my favorite fantasy world is tortall
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Kiana Khansmith
AnasAbdin
we're not kids anymore.
he wasn't even looking at me and he found me
d e v o n
"I'm Dorothy Gale from Kansas"
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@theartofmadeline
Keni

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wallacepolsom
ojovivo
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PUT YOUR BEARD IN MY MOUTH
Claire Keane
RMH

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@dreamrunner7
my favorite fantasy world is tortall
Apparently, your parents aren't happy you've taken a knight.
In fact, your father has been pacing the main sitting room with your mother, looking faint as she fans herself while draped across a lounge, both unable to look at you or the heavily armoured creature kneeling by your feet, staring up at you like you had personally hung the moon for him. Nothing you could say would make them happy right now, so you simply sit and play with the feather plume on your new knight's helm, enjoying the odd rumbling it makes as you do.
Your father speaks first, voice rough and withdrawn, "You... You can't keep it. You can't, I won't allow such a thing in my home, not now, not ever."
From the corner of your eye, you catch your mother nodding before she speaks up, weepy and following in your father's words. "I know you want a knight, dear, but... There are better ones, human ones that have applied endlessly to be your protector, can't you simply pick one of those and get rid of that thing?"
It, thing, no matter how many times you insisted that they should call him by the name it gave you, they demean and dismissed the knight now rattling with joy as you let your fingers sink into the writhing mass of tentacles just barely reachable under the visor of its helm. You shrug, looking between your parents before answering them, telling them you like this one perfectly fine, and it has done quite well at keeping you safe since you brought it home.
Your parents think you found it on the streets and dragged it home; little do they know you found it in the gardens of your estate, kneeling in the mud with a wilted plume. It was quite a sad sight, so you guided it to the stables and told it to stay there till the current weather passed. The rain only stopped for a few moments at a time in this season, and you hardly wanted the strange knight to be ill.
But that particular truth could wait a while longer; for now, you simply have to get your parents to give up on trying to get rid of your new knight. And you needed your new knight to stop trying to sneak one of its many tentacles that hide under its armour, into your clothes.
Those are all problems for a later date, for now, you want out of this awful room...
Your knight needs pets after all, and you really don't need your parents knowing what that means.
yeah i like to give my blessing to the most pathetic looking weak little knight at the tournament. she can’t even look me in the eye when i give her my flower and she stutters out that she’ll do her best or something of the like. i think its funny when she has to cry and beg my forgiveness and i get to say “such a shame, i suppose my hand in marriage will have to go to someone else…” and then i get to hear her whimper like a dog. ive done this like 6 times alrea-
did she just win.
I shall prepare a stew for the wedding! Extra salt!
wait wait wait stew goblin wait
get ready for the wedding
You know technology literacy is dying because I saw this meme with 76k likes
F11 the full screen button? You’re scared of the full screen button? F10?? It opens the menu bar???
Computers are so scary what if I accidentally hit F12 in a steam game and it takes a screenshot. What if I press shift + F12 while in word and accidentally save my document 😖
If you had to learn what the F keys on your computer do through me reblogging this post, then I'm glad you did. Computer literacy is not a skill that gets taught anymore, and it is absolutely one that needs to be taught in order to be learned. Don't ever feel bad for not knowing something, but ☝️ don't ever stop learning learning about your environment, the tools you use, and especially the people around you
Never stop learning+ Never stop sharing what you learned
Monster smut readers when they get to the description of all the extra limbs and appendages:
Bougie Cat & Ghost by Lane Brown
Children near a magical wood catching bugs and their family are like. Please do not catch pixies and small fae and bring them into our home. They are sentient and they are intelligent
And the kids are like "but they get into our bug traps" and "we didn't catch him he followed us home"
And their parents are like. Please i do not believe that 6 fucking pixies smuggled themselves into our garage on the underside of your bicycle saddle and then set up shop in the old dolls house. These are living beings they're not toys it's not kind to treat them like this
And the kids are like we are NOT treating them like anything you said we're not allowed to trap them and they always get into our traps so we always run away when they see us and then they follow us and get inside our backpacks and stuff
And the parents are like
Stop lying!!!
And then they set up wildlife cams and not only can pixies apparently do all of that and are very desperate to hang out with these human kids (who have fun life-sized toys and are covered in wonderful things like glitter and are a free source of fresh bugs and pop tart crumbs)
But they can also like. Fully just pick locks and shit.
