Sans titre

I also exist on ao3 under Dridwine

[maddielourd]

no thoughts, just a six-year-old Andrew Minyard at the doctor’s office with strep throat. A little girl is sitting with him in the waiting room eating a Happy Meal on her mom’s lap. Andrew traces circles into his own hands, thinking that the comforting taste of chicken nuggets and french fries would help him feel better. He knows he’s not supposed to ask for things, but a pang of desperation makes him forget to be cautious. He sits up straight, gathering his courage, and turns to his foster dad to ask if they can get a Happy Meal on the way home.

“No,” his foster dad snaps. “It was already enough of an inconvenience bringing you here.”

no thoughts, just a six-year-old Andrew Minyard shrinking back into himself as tears sting in his eyes. A six-year-old Andrew Minyard learning not to want things.

no thoughts, just a twenty-year-old Nicky Hemmick leaving the doctor’s office with Andrew who probably has strep throat, but wouldn’t let the doctor get close enough to check. Drained from the day, Nicky stops at the McDonald’s drive thru and asks Andrew what he wants. Andrew snaps that he isn’t hungry. Nicky decides to buy him a Happy Meal as a way of avoiding food waste if Andrew truly isn’t hungry, but also so Andrew has something to eat if he actually is hungry.

no thoughts, just a twenty-year-old Nicky Hemmick feeling guilty for not having the energy to make something at home for Andrew to eat, and not knowing he’s given Andrew exactly what he needed.

[powerfulwizard]

i love in fantasy when its like “king galamir the mighty golden eagle and his most trusted advisor who would never betray him, gruelworm bloodeye the treacherous”

[feynites]

When my sister and I were kids we had this one action figure, who was actually a brutalized batman doll without his cape (the dog chewed half his head, too), who we dubbed ‘Evil Chancellor Traytor’. The idea was that in the fictional society of our toys, ‘chancellor’ just came with the word ‘evil’ in front of it, as a matter of ancient tradition. Like ‘grand’ or ‘high’ or something along those lines.

Anyway, the running gag was that the king (an old Power Rangers knock-off doll) had absolute and unwavering faith in Evil Chancellor Traytor, who basically comported himself like a mix between Grima Wormtongue and Jafar from the Aladdin movies. Everyone was always sure that Evil Chancellor Traytor had something to do with the nefarious scheme of the day. The dude even carried around a poisoned knife called ‘the kingslayer’.

The additional twist on the joke, though, was that he never was behind anything. The king was actually right. Evil Chancellor Traytor was the most devoted civil servant in the entire Action Figure Dystopia. He spent his nights working on writing up new legislature to ensure that broken toys had access to mobility devices, was always on the lookout to acquire new shoeboxes for expanding city infrastructure, and drafted a proposal that once got half the ‘settlement’ in my sister and I’s closet moved to the upper shelf so that vulnerable toys were less likely to be snatched up by the dog.

The knife, as it turned out, was as symbolic as the ‘evil’ in his name. See, Action Figure Dystopia had a long history of corrupted monarchs getting too big for their thrones and exploiting the underclasses. The job of the Evil Chancellor was to always remain vigilant, and loyally serve a good ruler - or, if the regent should became a despot, to slay them on behalf of the people.

But since killing the king would be a terrible crime, the Evil Chancellor had to be the kind of person who would willingly die to spare the people from the plight of a wicked leader; because the murder would be pinned on them, in order to keep the ‘machinery of politics’ working as smoothly as ever.

Anyway, Evil Chancellor Traytor had a diary, in which my sister I would take turns writing out the most over-the-top good shit he’d done behind the scenes. Usually after everyone else had finished talking shit about him. I don’t know why but we got the biggest kick out of being like:

Barbie With the Unfortunate Haircut: Oh that Evil Chancellor Traytor! Why can’t the king see how wicked he is?!

Charmander From the Vending Machine: Char!

Jurassic Park Toy of Jeff Goldblum With Disturbingly Realistic Face: At least if someone puts a knife in the king’s back, we’ll know where to look!

