ur fp

♡fp stands for farm princess & this is our implosive bpd sideblog♡ ♤pro-dx pre-tiktok DID♤ ♧if u somehow know me irl pls gtfo!♧ ◇24 ◇

[dickssociation]

borderlines need softness from people so badly because every angle and every edge in our lives is made so hard by our disorder

[autopsyfreak]

people will claim to support those without empathy but will then get pissed off with you when you don’t understand how they feel or how to help them, when you do something without realising that it might make them feel bad, when you have to ask them what they need you to say/do in the moment, etc.

people claim they support those without empathy until it’s an inconvenience to them and their feelings.

[dickssociation]

idk the wording here just feels a little… off…

if you do something that makes someone feel bad, accidentally or otherwise, they likely will get pissed and it’s not their job to shelter you from that. you can learn from it and become a better friend or you can decide that they’re being unreasonable and reconsider your closeness. either way, we need to be okay with failing, and seeing the results of failure, in order to learn how to support people emotionally. accommodations can only go so far and no one should have to sacrifice their own emotional honesty in order to coddle our learning experiences. i know that’s not exactly what you’re saying here, but i also know that’s how some people will read it.

[dickssociation]

very unhappy to report: getting older just means getting so unbearably embarrassed by the same feelings you’ve always had that all you can do is create cool new strategies to repress them

[dickssociation]

having a favorite person is actually the most humiliating thing in the entire world & even if you’re so so good & do nothing about it that shame will eat away at you until there’s nothing left

[dickssociation]

TEDTalk - Is Is Really Lovebombing If I Truly Do Want To Crawl Inside Your Skin And Live In Your Ribcage Forever & Will Always Feel Like Except When I Make Up Some Scenario In My Head Where You Hurt My Feelings A Little?

[bathroomcube]

why is the best DID representation in media always accidental. the moment they try to do it on purpose its just the evil alter trope again but the moment theyre not trying its like wow. how did you manage to get that accurate accidentally?

[bathroomcube]

this is actually true for a lot of neurodivergencies, schizophrenia, autism, adhd, ocd, bpd, npd, i could go on. but like. its a theme.

[the-dollhouse-system]

I think this actually says something very powerful about how labels now carry more stigma than expressed symptoms themselves.

I'm not sure when this shift happened, but it was certainly spurred by contemporary pop psychology. I have a theory that the dehumanization and demonization of explicitly-identified neurodivergent characters is also linked to the explosive trend of true crime media in recent years. Once people have a name for something, or someone, that is conceptually foreign to them, they begin to mythologize it. Schizo-spec, DID, and Cluster B PD's in particular have are being mythologized and woven into dramatic narratives over and over again. The "scary" ones, the ones that seem entirely unrelateable, and inhuman, are a lot more fun for people in search of escapist entertainment.

So why can people address symptoms and experiences so holistically when those diagnostic labels aren't attached? Because these are human experiences. These aren't great divides in our species, they're subtleties in perception and behavior that can resonate far beyond the confines of some alienating disorder. Our experiences are not only our own.

There are overlaps, synchronicities, and blurred lines between all of us. Hallucinations do not require schizophrenia, dissociation does not require DID, compulsive manipulation certainly does not require BPD. So when a character is written as a person, instead of a patient, we will find that they feel a lot like us, or like someone we love, or like a past life, or like home. When the personhood of a character is prioritized, symptoms and their expression may still be alarming, or unsettling, or bizarre, but they do not carry the terror of the named unknown.

The "accidental" appearance of symptoms may actually be accidental, simply a coincidental combination of traits. Or the creator might've intentionally based the character's lived experience off someone they know, or themself, without the fanfare of a diagnostic announcement. Either way, the authenticity of the human experience is better preserved.

[cynicalcynicalcynical-deactivat]

I sometimes get so angry that if someone even looks at me I'll want to inflict physical harm on them. It's very scary. It's so heavy, physically too. It makes my chest tight and my hands shake.

Sometimes I get so jealous of some being happy I want to ruin it for them. I have thoughts of being mean and being cruel and breaking all of my morals and beliefs. When I'm rejected I convince myself that I rejected the person or I make the person a villain in order to make the rejection hurt less.

These aren't traits I'm proud of. These aren't traits I was born with. I developed these in order to survive. I'm trying really hard to fix myself, without any help from anyone.

Cluster Bs aren't terrible monsters. We're hurting. And telling us that we are awful or comparing us to serial killers doesn't help. Playing with our heads, making us "crash", calling us over dramatic isn't going to help us.

Just saying.

[dickssociation]

When personality disorders, specifically Cluster B’s, specifically BPD, is well-managed, so many of our impulses, overreactions, vindications, and irrational thoughts are held internally. Not allowing ourselves to act on our destructive tendencies is incredibly hard and isolating work.

I’ve been consciously working for a decade now to understand my disorder and help myself develop the skills and habits I need to survive. Sometimes it feels like growth, sometimes progress, sometimes simply maintaining, sometimes a devastating slip backwards. And the better I get, the more invisible my work becomes.