Setting up little cameras and having to come to terms with the fact that not only are these small fae initiating every interaction with the kids but have also taken their cat's side in the war against pigeons and keep riding it into battle
The fae quickly realise the camera is a camera, and just as quickly invent silent movies
Each intertitle card has been crafted from words cut out of other writing, so a piece of paper looking like a ransom demand states "BuT Hoo wil SAVE the Dams3l?" is pulled away to reveal a doll tied to train tracks
My favorite part is when the kitty runs to the window and looks out like “the outside stuff????? It is inside?????”
i
i had to
Y’all this is a great video to study to observe the body language of a very happy but also very excited cat. Lots of people see videos of excited cats doing things like climb rock climbing walls or get on small boats and think they are angry or scared, when they aren’t. Here’s a good example of happy excitement and tension in a cat where the cat’s pleasure is easy to see. The cat’s tail is lashing and its ears are going backward and forward like crazy, but the cat is not angry, it is merely off its shits because snow is just incredible. This is a wildly playful cat which might play-attack a hand or other animal because it is so excited, but not out of anger. Note the zoomies at the end to burn off some of that energy!
Think about it. When we humans do something fun and very physical, our bodies are often tense, at the ready, and a lot of our body language does look kind of aggressive or even scared. Cats are the same! Animals at play or investigating new things often show some tension, but tension is not the same as anger or fear!
i think furniture legs should be carved into little animal feet again. i think that would solve a lot of problems.
this post made me think of this amazing cursèd chair i saw at the taubman museum of art in roanoke a few weeks ago. look at it. i don’t disagree with op but also i think this particular chair would cause problems on purpose
I think this chair would solve my problems directly related to not having a chair that looks like it can attack my enemies.
love the eyeballs
@dykevandyke
Hey! My grandpa made this! His name is Jacob Cress and the chair is called “Oops!”
Chair that turns all your problems into different problems.
it really is crazy that women's clothes don't fit anybody. fat women can't find clothes, skinny women can't find clothes, tall women can't find clothes, short women can't find clothes, big chested women can't find clothes, small chested women can't find clothes. who the fuck are these being made for
we all really resonated with this one huh
all women's clothes are designed to fit exactly one (1) woman - although not, crucially, the same woman each time - and then the sizing is just determined by scaling her up or down like a photo in MS paint, regardless of how implausible this makes the resulting proportions. these two facts together are why the same person can wear size 8 pants in one brand but size 18 in another and still not get an accurate fit in either.
Okay this isn't wrong but it is an oversimplification (I believe probably a deliberate one for comedy purposes) and you've activated one of the things I know a lot about, SO.
Long ago everyone's clothes were made for them custom, and were either so unfitted that it didn't matter how you were shaped or they were created with built-in size adjusting elements so you could adapt them to your body as your body changed. (Lacing is great for this.)
Then we got into the era of ready-to-wear clothing, where you could walk into a shop and buy something. These were still being handmade probably on site (or in a workshop very nearby), and were created with the assumption that the purchaser would make any needed alterations to get the fit they desired. This was also in an era where it was expected that you would achieve the fashionable silhouette via shapewear and padding and tailoring - like, fat women in the Victorian era also wore shoulderpads and hip pads, because the fashionable thing was a particular set of proportions and it was not expected that people's bodies would meet those proportions unaltered.
Then we got into an era of mass-produced ready-to-wear clothing, where you'd have size sets of a particular pattern made into multiple sizes of that garment. This is where numbered sizing or the XS-XXL size runs start to show up. We start to lose the assumption of tailoring as a normal part of the process (and some clothes are not being designed for tailoring as an option), and also where we get into Foz's thing about clothing being made to fit one (1) woman.
Enter the fit model.
A fashion house/clothing manufacturer/designer ideally draws a design, then creates a pattern for the design, sews a sample (or more than one sample if they have a few ideas to test out), and then they bring in their fit model and have her try it on. The fit model's job can be as uninvolved as "standing there and letting people poke at the garment and pin it in various places" or as involved as "doing some aerobics and telling the designer how the garment functions." A fit model is not a runway model - the fit model needs to maintain a consistent set of measurements, but that set of measurements depends on what the designer has designated as their sample size. Women's fit models are frequently a size small, I'll admit that up front, but that's not universal. (The company where my wife works, which makes athletic wear, recently switched from a size small fit model to a size medium because they found that hewed more closely to their target market.)