Evil Chancellor Traytor’s Diary: Today I was feeding ducks at the park when I noticed another legless action figure sitting by the benches. I put a hundred dollars into his bag while he wasn’t looking. I really need to increase budgeting to the medical treatment centers. If only we had enough glue, I think we would see far fewer toys trying to get by without limbs… *insert iconic evil laugh*

Anyway, Evil Chancellor Traytor eventually fell victim to one of my mom’s cleaning sprees, and she decided he was too busted up to keep and tossed him out. My littler brother, who tended to follow my sister and I’s games like he was watching a daily soap opera, cried so hard that we had to do a special ‘episode’ where one of the toys found the Evil Chancellor’s diary, and so he got a big huge memorial and the king threw himself into the empty grave and then ordered the toys driving the toy bulldozer to bury him so that ‘Traytor’s grave would have a body’ (this seemed very important for some reason).

And then we had the Quest For a New King. Somehow or another that ended up being a giant rubber snake called ‘Tyrant King Cobra’.

[callmebliss]

::closes tab, shuts off computer, and proceeds to have the best day ever just by knowing this exists::

[fierceawakening]

i will always reblog Evil Chancellor Traytor

[dridwine]

Never mix your poisons before doozing kids.

Yesterday I read a story with a bridezilla in it and then an AFTG fic before going to bed. Then I dreamt Andrew Minyard was being fussy about everything and everyone fitting in his tropical wedding's color scheme and pitching a proper fit. I woke up indignant with the thought "He would not fucking BE like that" so strong I almost sat up straight in my bed at 6 am.

Took me a while to get over it, too. So yeah.

[dustisus]

i like the idea of nicky trying his best (despite his limited budget, despite the twins' lack of expressed interest) to give the twins fun experiences he thinks they deserve, only for it to go wrong every time. he takes them to a fair/amusement park and andrew refuses to go on most rides and the ones aaron wants to ride he's too short for. he takes them to the beach and they both get horribly sunburnt. every single planned holiday and birthday ends in screaming and crying and nicky alone in the kitchen eating the last slice of cake.

when the twins look back on the best times they had with nicky, it's every moment when he tried with them. every time he reached out. homecooked meals, him asking them about their days, helping with homework. giving them a future when they thought they had none.

[andrewminyard-josten]

do you think andrew would ever relapse and self-harm again? it seems to be something that a lot of people write fics about but it's not something that i personally see happening since the self-harm was a way to deal with drake in order to stay with cass (as far as i can remember) and not really a general coping mechanism like it was very specific to that situation.

also do you think andrew was ever actively suicidal?

Hi there,

So, for me, there is a distinction between “Andrew relapsing with cutting as a form of self-harm” and “Andrew relapsing with self-harm” b/c in my opinion, Andrew is very obviously still engaging with self-harm in AFTG. Everything else is going to be under the read more b/c my thoughts are long & also we’ll be talking about self-harm & suicide, as a warning for everyone - if this is a difficult topic for you, do not feel obligated to read.

Throughout AFTG, I believe we are shown Andrew engaging in self-harm behaviours: i.e., he does things to cause himself physical pain when he is upset or to punish himself, or he threatens to cause himself serious injury when he is feeling triggered/overwhelmed. He is also shown frequently disregarding his own life & well-being especially if it means prioritizing someone else's life or well-being (which is why Andrew's deals are ultimately terrible for his mental health/physical well-being). We know pre-TFC in Son Nefes, Andrew threatens to break his own fingers when fighting with Kevin (a threat he would have followed through on if Kevin hadn’t left him alone). He also risks killing himself in a car crash to kill Tilda & protect Aaron from her abuse ** after deliberately getting himself severely beaten by Tilda while pretending to be Aaron. Later, in TFC after Kathy’s interview, Andrew punches a window and injures his hand b/c he was upset with his own inability to protect Kevin from Riko- even though he was physically held back, Andrew I believe ultimately blames himself for not being strong enough to break free and rush on stage (which is why he seems so grateful to Neil for doing what he was physically held back from doing). In TRK when Higgins calls, Andrew punches a wall hard enough to injure himself & threatens to take himself off the court “permanently” if Kevin doesn’t let him leave. His methods of coping involve (a) sparring with Renee, which is basically beating someone up WHILE ALSO experiencing a beating himself and (b) drinking. Neil often describes Andrew as drinking alone in TKM & at Eden’s Andrew is frequently drinking & dusting while on his pills. Moreover, Andrew has been in an unfulfilling FWBs situation with an adult man (Roland) since he was 17 that reinforces his idea that men aren’t to be trusted/will trample over your boundaries unless you reinforce them with Violence and Restraints - presumably b/c Andrew didn’t think he would ever get anything better ("A Minyard never gets higher than rock bottom) + his "Monster" persona. He also creates deals with people (Kevin & Neil) where the crux of these deals are Andrew’s willingness to be tortured and potentially killed on their behalf, so they do not have to be hurt, suggesting that Andrew intrinsically does not see his life as valuable as other peoples or his life as worth living unless he’s protecting someone else. If he dies protecting them, Andrew is going to be more upset about the fact that he won’t be able to protect said person anymore, and less about the fact that He Is Dead. ** Andrew's deal with Kevin shows that Andrew is looking for something to live for as does constantly prolonging his deal with Aaron(I would bet that Andrew might have tried renewing his deal with Aaron to support him through med-school believing it would be the Only Way to maintain contact with Aaron if Neil had never appeared, even though Andrew & Aaron's deal was making them miserable). I'd also say "looking for something to live for" and "thinking life is worth living" are not the same thing.

