Why am I so empty, and yet still afraid?

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@dollarsformythoughts
Why am I so empty, and yet still afraid?
Can everyone just, fuck off
I don't hate anyone, but I'm too sensitive right now, so please go away before I rip off your dick and shove it down your throat
Just go fuck yourself, your existence is painful. Please die at your earliest convenience, thanks
Impact
Why is it that no one seems to realize you're not alone? Yeah yeah, all that nice you don't have to commit suicide or be sad because your not alone bullshit.
But I'm also talking about the consequences of your actions in every day life. Obviously people would notice if you killed yourself, but people notice other things too. Everyone is connected in some way, and ruining yourself ruins others too. How can people be so selfish and not take other people into consideration when they do something?
I'm not necessarily saying you have to listen to what others say ("you do you boo" and all that jazz) but if you're negatively affecting others, you need to take responsibility and stop. Either stop hurting them, or make some sacrifices.
Your family is a big part of who you are. How you are raised effects the entire outcome of your life, and shapes your personality. Toxic people are everywhere, whether they're friends, family, a spouse/partner, or even a colleague. Take a moment, step back. Realize how your actions effect others. If you're one of those people, if you've noticed that your actions have hurt people, then stop. Don't pollute the world. Especially as a parent or a partner, you can't be pulling this shit. Stop being a little bitch, and grow up.
And if you're someone who's been affected by toxic people, I just want to let you know that it's okay to be angry. Get angry, cry your heart out, and then move on and become a better person.
Pointing Out Differences
I need to rant about this because it’s something I encounter everyday and it fills me wil such a potent amount of irritation: I absolutely abhor the need a majority of people have to point out things about other people.
Someone will be walking by, minding their own business, and my friend will say “look at the hips on that girl”.
This type of comment is not meant to be malicious the majority of the time, but it just gets on my nerves. Yes, people have different body types. There are a vast sea of differences any two given people may have, but I don’t understand the need to meantion it or even think about those things. So what? I don’t really care to be honest.
Whenever someone makes this type of comment I make it a point to not look over at the individual or situation being talked about, and tell whoever I’m with that they’re being tedious and obnoxious. Why can’t you just let people do, dress, speak, and be however they want? I hate it so much, just stop.
Stop for a moment, and ask yourself, “besides being a little bitch, why would I say this?”
And when you answer yourself, “there is no reason; the only good that could come from this comment is lowering the self esteem of the person I’m talking about if they happen to hear me”,
then go ahead and kick this disgusting habbit. Thank you, rant over~
Late Laugh
Am I the only person who laughs a few seconds late? Not always, but most of the time if something isn’t funny enough to crack me up and make me immediately burst out laughing, it comes out a bit late. Because it wasn’t really funny so I wasn’t planning on laughing at it, but I end up laughing anyways. This slight delay makes me really self-conscious.
Zombie Apocalypse
1.) Protection. You may not know how to use a weapon, but no zombie can infect/eat you if your skin is covered. Motorcycle gear and tactical gear is recommended, but strong fabrics such as leather may work as a temporary solution. Leave absolutely no skin exposed even if it’s hot out (don’t die of heat stroke, that would be tragic). A motorcycle helmet is very useful, as well as a combat vest, large boots, tough gloves and a utility belt. Try to wear flexible pants and shirt made out of a tough material. Also remember that stiff is not the same as tough; a brand new pair of jeans are too stiff and easily torn through while a worn pair allows for easier flexibility and is not much weaker.
2.) Weapons. No matter your ability to use them, having a gun or bat can provide both offense and defensive protection. Recommended: one melee weapon, one long range gun and one shorter range gun (crossbows are also highly recommend but can be difficult to obtain). These weapons provide the maximum security and mobility; don’t weigh yourself down too much. Keep them in easily reachable holsters, always full of ammo with more rounds close at hand. Melee weapons can be difficult to decide on, but close blades have proven to be the best. The first thing most people think of as an ideal weapon is a bat, but blunt objects such as bats don’t deal the amount of damage necessary to keep a zombie down even if you manage to get him off his feet. Most people ask go for long reach weapons such as a sword or ax, but these weapons can get easily stuck in a zombie, and that’s the last thing you need when surrounded. But side length blades are the perfect choice, close to the body for easy control and minimal strength required, and when sharpened they are relatively easy to slice through a zombie. Image link: http://pin.it/cZIBvy_
3.) Vehicle. Multiple vehicles are better for large parties than one large one. It keeps space open for naps and supplies, as well as a quick get away (with a lot of people in one car you have to wait for everyone to pile in before leaving, which leads to either someone getting left behind or everyone being devoured). Keep in mind the need for gas and parts when picking your ride. Don’t be scared to spruce it up a bit with some blades, armor, and badass spray paint. Remember, good tires are a necessity in case of need to off-road or unexpected driving conditions. Motorcycles can be handy for a quick escape or distraction, but the noise level and lack of protection make it a terrible main vehicle.
4.) Base. This is not for everyone, but a base is a viable option. This is a stealth tactic, meaning stocking up and bunkering down is a necessity. Too many comings and goings draws attention to your base by zombies and others who want part of your sweet set up. Gather food and other necessities quickly and quietly and then settle down for the next few weeks or months until you need to go out and get more. Always choose a sturdy building with thick walls and doors, soundproofing is also a good idea just in case. Make sure you always have a bag packed in case of emergency, where you can then leave out of the second exit where your vehicle is parked. When making supplies runs, always leave out of the main entrance so your second route is sure to be clear of any unwanted visitors if you need to make a quick escape.
