.
But he talks over Ursula, insists he knows whatās best for her, ignores her autonomy. In spite of the fact that Lyle Van de Groot is a rich, educated, social climber who cares deeply about his clothing and appearances he is a point-by-point checklist of unhealthy masculinity in a way that beefy, inarticulate, uneducated George could never be. Ursula is off on her own doing her own thing and Lyle hires two FUCKING POACHERS to track her down in the middle of the jungle while sheās working (or on vacation? Itās never made clear because he interrupts her before she can explain why she went on the expedition). Lyle ignores the local guides, claiming his experience with a bridge in Maui means the bridge theyāre on is safe - which leads to a significant injury for one of the guides. He then tells Ursula the guides are conspiring against him, trying to make himself and his poachers seem safe and the Africans who make up the rest of their party seem dangerous.
Check that body language! A post above points out that weāre never worried about Ursula when sheās around George. Thatās because Lyle talks to her like this. Look at his aggressive lean! Look at him literally looking down at her! Sheās tilted away from him in the least threatening position possible and heās so aggressive about whatever point heās making. When he finds her after he pushed her toward a damned lion he kisses her and she pushes him away. Want a textbook example of gaslighting? Here you go: she saysĀ ādonāt get all smoochy with me! I remember what happened with that lionā and he respondsĀ āWhat are you talking about? I was fighting that lion the whole time - you were just so terrified you donāt remember.āĀ Then he shoots George! And then he kidnaps Ursula and attempts to force her into marriage!
Now look at how George and Ursula interact (slightly NSFW):
Even though heās a big strong dude and he thinks heās doing whatās okay he lets her set the tone for their interactions. He accepts that heās out of his wheelhouse and even if he doesnāt understand it he does what she says is culturally appropriate. He learns from her! He listens to her! Compare Lyle leaning into Ursula above to this image of George and Ursula talking:
Heās listening to her, all of his attention is on on her, but heās totally nonthreatening. His torso is turned toward her but heās not invading her space, his hands are clasped, heās smiling, and sheās the one leaning into him. Look at that smile she has, look how happy she is to be listened to. Her posture in both images is vulnerable but in this one with George sheās vulnerable because she has chosen to share with him instead of because she feels threatened.
When George rescues Ursula from Lyle at the end of the film it isnāt a typical damsel situation - George doesnāt have a knock-down-drag-out fight with Lyle, he swings into a tree and offers Ursula a hand so she can reach up and save herself (and before he does it he acknowledges how much itās going to hurt and *whimpers* and looks human and scared). And youāve gotta remember that George rescues everybody. Itās not just Ursula - he also rescues a parasailer and gets shot rescuing Shep and Ape. He just likes helping, dammit!
AND this movie offers a perfect counter to the ānice guyā thing - Ursula starts engaged to a jerk who her mom thinks is a ānice guyā the moves on to actual nice man George who isnāt *just* nice - heās also patient, listens to her, has his own skills and talents, is okay with being goofy, has his own social circle and isnāt totally dependent on Ursula, and looks amazing. Ursula doesnāt go with George just because heās a *nice* guy who rescued her from an asshole, Ursula goes with George because heās an interesting, fun person who is supportive of her different way of being an interesting, fun person. AND heās emotionally available. Google image search George of the jungle and see how many smiles you can find, see how many open looks of confusion there are, see how much sadness you can see in Georgeās face. Now look for images of Lyle. His two expressions are a smirk and cartoonish fear. I know this is a cartoonish kidās movie, but it is SO powerful that the hero shares his emotions while the villain masks every emotion but fear. Lyle doesnāt want to open up, he doesnāt want to be vulnerable, he wants CONTROL. George wants to learn, to protect people he cares about, to explore new places, to laugh when heās happy and to be sad when heās sad, and that he does that while being a broad-shouldered, physically powerful dude who is NOT totally self-involved is justā¦
Like, look, I didnāt sign on to tumblr dot com for George of the Jungle discourse, but Iām just now realizing that this movie may have done the most for destroying my conception of stoic masculinity and gender roles as a child.
Like
Damn.
2nd reblog because this is even better.Ā
George of the Jungle discourse is definitely what I signed up to this hellsite for me thinks