This is why I find it very strange when people suggest that Andrew was “healing” prior to meeting Neil or throughout AFTG… Andrew describes himself as self-destructive & Neil expresses concern about what people are doing to protect Andrew from HIMSELF after he is no longer on his medication. I think some readers severely overestimate how much Andrew was actually trying to “heal himself” prior to meeting Neil & how much Andrew was valuing his own life/himself as a person. Andrew's deals are not Andrew valuing himself - there is a reason that AFTG ends with Andrew no longer tethered to any deals but finally able to build relationships with people where Andrew's worth isn't tied to being willing to sacrifice himself at any given moment (this isn't to say that Andrew is no longer protective, being protective is a core part of Andrew's personality... but his bonds with his family, friends & romantic partner aren't based solely on Andrew being their human shield & sword).

Andrew was 100% willing to disregard his own trauma about being raped as an adult by the man who sexually abused him as a child to protect Aaron. This is not a man who values himself or his own well-being very highly. Andrew struggles to understand why someone (Neil) would even care about him outside of the protection Andrew offers. I’ve seen some people say “Andrew was willing to attend therapy!!” y’all Andrew attending therapy was COURT-MANDATED. He was legally obligated to attend therapy & he warms up to Betsy not as a therapist but as a pseudo-mother. Betsy does not find out about Andrew’s CSA until Thanksgiving like every other character, and she doesn’t even know Andrew is gay until Aaron outs him. Andrew was very actively not engaging in any sort of therapy that would help him overcome his CSA or other traumas or address his substance abuse, self-worth issues, anger, anxieties, numbness, etc.,. While Betsy does tell Andrew that he would be better not relying on his deals to form connections with people but instead allow himself to be a brother, friend, cousin, this doesn’t really start happening until Neil interferes in Aaron’s relationship with Katelyn. Moreover, by Betsy becoming a pseudo-mother to Andrew, Andrew ultimately isn’t actually doing any recovering from his anxious-attachment (I think I sometimes refer to this as hyper-attachment but what I mean basically is: fixating on certain people in your life until they become Your Reason To Live, which Andrew IS still Canonically doing *Neil is literally the embodiment of this - and I mean, I love this for him, literally most fascinating character of all time, but uh definitely not what we would realistically call Mentally Healthy). Basically, while Betsy is very important to Andrew & DOES help him, I think people are drastically over-estimating how much therapy was Andrew’s Choice & what about therapy with Betsy (“Mama Bee”) in particular is enjoyable for Andrew [i.e., feeling as if he has a mother].

I do agree that I don’t think Andrew would engage in cutting as a form of self-harm as an adult b/c I think he does heavily associate cutting with his willingness to stay with Cass, despite the fact that Drake was sexually abusing him & the fact that Proust further traumatized Andrew with his scars when Andrew was already paranoid about being perceived as weak for having them. However, cutting isn’t the only form of self-harm that people engage in & Andrew is frequently shown to engage in other forms of self-harm throughout AFTG that I listed above.

I also don’t think Andrew was ever actively suicidal in the sense that he has ever planned an actual suicide or attempted suicide (not, uh, taking being in an active car crash to kill Tilda into consideration). However, Andrew is very much passively suicidal throughout most of AFTG. Nora frequently said that Andrew was basically existing, counting down minutes of days, and waiting to die up until his relationship with Neil. He used deals to give himself motivation to “keep existing” however, these deals while helping avoid Andrew from, I suppose, becoming actively suicidal (actually trying to kill himself) they ultimately don’t make life feel worth living. Nora once said that without Neil, Andrew would have maintained his deal with Kevin until Kevin no longer needed him, and then Andrew would have gone off to be... alone (this is actually so sad) and that Andrew would have been without joy.

