nina

•@danandphilneedapupper -IG •@pottersdivination -IG •@potter_howell -Twitter

[userilyarozanov]

[incorrectumbrcllaacademy]

Therapist: I believe you said that your childhood experience was satisfactory?

Klaus: No, you misheard me. I said it was a “sadness factory”.

[verydarkgrey]

Diego: where’s Klaus

Luther: probably somewhere disappointing jesus

[dankmemeuniversity]

[maybeimissu]

…

Do not call me out like that.

[biggest-gaudiest-poltergeist]

i like the sistine chapel ceiling a lot better now that i know it was painted by a gay man who was motivated entirely by spite

[i-should-be-making-homework]

Wait… whaaaaaaaaat? Where can I find the story behind this?!

[dragonimpal67]

Lol, here’s how my art teacher explained it:

The pope went to an artist, saying “We want you to paint the Sistine Chapel”. 

At the time, one did not simply say “No” to the fucking Pope. But this artist really didn’t fucking want to do it. So, clever little cookie goes “Dude I’d love to, but I’m unworthy of such an honor! You know who’s an even better painter? Fucking Michelangelo! Go check him out!” 

So, the Pope trots his little ass over to see Michelangelo and straight up tells him “I want you to paint the Sistine Chapel, and what’s his face said you’re the fucking best in the whole wide world.”

Now, Michelangelo, is one of the few people who would genuinely have been sassy enough to tell the Pope to go fuck himself. Besides, his true passion lies in sculpture, not in painting. Don’t get me wrong, he’s good at it, but he likes sculpting more. And just like the clever cookie artist, he knows that painting the Sistine Chapel is going to be a bitch. But he said yes. Why, you ask?

Pride.

If he turned the pope down, it would be as good as saying he actually wasn’t the bestest in the whole wide world and like fuck he was going to let that stand! So, he spent the next several years painting the Sistine Chapel, bitching about it to anyone who would listen (seriously, the letters that he wrote are fucking gold!), and attaining new levels of pettiness never before seen! 

There are cherubs doing hand signs that were (at the time) the equivalent of flipping the bird. He painted a great big picture of the gates of hell right behind where the Pope’s chair would sit! And so much more!

Michelangelo had exactly zero shits to give by the time he was done painting that fucker.

[biggest-gaudiest-poltergeist]

someone post the letters & cherubs

[romantic-void]

Those are the cherubs, and in the second picture there are the gates of hell.

The guy on the right, the one with the snake biting his private parts, is actually a cardinal that was angry at Michelangelo!

And, just so you know, all the people in the picture were painted naked. Then, after Michelangelo’s death, the pope listened to the cardinal and he asked to a painter to add the clothes.

[olivescreech]

ALSO; The skin of Saint Bartholemew has Michealangelo’s face on it because he felt as though he was being skinned alive because painting the chapel was such a BITCH

[biggest-gaudiest-poltergeist]

this man was every level of gay pettiness oh my goodness

[laufie]

It could happen to anyone. People bury a person alive to scare them or to get rid of them. In this situation, rely only on yourself.

Do not waste oxygen. In a classic coffin there’s only enough oxygen for about an hour, maybe two. Inhale deeply, exhale very slowly. Once inhaled - do not swallow, or you will start to hyperventilate. Do not light up lighters or matches, they will waste oxygen. Using a flashlight is allowed. Screaming increases anxiety, which causes increased heartbeat and therefore - waste of oxygen. So don’t scream.

Shake up the lid with your hands. In some cheap low-quality coffins you will be able to even make a hole (with an engagement ring or a belt buckle.)

Cross your arms over your chest, holding onto your shoulders with your hands, and pull the shirt off upward. Tie it in a knot above your head, like so: 

This will prevent you from suffocating when the dirt falls on your face. 

Kick the lid with your legs. In some cheap coffins the lid is broken or damaged already after being buried, due to the weight of the ground above it. 

As soon as the lid breaks, throw and move the dirt that falls through in the direction of your feet. When it takes up a lot of space, try pressing the ground to the sides of the coffin with your legs and feet. Move around a bit. 

