i was listening to Meet Me In The Hallway by Harry Styles and wanted to write about Regulus leaving James before becoming a Death Eater…
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Regulus knows that if only James would find him, tell him to run- hide from the dark and let James be his light- he would do it. He’d leave everything he’s ever known. Because James is more than that. James is his whole world. James is the sun, the stars, the moon- the galaxy. The whole universe.
James is his centre of gravity and without him, Regulus is spinning out of control with no sense of direction. He knows this isn’t what he wants. He doesn’t want to be a Death Eater, he doesn’t want to kill, he doesn’t want to hurt people- he doesn’t want to fight for Him, but he also knows there is no other way. This is what he was born to do. He was born to die the villain. To be quiet and do as he’s told. To cause pain and to suffer in silence.
He wants to turn back, run to James and tell him he loves him. Tell him he’s sorry and wants to be with him, fight alongside him. But he can’t, that was never a choice for Regulus and he knew it. He could do nothing to change that now. He wouldn’t. Regulus knew, at this moment and in the future, he would do everything he could to make sure James would be okay. James deserved to be happy, to have a family and a joyous life. Regulus couldn’t do that for him. He could only love him.
And Regulus knows, he knows that he will die. He knows that, in his final moments, he’ll be thinking of James. The happiness they felt together. Their love. His regret. The pain James will feel once he learns of Regulus’ death. How James and Sirius will mourn for him. But they’ll be okay in the end.
Regulus knows this is what he must do. He will die just as he has lived. Making every wrong choice, hiding his sorrow, and loving James Potter.
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