[diaryofraylo]

The Restaurant Business

I don't know how to explain to people who don't work in a restaurant all the frustrating things that happen that you wouldn't understand unless you worked in one. Like, when there is a seating chart, that means the entire restaurant is divided up into sections and each section has a server. Where you are seated is in a rotation so that every server gets an equal amount of customers so they all get an equal amount of business and tips. I completely understand that everyone wants a booth. If there is a booth in that section, I WILL try to seat you there. However, if there is not and I try to seat you at a table, please just shut the fuck up and sit there. If you request a booth then that server gets skipped and I double sat another server meaning that server who was double sat now has 2 new tables to deal with at once. I also have to try to find a way to get the skipped server, sat. Servers will scold their hosts for doing this and it really fucking sucks because there's nothing I can do about it. So please, unless you REALLY FUCKING NEED A BOOTH, just be fine with a table.

Also, if the restaurant is very busy and you are waiting for something to open up, please do not keep pestering me about how long the wait will be. I cannot see into the future, I can only give you an estimate. It was your choice to come here and the deal is that you have to wait. If you don't want to wait, go somewhere else. Especially if you have a large party. DON'T KEEP ASKING ME HOW LONG THE WAIT IS. I do not know. I also cannot make people leave their table. I can't just kick people out.

If I am helping you and the phone is ringing, it may seem like I'm trying to rush you. I am. I cannot miss the phone. Please understand this. Or just tell me that you're okay with me answering the phone.

If you are checking out and paying your bill, please do not sit there and have a conversation with the person you just spent 2 hours eating and talking with. JUST STOP FOR 1 MINUTE. I have questions to ask you. For instance, do you want to leave a tip? How much? Would you like a receipt? And if you are talking to someone else, you won't hear me and ask me to repeat the question. This is inconvenient for both of us so just take like 30 seconds out of the conversation and communicate with me, since I am the one helping you currently.

[diaryofraylo]

I HATE that I NEED guys in my life. I don't feel comfortable or complete unless I'm talking to one on a daily basis. Yeah, I have plenty of girlfriends but guys are just so comforting to me and I can't explain it. I don't want to be like this. I don't want to have to depend on someone to feel okay. I want to be strong and independent but my feelings won't let me do that. I love the idea of a guy being there for me and caring about me and my feelings. They make me feel so safe and loved and I hate it

[diaryofraylo]

Joe

There is a guy I work with named Joe and I just cannot stand to be around him. He's in his early to mid 20's and is a waiter. He never went to college because I think he said he was too lazy or something and he is just so rude and is so so pessimistic. Tonight he fucking straight up said to me "hey you're actually really annoying...no offense." K. I already know I'm annoying so you don't need to point it out and embarrass me. I don't come at you for the person you are. I don't tell you about how you're a little overweight even though you already know it. I hate being around him and talking to him because he actually has the WORST energy ever. He's so negative about every little thing and when I try to tell him or turn it around in a positive way he's just so stubborn about it and I don't want to hear about your fucking negative ass life. If you wanted it to be more pleasant and positive then it's up to you to change that. Everyone else thinks it's funny or says some shit like "oh that's just who he is though" and that doesn't make it fucking excusable. You're negative energy affects other people and I HATE it. You're extremely rude, negative, and have no idea how to deal with people. Customers actually complain about you and ask to not be seated in your dining section. What does that fucking tell you about the kind of person you are? If you don't like your life or you want to get away from everyone THEN FUCKING DO IT! STOP FUCKING TELLING EVERYONE HOW RELATIONSHIPS END TERRIBLY AND HOW AWFUL IT IS TO GROW UP. WHY WOULD YOU FUCKING BRING SOMEONE DOWN LIKE THAT WHEN THOSE ARE THINGS THAT PEOPLE GENERALLY LOOK FORWARD TO?!