Whatever you do - your main goal is to sit up: dirt will fill up the empty space and move to your advantage, so no matter what - do not stop and try breathing steadily and calmly. 

Get up. Remember: the dirt in the grave is very loose, so battling your way up will be easier than it seems. It’s the other way around during a rainy weather however, since water makes dirt heavy and sticky. 

[cosmicredshit]

JUST TO PROVE TUMBLR HAS A SURVIVAL GUIDE FOR FUCKING EVERYTHING.

[gnarlyxxradical-blog]

just in case guys

[soycaptainandtheworldoftomorrow]

it could happen to anyone

[cosmic-noir]

WHERE WAS THIS WHEN I NEEDED IT

[aaliyah-apollonia-deactivated20]

Whatever you did obviously worked

[dungeons-and-danis]

I’ve compiled every raw ass quote from tumblr shitposts into my phone and i’m gonna use every single one of them in my campaign at some point.

[dungeons-and-danis]

peruse my quotes, if u want

[27-umbrellas]

Diego: klaus please focus

Klaus:

[valtsv]

character in a fight scene: *restrains their opponent by pinning them against the wall by their wrists*

me:

[icantwritegood]

character in a fight scene: *pins their opponent down by straddling their waist and holding their wrists to the floor*

me:

[ladylike-foxes]

character in a fight scene: *lifting their disarmed opponent’s chin slightly with the business end of their weapon*

me:

[g3ncyho3]

character in fight scene: *pins down the opponent and leans in close to whisper in their ear*

me:

[breyito]

character in fight scene: *restrains the opponent by twisting their arm/s behind their back and pinning them to the wall chest first with their own chest pressing against the opponents back*

me:

[abandoned-as-mustard]

Character: *distracts their otherwise equally good/better opponent by flirting*

Me:

[bmarvels]

Character in fighting scene: *restrains opponents arms in a lock hold with their own, entangling their arms together forcing their bodies to be pressed together and faces in close proximity*

[lime-on-my-side]

character in fight scene: *holds opponent by the collar, lifts them and brings them close to their face*

me:

[rednines]

If you add two pounds of sugar to literally one ton of concrete it will ruin the concrete and make it unable to set properly which is good to know if you wanna resist something being built, French anarchists used this to resist prison construction in the 80s

[catgirlcaliphate]

I’m just gonna go ahead and reblog this for purely educational purposes.

[eggcup-deactivated20180129]

added bonus is that concrete now taste good

[protect-lgbtqia-kids]

Sugar does not really do that. What you need is citric acid (you get that to get the hard water residues out of your pots/water boiler/washing machine), looks like sugar granules. Or concentrated vinegar. Cement needs a high ph to bind properly. So if you add acid, it won’t properly set and/or needs 3-4 times longer.

[femonologue]

Speaking as someone who works in the concrete forming industry: the easiest way to severely fuck up any large concrete pour is to delay it at the wrong moment.

If someone is trying to build a huge fuckoff concrete thing - say, for instance, a giant wall - they’re going to need an obscene quantity of concrete, and that’s all going to have to be transported there from the nearest mixing plant. This means they’ll have multiple trucks coming by to decant concrete in consecutive pours while the workers place it and vibrate it to ensure it all intermixes and sets properly, forming a monolithic mass. If one pour is allowed to set before the next one is added, you get a big, ugly, possibly structurally unsound gap between the two called a “cold joint.” A bad enough cold joint can completely fuck your whole project because the next engineer or inspector who sets foot on that site is going to take one look at that motherfucker and immediately embark on a quest for blood vengeance. You will literally have to cut that whole section of wall out, slap some dowels in the nearest structurally sound bits, and re-form and pour the offending segment from scratch, which represents a fortune in cost overruns and will make everyone involved very upset. This is an especially bad problem in hot climates, because the concrete curing process is exothermic - that stuff sets much faster when it’s really hot out, and its 28-day compressive strength tends to be poorer as well.

So if, hypothetically speaking, you wanted to completely shit up a wannabe dictator’s enormous unfeasible poured concrete vanity project, you could literally just randomly hassle and delay every concrete truck on its way there. Dude’s gonna end up with a giant worthless pile of shitty crumbling concrete and exposed reinforcing steel, and an army of pissed-off contractors to boot.