The more work you do, the better you get at it, the higher the bar is raised, the more people forget the person you’ve worked so hard not to be. People who have known me my whole life have told me that my diagnosis can’t possibly be correct, or that it can be chalked up to growing out of something; you’re just so well-adjusted now! This always triggers a defense mechanism, because, yes, technically I just barely meet the DSM criteria now, from an external perspective. Behaviorally, I’m cured (most days). Great, awesome, cool. I’m officially capable of being a productive member of society. But I have worked so hard and will continue working harder than any neurotypical can imagine just to keep my shit together.

I personally subscribe to the theory that BPD is nurture and nature, meaning that the seed was in fact planted into my DNA and then catalyzed by trauma and no amount of reconditioning can rewire how I think, feel, connect, perceive. I can develop coping mechanisms, I can change my habits, I can fill my life with wonderful people and wonderful things, but I will never understand what it’s like for these things to be easy. And sometimes I want some goddamn credit for doing them anyway when it would be so easy to stop stomping out the fires and just let everything burn down.

[the-yanderess-deactivated202306]

hi, I saw a post that said something about you supporting "obsessive love disorder". I'd like to tell you that it's a fake disorder that was made to mock people with BPD as they more commonly have abandonment issues and idolize people (bad people or not). as someone with BPD, this is very harmful.

the yandere trope is also usually used to mock people with BPD and make them seem "crazy".

I have also asked my psychiatrist the last time I had an appointment if it was real just to make sure, and he told me it wasn't.

I- have BPD... I- can reclaim a term used against me. And also you can look into it(OLD) being looked into. Again, I know what the yandere trope is, I reclaim it because it has been used against me and I also BPD. Su good day? - 🍼

♡Reclamation♡

Tagging: @de-rune @silentfoxproductions @gender-mailman if they wanna help explain and expand on my points

[de-rune]

its not a fake disorder, whoever is saying that is just trying to spread further misinfo and silence the "scary" parts of metal health that they personally dont like. yandere can and is being reclaimed by us folks with bpd, maybe actually look into things more yourself before trusting someone's word and going to another person's inbox to tell them off for a term usage you have an issue with.

we're all well aware the yandere trope was used against us in several ways, mocking, demonizing/villainizing and romanticizing but thats exactly why we use it, to reclaim it. its us taking a term and trope used against us and retaking it. which has been done with plenty of other crap and will continue to be done weather you like it or not.

not all medical professionals will be aware of some conditions, some will have a bias against certain diagnoses. hell the psychiatrist that diagnosed me with bpd was against the idea i had DID. not everything a psych says is the end all be all, you think they remember every single disorder in existence? no!

dude im so tired of arguments like these. we have the right to use terms that fit us and we can reclaim shit thats been used against us. its called accepting parts of ourselves, coping and healing, leave us be to do so.

[the-yanderess-deactivated202306]

This!! Thank chu! I'm su tired of peuple spreading misinfu! And jus I dun't have the energy tu explain tuday, su thank chu! - 🍼

[dickssociation]

Obsessive Love Disorder (OLD) is not medically recognized, and therefore cannot be diagnosed by a mental health professional. The origin of the term is unclear, so it's impossible to say whether it was first coined to stigmatize or support BPD symptoms. It has only appeared in online spaces within the past decade, hasn't appeared in medical publications, and isn't used in clinical settings, so it essentially has to be chalked up to pop psychology. That being said, there's nothing wrong with labeling our symptoms with terms that help us rationalize them. If you identify with a term, "real" or not, that helps you communicate your feelings to your therapist or yourself, go for it.

As said in this article (one of the only credible sources referencing it), the symptoms of OLD are sometimes indicative of a personality, attachment, or anxiety disorder. Someone might have BPD, or they could be diagnosed with something else. If you identify with OLD, look into DSED, DPD, NPD, HPD, and separation anxiety disorder. If none of those fit, you may want to look into attachment styles, anxious or anxious-avoidant in particular. Disordered attachment styles don't come with a diagnosis, but that's okay. It still lends a direction for self-work.

What's most important to remember is that identifying too closely with a label can be dangerous. whether the label was created in good faith or not, whether it feels like reclaiming or not, whether it's diagnosable/diagnosed or not, please don't let a painful or disordered trait of yours define who you are, dictate your behavior, or justify any harm you may cause. A label is an explanation of how you think & feel, not an excuse to act on it. Hyperfixating on the traits that fit us neatly into a box often prevents us from looking at the full picture and focusing on recovery. The term "yandere" is often synonymous with "anti-recovery" in BPD spaces. It's largely due to the common romanticization of attachment-related symptoms in that community, which is honestly really sad. As long as you don't fall into that trap, make up & use whatever terms you'd like for yourself. They're yours.

[cassie-lmao]

do yall know any song my bpd ass could relate to? all i know is blank space and anti hero by taylor swift lmao

[dickssociation]

here's nearly a full day's worth - have fun crying ;)

[dickssociation]

i don't think u can feel truly comfortable around a person unless u have traumabonded or run errands w them a few times. either one works.

