I Am Snoopy

I'm kinda crazy (but in a fun way). I love SuperWhoLock and I ship Destiel, Sabriel, and Johnlock like a crazy person (see earlier warning)

[believeripley13]

I love the opening of Heated Rivalry so much because it sets up the show and Shane and Ilya's dynamic so perfectly. From "not the most sociable" Shane Hollander actively going out of his way to interact (because he's already fascinated by him) to "not liked outside of his own locker room" Ilya Rozanov being a bit of a cocky shit (which we pretty quickly realise is a front) to the instant spark of attraction.

Look at this man experiencing freckles and awkward Canadian politeness and developing a fat crush.

My favourite part however is as Shane is leaving clearly uncomfortable with how their conversation went (he does a head tilt like "well, that went horribly")

Ilya notices and that's when he chirps, immediately making Shane more comfortable as he chirps back. And thus, their lovingly teasing, when they say "asshole" and "boring" they really mean "I love you" dynamic is born.

Also, yes, Ilya's lighter doesn't spark until Shane appears which is just an additional beautiful touch.

[puppetmaster55]

suddenly thinking about the courtroom scene, of Stratt being accused of pirating literally everything, and Grace later having everything in the various computers aboard his ship that he gave a copy to Rocky without issue, and the beetles having such a massive memory capacity and...

Stratt was a historian. She wasn't just pirating for the sake of entertainment for the astronauts, she was doing a full historical backup of the planet. Who knows how much knowledge and communications ability, how much art and culture and history, how much niche knowledge of how to make specific pieces of modern technology or modern medicines, was lost as the wars for resources isolated everyone, as the death tolls led to the deaths of specialized trade workers and scientists, as the power grids failing across the planet (or cut off, potentially) led to all the cloud servers going dark. Stratt was facing methods of combating extinction and she did her best to ensure that if/when the Hail Mary worked, it would send back not just the hope of the future in the solution to the astrophage, but the restoration of history and culture and knowledge.

Just.... she pirated everything, and put it all on the Hail Mary.

[cheap-slaw]

Learn to walk again

[ozempicofficial]

[mandywondering]

I got curious, so without looking up the reddit thread because I hate reddit, I went to the list of Barbie's careers. Because of course people have dated lists of those.

Her first 28 years are fairly tame, until we reach 1987's Canadian Mountie Barbie. Reasonable odds for a cop, even if they're not a USAmerican cop.

in 1991, we get US Air Force Pilot Barbie, US Marine Corps Sergeant Barbie, US Navy Petty Officer Barbie. There's also 1992's US Army Barbie, if those guys were feeling left out. I'm also ignoring the 1989 US Army Barbie because that one is 100% a stolen valour runway look, not a uniform.

Going to run my autism over those four.

US Navy Petty Officer Barbie is wearing quartermaster's rating insignia, so no combat for her.

US Army Barbie is wearing an airborne maroon beret with no rank insignia that I could see, but she's loaded down with medical supplies, so I'm gonna say combat medic, but only as many kills as her other medical endeavours.

US Air Force Pilot Barbie is wearing a jacket that looks like a Top Gun tie-in. The unit patch is just the USAF coat of arms, and the name patch says she's a Captain. VERY confusingly, the plane on the box art is an F-5, which had just recently been retired. But its USAF usage was almost all in the OPFOR Aggressor squadrons, which is... "come play enemy planes for our training exercises".

US Marine Corps Sergeant Barbie is wearing E-5 Sergeant's insignia, and three medals (she's in dress uniform). To my eye, and allowing for badly printed colours, looks like Navy and Marine Achievement Medal, Marine Corps Good Conduct Medal, and the South West Asia Service Medal. The first two are fairly obvious "Barbie Is Well Behaved" stuff, but uh. That last one though?

USMC Barbie was in Desert Storm.

And if she was in a support role there, well, 1993 gave us USAmerican Cop Barbie. Case closed.

[nerdynarratives]

[garfbin]

Is it important that she killed with her own hands? Because she has been the US president twice, overlapping with HW and Biden.

[mikkeneko]

#which suggest that president barbie left the Oval Office to participate in Desert Storm#or arranged for herself to receive the medal without participating#both scenarios provide dizzying implications about Barbie’s whole deal

[rainbow-femme]

Oh shit wait ok

So one year for charity different pro athletes get asked to participate in a live game based on one of those “how well do you know your partner” games but instead it’s “how well do you know your rival” and participating means you get to raise money for a charity of your choice and obviously Shane and Ilya want to promote the Irina Project so they agree and go up against other current famous rivals from other sports

And Shane and Ilya discuss ahead of time that obviously they’ll have to just play things off as they usually do, light hearted chirps back and forth and what not, “winning” is just for the show and won’t impact how much money gets made for their charity so it doesn’t matter. Except then they get there and become overtaken by the need to Win and Be the Best and they are the best. So without needing to discuss changing the plan, as soon as the questions start they lock in and decide that actually they have to demolish everyone else

The other rivals are laughing and making jokes at the questions but Shane and Ilya are deadly serious and the host starts to get a little weirded out by the fact that they actually know the answers and aren’t just saying things like “how many goals last season? Probably one less than me haha” and actually have each others stats memorized

Because the audience is loving it they go to a lightning round that’s just Shane and Ilya and it’s now the usual couple game questions and they’re still getting them right because they can make excuses for knowing later, right now is about Winning

“What is Shane’s favorite breakfast?”