[ten-and-donna]

reblogging for purely educational purposes nothing more

[feitanswife]

This is a good reference for my writing!!! Wow fictional people get to have sooo much fun

[danandphilneedapupper]

dogs only lick us because we have bones in our bodies

me

[fatsoupy]

me: dress how you want!! gender is fake!!! nothing matters!!!!!!

trans person: i like gender tho

me: hell yeah i respect that!!!! i apologize and don’t mean to dismiss your identity with my optimistic nihilism!!!!!!!

[ebonyheartnet]

Good post OP

[aquarian-sunchild]

Denounce gender roles but respect gender identity.

[antique-scarecrow]

Denounce gender roles but respect gender identity.

[umbrelacademy]

ghost of you - my chemical romance (x)

[dispassionate-girl-deactivated2]

ACK!

[demonphannie]

[quercussp]

So in the picture on Phil’s instagram Dan isn’t wearing a neck pillow and there isn’t one in sight. You know who always travels with a neck pillow though? Where is the pillow Dan is crying into?

[quercussp]

Favorite phanfics of 2018 (pt 1): oneshot edition

Hey, friends! So in honor of me hitting 1k followers (wild, right?) I decided to make a list of my favorite phanfictions of the first half of 2018. I arranged these in order of publication, from January to the middle of June. I am really sorry that it’s so long, but it’s not my fault you all write so much good fic. So here it is:

our bodies (they will collide) (E, 1.3k) by Loafer_btw (ao3) - fic about Dan and Phil watching porn together, but it explores so much about their personalities and sexual preferences and is just so interesting to read.

Spin (E, 14k) by @iihappydaysii - a very very dirty and absolutely brilliant fic about a threesome between Dan, Phil and Jimmy, full of character analysis and exploration of their relationship dynamic. So so good.

when i could finally breathe (G, 3.9k) by @huphilpuffs - a wonderfully emotional and nuanced fic about family, mental health and Dan and Phil’s relationship.

curve of the water (G, 1.6k) by @watergator - a lovely marriage proposal fic, fluffy and kind and warm.

the kind of softness (we have always dreamed of feeling) (G, 2.7k) by @dantique - a beautiful holiday fic about Dan and Phil spending New Years together, with a lot of introspection and emotion.

hug my body, babe (T, 1.7k) by @mylionbabe - a fic about Dan and Phil dancing that makes you melt into a puddle of goo because it’s so sweet and lovely.

a new blue (T, 6.2k) by @watergator - a fic about coming out and sexuality, focusing on Dan’s journey pre 2009. So so good.

Vérité La Joie 2014 (T, 1.7k) by @alittledizzy - Phil dealing with things that hurt and Dan dealing with a Phil who is hurting. This is one of those fics that makes you feel like you know Dan and Phil better as people after reading it.

make you a daddy (E, 6.2k) by @waveydnp and Feeling It Anyway (M, 2.2k) by @iihappydaysii - two fics on the topic of Phil’s obsession with being pregnant. A perfect example of how you can write two incredibly different and brilliant fics with the same prompt.

you like the finer things all my money can buy (T, 1.3k) by @megiaolf - an incredible fic about Dan getting earrings, with spot on characterizations of Dan and Phil.

If You’re In (E, 5.2k) by @iihappydaysii - one of my favorite smut fics ever written, with a lovely sprinkle of size difference kinks, sexuality discussions and two young boys falling in love.

june in january (T, 1.3k) by @alittledizzy - a fic about Phil’s birthday that makes me want to cry with happiness that he has Dan next to him.

losing a piece of me (G, 3.2k) by @huphilpuffs - brilliant take on internalized homophobia (and biphobia) and how different people may feel differently about labels.

the first i love you (T, 900) by @waveydnp - there needs to be more fic about the abandoned hospital. I can’t believe this is an actual canon moment that happened and this fic makes me want to read about it again and again.

one to love you sweetly (E, 1.6k) by @queerofcups - I may not be the biggest fan of Anthony in real life, but the way Dann writes him in fics and how he fits into Dan and Phil’s relationship is absolutely fascinating.