In the present timeline of AFTG I would say Andrew is no longer passively suicidal & that is fully because of his relationship with Neil. Neil is the fulfillment of Andrew’s deal with Kevin of giving Andrew “something to build a life around” or basically - someone to build a life with. That is why in every other scenario that has ever been posed to Nora about a hypothetical future for Andrew without Neil, Andrew is still passively suicidal and just… waiting to eventually die, and engaging in risk-taking behavior (high consumption of alcohol, driving while drunk, etc.,) that could result in an early death. It’s also why I’ve described Andrew as a character heavily motivated BY romance even though he’s not often what we would think of as a “romantic” character b/c of his personality (idk… maybe it’s b/c when people think of characters motivated by romance they think of Bella Swan or Snow White and not Andrew Minyard). But the thing is Andrew is ultimately happiest by having a romantic relationship with a man he can trust and devote his life to (Neil). I have seen some people speculate that even if Neil hadn’t returned Andrew’s romantic interest he would have still be important to Andrew, and that is true, but I believe Nora once said that Neil would have then been slotted into a similar life space as Aaron or Kevin (Andrew would have respected Neil’s decision to reject him, of course, but it wouldn’t have been a happy ending for Andrew). It is a romantic connection that Andrew is looking for (and he seemingly becomes fixated on Neil as being his ideal romantic partner, which, fair enough Andrew, you couldn’t have chosen better *this becomes extra true post-Baltimore, where Andrew fully accepts his dependency on Neil & what it does to him/means for him) - Why a romantic connection is so important to Andrew can be a whole different essay - (as well as why secondary to romantic love Andrew is also looking for maternal love, which is why Nora once said after Neil, Betsy is next on Andrew’s internal hierarchy). *Not all AFTG characters are motivated by romantic love, but Andrew most certainly is... I think maybe b/c Andrew/Neil doesn't seem like stereotypical "romantic love" and b/c Nora mentioned him & Neil never getting married or whatever, but if you look at Andrew's narrative journey & narrative fulfillment... it's literally romantic love. Just ah... rather codependent form of it (y'know the kind of love where strangling one of your friends suddenly seems like a Reasonable Idea).

This isn’t to say that Andrew’s other bonds aren’t important to him (he is obviously invested in his relationship with Aaron, is friends with Kevin… hopefully still becomes friends with Robin in the future) but Andrew is ultimately fulfilled by his romantic relationship with Neil & how he’s built a future entirely intertwined with Neil (playing on the same Pro team 2 years after graduating from college, of which they will then always be transferred together, their apartments, cars, keys, cats) and of course the emotional/sexual fulfillment as well (being able to be vulnerable, "stay", "home", feeling romantically loved and being able to love, being able to have a full sexual relationship with a man that Andrew is committed to & trusts)

With Neil in his life (and Betsy) it is unlikely Andrew would become actively suicidal - in fact, he’s basically working on no longer being passively suicidal. I think this is also why I refer to Andrew/Neil as “basically healthy” in the sense they aren’t “Toxic” to one another - they aren’t going to abuse or cheat on one another, they work on having healthy communication & value trust, consent, honesty - but obviously Andrew building a life/desire to live around his romantic relationship with Neil is… questionable. Now, since Andrew/Neil are fictional it’s obviously not something that needs to be Fixed (particularly in my mind because I think this is a very fascinating aspect of their dynamic that I love to explore).

[andrewminyard-josten]

Realized I forgot to mention the Betsy POV Extra! And the fact that Betsy seems to have a system in place for when Andrew self-harms in front of her (digging into his own wounds, raking his nails down his arms) so I just wanted to quickly add that b/c I think it's an important addition.

[zombiecowboy65]

Jeremy getting a face scar (just like , one. Over his eye or diagonal across his face or something) and there goes his shot with Jean because he’s only ever been wanted physically before . And how would Jean find him attractive now. And oh what will his family say because the Knox family is to be picture perfect . And who will ever find him attractive again . And then Jean helps him clean the wound and catches Jeremy staring at it . And gently catches his chin and turns him away from the mirror so their gazes lock , and says, “you will always be beautiful, scars or no.”

