Tax Fraud

not beating the allegations

[ahappydnp]

fuck it *2014 galaxy edits your hard launch*

[sapphireh3arts]

i know folks are gonna call me a pedo for this one, but i grew up seeing my mom and grandma naked. they had health issues and at times needed care and help showering. and i truly think more kids need to be shown the nonsexual reality of naked women at a young age. there is nothing sexual about my grandmothers breasts, they were simply body parts. more women die of heart attacks because people are too afraid of breasts to do real chest compressions, because they are scared to touch their breasts. the sexualization of our bodies literally kills us. i need people to be more normal about naked bodies and i'm 100% serious.

[lavenderprose]

Sometimes when Ilya is having a not so great day he sends Shane a dick pic because he knows it will give him a boost of serotonin to see those three dots bounce for an obnoxious amount of time only to get some fuckass response like "Ok" or "You can't send me that without warning" and then Ilya will say "You like?" and Shane will say "Yeah." WITHOUT FAIL. It's their little fucked up version of a kiss on the cheek.

[idiot-mushroom]

guess who had a life altering milestone!!

[jewelcoatfish]

hollanov is batshit crazy about each other and the centaurs are mildly concerned about it but they seem well-adjusted regardless and it helps them win games so whatever. they do have a bit of an existential crisis about it though. like are they supposed to be that obsessed with their partner too? to which their partner say if they were that clingy the partner would be very scared.

[sozvezdiyay]

Obsessed with the idea of Shane randomly encountering Bad Bunny at a bar just like he encountered Rose. (Because he has the BEST luck.)

But he doesn't know who Bad Bunny is, and Bad Bunny doesn't know who Shane is... So they're both just making small talk with this hot guy they met at the bar while they wait for their drinks. They're enjoying talking to someone who doesn't know their celebrity status. And Shane is getting a little flustered despite being married, because damn if this guy isn't his type, and Bad Bunny is lowkey flirting with him.

And then Ilya shows up and has a heart attack. Alternating between fanboying over Bad Bunny and wanting to fight him. Just standing there frozen with this bonkers expression on his face.

And Shane is completely oblivious. "Hey, you're back! I ordered you a beer. Oh, and this is Benito. Benito, this is my husband Ilya........... Baby, are you okay? Why do you look like that?"

[gaygoatshane]

i'm not joking when i say ilya admitting to shane that he looked up compatible was one of the bravest things ever. shane also asking for ilya's room number was so brave too. i love them

[gaygoatshane]

ilya promising children cash if they win knowing he's gonna let them win and then asking shane for money because he doesn't have his wallet. he wasn't even an annoying husband yet but he was letting shane know his potential

[lavenderprose]

To be clear. Shane's whole thing about Ilya being a Sex God is because of the limerence. Ilya is nineteen and he can get a rhythm going and that's about it. He was throwing shit at the wall when he hit that 'Get on your knees' in Nashville but only he knows that because Shane's brain turned OFF. Ilya said "Let's do a little experiment here" and the results were "Oh my god oh my god oh my god." Shane came hands free because he was that obsessed with the idea of Ilya Rozanov being inside him. Ilya said "Do you like that do you like that" because he's nineteen and he needs the validation and Shane was like "YES YES YES I LIKE IT OH MY GOD YOU'RE SO DEEP YOU'RE SO GOOD" and objectively. It was okay. Ilya fully did not know where to put his hands a couple of times. He forgot about Shane's dick. Luckily, Shane is God's special angel who can come from the idea of Ilya's cockhead being in proximity to his prostate a few times. Mind over matter, says Shane Hollander's dick. And then Ilya said "Oh God Hollander" because it was also, objectively, one of the hottest things that had ever happened to HIM, Ilya Rozanov. Shane sits on that step afterwards plotting about how he's gonna get this over and over and over again for the rest of his life and he has no idea that there are women in Boston who have Ilya listed in their contacts as "Hockey Guy 6/10". Shane Hollander cannot fathom a world in which Ilya Rozanov doesn't lay the maddest pipe this side of Lake Michigan. "Ilya Rozanov is a some kind of nineteen year old sex God" No Shane honey he was just designed in a lab to score goals and make you cum and he's done scoring goals for the night.

