Writing, mostly hollanov these days
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@corvidcordelia
Writing, mostly hollanov these days
CorvidCordelia on AO3
computer, show me 💦 wet hudson williams 💦
Heated Rivalry + Reductress/The Onion headlines
i am contemplating divorce fic but cannot think of the reason for divorce. if it’s cheating then i think it has to be shane cheating right. maybe not all the way fucking someone else but re: your idea that ilya’s depression makes him push shane away so shane gets into a texting flirting one kiss thing so ilya just goes alright. divorce then. however if it’s not cheating then what is it? what would make it hurt to the max level of angst without just being a miscommunication/misunderstanding trope?
I have also been chewing on this all day. I don’t have a firm answer I feel very convinced by but here is ONE possibility: I think Ilya lies about stuff. all the time. mostly lies of omission but some outright lies. he tells shane he’s going to therapy but actually he quit after the first session and now he just spends that hour driving around ottawa every week with his phone off so shane can’t see his location. he lets shane think he’s cut his brother and stepmom and extended family off when actually he’s still talking to them, still sending them more money than he really should, still entangled in a messy ugly impossible-to-walk away-from dynamic that he’s embarrassed by and doesn’t want shane (with his picture perfect family) to know about. he tells shane that sveta’s busy with work when actually they had a huge blowout fight over him leaving boston and giving up his career, his team, his friends for shane when shane gave up absolutely nothing for him, and ilya hasn’t spoken to her since. and most of all he lies about how he’s feeling and whether he’s happy. I don’t think ilya even thinks of it as lying—it’s just keeping the peace. it’s pretending to be the guy shane thinks ilya is, the guy shane wants him to be, instead of the kinda fucked up asshole with baggage he really is. and I think the more ilya lies the more shane feels it, even if he can’t like, pin down what he’s feeling. he knows there’s stuff ilya’s not telling him, and every time he finds out some random thing ilya didn’t bother mentioning to him or catches ilya being evasive about something for seemingly no reason it gives shane this uneasy sense of like… what else is there? what aren’t you telling me? why does it feel like I’m never quite able to grab hold of you, all of you, and make you look me in the eye?
and I think all of this gets worse as ilya gets more depressed because then a whole lot of other things start going wrong, like he’s not as interested in sex or touch and that’s always been their shared language, or he seems more closed off/distant in a way that activates lots of shane’s old situationship/sochi ghosting era insecurities, yada yada. especially when they’re still long distance and ilya is on his own a lot of the time I could just see shane’s doubts slowly growing… idk you could have it just be a slow burn thing where the gulf between them slowly widens and shane starts feeling increasingly alone in the relationship and increasingly unsure of whether ilya still thinks this is worth it/still wants this. OR you could have shane misunderstand something and convince himself that ilya’s hiding something from him (and it’s probably infidelity). and then he gets drunk and does something stupid and gets photographed doing it, and it turns into a whole huge painful intensely public thing (idk maybe shane gets outed and ilya doesn’t in this scenario!). and then ilya just. doesn’t even fight it. doesn’t get furious in the way shane wants him to, so they can have it out once and for all. I think from ilya’s perspective it’s like. he’s been expecting this. on some level he knew shane wasn’t his to keep. and from shane’s perspective it’s like—I was right. he was bored with me, he was over it, he was just waiting for me to offer him an out.
Endless gifs of Ilya Rozanov 18/∞
@bugslibraryy HELLO??
shane and ilya looove making each other jealous and riling each other up over mundane shit: Husband Edition
Ilya: Call me pls and tell me to come home Shane: What are you trying to get out of? You’re with Marlow and the guys right? Ilya: Questions are unimportant Ilya: Please call Shane: Aren’t you the one who invited them to hang out? Ilya: Yes and now I want to be home with my handsome husband who is very kind to me and gives me excuse Shane: Why do I have to be the bad guy? Ilya: ENOUGH QUESTIONS PLEASE CALL Shane: Fine after I shower. Got 5 miles in. Shane: I’m all sweaty and nasty. Shane: Wouldn’t be able to handle yourself if you were here. Ilya: NO DONT SHOWER WAIT FOR ME Shane: Be good ttys Ilya: 😫😫😫😫😫
Warning for possible author engaging in recreational projection onto one Shane Hollander below, as I try work out some arguments I've seen about Shane's relationship with his parents:
No matter how you shake it, book canon or tv canon, Shane has a loving, involved family. They are a positive force in his life. I personally have a very loving, involved family. In the show, Yuna is Shane's manager. In the books, she's less involved, but it's implied that she's involved in the Foundation in TLG, and keeps tabs on Shane getting things done in regards to that (why these billionaire hockey players are doing paperwork for their 401c, I'll never understand, but you gotta have them do something, so as a writer I get that lol). Focusing more on show-Yuna though, I don't think she's like this crazy controlling presence in Shane's life. I don't think she pushes him into anything. He wants to be an elite athlete, and I think he sees the necessity in cultivating a public image, both for money and for his longevity as a public figure. Shane wouldn't get sprayed down and hold a can of orange bullshit if he didn't see the reason for it. I don't think show-Shane, even if he's a little milder than book-shane, is so easily pushed around. (I don't actually think he's that much milder, I just think Shane's internal monologue in the book makes him edgier to the reader, but that's beside the point)
The way I interpret Yuna (and David, to some extent), is that they aren't pushy, they're involved and knowledgeable parents to a very accommodating, respectful, successful son. The lunch scenes in episodes 1 and 4 are so important here. We can see that Shane has set a standard in how he interacts with his parents. He's on time. He makes time for them, these meetings are both business and quality time he spends with them during the season.