[diaryofraylo]

It's so fucking hard and frustrating to have a "family" that doesn't support or listen to you. My dad doesn't want me to go to college because he doesn't want me to leave and today he said he didn't go to college and he's just fine but this isn't your fucking decade anymore where you don't need a college degree. By the time I've graduated from college I'll need to get a degree in able to have a stable job. I don't WANT to work construction all my life like you do, I want to do something I enjoy! And whenever you say stuff like that to me it makes me feel so guilty and want to leave less but I NEED to get out of here because I HATE this fucking household. I will literally go insane and snap. Then my mom over here who won't let me get a tattoo when I turn 18. It's extremely meaningful to me but she won't listen at all. STOP BEING SUCH A FUCKING PRUDE ABOUT EVERY LITTLE THING. She is honestly the most judge mental person that I know and it makes me so angry! She does so much for my younger siblings and nothing for me! She spends so much money on them for things they need help with and I get fucking nothing. I come home from work with no food and she wouldn't let me get a tutor this year for math when she goes and spends thousands of dollars every year on my fucking dumbass brother because he's "special needs" which doesn't mean shit in his case. He gets away with everything. Don't they fucking realize everything is their fault? You raise me to live on my own and when it's time to go you say you aren't gonna help me pay for college. I didn't even get the fucking sex talk so I went and had sex and it was the most uncomfortable thing of my life. But I can only imagine what the conversation would be like. You'd blame me and probably kick me out when it's ALL YOUR FAULT. You didn't teach me shit so I was curious and found out for myself. The only thing you told me was wait until marriage and look what good that did me. You didn't say anything about protection or who to have sex with. You just threw me out into public school with no knowledge of anything but now you don't wanna throw me into the real world? THAT MAKES A LOT OF FUCKING SENSE.

[diaryofraylo]

"Forget shit and move on." I've seen a picture of this quote reblogged thousands of times and to be honest, I've reblogged it myself. But now it just frustrates me. I don't like it anymore. I don't think you should just forget shit and then move on with your life. Everything that happens to you is a life lesson and either teaches you about yourself or other people. Shit is really important a lot of the time so I don't think it's a good idea to forget it. For example, I have a girl who goes to my school named Tori and I guess she's my friend. We don't hang out outside of school but we talk sometimes. A lot of the time on twitter she gets really sad about things like her relationship or just other drama and I know she suffers with depression. Most of the time when I see her tweets like that I'll text her to make sure that she's okay and if she needs any support. About a month ago though this kid walks into one of my classes (that I have with tori) and I start to get extremely anxious and uncomfortable. You see, I used to have this same class with this kid who is making me anxious. His name is Nahjai. I actually switched out of my original class because of Nahjai. He was extremely mean and rude and was constantly making fun of me and calling me out in front of the whole class as they laughed at me. It's really not a good feeling and I couldn't take it anymore. So when he walked in I just kept mumbling to my friend about how I hated him and wanted him to leave and Tori heard me and started saying things like "you need to stop letting other people control your life and how you feel" or "who care? Just forget it" and I got SO mad. She has no idea what he put me through. I can't help that I feel like shit whenever he's around because of how he humiliated me multiple times. I also found it very hypocritical of Tori to say something like that because she's always letting other people control how she feels based on her tweets. I'm still very aggravated about it. That is one example/reason of why I don't like the term, "forget shit and move on". This made me realize that 1. I'm not going to forget how Nahjai treated me and how affected I am every time I see him and 2. What kind of a support system Tori is. Whenever she's feeling down I never judge her and tell her stop letting people control me. But if she's going to do that, I really don't want to be there for her. I don't think I should forget this because it's important. In fact I should remember it and then move on so I know in the future what to expect and now I know the kind of person she is.

[diaryofraylo]

It's really FUCKING annoying how nowadays when you tell someone how you feel about them it's considered creepy and weird instead of appreciative and caring. Seriously what the fuck? I was just letting you know that you mean a lot and I'm really grateful to have you in my life and instead you just don't talk to me. THIS STUPID FUCKING SOCIETY WHO'S OBSESSED WITH THEMSELVES SO THEY THINK EVERYONE ELSE IS OBSESSED WITH THEM TOO.

