Sweet Dreams Are Made Of This

[xhuth]

i paid komaeda’s english voice actor to read a dril tweet at otakon

[zuzuya-a-deactivated20200318]

since i’ve been seeing a lot of invader zim and steven universe crossovers, i thought it would be important to share this with ya’ll, lmao

original video

[gryffnwing-blog]

Planeswalker Shorts: Liliana run’s a daycare center.

Liliana: “Jace I need you to fill out some forms for me.” Jace: “What forms and why?” Liliana: “Well I want to run a business, and well the Azorious are pretty strict on that.” *Enter Gideon*  Gideon: “I never took you for one to do things the legal way.” Liliana: “I don’t do things for free, and I rather not have to kill every single Azorious guard.” Jace: “That would be rather messy. So sure, I’ll fill out the paper work.” Gideon: “By the way. What is the business?” Liliana: “A daycare center for all the children on Ravnica~” Jace: *Sighing* “What even qualifies you to take care of children?” Liliana: “Well I do watch over four rather bratty children.” Gideon: “Liliana, you’re only slightly older than us.” Jace: “Couple hundred.” Gideon: “What?” Jace “She’s a couple of hundred years older than us.”

Liliana: “So as you see, I can safely say I’m good at taking care of children.” Jace: “No, no it doesn’t” Liliana: “ FIne, I give up. You win.” Gideon: “Well thank you for being reasonable.” *Liliana begins to exit* Liliana: “I’m taking Chandra and Nissa. If I can’t open a daycare, I’ll open a brothel in the center of Rakdos.” Jace & Gideon in unison: “Liliana no!” Liliana: “Liliana yes!”

[annerocious]

Dear Men Writers

Lesser known facts when writing women:

High heeled shoes don’t become flats if you break the heels off.

The posts of earrings aren’t sharp.

Nail polish takes a long time to dry and smudges when wet.

You can’t hold in a period like pee.

Inserting a tampon is not arousing or sexual in any way, ever.

Feel free to add your own.

[deliciouspineapple]

- Bras leave red marks on the skin under and around boobs and it is a magical experience when taken off.

- Make up can take anywhere from 5 to 25 minutes depending on how skilled you are.

- Taking hair out of a ponytail after wearing it for hours does not make it perfectly straight when it comes down.

- Hair when wet sticks to the skin it no longer flows, idiot.

-When women with long hair kiss, turn around, do anything, their hair falls in the way.

- Stockings are itchy and tear like wet paper bags.

[ivegotthetriforce]

- Pantyhose, tights, leggings, and stockings are each different. - Waxing hurts and leaves red skin for a while afterwards while shaving leaves stubble - Most can’t run in heels unless they have been VERY worn - Insecurity in appearance doesn’t mean “buy me a drink” - EVERYONE HAS DIFFERENT TASTES IN EVERYTHING

[drmistytang]

-Having large breasts sucks. It sucks beyond belief.  If a garment happens to fit your large chest, odds are it won’t fit the rest of you. Underboob sweat is real and terrible. Bending over for extended periods of time will tweak your back out. Running can be painful due to boob turbulence. Bras are hella expensive. Big breasts are not fun.

[angryschnauzer]

Putting a tampon in isnt a quick bend-poke-done kinda deal. It involves cubicle yoga, messy hands, numerous curse words as you realise it isnt in correctly and have to take it out and start again with a new one.

[cassiopeiassky]

Yes to all of this.  But also:

If her hair is in an updo, one does not simply remove a hairpin to send her hair cascading down her back.  No.  If her hair is an updo, it will take at least an hour and an extra set of hands to remove the 137 bobby pins that are holding her hair in place.  Furthermore, there’s probably a can’s worth of hairspray in there, intended to withstand category 2 hurricane winds.  There’s no cascading happening here - the best you can hope for is a misshapen nest of hair to clump and poof unattractively in the back while it still remains flat against her scalp.

[marvel-lucy]

This is one of the funniest posts I’ve seen in a while (especially if you read all the comments), but also really depressing because at 42 I still judge myself as having failed for not matching up to all these mythical stereotypes despite knowing they’re impossible

[valeria2067]

^^^This though

[musicalhell]

The odds of a woman having smoothly shaved legs and armpits are directly proportional to the amount of skin her clothing bares and/or the amount of fucks she gives at that particular moment.