[dridwine]

What if Jeremy avoids mirrors, gaze fluttering anywhere but at his own image, sucking teeth in a little grimace when he caught a glance anyway. What if Jeremy does not allow himself to look at Jean anymore when Jean has his back turned, closing his eyes to keep images of what could have been at bay. What if he faces him in those moments that used to be fraught with tension with defeated shoulders and a sad smile that screams "I know I'm not worth looking at anymore". It used to be that he could get that from Jean and it would make him dream of a sun burning in his chest. Now there is a cold river running over that place instead, washing away illicit hope.

And when this smile that is more hurt than anything shows up for the third or fourth time on Jeremy's face, once Jean thinks he can read it, he wordlessly takes Jeremy's hand in his. Jeremy then looks him in the eyes, a little surprised. Locked their gazes, soft and unyielding, Jean brings it high,up to his face, and wordlessly puts it on his temple, where a scar runs under his scalp for inches before it meets its ends abruptly on his exposed skin.

Jeremy's eyes open wider as Jean carries them next to his nose, the arch broken enough time to mask completely what he was born with. The fingers underneath his tremble lightly on the path they are made to take, silently greeting old scars from a merciless past. Jeremy's breath sounds choked, like he would like it to stop, but Jean's hold on him is gentle yet firm as he brings it to the end of the voyage, hovering only a second before landing on his neck.

"They do not define you," and Jeremy can't stop himself from inhaling sharply but it seems like the lesson is finished and as he adds "You are still the same, Captain". To what Jeremy can only let out a soft and broken *Jean*, hand falling to his side.

[teisms]

My favourite post-palmetto kandreil dynamic is: baffling. Confusing to everyone except themselves. Unlabeled and unlabable. Yes, they live together and when they move to a new apartment it's not even a question that they're moving in together. No, they don't all usually sleep in the same bed. Yes, sometimes they do. Yes, kevin has his own room. So does andrew, though. No, they won't elaborate. Dating kevin?? Don't be ridiculous. Friends with kevin?? Neil scoffs at the thought of anyone choosing to be friends with kevin. Fucking kevin?? Judgmental eyebrows raised all around, no answers provided.

[dustisus]

kevin day board

[literary-claustrophobia]

Andrew, searching for something to live for:

Neil, currently in California, burning his mother's corpse:

[andrewminyard-josten]

Andrew Minyard & his complicated relationship with his sexuality

As a warning below this cut is an analysis concerning my interpretation of Andrew's sexuality & how Andrew's canonical CSA/SA would impact his sexuality.

A bit of a pet-peeve of mine (I know, I know, me & pet-peeves) is when readers engage with Andrew & his sexuality as only coming to terms with being gay in a homophobic society and not with his CSA. Or when Andrew is written as having fully moved past his CSA/SA & has come to perfect terms with his sexuality even though he canonically doesn’t let anyone until Neil touch him or orgasm with someone else in the room until Neil. And even at the end of AFTG Andrew is still being careful about exploring his sexual desires with Neil. I don’t think the version of Andrew Minyard we encounter in AFTG can be described as comfortable with/confident with his sexuality.

I think there is a desire to quickly brush aside/move past Andrew’s CSA & SA, which yes, I understand in fluff or pwp or whatever it’s not exactly sexy to include Andrew’s trauma outside of like one to two vague lines if its mentioned at all. Or to focus on Andrew’s line about “not wanting to be like his abusers” and not really engage with Andrew’s canonical fear of being sexually assaulted. Part of the reason Andrew learns to fight and cultivates a reputation of being a dangerous maniac is because he is afraid of being sexually assaulted. Even his fear of heights is intertwined with his fear of being assaulted. However, obviously this is uncomfortable and dark for many to write about. It’s difficult for people to feel like they can write properly. It’s not something most reader’s want to engage in. But for me personally it’s a bit difficult to read a characterization of Andrew that ignores this aspect of him and still believe it’s Andrew Minyard.

Especially when someone describes Andrew as feeling “powerful” for going down on men. Idk why this is the go-to description these days but I (personally) do not vibe with it. Andrew does not canonically read as feeling powerful engaging with his sexuality. He does not tell anyone he is gay (even when he “comes out” to Renee he doesn’t say “I’m gay” he says “I don’t fuck women.” And then he has Renee come out to Neil for him to avoid seeing Neil’s reaction. I know this is joked about a lot, and I have laughed at some of these jokes but this is also Andrew demonstrating canonical insecurity about his sexuality). Aaron then comes out to Betsy for Andrew (actually Aaron outs Andrew to Betsy considering he didn’t have permission from Andrew to come out on his behalf) & Aaron even believes that Andrew is worried about Betsy’s reaction despite Betsy obviously being okay with Nicky being gay.

