If I must, then I must

[99percentinvisible]

[verisimilis]

This is so aesthetically satisfying. 

[trashcannie]

if you’ve ever wondered what it’s like to live in the midwest, this is it. 

[jasperzilla]

You missed some of the best ones

[dragonastra]

the best part about it is that the art installation isn’t actually called the Bean. It’s called Cloud Gate, and artist Anish Kapoor (yes, THAT Anish Kapoor) hates that we call it the Bean.

But i mean, look at it. It’s a bean.

[vashthestampedee]

How could you forget this one though

[akamine-chan]

I HAD NO FUCKING IDEA THAT THE BEAN WAS CREATED BY ANISH KAPOOR.

[solongstarbird]

someone help me why is anish kapoor important what did he do?

[gay-jesus-probably]

Alright sit down for some Art World Drama bcause this is what I live for.

So, sometime last year (?) science invented Vantablack, which is the darkest possible shade of black. Art world got incredibly excited. But as it needs to be very carefully made in a lab, it’s hard to get a hold of, and is extremely expensive. Enter Anish Kapoor, aka FuckFace McGee. Anish Kapoor buys the rights to Vantablack. He is the only human being on the planet that can legally use it, and he’s kind of a prick about it.

Art world is not thrilled with that.

Enter Stuart Semple.

Stuart Semple is an artist, and also makes pigments to sell in his free time. Stuart Semple is astoundingly pissed about this Vantablack nonsense, and Anish Kapoor’s dickery. Stuart Semple makes a new pigment, the brightest shade of pink ever, called Pinkest Pink, and puts it for sale on the internet. To be bought by everybody except Anish Kapoor. Literally, to purchase, you need to confirm that you are not Anish Kapoor, do not associate with him, and will not sell or give the pigment to Anish Kapoor or his associates. Art world has a good laugh, everyone buys Pinkest Pink because it’s awesome, and damn it we deserve something.

Anish Kapoor however is a penis, and will not take this lying down, because HOW DARE he not have literally everything.

Anish Kapoor gets his London associates to buy him a thing of Pinkest Pink, and being such a classy human being, posts a picture to instagram of him with his middle finger covered in Pinkest Pink, captioned with “Up yours. #pink”

Everyone flips shit, because. Y’know. Fuck that guy. Especially Stuart Semple. For context here, Anish Kapoor is one of the richest artists on the planet, and has repeatedly been referred to as everything wrong with the art world, and the epitome of the art worlds elitism problem. He’s a giant douchebag. Meanwhile Stuart Semple makes pigments just to get them out there. He turns 0 profit from his now enourmously popular pigments.

Stuart Semple launches an investigation as to who the fuck leaked Pinkest Pink, and plans to strike back. He does so by releasing two new products. First is Diamond Dust, which is a glitter made from glass, so that a painting is still visible after it’s applied, but glitters like a mofo. It’s the most reflective glitter out there, and is available to everyone who isn’t Anish Kapoor. And it being made of glass, if you stick your finger in there, it’s going to hurt quite a bit, so that was Stuart Semple’s way of saying “shove your middle finger in this, asshole, see what happens”. Except without saying that, because he can get an insult across while still being fucking classy.

He also releases Black 2.0, created with the help of over a thousand artists worldwide.

Black 2.0 is the answer to Vantablack. Black 2.0 is a slightly less black black, but looks functionally the same to the human eye. It’s completely safe, smells like cherries, and costs four pounds. Vantablack is highly toxic, potentially explosive, needs to be applied in a special laboratory and sealed properly, can’t be moved across borders, can reach 300 degrees celsius if you’re not extremely careful, and costs thousands of dollars. Anish Kapoor is the only human being who can use Vantablack. He is the only human being who cannot use Black 2.0.

So I think we can guess who got the better deal.

And thus the feud ends, Kapoor defeated.

…But not quite.

Kapoor, in this entire afair, has made exactly two comments to the public. The first being his charming message about aquiring Pinkest Pink, the second being claiming to Buzzfeed that he and his small army of lawyers will be suing Semple, an extremely poor artist who cannot afford a lawyer.

No lawsuit has been made yet, fyi.

The point is, Kapoor is a prick, and doesn’t like talking to the lower classes. So one day in July 2017, he decides he needs another floor on his London studio apartment, and starts making arrangements to have it built. His neighbors are fucking pissed, because this will ruin the light of their apartments. They call to Semple to save them, or at the very least piss Kapoor off some more.

Semple answers to the call, and releases two new paints, Phaze and Shift, as always, banned to Kapoor. They change colours, Phaze with temperature, and Shift is just iridescent. Shift needs to be painted over Black 2.0 to work, and Phaze just works on its own.

So that’s been the art world for the last two years.