Once the garment has been fitted to the model and all issues worked out with the pattern, the pattern will be graded to create the rest of the sizes in the set. This is where Foz's "scaling her up or down like a photo in MS paint" bit comes from, which is indeed what happens when you don't pay for a skilled patternmaker. There are grading rules assigned to the pattern to make it larger and/or smaller depending on the direction it needs to go, and if those grading rules have been applied correctly and customized as needed, the resulting pattern and garments should actually make sense for human bodies of a similar proportion to the original fit model.
...unless you want an extended size set beyond the XXL, because it's 100% correct that you can't keep grading up a Small pattern indefinitely - that's a surefire way to end up with clothing that has absolutely bewildering proportions. A designer that actually cares about providing extended sizing will, usually at that XXL break, create an entirely new pattern, sew up an entirely new sample, and hire a fat fit model to test those samples on. This is why you'll see straight sizing and plus sizing listed as separate categories on some clothing retail websites - they're different lines created from different sample sizes.
The company where my wife works has been putting a lot of effort into developing an extended size range, including shopping around for size set information from some of the big sizing companies to find one that works (some of them don't even offer extended sizing datasets!!!), testing out different plus-size dressforms, and auditioning a bunch of fat fit models. (I've seen the fat dressform they ended up with as their extended range sample size and I'm actually really impressed with it - like it even has a belly pooch! It looks like a person!) Then they had to made the designs, and sew the samples, and try them on the fit models, and then because they're an athletic wear company that cares about function they got wear testers to actually use the garments for their intended athletic purposes and report back about what worked and what didn't, and then take that wear testing into account and tweak the patterns, and and and...
All of this costs money, obviously, so what if you're cheap? Well, you might not offer any extended sizing at all, because keeping to one size set is a great way to lower your costs. What if you're even cheaper than that? Well, you don't technically need a fit model, right? You can buy a data set of sizing information from one of the big brokers and work directly from that, no need for pesky in-person fittings or feedback. You can make your patternmaker auto-apply grading rules to get your size set, and send that to the factory without bothering to tweak it or adjust it in any way. Then you can make garments that have minimal seam allowances, so it's almost impossible to alter them, out of the cheapest fabric possible, so they fall apart after three washes. It doesn't matter if they don't fit well because you're already moving onto the next thing, and the consumer get the cheap clothes they demand, and no one's happy.
[slaps down Uno card] THE PROBLEM IS CAPITALISM!!!
This also doesn't even get into the different fit proportions of different designers - like, I love Morningwitch's designs but their fit of choice is "boxy," aka garments with very little in the way of shaping. I do not enjoy wearing boxy garments, so I know if I buy a Morningwitch garment that I'll have to make alterations to it in order to get the fit I want. On the other size of the spectrum you have a place like Trashy Diva, which is deliberately going for a vintage Hollywood Starlet Va Va Voom type of fit, with things that are fitted through the bust and waist but flare out at the hips. Both of these shops have an extended size range, but their fit priorities could not be more different from each other!
Listen, the fashion industry has a lot of problems, I will not deny that, but the people on the garment side of things are not all locked in a vast conspiracy to make you feel bad about yourself when the clothes don't fit. It's a massive interlocking puzzle of market pressures and technical requirements and it's complicated by a consumer market that 1. has been trained to constantly expect new designs all the time and 2. has been trained to think they shouldn't have to pay more than $20 for anything ever. Clothes that have been fitted to a fit model are actually made to fit a person, and if you have similar proportions to that fit model you're golden. It costs more to have a fit model, though, and it is an annoying amount of work to try to find a company with a fit model that matches you, and we'd all be a lot happier if tailoring was an accepted, normal part of clothing purchases and our clothes were made with tailoring as an expectation.
We also need to dismantle and regulate the fast fashion business model out of existence, but that's a different conversation.
I appreciate all this fashion history, I do! And I was, indeed, exaggerating my initial point for comedic purposes. But in keeping with your (very correct!) point that the problem is capitalism, I'd disagree that there's no vast conspiracy designed to make women feel bad about their bodies with ill-fitting clothes, because this is very much what's happening, and for the same reason you've identified here: that the clothes are made to fit the fit-model - who is, it's true, a real person! But some body types and physical proportions are less common than others, and almost nobody looks like a fucking fit model - or, indeed, a model of any kind! - which is where the disconnect comes from.