[diaryofraylo]

DON'T FUCKING ASK ME FOR DIRECTIONS AND THEN TELL ME IM WRONG YOU STUPID FUCKING BITCH

[diaryofraylo]

I deliberately get up early and wait until my dad leaves to go downstairs so I can avoid everyone and my fucking mom decides to come downstairs and talk to me anyways just to tell me AGAIN I'm dumb. LEAVE ME THE FUCK ALONE

[diaryofraylo]

SCHOOL SHOULDN'T MAKE PEOPLE WANT TO DIE! this is one fucked up education system we've got. it doesn't test intelligence at all, it tests your memory. and it's really fucking stressful that what you do for 4 years determines how the rest of your life will play out and there are no do overs. IM SO FUCKING DONE

[diaryofraylo]

I'm also pretty fed up with my fourth hour. But then again I've been fed up with them since the beginning. The main problem is there's 4 popular hockey players in there who hate me for no reason and this dick named Tommy who's SUCH a fucking try hard who also hates me but idc because I would probably kill tommy if I could. Anyways, the other day I called Brexton and idiot in front of everyone cause he got something wrong or something but in all honesty, I don't feel one bit bad. He deserved it because he is the one going around texting girls trying to "get with them" and when they turn him down he calls them cunts, makes fun of their noses, calls them whores, says their boyfriend is ugly. He is such a douche bag so I didn't feel bad. Oh and when I confronted him about it he denied it both times. Anyways so after I said that everyone say stuff I guess, I wasn't paying attention and the teacher was like "be nice" and I should have said "no. Not to him" but unfortunately I didn't so I just looked dumb but one of the hockey guys was like "Brexton I think you're smart" and I didn't hear but then I guess Brexton went "no one likes you" LIKE ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME?! DITTO NO ONE FUCKING LIKES YOU, YOU DOUCHE LORD. ugh I'm SOOO done with that class. I hate it and I hate everyone in there and it just makes me so mad

[diaryofraylo]

Hahaha I cannot wait to be done with school. The only thing I'll miss is choir basically. My 2nd hour sucks because half of the room is popular kids and they're all judgmental as fuck. If they aren't popular kids then it's kids wanting to be popular so they make fun of other people in front of the popular kids. For instance, there's this girl Maria and I'm on okay terms with her. I haven't really hated her in a while but she sits diagonally behind this really popular girl named Katie and whenever someone asks or says something that she thinks is dumb she'll just mock what they say and act like its the stupidest thing she's ever heard to impress people. STOP BEING A FUCKING BITCH. just because someone isn't as smart as you, doesn't mean they're dumb! Every time it happens I regret calling her out on it. I really should ugh

[diaryofraylo]

Downhill

Ok so I’m in marine biology at my school and the end of the trimester is almost over and I LOVE that class so much. It’s fun, the teacher is great, and the people are not judgmental because they’re all super nice and there’s no one who’s “popular” or intimidating or anything. I feel like we all get along, for the most part. I mean, there are a couple people who get on my nerves but I put up with them. Anyways, yesterday this senior girl Chrissie was getting pretty annoyed with me just because I don’t stop talking just because I’m a social butterfly and you gotta let me fly. I can see why she was getting annoyed but who cares? I was having fun. So anyway, today once we got time I started talking again and we had a substitute but I wasn’t talking AS much or AS loud. I jump from topic to topic and occasionally the sub (who was really nice) would say something like, “WHAT are you talking about?” and so then when I started explaining Chrissie would jump in and tell me to shut up or something like that and it’s like YOU SHUT UP! I’m not hurting anyone and if you don’t like it, don’t listen. Then at the end of the class I heard her kind of go to herself, “I’m so annoyed with this class” like umm I’m annoyed with you because you keep being a little bitch. Just put headphones in or something. Don’t complain about something if you can solve it. And then this annoying kid, Kyle, who I’ve been annoyed with all year started being a little asshole asking me shit like, “Are you rich?” and “Where did you grow up?” it’s like what the fuck kind of questions are those? That’s not any of your business. That’s rude to ask people about their economic status and so I was like “Umm what are you trying to get at?” and he goes, “I’m trying to figure out where you come from that makes you act the way you do.” FUCK NO. STOP RIGHT FUCKING THERE. THERE’S NOTHING WRONG WITH ME AND THAT’S FUCKING STRAIGHT UP RUDE. I’M JUST TRYING TO HAVE A FUN TIME AND YOU’RE BEING A LITTLE DOUCHE BAG. So I snapped on him and I was like “where are YOU from?” and he tried telling me the ghetto which is utter bullshit and I told him it was rude to ask people’s economic status and he started assuming shit so I snapped and assumed shit right back and the teach yelled at me and he’s like “Rachel don’t talk to me” and so I turned back to Kyle and was like “well don’t PISS ME OFF!” and UGH. THAT KID SERIOUSLY HAS NO MANNERS. I fucking put up with your annoying ass every day always turning around for no reason to face me and you’re disgusting sense of humor with the same dead baby joke every day. FUCK OFF YOU DICK!