“Kale protein shake with a scoop of peanut butter and a handful of blueberries.”

“Ok um, what is Ilya’s favorite breakfast?”

“Two sausage egg McMuffins with an extra slice of cheese and hashbrowns.”

“What is something on Shane’s bucket list?”

“Sleeping in one of those see through igloos under the northern lights.”

“What is something on Ilya’s bucket list?”

“That thing where you feed giraffes at a zoo.”

“Ok last one. I think we all know Shane’s answer is former paramour Rose Landry, but who do you think is the most famous person Rozanov has ever slept with is?”

*through teeth gritted so tight he is in danger of chipping one* “Probably a model. Or something.”

“… Yeah, let’s go with that.”

Years later when they’re out Shane reshares the clip and the only non-PR approved thing he says on the matter is “It was me, by the way. I am the most famous person Rozanov has ever slept with.”

[lavenderprose]

Ilya is so lucky that Shane proposed. Ilya would have been a nervous fucking wreck for the entire day beforehand. Wake up in the morning. Look in the mirror. Today's the day. Sob. Breathe. Okay I'm good! Turn around and Shane's hair is all in his face, still asleep on Ilya's pillow. I am NOT good. Cold shower. Breakfast that Ilya does not eat. Morning jog wherein Ilya runs like someone is chasing him. Lunch that Ilya does not eat. Drive out to the cottage. Make Shane pull over because Ilya needs to dry heave on the side of the road. "Baby we don't have to drive out today if you're not feeling well." "NO WE HAVE TO." Get to the cottage. Immediately send Shane on some kind of extended fool's errand. Shane wants to stay because Ilya is SHAKING and he is so worried. "No my love I'm fine it's just the breeze off the lake haha." It's thirty fuckig degrees Celsius. Shane finally gtfo's. Yuna, David, Rose FUCKING Landry all descend to help Ilya set up. Well. Ilya is supposed to be helping but he is standing on the deck fully dissociating. Yuna brings him tea. "Are you going to throw up the tea?" "Yes probably." Yuna takes away the tea. 800 electronic tea lights on the deck. In a parallel Ilya has no way of understanding, he both puts on and takes off a suit. Yuna fixes his curls into the hockey boy quasi-mullet that magnetizes Shane's fingers to Ilya's hair and says, "Oh, you're so handsome!" Ilya cries big fat tears. David tells a story about how his proposal to Yuna almost didn't happen because David went to the hospital for heart palpitations that morning. Thank You David That Does Not Help Even Remotely. Ilya slav squats on the lawn for twenty minutes. Shane's car pulls up in the driveway and everyone hides while Ilya vibrates in the entryway. Shane has no less than thirty grocery bags hanging from his arms, still complaining about why the grocery service cancelled their delivery last minute. Ilya leads Shane and all thirty of his grocery bags onto the deck. Shane is doing his favorite thing (bitching) and his second favorite thing (Follow Ilya) so he doesn't notice his own mother tiptoing behind him collecting the grocery bags he drops like breadcrumbs. There is an Oscar-winning actress hiding under his sofa and Shane does not notice because Ilya takes him on the deck and drops to his knees and Shane is like, "Haha, right now?" and then he sees that Ilya has a look on his face like he's just been told the sun is never coming up again and he has his hands on Shane's knees and he is saying, "Shane. Please?" and Shane puts his hands on his head and says "Oh my God baby what's happening to you" as Ilya melts and melts and then from the depths of the cottage someone who sounds a lot like Shane's very own father is whispering "The ring the ring" and when he looks back down Ilya is fumbling a ring box out of his pocket. The first picture of their proposal is Shane glaring into the middle distance with a hand cradling Ilya's curls like a baby while Ilya ugly sobs into his knee.

[nettlepixie]

biblically accurate ilya rozanov proposal

[onedirectionforever]

“you support gay rights so you must be gay”

i support animal rights do i look like a fucking alpaca to you

[onedirectionforever]

turns out i am gay

[monsieurenjlolras]

holy shit how’d this alpaca learn how to type

[mywitchcultblr]

Diversity win! The alpaca is gay!