And while Andrew does tell Neil that he would “blow him” he does not, in fact, immediately blow Neil when they start hooking up & it frankly comes across as Andrew trying to be as shocking as possible to shoot himself in the foot after Roland tells Neil that Andrew is attracted to him. Especially b/c Andrew also immediately corrects Aaron for saying that he’s “fucking Neil” and idk if it’s the implication of penetration that makes Andrew uncomfortable or just the open acknowledgment that Andrew has sex. I think Andrew being private about his sexuality isn’t b/c he’s worried about judgment or intolerance. Andrew already receives judgment and intolerance. I read it as coming from the fact that if people are aware of Andrew’s sexuality & acknowledge it that makes it real. In canon, Andrew often doesn’t like talking about things that are actually important to him (he stops talking to Betsy about Neil once he realizes his feelings for Neil, doesn’t tell anyone he likes Betsy ppl just realize based on his behavior, and Aaron is fully convinced that Andrew killed Tilda not for him but b/c of Andrew’s own personal grudge up until TKM). Talking about his sexuality, about “being gay” means fully acknowledging that Andrew is attracted to men. It makes it real. Just like Andrew didn’t want to acknowledge his feelings for Neil b/c he thought that would make them “real” and then post-Balitmore Andrew realized it doesn’t matter if he acknowledges his feelings aloud or not, they’re real regardless. Another fear Andrew likely has about other people knowing that he is gay is that they might speculate about him in a way that suggests Andrew is weak, easily taken advantage of, or persuaded by other men. All things that Andrew is canonically worried about. In fact, Andrew canonically has these fears confirmed b/c as soon as Riko finds out about his CSA he exploits it via Drake and Proust. I know a lot of people also mention how Jeremy & Cat & Laila just view Andrew as “some guy” and “not very scary” (especially compared to Jeremy thinking Neil’s a bit creepy) but also Jeremy & Cat & Laila are also all aware that Andrew was sexually assaulted by his former foster brother & that obviously makes them uncomfortable & view him through the lens of a “CSA/SA victim, which is also what Andrew feared. Nora has also said that Andrew has a bad reaction to Roland’s pity after Roland finds out b/c Andrew has spent so many years building his “untouchable” persona only for it to have all come crashing down.

Andrew views people knowing about his CSA/SA as meaning that they think he is weak & will no longer find him threatening. He is ashamed of his history of CSA/SA that is why he doesn’t want to talk about it or tell people. Andrew did not even want to hear Neil bring Proust up. The one adult (Luther) that he DID try to confide in called Andrew mentally unstable & misunderstanding brotherly love. Luther told Andrew this when Andrew was still a child. The psychological damage those words would have done is huge. He thinks his self-harm scars demonstrate vulnerability that predators will take advantage of. Andrew has convinced himself by the age of 18 that it is better to be viewed as a monster than to be viewed as prey. This is not someone who feels powerful regarding their sexuality. This is someone who has a sexuality & is struggling to engage with it. Andrew can’t “choose” not to be gay. He is characterized as constantly longing for human connection (Aaron, Nicky, Betsy) so he knows that he’s only ever going to be romantically & sexually fulfilled via a relationship with a man, but knowing, mentally accepting & then actually being able to physically do are all entirely different struggles.

Andrew canonically struggles to orgasm in the same room as another man or to even have the fact that he is aroused be commented on/looked at. He views having his visible attraction (a hard on) to someone acknowledged or touched as a vulnerability that could be exploited & result in someone trying to take advantage of him. That is not the mindset of someone who feels powerful. That is the mindset of someone who feels very, very vulnerable. Someone who is worried that they risk having their vulnerability exploited & taken advantage of at any moment.