The first lunch in ep1, Shane is in decent spirits, but he's late, and it's implied that it's because he was watching YouTube videos of Ilya and lost track of time (animal videos, my ass, Shane). Yuna and David don't give him a hard time about it, but they do point it out. And Yuna makes sure to point out that it's not normal for Shane to be late. Shane has established a baseline of behavior to his parents. He's not a wild card. He's not unpredictable. He's punctual and reliable. It's weird to them if he steps outside of that baseline.
The second lunch ep2, Shane is visibly stressed. He's quiet, a little short in his responses. Yuna brings up Wimbleton and the Rolex box. Shane is adamant that he doesn't want to go. David and Yuna both try to convince him, showing that they are comfortable stating their case to Shane and are secure in their knowledge that he will see things "their way" once he listens. Shane doesn't want wine, which is commented on. He snaps directly at both conversations, "Why, because I don't want wine?" and "What am I supposed to talk about, Swedish politics?" To me, David and Yuna are pretty shocked by Shane's behavior. Not enough to lash out, but enough that we can assume that this isn't a common occurrence for Shane at their lunches. They know something is wrong with Shane, but they aren't asking the right questions. They're just trying to cheer him up or "solve" the immediate problem. They're pretty visibly choosing to stay surface level about it.
It passes. Shane softens, settles, hedges, says okay, maybe let's think about going to London, maybe it could be fun. And then he goes to the bathroom to fully end the conversation. So that he can come back calm, happy, and in control of the situation.
What I find relatable here, especially as someone with caring, involved, sometimes too involved, parents, is that while Yuna and David are showing concern and care for Shane, they are ignorant or unable to address what he needs. Let's talk about Shane as a child. We know very little. My interpretation is that Shane was an intense, driven, serious kid who had a dream. Parents of kids with big, serious dreams are under a lot of pressure themselves, but I think what made it easy for David and Yuna is that Shane was just an easy kid to care for. I don't think Shane had big loud tantrums, I don't think he cried a lot, I don't think he needed a lot. Just hockey. New skates, new sticks, new pads, money for the leagues, money to travel—everything to hockey.
But Shane never gave them any trouble! We know he had nice high school girlfriends that he, notably, didn't impregnate. He gets to the top of his sport, the absolute pinnacle, and is drafted young into the NHL. He's going to be a star! I could see, in interviews, David and Yuna saying things like "we always knew he would do whatever he set out to do."
So, back to episode 4 lunch. What does Shane need? Or, what does Shane need to do in order to actually get help from his parents? Simply put, Shane needs to come out of the closet. He needs to tell his parents he's gay, if not tell them everything that's happening with Ilya. Ilya is the elephant in the room. Ilya is why he's late in episode 1, and it's why Shane is snappish in episode 4. The missing link to Shane's parents knowing him completely, is, in a simplified sense, ILYA, because to Shane, Ilya represents choice, desire, rebellion, assertion, and adulthood. Grown up decisions made by a grown up.
David and Yuna are good people, Shane has no reason to believe they'd react with homophobia. The Ilya of it all would be complicated, sure, but he knows they'd come around.
So it's not Yuna and David, really, driving the Shane Hollander closet express. It's Shane. Because Shane has never failed them, never disappointed them, never given them reason to wring their hands and worry, until now. It's uncomfortable for him! But this is in part because while David and Yuna took care of their son's external needs (hockey, health, shelter, etc) and his financial needs (endorsements, financial responsibility), they have failed to understand any dark parts of their son. They have failed to see that he grew up lonely (my interpretation, I don't know if canon supports this wholly), that he didn't really care for the girls he was dating, that he isolates himself when he's upset (leaving tuna melt-gate, going to the bathroom during lunch, breaking away from JJ's friend group right before he meets Rose).