GLASSES ARE NOT COSMETIC.  If we whip them off, we do not become gorgeous fashion models.  We become squinty.

[thatsnicebutimmarried]

-most women wear bras. Yes, even when they are trying to dress sexy. Because bras make boobs look perkier and rounder, which is something men apparently find sexy, so being a seductress or femme fatale is not an automatic reason for a female character to not be wearing a bra.

-a good bra will hide headlights, or at the very least drastically reduce their noticeability. A women with enough pointy nipple issues will opt for a padded or molded bra to hide them.

-women’s nipples do not automatically become hard pyramids visible through any and all layers of clothing the second they become even slightly aroused. They are not the female equivalent of boners. And even if their nipples do get hard, the bras they are almost certainly wearing (because even a goddamn succubus with big, honkin’ knockers for seducing men is gonna have those painful puppies in some kind of boob sling) should keep those pointy nipples from being visible to every other character in the scene, JIM BUTCHER. YES, EVEN LARA RAITH WOULD WEAR A BRA ONCE IN A GODDAMN WHILE.

[eldriitchmurmurs]

if you’re being tied up and tortured in a freezing underground dungeon, then you probably have more important things to pay attention to than how hard somebody’s nipples are, jim butcher

[jabberwockypie]

- Wearing a bra that doesn’t fit HURTS.  It’s not sexy to wear a bra that’s “two sizes too small”, it’d make your clothes hang oddly and you’d have a weird, uncomfortable “quad-boob” effect and your back would hurt, BEN AARONOVITCH.

[phantoms-lair]

Also, after removing a too small bra, there’s gonne be angry red lines on the boobs and ribs and the lady is not going to want them to be touched by anyone for a good long while

[everystarstorm]

-Not all women wear heels. Those things hurt and are hard to balance in. They can also mess up your feet and back pretty bad.

[hattedhedgehog]

-Lips aren’t just naturally red “as if she’d been drinking wine but they were just like that without makeup cause she’s so perfect,” my dear little Kvothe from ‘Name of the Wind’. Also, girls do not naturally smell like fruit or flowers, it’s either perfume or something she’d been eating recently.

[generalistherbalist]

I’ve been appreciating this post but now it’s back very specifically calling out my problematic faves and I don’t think those male authors realize how much it totally takes me out of the story for a moment when they commit these errors. It does nothing useful for the plot and is annoying for half of the audience

[lmorasey-deactivated20230917]

Is it weird that I’m female and wasn’t aware of a solid third of these?

[infinitelyblankpage]

I mean, all writes take note. I basically live in man land when it comes to protagonists so I don’t know half these things despite being a woman

[furryarbiterangel]

(Most) Women do not look at themselves in the mirror and compare their breasts to fruit. Any sort of fruit. Especially melons. Please save us from the melons.

Also we are not aware of our breasts at all times. I do not walk down a flight of stairs and think “oh golly my breasts are bouncing so much right now”. They are as much as natural part of our bodies as arms. Do you constantly think about how your arms are moving? Sure you may be aware of them, but paying full attention? Doubtful.

[dukeofbookingham-deactivated202]

Also: women working out are almost never sexy. They’re not glowing or glistening or (kill me) *sparkling*. They are red and sweaty and gross just like all the dudebros doing their time with the dumbbells. Stop ogling fictional women at the gym, TOM WOLFE.

[kerolunaticat]

I love this post.

[galadrieljones]

I never understood why men feel the need to address all this telltale “feminine” awareness when writing women. Like once in grad school one of my male colleagues wrote from a female character’s POV and was like sure to notice how her feet felt in high heels and all the women’s lifestyle magazines on the coffee table and also that like, her breasts were “heavy” or some shit. I write male characters all the time. Not once have I ever stopped to make sure they notice the weight of their own balls or been hyper aware of their chest hair or some bullshit like that. ????? why????????

[dusterthedopop-deactivated20250]

Love this. I’ve been cackling to myself for good 20 mins reading all the comments as well but the last reblog had me dying like can you imagine!!

“Chad was late. He had an important meeting to get to and was mad at himself for oversleeping.