Basically, get fucked Anish Kapoor your bean sucks and so does your vantablack.

[todayiwrotenothing]

Stuart Semple is organising a bean-kissing event for Anish Kapoor’s birthday.

[secretsfromwholecloth]

Reblogging for “By attending this event you confirm that you are not Anish Kapoor, you are in no way affiliated with Anish Kapoor, you are not attending on behalf of Anish Kapoor or an associate of Anish Kapoor. To the best of your knowledge, information, and belief this event will not be attended by Anish Kapoor.”

[queen-of-heck]

ALSO HE JUST POSTED THIS!!!!!! LIGHTEST LIGHT!

[extremedistressorstellarblowjob]

I know this isn’t my art blog but this entire post gives me life

[galahadiant]

im sorry is that man holding a real actual miniature star in his hands

[cat-vee-deactivated20240417]

Y’all missed the best part about the lightest light, called aptly ‘Lit’. This is from their product page:

[claydart]

Two things:

1. “Anish Kapoor is however a penis” is the best line in this post.

2. I wish to be half as petty and half as awesome as Stuart Semple

[speckled-light]

I hope Stuart Semple is making a lot of money. What a good person.

[0-memento-mori-0]

Go support him the paint’s are pretty cheap and you get the added bonus of being one of many to help piss off Anish Kapoor

[theresagooseinthemainframe]

He is my fucking role model for pettiness oh my god

[politicalcdnmama]

It got better! I’m also excited because he just released biodegradable glitter in non plastic containers! How amazing is that?! Stuart Semple, good guy for the planet and artists, fighter against the rich elite artist like asshole Kapoor.

[mysticalalleycat]

An older project, but he also did this:

(x)

[addakax]

oh dude hes metal as fuck 

[rrdcooc]

Every addition to this post is better than the last.

[rhymewithrachel]

Anything’s better than the 1450s

[longscarydream]

lifehack: when you see a Take One candy bowl in a restaurant, wait until noones looking and shovel candy into your pockets. god may judge you but his sins outnumber your own

[zerofarad]

“God may judge you but his sins outnumber your own.” We really need to start collecting and sourcing these Potent Quotables.

[citrusgroves]

I’ve been doing this for years

It’s all on a google doc of mine (x)

[memewhore]

[neni-has-ascended]

It doesn’t just allow it. The caption on the top says it’s a “Tradition” to wear whatever “represents your style best”.

The implications are so rich and wonderful. 

[shego1142]

It’s the exact opposite of a dress code. Instead of erasing your individuality it asks you to embrace it.

[gay-engineer]

i am a:

⚪️ man

⚪️ woman

🔘 dumbass

looking for a:

⚪️ man

⚪️ woman

🔘 200,000 word fanfic at 3 am

[bertholt-deactivated20191008]

walking out of a bathroom with no hand dryers like

[catgotchatongue]

is that guy dying in the background

[lifeonforearth-blog]

Have you ever been in public bathroom

[bespangeled]

[copperbadge]

You know, this would explain why Picard, the most English person ever to walk aboard a starship, continues to claim he’s French. 

[copperplatescript]

marvel characters who are false advertising

ant-man: he can be ANY SIZE not just ant-sized

cyclops: this fucker has TWO eyes not just one

winter soldier: he is there all year round

wolverine: doesn’t wear a wolverine fursuit. you’d think he was a furry but no he isn’t

[shofarsogood]

Iron Man: suit made out of a gold-titanium alloy

Spider Man: only four limbs, doesn’t shoot web out his butt

[denimsnake]

mr. fantastic: he is awful

[the-cheshire-cat-grin]

Venom sequel where eddie is nominated for queer eye

[iwaiko-deactivated20220301]

[gingersnapwolves]

antoni: you’ve gotta eat something besides tater tots and chocolate

venom, gleefully: eddie, tell him what else we eat. tell him, eddie. tell

[plantinghuman]

Funny way to find out which plant you might like to buy.

Source: apartmenttherapy.com

[herbwicc]

FOR MY FOLLOWERS THAT HAVE DIFFICULTY CARING FOR PLANTS AND ASK WHAT THEY SHOULD BUY, THIS IS REALLY GREAT!! 

[megansplants]

[theplantqueer]

[ID: someone standing at the back of a group and looking down at a plant, wearing a black shirt that just says “introverted but willing to discuss plants.” /end ID]

[best-of-inspirobot]

[tearlessrain]

this is in perfect iambic meter and sounds like the first line of a weird poem

[tearlessrain]

Rule #2

Don’t ever hug a lobster when you see one on the street,

For decorum is essential when a lobster you must greet.

You may comment on the weather, compliment his choice of hat,

But crustaceans like their space if one should stop them for a chat.