It is one thing for Andrew to acknowledge someone’s attraction to HIM & engage in sexual acts that will make them vulnerable/bring that person to orgasm (hand or mouth) as long as (until Neil) that person doesn’t touch him. So Andrew can still feel disconnected, in some way, from the act. As long as they don’t act like they are in control of the situation/in control of him. As long as they never bring it up to him outside of those acts or act entitled to him at any point. And even then, Nora describes the majority of Andrew’s hook-ups with Roland as “cautiously controlled make-outs.” Andrew isn’t always giving Roland blow-jobs, y’all [Andrew also wasn’t hooking up with random men outside of Roland at Eden’s. Idk why so many ppl seem to be under the assumption that Andrew was hooking up with strangers but strangers pose a much higher risk than someone Andrew knows]. Andrew’s sexuality is going to be a back-and-forth battle (especially with someone he cannot trust. Roland has to be handcuffed and yet until Neil, Andrew doesn’t try to seek out anyone else b/c frankly, he probably considers himself lucky that he was able to find someone willing to be handcuffed) that means sometimes Andrew WILL feel gross about engaging in sexual behavior. He won’t always feel powerful or like he’s “winning” against his abusers. He will feel ashamed and awkward and uncomfortable and then probably angry that he’s feeling those things. Andrew doesn’t always have to be “winning” or perfectly comfortable with his sexuality to prove that he’s overcome his CSA/SA or that he’s okay with being gay. Sometimes even acknowledging a man is attracted to him might make Andrew anxious and that would frankly be normal for someone with his past trauma.

I feel like sometimes ppl want to contrast Neil’s demisexuality with Andrew being gay as “Andrew is gay and therefore feels attracted to every good looking man he comes across without any problems whatsoever. He doesn’t understand how Neil is only attracted to him.” Y’all… Andrew’s sexuality is more complicated than that due to literal CSA/SA. His relationship with his own attraction is going to be complicated. Let it be complicated! Let Andrew be jealous when Neil describes himself as “not swinging” b/c Andrew wishes sometimes he didn’t swing. Let Andrew take comfort in Neil being demisexual. He doesn’t ever have to worry about Neil being attracted to Aaron or wanting a threesome with twins. Andrew spent his childhood/adolescence having men be “physically attracted” to him and assaulting him b/c they didn’t care about his age or mental state. Neil is attracted to who Andrew is as a person - his strength of character - first and what he looks like only registers b/c it’s Andrew’s body, but whatever body Andrew had wouldn’t make a difference to Neil. Let Andrew be more comfortable in his sexuality b/c he has a trusting, long-term relationship with Neil that Andrew can focus on instead of being convinced that he’s going to be alone forever (like he was a teenager) b/c he never thought he’d be able to trust someone enough to let them in. Or that anyone would ever be trustworthy enough to be let in without trying to take advantage of Andrew in some way.

Idk. Obviously everyone is entitled to their own interpretation of characters. I think that my interpretation of Andrew is so strongly rooted in his trauma, however, that whenever I see it dismissed or only vaguely mentioned I feel like we’re not talking about Andrew Minyard anymore.

[minevaa13]

Neil Josten

[literary-claustrophobia]

Andrew Minyard:

[otp-after-dark]

The Myth of “Fans Killing Shows”: Here’s the thing I fundamentally disagree with. It wasn’t the fans who “killed the shows.” It was the writers who killed it.

I came across this Tumblr post and here's why people blaming the fans for the writers fatal flaw is just wrong.

And now I'll get to the most unpopular opinion I've ever shared online - fully aware that what I've already said very few people on here would agree with: I don't think it's Rob Thomas who killed the show with his ill-adviced decision, it's the fans who did that. Not that they are not aware of it, but they still refuse to take the blame for it, as if there could not have been any other reaction. And clearly they don't regret it. After they paid to bring Veronica Mars back once before. They collectively decided that season 4 was a crime against the fandom and that it never happened. Therefore making it impossible for anyone who did not feel the same way to get more content and have some closure. I know I don't get to be mad about that, but it is sad. And I've been on the other side of this a few times and stopped watching a show after a certain point, but that never triggered a cancellation. I've seen favorite characters killed off many times without it ever leading to a fandom turning hostile like that, sometimes even ripping everything else apart about the show. And it's not even like Veronica Mars was a cosy show where people didn't die. It was neo noir. It started out with her solving the murder of her best friend ffs. So, how did this happen? How did one character's death kill the show? Was it because he was the main love interest over more than a decade? Why does it now feel like he was more important than the protagonist? Or was it maybe because the fans campaigned for it's return and even funded the movie? Was it because they felt more invested in a way and later betrayed although they did not pay for the last season to get made?

I know this take circulates a lot: “The fans killed Veronica Mars. If they hadn’t reacted so strongly to Season 4, we’d have gotten more.”

But after watching this happen over and over, across shows I love, shows that shaped me, shows that built entirely new corners of fandom culture. I just don’t buy it.

Fans aren’t killing shows. Writers are breaking the emotional contract, torching the narrative spine, and then blaming the audience for the smoke.