He quickly washed and brushed his teeth and then ran downstairs, his balls bouncing playfully in his pants.

Do I have time to make a coffee? he thought. He decided he did so went into the kitchen and switched the kettle on. As he was waiting, he noticed his thick, curly chest hair was poking through the button gaps of his shirt. He giggled to himself and tucked his manly fuzz back in, hoping it wouldn’t happen during the meeting.”

Men, do you see how jarring and stupid this is!?

[blondeaufond]

Visit Original Link

This is the best thing i’ve ever heard, (This had 200,000 notes and then tumblr deleted it.

[shasta-brah]

Holy shit

[04newby]

This is the greatest thing ever. I’m crying

[ginger-snap420-deactivated20140]

ITS BACK YOU GUYS

[righf]

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yioQ6jgszKk

Songs Sampled: My Chemical Romance - Welcome to the Black Parade - 0:00 Green Day - Good Riddance - 0:12 Panic! at the Disco - I Write Sins Not Tragedies - 0:24 blink-182 - What’s My Age Again? - 0:34 Jimmy Eat World - The Middle - 0:46 We The Kings - Check Yes Juliet - 0:46 Third Eye Blind - Graduate - 0:56 All Time Low - Weightless - 0:58 All Time Low - Dear Maria Count Me In - 1:07 Switchfoot - Meant to Live - 1:18 Fall Out Boy - Sugar We’re Going Down - 1:07 My Chemical Romance - I’m Not Okay (I Promise) - 1:29 Boys Like Girls - Thunder - 1:40 30 Seconds to Mars - Kings and Queens - 1:50 Yellowcard - Ocean Avenue - 1:59 Relient K - Be My Escape - 2:00 Relient K - Sadie Hawkins Dance - 2:03 Simple Plan - I’d Do Anything - 2:14 Paramore - Misery Business - 2:15 Rise Against - Savior - 2:25 Sum 41 - Fat Lip - 2:33 My Chemical Romance - Teenagers - 2:34 Fountains of Wayne - Stacy’s Mom - 2:43 All American Rejects - Gives You Hell - 2:51  blink-182 - Feeling This - 2:53 Lit - My Own Worst Enemy - 3:08 Sum 41 - In Too Deep - 3:09 The Cab - One of THOSE Nights - 3:37 Relient K - High of 75 - 3:37 blink-182 - I Miss You - 3:37 Paramore - That’s What You Get - 3:48 AFI - Miss Murder - 4:03 Good Charlotte - Dance Floor Anthem - 4:04 Cute Is What We Aim For - Curse of Curves - 4:18 30 Seconds to Mars - Closer to the Edge - 4:30 A Day to Remember - All I Want - 4:45 Mayday Parade - Jamie All Over - 4:57 Fall Out Boy - Thnks Fr Th Mmrs - 4:57 Cartel - Say Anything (Else) - 5:22 Taking Back Sunday - MakeDamnSure - 5:37 Rise Against - Audience of One - 5:47 Fall Out Boy - Sugar We’re Going Down - 5:48 Download: http://www.mediafire.com/listen/usx1p…

[popunksicle-deactivated20160616]

THIS IS FUCKING AMAZING THANK YOU SO MUCH TO WHOMEVER DID THIS

[openyourbite]

It’s back

[radd00d]

damn

[idrathergoforgirls]

IM SO EMO

[romansleftshoulderpad]

MY HEART-

[pipebomb-malewife-deactivated20]

This is it, the post that broke my brain radio

[here-queer-instilling-fear]

Some memes transcend sexuality

[deadpunkin]

I feel called out

[dark-mlm-suggestion]

Bite me as hard as you please, and make me see stars. I am yours to use.

[thefighter2-deactivated20200212]

imagine a burger saying this haha

[deadpunkin]

I mean my girlfriend says this sometimes

[consonant-deactivated20251203]

if i were a drink i’d be cherry vanilla coke

[consonant-deactivated20251203]

if you were a drink what would you be

[ringwaldhaze]

Bleach

[eternal-fractal]

Cough syrup

[thatoneemobooknerd]

Peppermint & White Chocolate Mocha in a black galaxy mug ^·^

[red-in-the-streets]

Water hose water.

