Not Actually A Crab

the fool, big fan of muppets. i have many thoughts and most are not ones that make sense to me. she/her

[crabsdaily]

woe sand animation be upon thee

[alice-is-annoyed-deactivated202]

[sleepimali]

They'll charge you a very reasonable (outrageous) fee for their simplest protection charm. Deal?

[oneheadtoanother]

wassup

[souplover13]

image: photo of a window with note "do not open the window more than a crack (goose trying to enter)". at the bottom of the window a goose's head can be seen looking at the camera. end ID.

[memento-meliora]

forced to say “it’s okay!” Instead of throwing a fucking chair at their head

[wateredwizard]

Why does your post have lingerie on

[smeared1992]

you used to be able to get a job just by circling a listing in a newspaper in red pen

[that-house]

I had to mentally send myself a reaction image the other day. I ran up the stairs on all fours, said to myself “i’m such a locationpilled scampercel” and then perfectly envisioned this image

[that-house]

please i've already hurt so much

[teashoesandhair]

I'm in a little local cafe and the women behind the counter started griping to each other, "Oh Christ, Stephen's back again," "It's him, is it? I thought he'd stopped coming," "It's definitely him, look, it's bloody Stephen on a Thursday morning," "Do you want me to get rid of him or are you going to do it?" and so I was peering outside, trying to spot this nightmare customer, this pestilence of a person, this pox upon the cafe trade, and then one of the women from behind the counter ran outside, clapping two trays together loudly and yelling "GET OUT OF IT, STEPHEN!" and it turns out that Stephen is an absolutely gigantic fuck-off seagull who hangs around outside, menacing people for crumbs

[scorebug]

i still don’t understand what the difference is between a strike and a ball ❤️

[scorebug]

this is making me cry

[erzebett]

[sparrowsfallingfromthesky]

[crabsdaily]

gonna start vague posting about my irl friend who found my tumblr as punishment for her vague posting about having found my tumblr

[messsssmer]

"Whimsy" is truly a wretched term. What maketh thee so carefree?

[fireknightqueelign]

thy mother

[messsssmer]

Art thou for fucking real

[beautiful-songbird]

How the new Odyssey movie sounds to me based off of what I’ve seen on tumblr

[pussysoupforthesoul-deactivated]

Squidward clocking out of the Krusty Krab and heading to the nearest gay after hours event 

[bpdcassidy-archived-deactivated]

Come on, now, op. We all know squidward doesn’t go to the club.

He’s one of those “I’m not like other gays” gays who goes home to a bottle of wine and his obscure 50s vaudeville records, and then mopes because he can never find a boyfriend.

[calamaricarlo]

I love this website so much

[cinnamonghost]

[tarragonthedragon]

i just got the "see where your blood has gone!" email from giving blood but it glitched and just showed me my current location. which. theyre not wrong. that is where most of my blood is

[bustedlestatdoll]

my mom just had a 7cm brain tumor removed and since she's woken up she's been talking nonstop about this dream she had about going to an art gallery full of colourful paintings by a 'homosexual artist' named klimsdorf who was ethereal and wise, both young and old... at first she was convinced he was a real person but after failing to find him online she's accepted he was a figment of her subconscious mind and is now determined to bring him to life via painting his portrait herself. she's 67 and has never drawn in her life. and now this. blorbo from her tumor