Don’t ever hug a lobster when you’re strolling down the coast,

Simply nod and give a greeting, or a handshake at the most,

For a lobster’s first priority is formal social graces,

And one seemes over-familiar if a lobster one embraces.

Don’t ever hug a lobster when you meet one in the sea,

For a lobster’s spines and chitin make it difficult, you see,

And he might become self-conscious if you bring that fact to light,

So don’t ever hug a lobster, simply put, it’s impolite.

[lettersiarrange]

New writing rule: Checkov’s friend

If you introduce a named character with a relationship to a protagonist, their character arc must be resolved in a way that feels reasonable and satisfying

Which is to say: they can’t just dissappear when they’re no longer a convenient plot device

[cluegrrl]

Thor’s Mum rule – If you’re going to kill a character who’s carried any part of the plot, take a bit to reimagine the plot as if she were the main character, and the story ends when she dies.  If it’s unsatisfying, rewrite either her plot points, or her death, to make both more meaningful.

Which is to say – don’t treat side characters as ammo with which to hurt your main guy.  ESPECIALLY if they’re women.

[dr-dendritic-trees]

I’m reblogging because this second part is the best explanation of how I distinguish between fridged characters and other characters who just die.

And yes, it is intrinsically a bit subjective and that’s okay.

[heavyweightheart]

The BMI scale is a tool of European colonialism, all over the world

[heavyweightheart]

The BMI scale was invented by a white Belgian mathematician in the 1800s and is a crude formula which divides weight by height squared to determine a person’s “health status.” Europeans are the tallest people in the world. The BMI is a meaningless measure of health in any population, but it especially pathologizes populations which tend to be shorter, and sometimes stockier in build than tall white Europeans (e.g. many indigenous groups in Latin America, Alaska, the Pacific Islands, etc.). All populations on earth have internal diversity of shape and size, but certain phenotypic patterns are prevalent in certain regions. The BMI is an ersatz health measure based on a European standard which is imposed via colonization (an ongoing process) in regions where indigenous people have been violently murdered, displaced, forced to assimilate, stripped of autonomy, etc. by Europeans. 

Aboriginal people around the world who are living in European empire have their bodies’ sizes and shapes pathologized by homogenizing standards, including the BMI. They are subject to patronizing speculation (even mine) about their bodies and health. They are forced into life rhythms and systems–including concepts of health–that don’t honor their autonomy and traditions. We call them “overweight” and “obese” when that is not the framework they use for themselves, esp after centuries of hunger and violence under colonialism.

As oppression has taken its toll on the bodies and lives of indigenous groups (there are thousands of sanctimonious studies about this), indigenous people–women especially–are being told that it is their “unhealthy lifestyles” (their eating and activity patterns) which are pushing them up the all-important BMI scale and causing disease. There is rarely talk of the health detriments of oppression and colonization, or of the fact that many indigenous groups have and still do experience high levels of food insecurity. There is no acknowledgement that humans are body diverse and that white European standards of health are politically motivated and inept. There is a myopic focus on food/body/activity when the devastations of colonization loom far larger. 

What else?

There’s more to say about this than I ever could.

[freifraufischer]

The historian in me is obligated to point out that “Belgium in the 1800s” screams out one reason for classifying physical conditions in human populations.  The Congo.  During the 19th century the Belgians were running one of history’s most brutal and largest slave states.  If it had been invented in France or Germany I would first think of military conscription.  Or potentially factory labor (the same with the British).  But for various reasons I happen to know that conscription isn’t the right answer for a Belgian context.

I would say with a great deal of certainty it’s even more intimately linked as a tool of the worst aspects of colonialism than you have even laid out (quite accurately) here.

[one-time-i-dreamt]

I talked to a young man with white hair on a boat cabin in the middle of a stormy sea. He forgot everything about himself exept for the fact that his name rhymed with ‘Time’ so he started calling himself Time.

I offered him an orange in exchange for a meaningful chat. He took the slice and told me “Nothing’s set in stone, but they’re set in a dirt road. If you roll your wagon in the same path too much it’ll soon be the only path you can take without struggling.”

[ap-kinda-lit]

THST DREAM IS TRYING TO TELL YOU SONETHING BRO

[mirkwoodest]

Damn I just realized that since the Rohirrim didn’t read or write (wise but unlearned, writing no books but singing many songs) that means Eowyn couldn’t read or write and since she marries Nerdboy McGee who loves reading and writing more than anything you can your bottom dollar one of the first thing that happens in their courtship/marriage is Faramir and Eowyn wholesome tutoring sessions in the Minas Tirith library (!) 

[mirkwoodest]

#STOP eowyn really is the dumb jock of my dreams… 

the best addition to this post by far. 

[sugarfey]

@obishenshenobi