[i-dont-fuckin-know-anymore-deac]

week-old tea

[lost--euphoria]

A puddle in the street

[transm3d]

hot chocolate that you think is a good temperature then burns your tongue so it hurts for 12 hours

[insomniac-gamzee]

Steroids.

[catgirlnailpolish]

Fanta

[mulebits]

Carbonated milk.

[gayemo]

Wood chips in water

[alternative-memo-deactivated202]

Motor oil

[modern-day-ghostlobster]

blackberry soda

[clandestine-rabbit]

Red pop faygo

[runaway-from-the-ashes-deactiva]

Clear, refreshing-looking water that has a bitter chemical taste to it once you actually drink it.

[cheapsushii-blog]

pink lemonade, according to my friend

[scales-and-tales]

Rain water in a barrel with a rotting corpse at the bottom

[dovewithscales]

The blood of your enemies imbibed from a human skull.

Or tea.

[deadpunkin]

Carbonated Apple cider that’s way too sweet

[juneelite]

When New Yorkers hear a violin 🤣🤣🕺🏾🔥

[jace-the-ace12-deactivated20221]

This is what I should think when they say “Boys will be boys”

[mexicanesecat]

Wholesome content~ xD

[dailysmilingkomaeda]

[deadpunkin]

As someone who has made sushi before and with some degree of regularity, I can confirm that you need both hands and it sticks everywhere.

[deadpunkin]

Goose bumps is a completely different show with cryptid thirst.

[deadpunkin]

I want a horror movie with a character that has extreme cryptid thirst. Like they go missing part way through the movie and everyone thinks they died horribly chasing the monster. I want them to show up at the very end saying “hey guys, you won’t believe the night I just had” as only a few people remain. I want them to realize people are missing and for that to set up for a sequel.

[prokopetz]

I’ve seen a lot of videos going around of urban-dwelling critters coming to humans for help with various problems, ranging from boxes stuck on their heads to young trapped down a storm drain, and it’s gotten me to thinking:

On the one hand, it’s kind of fascinating that they know to do that.

On the other hand, setting any questions of how this sort of behaviour must have arisen aside for the nonce, does it ever strike you how weird it is that we’ve got a whole collection of prey species whose basic problem-solving script ends with the step “if all else fails, go bother one of the local apex predators and maybe they’ll fix the problem for no reason”?

[roachpatrol]

well, come to think of it, we’re at the top of the food chain but we almost exclusively hunt and kill prey out in the country. 

raccoons and possums and foxes and crows all succeed in an urban environment because they’re opportunistic and observant. and almost none of them would have observed us pounce on one of their species and then start eating it, you know? a lot of them would have observed that we scream and chase them out of wherever we don’t want them to be, but other animals are territorial too. but there’s a number of situations where humans feed whoever’s bold enough to take them up on the offer, and we do tend to pull garbage off of other animals as soon as they slow down enough for us to catch. ‘a human got me but nothing bad happened’ is a much more frequent thing than ‘a human got me and tried to eat me’.  

anyway like, we’re masters of our environment, we make weird shit happen all the time, we have lots of great food and sometimes we share, and we almost never eat someone. it makes sense for urban animals, over the last century or so, to just keep an eye out for opportunities to use us, and to pass the habit on to their kids. 

[tsfennec]

It really is a weird, funny thing. Like yeah, technically they’re predators, and they get pretty screamy, especially if you try to take any of their stuff… but given the chance it seems like they’d rather help us out and sometimes they’ll just randomly give you food, so???

I mean, I guess in fairytales and myths we’ve got our fair share of stories about dangerous people/creatures who might well kill you or otherwise ruin your life, but to whom people nonetheless turn for help in desperate circumstances. So it’s not like the perspective is exactly a foreign thing to our own mindset, really… It’s just that, y’know, we can’t actually go make a deal with the faeries when there’s something we can’t figure out.

(Which brings me to an interesting thought about the ubiquitous rule about never eating the faery food lest you find yourself forever unsatisfied with anything in the human world - and the potential parallels to the dangers of feeding wildlife human food lest they become addicted and too tame and dependent to be safe for either themselves or us. Hmm.)

[absurdistocchiolism]

Okay, but that last bit with the Fae…makes almost perfect sense.

Of the stories I’ve read, the food of the Fae, its origins and effects, are often strange and/or obscure.- Just like our food to most animals.

