i need to do a series reread so like maybe just take this as my headcanon or personal interpretation but something i really feel gets ignored when people talk about kal and how he handles social situations/negotiations is the sheer amount of pressure he puts himself under to fix everything (because who else is going to do it, but he also constantly takes the blame for things that were not his fault) and how extremely real the consequences of fucking up are to him
this is a guy who spent most of his life broke as hell, desperate, constantly fighting to get by, doing thug work, debt collection, has not one but TWO disabling injuries from his line of work (hard of hearing from firearm exposure and mobility issues from the verp round to the ankle), has lost a lot of people, has an expectation of just everything always going to shit (seen in how he trains the commandos) and was suicidal for a while there
this guy who has led an extremely difficult life full of conflict and violence and injury and death, whos birth family was killed and who lost the family he built (and that's a topic for another post), has an OUTRAGEOUSLY overactive need to push himself to the absolute limit to Fix Things. part of the reason he was so hard up for cash is that he was sending as much money as he could to the family he didn't have anymore (which he was under no legal obligation to do and otherwise was in no contact with). constantly throughout the books he thinks of EVERYTHING as his responsibility- ordo's emotional issues (despite him being as stable as he is because kal gave the nulls safety and love), the outcome of etain and darman's relationship and child, the fact that the clones are aging twice as fast as unaltered humans, everything. he puts himself in the center of all of it.
i'm not saying this is good or healthy before anyone jumps my ass. and i'm ALSO not saying this is BAD or abusive or whatever the fuck else BEFORE ANYONE JUMPS MY ASS. kal is a person who hasn't had a lot of control over his life. he's spent the first fifty years of his life mainly in unsafe circumstances. he views it as his responsibility, and solely his responsibility, to make sure that the people he loves are above all else, safe. well fed, well trained, capable, confident that they have a support network.
and nobody else is going to do that. sure, the clones have allies, people sympathetic to them, they have other sources of help. but be it the jedi, sympathetic politicians, what have you, the safety and well-being of the clones are largely a second priority (behind winning the war, as part of a long list of political concerns, whatever). kal is the only person crazy/dedicated/neurotic/whatever enough to make it his SOLE and PRIMARY goal, ahead of his own well being.
and it's really too much for him to handle. he maintains the ritual of not sleeping in a bed because he needs that habit so he doesn't lose his focus. the nulls have to force him to go get his ankle fixed, because he keeps making excuses, because he's relying on the pain for drive and strength. kal is under an enormous amount of stress, because he made the safety and well being of the clones solely his responsibility, because nobody else would do that and somebody had to. and he is very aware of the potential consequences if he fails.
so, yeah, he lies and manipulates and coerces people. he ball twists a politician. he forces the people he cares about to do as he says. (need i remind you they're in a fucking war and he's a military officer, he's extremely nice about it) he's one desperate guy at the limit of his abilities doing things no one else will do with a lifetime of horror behind him. he doesn't do this shit for personal satisfaction or because he thinks it's fun. jesus fucking christ