[dickssociation]

The thing about having a FP is that they will eventually be gone, ultimately by your hand or by their own. Then immediately you'll become aware of how few people came close to knowing them and adoring them in any way that comes close to how you did. You'll want to pour over every moment, every interaction, every word, every touch, over & over again. For months. For years. But the number of people who will can entertain you in that will dwindle until you're left with no one who truly remembers them, or cares to do so, except yourself. You'll still spend just as much time in your memories with them as you do in the present moment. Sometimes more. But one day, all of a sudden, you'll find yourself completely alone there, unable to finish the last detail of a story or place the exact color of their hair under city lights. No one will be able to help. No one will understand why they should. And that is the loneliest feeling I've ever found.

[dickssociation]

just because someone's wrong doesn't mean they're lying to you you, just because someone's lying to you doesn't mean they're gaslighting you, just because someone's gaslighting you doesn't mean it's intentional, and just because you think it's intentional doesn't mean that they have a personality disorder. hope that clears some things up. please learn what words mean before hurling them around our world all willy nilly.

TLDR: being wrong ≠ lying ≠ gaslighting ≠ intentionality ≠ having a personality disorder. this isn't hard stuff.

[rott-and-decay]

Gaslighting is very much intentional. Gaslighting is an abuse tactic where an abuser convinces/tries to convince their victim that they’re not being abused. Common gaslighting phrases are:

you’re being over dramatic

it didn’t happen like that

you’re remembering it wrong

you made me do it

if you hadn’t have [excuse] then I wouldn’t have to punish you

you know how I feel about [behavior]

It’s very much intentional. The whole point is to make the victim question their grasp on reality and trust their abuser with the way events played out.

[dickssociation]

my phone broke on Xmas & I just remembered that desktop tumblr exists lmao

This is straying so far from the point of the post, but I’ll bite. Anywayyy, no, gaslighting doesn’t necessarily have to be intentional. It can be, ofc, but unintentional or unconscious manipulation is also possible, if not more common. There was a post floating around at some point about how most abusers aren’t aware enough of their actions to go “oh boy, what a lovely day to go abuse somone!” Generally, it isn’t a concerted effort to harm anyone else, but more of one to protect their own interests. In this case, that interest is their perception or judgement of reality, protected even at the expense of someone else’s. Just like other forms of abuse, sometimes it’s even an effort to protect the victim. If the gaslighter feels like the person they’re manipulating would be better off relying on the judgement of others, they’ll do their best to convince them of that. It’s obviously very wrong, but that doesn’t mean it’s consciously insidious or inhuman.

The problem with categorizing emotional or mental abuse/manipulation as something that is inherent a Known Evil & Irrevocable Sin is that it puts people into camps of Innocent Victim & Eternally Damned Abuser. Basically a recreation of Catholic guilt. Really, anyone is capable of manipulating someone, just as anyone can be manipulated. You don’t need to consciously be committing atrocities to be an abuser any more than you need to agree to victimhood in order to be victimized. We all need to monitor our behavior and remain aware that even if we don’t feel like we’re doing anything wrong, we’re still capable of doing damage. Even if we've never intended to harm others, we may still be doing it. We should take them seriously if they say that we’ve hurt them, or their feelings, or their sense of self-reliability.

Oh, and back to the original point, gaslighting is not a symptom of a personality disorder.

[cluster-b-culture-is]

cluster b culture is basically becoming an amateur psychologist

.

[dickssociation]

just because someone's wrong doesn't mean they're lying to you you, just because someone's lying to you doesn't mean they're gaslighting you, just because someone's gaslighting you doesn't mean it's intentional, and just because you think it's intentional doesn't mean that they have a personality disorder. hope that clears some things up. please learn what words mean before hurling them around our world all willy nilly.

TLDR: being wrong ≠ lying ≠ gaslighting ≠ intentionality ≠ having a personality disorder. this isn't hard stuff.

[knifefightscene]

I need u to stop blindly trusting youtube/tiktok lawyers and psychologists there is a reason why those freaks are on social media spreading false information instead of having papers published

[dickssociation]

do u think the folks on r/BPDLovedOnes or those narcissistic abuse truther insta page owners have ever even heard of Medscape? Pubmed? The NCBI?? or even smthn like Google Scholar that literally does all the work for you??? nah mate they just like to bitch bc someone hurt their feelings at some point & now they feel morally superior to The Mentally Sick & Twisted

[spooksier]

ive made peace with most of my mental illness shit but i need whoever invented rejection sensitive dysphoria to be in hell no matter what

[spooksier]

shaking and crying like a scorned pomeranian because somebody thirteen years ago called me annoying once

[dickssociation]

i literally don't offer ppl food i make even when i made it partially 4 them as an act of love bc i feel Disgusting & Horrific if someone says no which is probably not a normal or healthy reaction but lmao whatevs if u wanna eat u gotta ask in this house

[dickssociation]

coukd you talk more abt skyland trail??!! i have bpd and am in res rn but got recommended to transfer to there instead :/

Oh man yes I can talk endlessly. I'm still really close with quite a few people who were there with me, so I'll try to bring their perspectives into it as well. I'm sure at least several of them would be willing to talk. DM me ♡

If anyone else wants more info on Skyland, let me know so I can add details specific to that special special place in the Unofficial Institutionalization Guide that I'll be working on for the next couple days.