hoping for the best but expecting the worst

she/her

[queermasculine]

Two dykes share a kiss at the first ever Dyke March. Photographer Carolina Kroon, Manhattan, 1993. Full image | Source

[theresthesnitch]

Hold on, this is fascinating. Reblog this and tell me in the notes how old you are and if you ever had typing lessons.

[irishironclad]

What in God’s good name is a “typing lesson”

[intjint]

I can’t tell if you’re being serious or not

[irishironclad]

I’m serious what is a typing lesson? What would they teach you? To type? My brother in Christ it is like writing with a pen but technically easier.

[intjint]

Before home computers were very common, people typically only typed for business-related things, so the only people that actually knew how to use typewriters and word processors were authors, secretaries, accountants, etc. These people would take classes for typing bc it was seen as a skill. This gradually fell out of fashion, much like teaching kids cursive

Typing is only intuitive to gen y & z bc most of us learned through computer games or had someone tell us where to rest our fingers. People who never learned to type use just their index fingers, hit one key, take a long time to find the next letter, hit it with an index finger, and repeat until finished

[robin-hood-for-freedom]

34 i played this:

[gregorette1982]

Technically still 39, and I took typing (I think it was called something like Computing 101, because we learned how to use Word, Excel and the internet in addition to touch-typing) in high school. 

I think they also tried to teach us word processing on the ol’ Apple II GS’s in elementary school, but I’m not sure.

[stainlesssteellocust]

I realise I forgot to give my own answer: 29, and they taught us on the rickety pcs in the Computer Room. I remember when we pivoted from “all essays must be handwritten, typing is not allowed” to “all essays must be typed, handwriting is not allowed”.

[only-tiktoks]

[raise-me-up-take-me-up]

Transcription:

[a lady wearing a blue shirt sits at a table facing the camera, and she uses hand gestures throughout. she speaks clearly but quickly. as the story progresses, emojis and pictures of furniture as used to illustrate]

What’s the funniest thing that happened to me as a cater waiter? Great question, I would love to tell you.

It’s 3.30 for a 5 o’clock start. Our shift lead is giving us a rundown of the night, and he tells us that the bride specifically requested edible everything. Plates, cutlery, cups, napkins, the whole shebang, and I think, “What in the Willy Wonka is this?” One of the people alongside of me says, “It’s so beautiful, it’s the perfect combination of classy and eco-friendly, it’s like you’re eating and drinking from the Earth.” And I just think, “This is a logistical nightmare, did they not consider the fact that this is a humid LA night? All of this stuff is going to start shrink-wrapping itself around the food.”

I’m with a tray passing around mini-quiches like my life depends on it, and after 7 or 8 people of grabbing the mini-quiche, and not eating the plate that it was served on, because why would they ever assume that they can eat a plate? I decide to tell people, because this is such a specific request by the bride, that I’m like, “This obviously is important to her.” So I’m explaining, “You can actually eat the plate.” The looks I got? Unmatched. I’ve never felt so crazy in my entire life.

My plate is empty, I go to the back, re-stock my mini-quiches, and I go now and stock the guest table, the hors d'oeuvres table, where people can go and get more as they need. As I’m doing this, the bride walks up to me and asks, “Have you had a chance to taste anything yet?” And I was like, “Not yet, we eat later.” She goes, “You have to try the quiche. It’s my grandma’s recipe. She’s no longer with us, and we wanted to incorporate her into our wedding in some way she can perform, so the quiche is how we did it. You have to try it with me.”

I said, “Great, I would love to do that.” So I grabbed some, I put the whole thing into my mouth, plate and all, I chew, I swallow. [swallowing noise] ...It’s so good.

She’s like, “Did you just eat the plate?” I was like, “...Mhm... It’s edible!” She’s like, “The plate is edible?” I was like “Mhm... you asked for it!” She’s like... “[shakes head] No I didn’t...”

So I went and talked to my shift leader. It turns out, I don’t know the difference between edible and biodegradable. [fake laugh] Thank you. [reaches for the camera]

[the screen now shows a picture of the lady in waiter attire, presumably taken the day of the wedding] I have no idea how many people ended up eating things that were not edible that night.

[weirdlylyricalnotes]

[Additional VD: This is a Tiktok by @/elysemyers. /end VD]

[catboyaoi]

wow this cannot be good for me *keeps doing it*

[pigeonriot]

oh yeah this would be good for me *never starts doing it*

[toastbutteregg]

[the-ghost-king]

has this thread made it on to tumblr yet?

[headspace-hotel]

the discussion about whether aliens would have original sin is at least 500ish years old

One day I will make a post about what people thought about aliens throughout time because it is an underrated fact that we've been thinking about aliens for all of human history

[isa-ghost]

If a woman has

STARCH MASKS

O N   H E R    B O D Y

does that mean

she has been pGReNant bef o r e?

[alsolucimorningstar812]

DANGEROPS

Pranget sex?

Will it hurt baby top of his head????

