[ros-sauce]

(bravely) I think body parts should only hurt if something is wrong.

[kangamommynow]

And that something should be fixable

[teaboot]

Ideally with a warm bath and a good night's sleep

[the-sacred-now]

I feel like a lot of people engaging in torture are not treating their victims as if they could have blood borne pathogens 🤔

[the-sacred-now]

Is what my wife said apropo of nothing as we were silently drifting off to sleep

[the-sacred-now]

Uh oh

Is what she said when I immediately reached for my phone and opened Tumblr instead of responding

[the-sacred-now]

@everything-you-feel-is-real I know by tumblr tradition that I'm to say "impossible, my posts never blow up like that," or "please don't do this to me."

But I feel in my bones that you are right. If this is to be my wife's moment of glory, I am willing to suffer notification overload, that the world may know she is funny. #MyFunnyWife

[horsewheelie]

I'm never going to hell

[disgruntled-foreign-patriarch]

you're like that guy from the mummy

[inwardhardar]

[melodeelaine]

Kingfisher and Great Egret lined up just right

[blazing-butterfly-inactive]

@notsospiteful I like the way you think

[morphogenetic]

(wanting to make a post about something but it reveals too much about your personal life) i have had a negative experience

[i-am-a-lazy-mess]

hate when I type :) and this 🙂 fucker appears. Go away you evil soul

[shitter]

absolute gold on Reddit today

[clementine-kesh]

i do think it’s funny when you’ve been into a thing long enough that you’ve done all the serious analysis you can do so now you’re mostly just thinking up looney tunes scenarios to put the characters in

[clementine-kesh]

looney tunes scenarios which are most importantly still impeccably in-character because of all the aforementioned serious analysis

[importantcatpics]

[josilverdragon]

Saved this because it is so true.

[draconym]

The eye doctor is the most fun doctor you can go to. They never steal your blood. They never make you get naked and put on a paper dress. They're just like, "Can you see these letters? It's fine if you can't, we can fix that." And they don't even spell anything.

[onadarklingplain]

When you think about it, when George wears his itty bitty shorts with the longer tighter undershorts which ones are really there for his modesty? In his ideal world would he be freeballing it in his bootyshorts or dressed in a seamless unitard, smooth like a seal?

this is one of the most beautiful asks i've ever received and such an important thought experiment

personally i really want the answer to be seamless unitard because that's fun to me and i think a seamless unitard would be soothing to him because it's like a racesuit. and as we all know because he told us, he doesn't even wear underwear under his fireproofs, so i think he must like the smooth feeling against his skin however, if i look into my heart, he's foundationally a man that wants to be naked. like if you had to tell someone facts about george russell, the fact that he longs to be shirtless is surely in the top three

so i think we gotta do a poll

george's ideal world

freeballing bootyshorts

seamless unitard smooth like a seal

Voting ended onMay 6

[speedlimit15]

i think sometimes i use the like button to pet the posts

[natalieironside]

Due to my weird childhood and my weird brain, I have this very unhelpful compulsion to conceal Everything I do from Everyone. I Cannot be observed performing any action, no matter how mundane. My nervous system is convinced I'm gonna, like, Get In Trouble for eating food at dinnertime or sleeping in my bed at bedtime.

I've taken to asking myself, "Okay does this task actually require subterfuge or am I stealing a balloon on Free Balloon Day"

[natalieironside]

I see from the notes that we're all havin a normal one 👍

[drdopamine]

[penandinkprincess]

i would love to go to bed when i plan to, but unfortunately the person in charge of me is me and that bitch LOVES screentime and poor decisions

[transcmd]

dash simulator:

MUTUAL 1: i fucking hate the toronto maple leafs

MUTUAL 2: GO LEAFS GO🍁🍁🍁🍁🍁🍁

MUTUAL 3: im going to kill myself

TUMBLR AD: DOWNLOAEDD AI PUSSY RIGHT NOW!!

MUTUAL 4: and FUCK the sharks

MUTUAL 5: (blocked tag)

MUTUAL 6: 🦈🦈🦈🦈🦈🦈🦈🦈

MUTUAL 7: i saw a bjrd trday :3 🐦

TUMBLR AD: my bittch wife and oiur uglyl fucicmjng duaghter are in a windy cabin and onlly you can save them

[lady-averie]

So while doing some pirate research for the play I’m writing I stumbled upon one of the most amazing things I’ve ever read. In the 5th century A.D. there was a Scandinavian princess called Alwilda who’s father tried to set her up to marry Alf, the Prince of Denmark. Alwilda wasn’t cool with this so she and some female companions dressed as men, stole a ship, and sailed away. Eventually they met a company of pirates who were in need of a new captain and they were so captivated by her that they elected her as their new leader. Her crew became so infamous that Prince Alf was sent out to stop them. When their ships met he took Alwilda prisoner and she was so impressed by Alf’s skill that she agreed to marry him after all and eventually became the Queen of Denmark.

[deadcatwithaflamethrower]

I stopped caring whether this was factually accurate about halfway through because it’s completely AWESOME.

[oldshrewsburyian]

Medievalist here for triumphant fact-checking: this story is, if not true, at least true according to the history of the Danes (Gesta Danorum) written in the 12th century by Saxo Grammaticus. You can read his account of Alwilda’s story in the original Latin here, or in English translation here. Highlights include:

She exchanged woman’s for man’s attire, and, no longer the most modest of maidens, began the life of a warlike rover. Enrolling in her service many maidens who were of the same mind, she happened to come to a spot where a band of rovers were lamenting the death of their captain, who had been lost in war; they made her their rover captain.

I love the implication that there were lots of Danish maidens just WAITING for the opportunity of a life of piracy…

[lady-averie]

Reblogging my old post for this A+ addition to it