5.) Friends. There are two things to look for in an apocalypse companion: loyalty and value. Sure, that sniper on top of the supermarket may seem like he’s got it all figured out, but that means he can fend for himself. If it came down to it he would sacrifice you without any thought, and you may not have the same skills as he does. But dead weight doesn’t do so well in the apocalypse either. Sure, you would let that super hot cheerleader you’ve had a crush on forever to be your zombie hunting buddy, but can she keep up? If someone proves to have no assets, drop them, they’ll probably end up causing your death. The only exception is children, they are the future of this world and should never be left behind.
6.) Observance. Expect the unexpected is as good a motto as any when staying alive in the fall of humanity, but it’s also good to know what you’re dealing with. What type of creatures are these? Are they drawn to light or noise, are they repelled by fire or animals, are they slow or fast? Studying the zombies gives you an edge that could separate you from the others, but don’t just give away your secrets. If you have limited assets, being the “zomb whisperer ” of a group may be your ticket to safety.
7.) Humans. The number one thing in the zombie apocalypse is to remember there are others out there too. You may want to keep to yourself to avoid drawing attention, and by all means be highly suspicious of anyone that comes knocking at your door. But the last thing we need is people turning on each other. Give a hand to a woman out of ammo if you have some to spare, give that handicapped man a ride to the next town (after checking thoroughly for bite marks), give that starving kid your extra can of food. At the end of the day, we're all just trying to survive, and the more of us there are the better chance we'll have.
The rest of the world uses the metric system, and that's great and all.
My only question is, what do you call inch worms?
So we've all done that thing where we read a word and don't know the proper pronunciation because we never heard it spoken aloud.
But have you ever bullshitted words because you were too lazy to sound them out when you were younger, and now you pronounce it totally wrong?
Curse my elementary school self and his laziness!
Grown Up Problems
The sound of something falling after you close the door/fridge/cabinet is the sound of someone else's problem.
Until you live alone.
Opinions
I can almost always understand both sides of an argument perfectly well. Not because I agree in any respect, but because no one truly believes in the impossible. Therefore, every stance is ground in some form of truth or personal morality. I can usually catch a bit of the reasoning based on this, and try to understand their point of view. But sometimes it can be difficult to comprehend. When the odds are stacked so immensely against you, that there is not even a glimmer of possibility for your line of thinking to be correct, why do you persist? I know for some, they grab onto information and believe it to be truth automatically, fighting against those who say otherwise. Others do not have the ability to wrap their head around alternative possibilities, and cling to the only thing that makes sense to them. There are individuals who would blindly dance with devils in Hell’s fire thinking it to be a holy transaction. When viewing yourself a saint but being seen as a demon, that is when you become pitiful and draw hatred towards yourself. There is no logic or reasoning to dissuade these forms of thinking. Because most of the time, the most corrupt and dastardly individuals do not see themselves that way. They are following their own set of morals and situational understanding.
So, yes, I can see what you are basing your opinions off of, but that does not mean that I think your opinions are correct. Hitler thought that he was doing good work that would benefit the whole world, and I can understand that, but that does not mean I think he was right. So when I say I can understand someone or something, do not take that to mean that I agree with what they are saying.
Human Pets
Honestly, why are human pets not a thing? Like, as long as you feed me yummy food and allow me internet access, I’ll be so content with my life. And in return I’ll: -cuddle you -watch movies with you -give you advice -give you massages when you’re stressed -spell check and help with your work -never argue -be a good loyal pet
Why can’t someone just adopt me, I don’t want to have to adult.
Fantasy World
The problem with constantly wishing for fantasy is that the older you get, the more insane you seem. But what is wrong with wanting to escape reality? To not live as a human must, to not live a life far too convoluted for how mundane it seems.
I abhor reality for this very reason, the juxtaposition of dull complexity. Why are fantasies never a reality? Even those within probably always fall short of expectation, not to mention true fiction one would normally associate with the word fantasy.
Yes, I am an adult (albeit being barely to label myself as such) and I dream of true fantasy. The cheesiest type of fiction straight from modern lore. I dream of black angel wings sprouting from my back and facing eternity with a shit-eating grin. I dream of menacing fangs flashing as I smile, of people staring at me in awe as I exist with terrifying grace.
The odd thing is I did not have these thoughts as a young child. Only in recent years have I developed this unhealthy way of thinking. That I could step right onto the doorstep of the uncertain and plunge myself into blinding darkness. If only one day a stranger would find themselves sitting in my living room, and introduce me to a world I had only read about.
I cannot bare to succumb to life as expected of me. I want to go on an adventure, to experience things so terrible and amazing it would break the mind of an ordinary person.
What I truly seek is the ability to leave my mortal shell behind, to not feel the burn of running nor the dizziness of dehydration. I don’t want to explore for the sake of exploring, I want to fully experience with my mind what I could not imagine without being trapped in my rotting meat suit composed of short-lived cells.
A pity, isn’t it. That I cannot bring myself to accept this improbability, and against all logic I still dream of a stranger in my living room.
Sell your Soul
Have you ever contemplated how far you would go to achieve what you want? I often hear people saying out loud that certain things are not moral, that they would not succumb to the temptation if it comes at too high of a price.
I used to be like the rest of the world: talking about how idiotic villains seem, the pointless and selfish nature of those who do villainous things. But from a nonobjective point of view, I know that I would take any offer immediately if given the chance. I would gladly bring about the destruction of humanity, down to the most pure soul, if it mean achieving all that I dream.
And there's another half of people, mainly found online, where they hide behind the wall of anonymity to voice their darkest thoughts. They claim that they are corrupt and polluted, that they are lacking basic human morals. But the majority of the time, among these are the individuals found with the highest integrity. So I ask you this; a question for further thought: how far would you truly go to get what you want, if given the chance?