[isa-ghost]

Can uu get,,,

𝓹𝓻𝓮𝓰𝓪𝓷𝓽𝓮

[alsolucimorningstar812]

38+2 weeks

PREGANANANT

[charlioak]

can uu go down a

20 foot waterslide

while uu are

PEGNAT?

[lesbian-bookworm]

For anyone who doesn’t know what this is referencing

[five-flats]

this video legit never fails to make me laugh and i’ve seen it god knows how many times

[headspace-hotel]

This is genuinely an internet classic

[hellenhighwater]

This is how my sister-in-law announced to the family that she’s having a baby.

[fatoujallovv]

non-dialogue moments of page to screen continuity 

[inkskinned]

fucking hate it when the stuff everybody says "actually works" does actually work.

hate exercising and realizing i've let go of a lot of anxiety and anger because i've overturned my fight-or-flight response.

hate eating right and eating enough and eating 3 times a day and realizing i'm less anxious and i have more energy

hate journaling in my stupid notebook with my stupid bic ballpoint and realizing that i've actually started healing about something once i'm able to externalize it

hate forgiving myself hate complimenting myself more often hate treating myself with kindness hate taking a gratitude inventory hate having patience hate talking to myself gently

hate turning my little face up to the sun and taking deep breaths and looking at nature and grounding myself and realizing that i feel less burdened and more hopeful, more actually-here, that i am able to see the good sides of myself more clearly, that i am able to see not only how far i have to grow - but also how much growth i have already done & how much of my life i truly fill with light and laughter and love

horrible horrible horrible. hate it but i'm gonna do it tho

[manlethotline]

being an adult and buying your own shit is so weird i don’t understand why anything is priced the way it is. why did my tattoo cost 8 toothpastes? why does a pair of socks cost a sandwich but a fancy dinner costs a whole jacket? why is book the same cost as 2 bag frozen vegetables? nothing makes sense i just wanna steal.

[fuks]

crying rn 🥹

[titkoks]

that was the most sincere “oh no” at the end

[jadedanddark]

I work at the radio and I have worked retail and I have worked food service.

The people who call in to the radio station are the dumbest people alive, holy shit.

Be honest, do you guys want the stories?

[jadedanddark]

THE PEOPLE HAVE SPOKEN OK LET'S GO

Caller: Hi. I'm pretty shocked you guys are putting people in danger with your traffic report.

Me: Could you elaborate please?

Caller: I'm on (freeway) and there's a branch hanging down. Someone is going to hit it and you haven't reported it. I've been listening all morning so I know you haven't.

Me: Just so I'm clear, the branch is not actually in the road? There is no hazard actually blocking anything?

Caller: no but there's going to be. It's going to be your fault when the branch falls.

Me: ma'am if there's not actually anything going on to report we can't report anything. You called to tell me about a tree.

Caller: Hi can I talk to Amy Winehouse?

Me: Amy Winehouse.

Caller: yeah I just heard her on your station.

Me: ...I don't know how to tell you this but no, I cannot put her on the phone.

Caller: she was just there

Me: That's a recording. She's not actually here.

(caller hung up before I could explain that not only is that not how radio music works, amy winehouse died in 2011.)

Caller: I cannot BELIEVE you guys would pay such FILTH. I'm AMERICAN.

Me: Which station are you having issue with?

Caller: The one playing that FILTH. The one saying "Imagine no religion." What kind of anti Christian message are you suggesting??

Me: the... Beatles song?

Caller: I'm AMERICAN.

Me: Is the issue that the Beatles are English...? Because I have bad news about most of the oldies station if so

Caller: I want to report about some false information being pushed as news, it's not relevant to the topic at hand and they're saying it is and they're trying to silence me and I think you need to do something about it.

Me: ma'am please slow down

Caller: the firewatch group on Facebook! They banned me for saying we shouldn't be talking about the Australia fires! You need to make them reinstate my place in the group or people that depend on me for fire news could be at risk!

Me: that's not our group, ma'am. Ours is the name of our station, we do not have any connection to the firewatch.

Caller: but it's news.

Me: there's more than one news source in the county ma'am.

(yes, she called to report her FB drama)

Caller: there's a cloud. It's big.

Me: is it a smoke cloud? Can you smell--

Caller: no I think it's a regular cloud. It's big though.

Me: do you see lightning...?

Caller: no it's just big. I didn't want anyone to worry.

Caller: play more Toby Keith.

Me: Sure, I'll pass that on to the DJ--

Caller: I wish I could be a cat.

Me: dang me too

Caller: anyway that's all I got for you today. Toby Keith, and I want to be a cat. Be sure to hug your animals. Meow!

Me: Meow!

Caller: Meow!

Me: Meow!