While there are certainly exceptions to this logic, particularly among boutique or more niche brands, overwhelmingly, fit models are chosen to represent a specific beauty ideal rather than a societal norm or average, because for capitalist reasons, clothing companies want their clothes to be worn by attractive people, and if you cater too much to bodies that lie outside of what both society and its capitalist mechanisms deem beautiful at a given time, you risk your brand being visually associated with ugliness, which therefore devalues your product - or at least, so the industry traditionally believes. This isn't me spitballing; this is something brands have historically said themselves. Models don't just sell clothes; they sell the physical ideals you're meant to aspire to in order to wear the clothes, which is why you can track which body-type is considered most desirable in a given era by who the current it-girl is. (That we are currently hurtling headfirst towards Heroine Chic 2.0 is, for anyone who survived teen girlhood in the early 00s, a massive warning klaxon.)
In terms of pure aesthetics, the great advent of the internet has been to enable more niche fashion brands - and thus, fashion trends - to thrive, using algorithms and targeted ads to serve demographics that don't have to be physically clustered within range of a specific bricks-and-mortar store in order to support the business. The downside of this, however, is that because - as you rightly point out - it costs more money to create clothes for bodies that are notably bigger or smaller than the original fit model, a lot of these companies still don't do that, even if the market for it exists; and when they do, the relatively higher price is often a barrier to first-time buyers who - quite reasonably! - can't yet trust that a particular size, bought online from an as-yet unfamiliar brand, will actually fit them.
Which brings us back to the problem with pre-made, unalterable, off-the-rack clothes as a concept, which is that, even if fit-models were chosen purely to represent the average body type for a specific demographic rather than a given brand's conceit of The Type Of Hot We Want Wearing Our Logo, bodies are simply too diverse for this to serve anyone but a minority, and speaking as a trans dude who lived as a woman for over thirty years, it is unquestionably worse for women than men. But the problem isn't just that capitalism wants you to buy a new wardrobe every six months; it's that the beauty industrial complex wants to sell you insecurity, so that, in addition to a new pair of jeans that don't quite fit, you'll also buy exercise equipment and makeup and anti-ageing serum and gym memberships and zero sugar alternatives and face masks and yoga mats and subscriptions to healthy meal services and diet pills and whatever else beauty influencers and ad execs want to sell you, because in the capitalist ecosystem, the fashion industry exists in a symbiotic relationship with every other industry that profits from teaching people in general and women in particular how to feel about their bodies, and if the consumers feel too confident in themselves, they buy less stuff.
In 90s Australia, my favourite writer-slash-columnist was a woman named Kaz Cooke, whose humorous columns were a type of gospel for me. One in particular I still, lo these many years later, have functionally memorised, and because it feels appropriate, I will include it here, to show how little this shit has changed since 1995:
“Shut up or she’ll hear you.” “Why are you so afraid? She’s just a librarian and we’re super villains.” “Idiot she’s not a librarian. She’s The Librarian. Irritate her and she can throw you into any fictional world she’s read. And believe me, she's read a lot.”
The villain locks the princess in a tower, as villains often do. What he does not know is that this tower once belonged to a powerful wizard. Among the dusty tomes and forgotten scrolls, the princess learns magic, real magic. Now she is no damsel in distress. She is a sorceress out for revenge.
“We didn’t have all this autism when I was a kid”
Yea, you had changelings and demonic possession and “brats” and “back talk”, and kids that were “not all there”, your aunt who’s “crazy”, and your second cousin no one ever talks about cuz he’s “special”, and if you’re fucking lucky, your elder uncle who lives a nice quiet life with his 70 lego sets and writes grocery stores about changing the light bulbs cuz they’re too harsh.
not to put this user on blast, but ohmygod this may be the funniest thing i’ve ever seen 😭😭
Casual reminder that Ruby still doesn't know James got into a car crash during the funeral.
So imagine Lydia accidentally mentioning it and Ruby just stares at her in horror, going "He WHAT!?" and runs to James yelling at him "WHY DIDN'T YOU TELL ME?" and he goes "I was fine, I didn't get hurt and didn't want to worry you." then Ruby grabs and kisses him and that's how their first kiss in this season goes.
Maxton Hall | S02E03, "Emotional Rollercoaster"
So, I know this isn't the point of this gorgeous scene/moment...but JFC his HANDS!!! 🥵🫦
James Beaufort in therapy.