[adreamthatsworthkeeping]

[thebirdkiwi]

he was a llama

[gazztron]

[scunthotter]

Shane and Ilya snuggled up in the plush private recovery room of the expensive surgery center that did Ilya's dental surgery. Ilya is on this recliner and it's only wisdom teeth surgery so his pathetic whines managed to convince Shane to come cuddle on his lap while he comes down from the anesthesia.

Ilya's rambling at Shane and then suddenly is grabbing him going "Shane, Shane, I'm married. Fuck Shane I'm married to the hottest man alive can you believe this?"

And Shane is just charmed by this new tangent of rambling and after awhile he's like "I don't know, have you met my husband? He's kinda the most beautiful man alive 🥰" only to feel Ilya tense up so fast underneath him.

Shane pulls back and Ilya who was so happy and loose is suddenly >:(((( looking at Shane like he betrayed him.

"Who is this man Hollander? Who did you marry without telling me? I will fight this man, he's not worthy of you, divorce him right now!"

[boginyagroz]

the first time ilya takes shane to the club after they get married, he shaves beforehand, puts on a tight black tank top and sprays himself with his fuckboy cologne from the hookup era. shane is already horny for him even before they leave the house — crucially, he loves fuckboy ilya, because come on, he’s been fucking this man for years when he looked exactly like this.

at the club, ilya buys out the entire dj set to only play 2010s club anthems all night long. he wants to give shane the ultimate 2010s clubbing experience he never had, but also make up for all those nights ilya had to spend dancing and making out with strangers and not the one person he wanted. but now he gets to do all this with his husband! who is delightfully hard for him by the way, because shane finds sleazy club slut ilya absolutely irresistible. ilya is gripping his hips, grinding against him, licking his neck and whispering the dirtiest filth into his ear, and shane gets dizzying butterflies he imagines all those girls got back then. and he isn’t even retroactively jealous, because now his ring is on ilya’s finger, and oh god, he gets to be taken home by ilya rozanov! he gets to have all his attention now and get railed stupid by him later!! in their shared home!!! shane is living his dream life, and ilya is right there with him.

[starstruckbaby]

"transmascs love misgendering themselves" hey so are you aware that everytime we try to create inclusive terms we get made fun of? Did you not see how mad TERFs got over the terms "birthing person" or "uterus owner"? We literally can't use terms that wouldn't misgender us because when we do other queer people and people outside the community turn it into a joke.

[dualight]

Preserving @jadwigaspeaks's tags:

#also as far as i can tell most alleged instances of ''transmascs misgendering themselves'' are either#1. a transmasc being gnc / otherwise having fun with gender#2. a transmasc talking about his experiences with misogyny + how being seen *by others* as a woman affected him#or 3. transmascs going into a team/restroom/shelter that's stated to be for women because A. transphobes have specifically banned them from#the men's version or B. the men's version doesn't exist#or C. if the men's version does exist it either cannot or will not meet trans men's needs#none of those can be described in good faith as misgendering one's self#transandrophobia

[yujateaandpi]

Was driving with my grandmother and in broken English she says “no eyes… no nose… no face. Don’t trust.” To which I looked around wildly in search of this omen of ill portend.

Cybertruck. It was a cybertruck.

[vintage-tigre]

Beautiful stop motion animation by CliffCreativity

[reasons-to-not-end-it]

REASONS TO NOT END IT:

"if you're queer, stay alive purely to spite the ones who want you dead this pride month, if you're an ally, stay alive to support"

-anonymous

#813

[leighlew3]

[teathattast]

[imapuppetqueer]

Gotta catch em all

[apileofashandember]

Okay but au where Svetlana tries to shoot her shot with Shane early on while they’re both in Boston. Svetlana was already going out because Ilya was busy with Jane, but Ilya got injured so those plans fell through and Shane got bullied into socializing.

Shane at this point doesn’t know that Svetlana is friends with Ilya and is incredibly impressed over her hockey knowledge so the conversation is easy. She’s also insanely beautiful so he feels like he’s succeeding at this trying-to-date-girls thing.

Except something about Shane is very familiar for some reason, and he makes a joke Svetlana has only seen on Ilya’s screen from Jane. Pieces start to click together, but she’s honestly having a lot of fun talking with him.

Shane respects her opinions and isn’t ogling her the entire time, which is a bonus.

He stumbles through trying to get her number and ask her out, and she accepts the former, but rejects the latter, trying not to laugh at his barely concealed relief.

They hit it off quickly, becoming very good friends.

Svetlana doesn’t tell Ilya that she’s friends with Shane, wanting to see how this pans out.

Eventually, Shane gets comfortable enough to share that he’s been seeing this girl in Boston named Lily. It’s totally mutually casual — except it’s really not, and Svetlana is about ten seconds away from breaking into Ilya’s apartment at midnight and throttle him.