The Fae are strange beings that seem to know weird things that give them power or an edge over us.- Just like us to animals.

The Fae work and live by strange rules also often nonsensical or obscure to us.- Just like us to animals.

The Fae can easily obtain vast amounts of things we consider rare/precious/desireable, and have no problem with dishing it out wantonly for no other reason than amusement.- Just like us to animals.

The Fae sometimes are amused by having us around, but only on their terms and IF it amuses/intrigues them.- Just like us to animals.

GUYS, I SENSE A PATTERN….

[roachpatrol]

-they have arcane social conventions and the punishment for not paying the correct respects right is banishment, if you’re lucky, and death if you’re not.

-they have wild and unexpected parties where you’d least expect to find them, but if you’re bold enough to entertain them they’ll feed you and caress you and play with you all night.

-time runs strangely in their realm. their homes are summerlands: warm and bright, no matter the season. there is always fruit on their tables. but not everyone who comes in from the cold is let back out again.  

-their games are cruel and complex and unfair, but if you can beat them by their own rules you will access riches beyond imagining.

-sometimes they just fucking fuck with you, the fuckheads.

-they will absolutely steal your children away. when your children return— if they ever do— they will come back strange. they will have magic earrings or necklaces or bracelets. they will know things they shouldn’t. they won’t know things that they should. your strange children might survive, might even prosper, might take wives and husbands and have children of their own. but they will always be marked by their time away from your world.

-the price for pissing them off is always death. sometimes just you. sometimes your whole community. 

-if you are very good, and very smart, and very brave, they will grant your wish.

[fedorasandstuff]

@space-australians for no aliens Friday? 

[redriskel]

@dovewithscales

[dovewithscales]

Humans are the fae of the animal world.

[bookhobbit]

why is “olde vampires in high school” the big thing and not “olde vampires in college”

everyone in college is eccentric. everyone

you wanna wear full on Victorian suit? the girl in pajamas who clearly hasn’t slept in three days supports you

everyone is too preoccupied to care as long as you’re polite and follow class etiquette

multiple high school diplomas? eh. same stuff. multiple BAs? Enjoy learning chemistry AND art history! All in detail!

wandering around campus at 3am? that’s just the lifestyle tm

no matter how old or young you look it’s not really that weird, there’s sixteen year olds and sixty year olds doing BAs somewhere

big schools are very anonymous so nobody’s gonna bother to hassle you

[overelegantstranger]

the girl in pyjamas is the vampire

[themauvesoul]

Also:

If u put ur blood in a water bottle ppl will assume it’s juice and be Jealous

“Oh god I’m a monster” 20 students who r all procrastinating big projects say “same” simultaniousely and with the exact same tone

Everything is a joke so if u say “I subsist on the lifeblood of mankind” someone will go “lol what a mood”

It would take u like 100 years to major in everything

Seen sucking the blood of a fellow classmate and u r instantly the campus Cryptid and Mascot

Listen. If u have an ethical dilemma go find a philosophy major that believes in ethical subjectivism and they’ll make u so angry u forget abt whatever the fuck was bothering u

College is the only acceptable place to get into fistfights over classical literature

Literally all u need to do to avoid suspicion is be the guy that always has gum and a stapler

If u have a majestic mustache ppl will just assume ur an English major

Allergic to crosses? Cool. So r certain stem majors.

[antique-scarecrow]

two roommates. one is a victorian goth who knows thousands of edwardian poems about death and carries a vintage umbrella and only goes out at night

the other wears sweetpants and is a vampire

[hawk-in-a-tree]

@ninthfeather

[amaranthbirate]

D&D is a wild experience when you’re invested, you’re simultaneously playing a game, creating a narrative, and become a fandom??? so you and your friends can talk for hours about your characters and theories while guarding character secrets to not spoil anything and then think ‘i can’t wait for the next episode’, while knowing you’ll actually be collaboratively generating content, but are still like ‘i cant believe my dumbass child did that’

[deadpunkin]

Fair Folk

You know, as someone trying to seduce fey: there are far too many posts on here about how to survive and far too few on how to get them to f*** you

[sonicmega]

Visit Original Link

Poor Kiyotaka…he understands so little.