So when Shane obfuscates to Ilya in Episode 6 about why he doesn't want to come out to his parents (with or without the Ilya factor), I think that Shane is thinking that he doesn't know how to disappoint his parents, but I also think he's remembering that every time he's tried to show them his fears or emotions, they haven't explored them. They haven't dug deeper. They do everything for him, everything except really learn about him. There was a tweet or post or something a while back that was like "You can't just do things for people and call that love, at some point you have to do the work of understanding them" and when David discovers Shane and Ilya at the cottage it forces them into understanding. Into viewing their good, uncomplicated son as an adult, as a person with needs and desires, messy complex ones at that, and when you are a Good Child, sometimes you get very accustomed to your parents not seeing you as a creature of need at all.
This is a GREAT post with some excellent conversations in the comments too, I'm still chewing on this.
Many years ago Linda Holmes wrote an article where she talked about the concept of a "red handle" -- the thing that, for you, isn't fixed/solved/hurts when it gets pulled. (The article is largely about weight, but she talks about other things that can be your red handle. It's also a lot more about Chris Christie than I remembered? I hadn't reread it in years until just now but the concept has always stuck with me.)
And part of what makes Heated Rivalry so good is how much Shane and Ilya yank on each other's red handles without ever meaning to: I'd say Shane's is around his shame that he can't be Perfect (for his specific definition of perfect), and Ilya's is around his mom and his general sense that he isn't loveable. Ilya really sees Shane, which embarrasses Shane, even as Ilya always likes what he sees. And Shane always thinks highly of Ilya ("I don't know that side of you at all"), always thinks he's worthwhile. They don't mean to and wouldn't WANT to do that to each other, if they knew, but these are two kings of Trying To Play It Cool. Red handle? Never heard of it.
Yuna and David love their son so much but they have no idea not only what his red handle is, but that he even has one installed. I think they do worry about his well-being (as someone mentioned, book Yuna asks about friends and show Yuna tells Shane to bring a hostess gift to Jackie) but they are fundamentally unprepared to tackle the deeper issues there. I think it's a really accurate portrayal of what loving parents who don't fully Get their kid can look like (I would describe my own family this way! My parents would help me hide a body, but I don't tell them when I'm sad). Yuna and David are doing their best, and how inadequate that is is something that Shane purposely shields from them
hahahahhha!!! shane’s hand when they first kiss!!! he wants to touch so badly!! and ilya touched his chest so he is tentatively like okay i will touch!!! and he is looking down at it like wow im touching.
further to my marly and ilya playing xbox together post i want to bring to ur attention the fact that shane WILL be sucking ilya’s dick while he is in the middle of a game with marly or anyone really and ilya has on his chunky gaming headset and has to push the microphone up to not catch every breath he lets out but so he can still be heard when he gets asked something. shane tries his hardest to get ilya to fuck up every move he makes using every trick ilya taught him and is giddy when he hears marly yelling through the headset roz is your fucking controller connected or is this an actual skill issue and ilya grunts back fuck you but it happens as he’s coming and it’s more like a fuUuCk yoU and shane is laughing as he’s swallowing ilya’s cum and fending off ilya’s pathetic attempts at kicking him.
clingy
his spot
Can’t wait for Yuna and David to post pictures like this and for everyone to be like… oh they actually live together and love eachother
im still waiting on the aftercare fic where ilya applies aquaphor to shanes fucked out hole very softly. bonus if its during situationship where shane is like jesus christ this is really fucking intimate.
"ANYWAYS, IT JUST DOESN'T REALLY MATTER."
now I don’t think this is supported by canon but just for fun I’d read the situationship era fic where ilya realizes that orgasm denial isn’t a kink thing for shane so much as a self-punishing / self-denying thing, like ok I can have this because I can’t stop wanting it but I don’t get to enjoy it or feel good about it. cue the overstimulation kink where ilya sets his jaw and is like actually I will make you feel good. and I’ll do it as many times as I decide I want you to feel good. and it’s intense but also intensely, painfully tender and cracks shane open in ways he wasn’t expecting to be cracked open. he definitely cries. and then neither of them know what to do with that so they never discuss it again but also shane lets ilya decide when he feels good after that and ilya always wants him to feel good so. yay
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