[diaryofraylo]

Googly Eyes

so there's this girl in my 2nd hour history class named Kyra and personally, she's never done anything to me. Just my friend Amanda. She called her out on twitter by taking a screenshot of one of Amanda's facebook statuses about being together with her boyfriend forever and put it on twitter saying something like "Aww together forever. *school name here* problems" and so Amanda really hates her for that because it was obviously unnecessary and rude. She didn't even both to blur out her name or anything. So anyways, there's also this girl in my 2nd hour named Brianna and Brianna is super nice. She always wants people to be happy and has never done anything to anyone but across the room is where all the popular, judgemental bitches sit and we all sit on the other side and the other day we were talking about the Jim Crow laws and I don't know if Brianna had just misheard it or what but she asked the substitute how to spell Jim Crow and of course the bitches sat there and judged her. Then today Brianna was gone and we were talking about the Jim Crow laws again and Kyra goes, "I don't know how to spell it." basically making fun of Brianna because the teacher just looked at her funny and Kyra goes, "You weren't here." and I got PISSED. I regret not saying anything to her now but the other people who sit near me and Brianna took it into their own hands and told the teacher what Kyra really meant and I saw Amanda tell the police officer at our school since Kyra was "bullying". But yeah, from now on I'm not gonna be nice to Kyra cause that was completely uncalled for and straight up rude.

[diaryofraylo]

plans

if you make plans with someone, KEEP TO THOSE GOD DAMN PLANS! i just wanted to go out to lunch with you because we haven't spend time together lately and just wanted to talk and we planned this on what, Friday? today is Monday and you were running late talking about showering and shit. why didn't you do that BEFORE 11? then you fucking say "hey let's go to like caribou. i don't have enough for smashburger." bitch i fucking told you a kids meal would only be $5 and you have like $7. but sitting here saying "I don't wanna spend my last money on food." CARIBOU IS FUCKING FOOD! where do you keep getting all this money anyways? i thought your savings and all that shit was gone. if it's from doing chores around the house, just do more chores! I DON'T FUCKING LIKE CARIBOU! you should have told me about this earlier! you have a fucking giftcard anyways! god this happens all the time!

[diaryofraylo]

I want to just sit down with you or lie down with you for an entire night and open up to you about everything I've gone through and why I am the way I am. I want to show and tell you all of my insecurities and know that you'll never tell anyone. unfortunately I know that will never happen because you won't want to and you won't care.

[diaryofraylo]

reasons I don't date: no one can handle what an emotionally unstable, sensitive, annoying mess I really am

[diaryofraylo]

people think I'm so confident and carefree because I seem like I don't let things bother me on the outside and don't hide a lot. little do they know how much I actually hide. how easily I can cry. how sensitive I really am. how insecure about every part of my body I am. but coming off as confident and strong makes you less of a target and makes it seem like people can't mess with you. but when they do, it really fucks you up mentally and gets you thinking about every little thing.