london duplex - 01.12.18 (T, 4.3k) by @nihilist-toothpaste - conflicts in relationships is one of my favorite things to read about, and this fic is so real and nuanced.

crafts and resolutions (G, 1.1k) by @muchdan - such a lovely take on Dan and Phil’s personalities and their relationship. I can totally see Phil learning to cross-stitch one day!

soft contemplation on snowy nights (NR, 1.6k) by @danflirting - Dan and Kath having a heartfelt conversation. What more can you possibly want in life? 

holding my thoughts in my heart (M, 3.6k) by @waveydnp - 2010 phan in all it’s glory. This fic portrays that feeling of not exactly knowing what this is, but knowing it’s something really big and meaningful. The feeling you have before you settle into a comfortable and established relationship, when everything is still new and overwhelming.

White Silken Sheets (E, 5k) by @auroraphilealis - some really good quality bdsm, with a great description of subspace, safety and aftercare.

all the good love (T, 1.1k) by @alittledizzy, Bittersweet (G, 1.9k) by @freckliephil and the better precursor to a good day (E, 2.2k) by @megiaolf - three fics about Dan and Phil’s feelings on Valentines Day. All of these are unique and wonderful takes on this subject, and I highly recommend all three.

make me dream of you (E, 1.5k) by @capriciouscrab - some lovely and very interesting and unique sex fic. 

rebuild when we break down (T, 3k) by @phloridas​ - such a complex and interesting look into Phil’s brain and a wonderful portrayal of how Dan has learned to deal with it.

i’m with you (this is all i do know) (T, 3.5k) by @nihilismdan​ - the way Cait writes Dan’s depression and Phil’s reaction to it breaks my heart into a million little pieces. It’s so realistic and emotional and genuine.

in and out (E, 1.3k) by @iihappydaysii​ and together, together (E, 1.6k) by Loafer_btw - two brilliant fics about how sucking Phil’s dick makes Dan happy.

Unlatch (E, 1.6k) by @queerofcups​ - Phil’s reaction to Dan making sure we know that sucking Phil’s dick makes him happy.

talking about triangles (NR, 2.5k) by @iihappydaysii​ - the aftermath of the Living My Truth video and the fallout after Dan’s liveshow. This fic is so full of emotion and love for both of them, and is so thoughtful and kind.

More Converts Than Reason (T, 2.4k) by @iihappydaysii​ - a wonderful fic about Dan and Phil’s relationship with the Lesters.

Tumble Into His Arms (G, 5.7k) by @rosaflagephil​ - an AU where Dan is a dancing instructor and Phil is Phil and they are made for each other.

saturday (E, 4.1k) by @laddyplester​ - the 100 percent accurate account of how phil’s fwiff came to be (we are told that the author was there).

Restrain Yourself (E, 7.7k) by @allthephils​ - very light bdsm with some lovely characterizations and a great take on their relationship.

made for loving (G, 1.8k) by @waveydnp​ - I love Phil so much in this fic it hurts me.

a map to the lost (G, 1.1k) by @alittledizzy​ - Phil supporting Dan through his depression and therapy. Mandy’s take on it really hit me right in the heart and made me ache in all the good ways.

hands, put your empty hands in mine. (G, 1.7k) by @nihilismdan​ - I may or may not have a thing for hands, but I most certainly have a thing for Cait’s writing.

migraine headaches and sweaty sheets (T, 1.7k) by @capriciouscrab​ - have I mentioned that I love sickfics? This is a wonderful sickfic.

train of thought (G, 1.5k) by @waveydnp​ - what would I not give to be able to write Phil the way Sarah does. I can’t, but I can enjoy this amazing glance into Phil’s head.

pink and white (T, 1.5k) by @kay-okays​ - domestic and fluffy and sweet and nuanced and so so lovely.

quiescent kind of love (G, 4.3k) by @cutie-with-booty​ - a lovely parent!phan fic.

the rest can wait (M, 10k) by @waveydnp​ (i might as well just rec all of Sarah’s fics at this point) - this fic is about a very interesting time in Dan and Phil’s relationship, during Dan’s year of University. It is very much about his personal journey and makes me love him so so much.

