actually, on rewatching the hospital scene again something that really gets me is how ilya reverts to calling shane 'hollander' again. the way he says it. christ, he's so visibility shaken and holding on to the very last shreds of his sanity. he calls him hollander to try and put distance back between them because he's been going out of his mind with worry. he loves him so much and he was so scared and he doesn't know what to do with all of these emotions. he looks like he's drowning.
it's almost funny when you contrast it with how shane greets him with the happiest, dopiest, 'ilyaaaa'. meanwhile ilya is trying desperately to be 'rozanov' so that he doesn't collapse.