[brostateexam]

https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/la3xpq/aita_for_telling_my_boyfriends_coworker_that_were/?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share

👀

[biglawbear]

[argumate]

putting serious thought into this one before being utterly blindsided by the ending

[outgrower-deactivated20221008]

i was about to caption this “me every time my friends and i are just trying to have a nice dinner” or something like that until i remembered that that is, in fact, the exact situation going on in the full strip

[darth--nickels]

One of the funniest things that happened to me working in the woods was this guy (maybe mid-thirties?) who came up to me while I was at the information desk and asked "What's a good place to go shrooming around here?"

Me: "Come on man. You know I can't tell you that. Not while I'm on the clock."

He rolled his eyes at me, and I persisted "I can't advise you do that"

"Come on, you must know where other people go"

I'm somewhere between thinking he's trying to get me fired and thinking 'well, he's going to do it anyways, I might as well try and steer him away from danger spots' "I don't know man. Where do you feel safe?"

Him: "What?"

Turns out he wanted to go mushroom picking. Oops!

(there was a longer misunderstanding in the middle, where I kept saying "That's dangerous" and he kept saying "I'm very experienced", me thinking he was a veteran psychonaut who could still very well walk over a cliff's edge while tripping balls and him trying to tell me that he was knowledgeable about edible/poisonous fungi. Talking around each other in circles)

[darth--nickels]

I forgot to mention of the key details here: this story takes place during morel season. Morels are perfectly legal to pick in [public land] where I was working, within limitations. Among locals, the existence of a good patch is a fiercely-guarded secret (many of them make money to tide themselves over in lean times by selling their haul to restaurants) but as an employee of [publicly owned piece of land] there was no reason for me to be cagey about the good spots. From his point of view I was a selfish prick abusing my position to hog all the good spots and carry away gallons of tasty/expensive mushrooms which should be available to the public. Meanwhile I'm desperately trying to find a polite way to be like "I need you to understand what a terrible idea it is to wander an area known best for 200 foot cliffs while tripping balls on magic mushrooms. It's just not a good idea". There were layers at work.

Never in my life have I heard "shrooming" used to mean anything other than "I am planning to be or currently tripping balls on mushrooms". If someone came up to me in the woods and said they were shrooming I'd say "peace and blessings on your journey friend"

[detectivehole]

emperor kuzco was clearly gay

[detectivehole]

hes 19, with unlimited power, and he ain’t got a gf. the only time we see him interact with any women his own age is when he’s rejecting like 7 of them rapid fire. he pretends to date pacha in a gag that lasts like 10 solid minutes. listen to me god damnit

[qqueenofhades]

Okay, but just in case anyone is coming to tumblr dot com for my hot takes on 20+ year old kids' movies: Kuzco super WAS gay (or at least coded as such) and of course, I didn't get it until I watched it as a gay grownup.

He is played obviously camp and dramatic, for a start, and there is the aforementioned "hate your hair/not likely/yikes yikes yikes/let me guess you have a great personality" summary dismissal of all his potential brides. Then he spends dinner asking Yzma about Kronk ("so he seems nice? He's what, in his late twenties?") and otherwise being slightly obsessed with him.

Then there is the whole Adventure of Doom with Pacha, him being ever huffy about the Kiss of Life, and then the restaurant gag where Kuzco takes to playing Pacha's fake wife and dressing up in ladies' clothing with great gusto (reinforced by the waitress' "bless you for coming out in public" remark when Pacha says they're on their honeymoon). Then when he is finally de-llamafied, we don't see him paired off with the obligatory girl from the lineup earlier, as might otherwise be expected in a Disney movie. Instead he is still single, but goes to found family it up with Pacha, Chica, Kronk, etc, which dare we remark is a very queer trope.

In short, I have no idea how a Disney movie with no white people (all the characters are Indigenous/people of color), a gay king, cross-dressing jokes, and the most offbeat plot of all time actually ever got made (can you imagine the Family Friendly Mouse doing that today? Let us also talk about Kronk because he is a brilliant deconstruction of both toxic masculinity and the musclebound henchman stereotype.) Other than that this was the Chaos Hour of animated movies in the late 90s/early 2000s, and yes.

So yes. There you have it. I will not be taking criticism at this time.

[flavinbagel]

In response to the question “How did a movie like this get made at all much less by fucking Disney?” there was a recent Vulture article that outlines the whole shit show of a history behind this film according to everyone (writers, directors, VAs, Stings) involved. The gist of the story is that they fucked up making a whole, true-to-form Disney musical that never came to see the light of day SO BADLY that Disney switched directors, locked the writer’s room, and didn’t review a single script until weeks after the film was in theaters.

Please, read this article if you have some time. This story is wild, and involves directors being pitted against each other Bake-Off style and a shockingly intimate documentary created by the wife of Sting who, himself was heartbroken by the decimation of the songs he wrote for the film including cutting a fantastic Yzma villain song sung by Eartha Kitt that is SO DAMN GOOD but would not ever have fit the more nailed-down Yzma we would eventually come to know and love. It’s so catchy though, I’m doubling up on calls to action but please listen now:

[theterriblethingabouttulio]

holy shit read the article. it’s worth it and completely batshit

[kat-witha-k]

This is fucking insane