Nobody’s Business But Ours (M, 3.4k) by @iihappydaysii​ (again, just go ahead and read all of Ashley’s fics) - Dan’s frustration with being in the closet. As I said, I love exploring conflict in fics, and this is a great example of that.

Fresh Paint (T, 13.7k) by @freckliephil​ - the most fluffy and warm fic about Dan and Phil’s future you can even imagine. I reread this every time I get sad, and it never fails to make me feel better.

and after all this time. (G, 2.6k) and love every flower (out of the cocoon) (G, 1.7k) by @nihilismdan​ - wonderful fics from Phil’s and Dan’s perspective, respectively, exploring their feelings for each other and their relationship.

Cause That Makes Sense (G, 1.5k) by @exclusivegorgeousgeek​ - a ridiculous domestic argument in a broken lift. Just what the doctor ordered.

head over heels (E, 2.9k) by @waveydnp​ - some gorgeous fic about 69-ing that will leave you thinking about a lot of things.

four: beyond (G, 800) by @moon-boye​ - a beautiful glimpse of Phil’s mind while they meet baby Pearl.

who you are (and what i am when i’m with you) (G, 1.3k) by @nihilismdan​ - Dan and Phil being someone other than Dan and Phil. This is such an interesting take on them and their relationship with their audience.

until we get there (G, 3.1k) by @retrohowell​ - you would think that every version of their meeting has already been written, but this one is lovely and new and beautiful.

tea when the weather’s fine (T, 900) by @alittledizzy​ - another lovely and nuanced sickfic (have I mentioned that I love those?)

Where’s Mine? (T, 4k) by @iihappydaysii​ - a hilarious and realistic take on Dan and Phil being parents. This is going to happen. And the way Ashley writes them talking in a liveshow is so on point, I can hear it in my head so clearly.

The future can’t start now (T, 3.5k) by @agingphangirl​ - I have a sneaky suspicion that either Jane knows something we don’t, or that she is actually Dan and/or Phil and/or their realtor, because this feels less like a fic and more like just real life. I will be so disappointed if this isn’t the true story of why they live in their apartment.

seven days (T, 3.1k) by @agingphangirl​ - Dan in university and Phil doing his best to be what Dan needs him to be.

heal your frays. (G, 2.1k) by @nihilismdan​ - have I mentioned that Cait writes Dan’s depression stunningly?

Off Kilter (T, 2k) by @tortitabby​ - this fic has everything: hurt/comfort, depression, jealousy, love, fluff… it’s so so good!

all my faces are alibis (T, 7.4k) by @onedirectionticketss1 - such a breathtaking and incredible take on Dan’s depression and Phil’s efforts to help him.

inside looking out (T, 3.1k) by @waveydnp​ - I’ve been waiting for Sarah to write a jealousy fic for a year and she did not disappoint. Absolutely breathtaking.

a night’s interlude (E, 4.6k) by @symmetricdnp​ - another lovely exploration of Phil’s character and state of mind during the tour.

let’s hear it for the boys (T, 1.2k) by @queerofcups​ - this fic embodies the feeling of pride so so well, and makes me feel all sorts of things.

a little street where old friends meet (G, 1.1k) by @alittledizzy​ - an outsider POV with the outsider being Jimmy. This is so perfect.

June’s good, but October… (M, 5.2k) by @winstonlives​ - the perfect combination of Phil being shy and awkward and also the sexiest man ever to walk this earth. Do yourself a favor and read this.

what spreads beneath the surface (T, 1.4k) by @velvetnautilus - a sickfic with an incredibly interesting exploration of Phil’s conflict and attention avoiding character.

spreepark (G, 1.3k) by @templeofshame - a fic that is so much more than just about Dan and Phil, but also about a place and a feeling and just something more than just them.

So there you go! Of course I couldn’t include all the fics, so please feel free to add any of your favorites!

[njcodiangelo-archive]

you: netflix and chill

me, an intellectual: queer eye and cry

[danandphilneedapupper]

mE TBH