[imharnaannesta]

I would say Ilya is probably above average, skills wise, for his age and his secret is that he checks in constantly and takes feedback well.

He’s a high level athlete with an unstable home life who actually cares whether his partner is having a good time. He is extremely sensitive to the signals other people are putting out and he is paying attention. And he’s built a career on some level on being willing and able to repeat a motion over and over until he’s told it’s right and then replicate that consistently. That probably translates pretty well to sex. So Ilya probably has a solid, well-earned reputation as a good sexual partner, but he’s not naturally gifted or super experienced when he first hooks up with Shane.

He’s just actually trying to make sure Shane has a good time.

[gaynehollander]

Shane getting mad that Ilya swallowed the first time they blew each other because “this guy was determined to one-up him at every turn” makes me giggle and kick my feet. My competative boy was goaded into letting the slut ways take over.

[my-2nd-account]

I'm all for Ilya picking up Shane in a sexual scenario. H o w e v e r, I do believe Shane is the one picking Ilya up in any other context. Ilya fell asleep while they were watching tv? Shane is carrying him to bed. Ilya refusing to go somewhere and stomping his foot and being stubborn? Shane throws him over his shoulder and carries him kicking and screaming. Ilya hurt his ankle while they were playing football at the cottage? Shane is carrying him inside and coddling his ass (he's fine but he's acting like he just got shot).

Which is why myshane is the one carrying myilyushka into the house after their wedding with the Pike kids.

[currysideplate]

Just making use of my free will

Inspo🖼:The Meeting on the Turret Stairs

[jimmysownworld]

cliff marleau and ilya rozanov are best friends not because they’re teammates or marleau was assigned to look after roz when he first got to the raiders, but because, even though it takes so much alcohol to get him drunk, when ilya gets drunk he can only be described as white girl wasted and marly is the EXACT same way. they are in the mens bathroom in front of the mirror like “is my shirt unbuttoned enough for people to look at my tits?” “yeah man your boobs look GREAT! can you tell me if these jeans look good on my ass i think i saw a girl eying me” “marly your ass looks phenomenal and you can trust me on this as i am a well known ass man” “aw man rozzy you’re making me blush”

[marshgnome]

they share clothes all of the time, not even really on purpose, they just spend so much time hungover together that things get muddled. this isn't a problem until marley sees shane hollander, wearing his shirt??? obviously he immediately accuses ilya of cheating on him (partying without inviting him to join). shane is visibly devastated, ilya is frantically explaining, and thats how marley is the first person in the nhl to learn about hollanov

[ace-trainer-alice]

however, in the spirit of the scientific method, we will need to try the vibrator not just against the obvious spots like where your wings meet your back but also everywhere else along the wings, too. just to be sure.

[wizardarchetypes]

at my local thrift warehouse where nothing’s priced and you make an offer on all the stuff you find. well i told the person at the register i’m on a budget and didn’t know if i could afford a rug i wanted and asked what they’d take for it and without missing even half a beat they said “how about a cup of blood?” then they started hopping up and down like a cheerleader and said “cup! of! blood!”

[wizardarchetypes]

we settled on seventeen dollars cash.

[lunalovesangst]

I see your "Grace gets the zoomies and runs wild the moment he is strong enough to be in his enclosure in Erid" headcanon and I raise you my "Grace gets the zoomies and runs wild the moment he is strong enough to be in his enclosure in Erid, but he burns through his energy very fast and instantly eats shit" headcanon.

[tinylilhollander]

One day I'm going to do a kind of cracky AU where neither Shane nor Ilya grow up wealthy so they can't really pursue hockey to the professional level (as much as they love it). So Shane becomes the Zamboni driver and Ilya plays the mascot. But part of the lore of this team (just go with it) is that the Zamboni driver and the mascot are "mortal enemies" – this basically means that they do little sketches for the audience where the mascot gets in the way of the Zamboni driver and the Zamboni driver gets more and more annoyed in a kind of Tom and Jerry way.

Except that away from the ice those two are zamboning like crazy. But no one can know because A) they're work colleagues and it's an HR nightmare, and B) this team takes their lore deadly seriously so it would be a PR nightmare. How can love possibly flourish in these circumstances? (Well no one knows who's in the mascot costume so quite easily actually, as long as they can keep things professional at work – and therein lies the real challenge).