And if Veronica Mars were the only example, maybe we could write it off. But this specific heartbreak, this implosion of trust, has now happened on too many shows, in too many fandoms, with too similar a pattern to chalk up to “one overreacting audience.”

It didn’t start with Season 4. It didn’t start with Logan Echolls. And it didn’t end there.

It’s The Handmaid’s Tale. It’s Game of Thrones. It’s The 100. And on and on.

This is a cultural pattern. A breaking point between audiences and creators, and VM is just the case study where people still argue about who struck the match.

The pattern is the same every time: the writers kill the relationship they spent years telling us mattered most.

This is the part critics pretend not to understand.

Fandom doesn’t melt down because a character dies. Characters die constantly in television, and people grieve them, yell about them, move on. They melt down when a character dies in a way that breaks the story’s thesis. Let's take a deeper look:

Veronica Mars: Logan Echolls

Years of storytelling, marketing, PR, revival hype, and arc-building told us:

Logan is Veronica’s person. He’s the love story that grows with her. This relationship is the heart of the show.

Season 4 then kills him in the last 90 seconds as a plot device. Not a turning point, not a thematic evolution, just a twist that contradicts everything the show told us about her healing.

The Handmaid’s Tale: Nick Blaine

Four seasons of narrative work (and two books) told us:

Nick is June’s equal, mirror, moral counterweight, and match. Their love is radical, raw, complicated, feminist, and central.

Then Seasons 5 and 6 decide:

Actually, punish him. Actually, flatten him. Actually, the story is about motherhood, not womanhood or desire. Actually, June belongs with the safe man.

That isn’t a character arc. That’s an ideological pivot.

Game of Thrones: Daenerys Targaryen

Eight seasons told us:

Daenerys is the heart of the myth. She breaks chains. She frees people. She’s the emotional and moral center of the show’s grand design.

The final three episodes say:

Forget that. She snaps because… trauma? lineage? vibes? The woman who liberated millions is actually a tyrant.

A series that built itself on emotional logic ends on plot logic. The single most disorienting pivot a story can make.

When the ending contradicts what the story was, fans don’t feel shocked. They feel gaslit.

Killing the love interest isn’t the issue. Killing the thesis is.

This is the part nobody wants to talk about, because it forces a reckoning with the power and legitimacy of fandom interpretation.

Logan wasn’t just Veronica’s boyfriend. Nick wasn’t just June’s romantic partner. Daenerys wasn’t just another lead.

These characters were:

thematic mirrors

emotional anchors

narrative engines

symbolic structures

the emotional grammar of the show

and the embodiment of the protagonist’s arc

You don’t just rip those out. Not without re-breaking everything around them. It’s like pulling the keystone from a bridge and then blaming drivers for falling into the river.

Why does this keep happening? Because TV writers mistake cynicism for prestige.

This is the actual disease that keeps killing fan-beloved shows:

Prestige = tragedy

Prestige = subversion

Prestige = women alone

Prestige = punishing love

Prestige = nihilism masquerading as maturity

It’s a worldview that sees romance arcs, emotional continuity, loyal love interests, or morally gray partners as “cheap,” “fan service,” or “too soapy.” And because of that mindset, writers keep doing one of two things:

1. They kill the love interest to seem edgy or surprising.

2. They rewrite the protagonist or their partner beyond recognition.

And sometimes both. Either way, the show loses the very thing that made it groundbreaking. The fans didn’t kill Veronica Mars. They mourned what the creator killed first. If a fandom was powerful enough to:

campaign for a return

fund a movie

keep the discourse alive for a decade

pull the show into the 2010s streaming era

…then maybe, just maybe, they had a point about the story’s emotional core.

People didn’t walk away because Logan died. They walked away because his death dismantled the show’s moral vocabulary.

Just like:

People walked away from The Handmaid’s Tale, especially 6x10, because they dismantled the show’s feminist thesis and punished the very arc they built around love, agency, and liberation. (Ahem Hulu's TT because I will be shocked if it's not heading for a similar exit.)

People walked away from Game of Thrones because the finale dismantled eight years of character logic and replaced it with plot convenience.

This isn’t “toxicity.” This is narrative literacy.

Fans understood the assignment better than the people writing the final chapters. The truth is this: fans don’t kill shows. Shows kill themselves when they decide the audience was wrong about what mattered.

And here's the irony that never gets talked about: Writers taught us what mattered.

They built these love stories. They crafted these arcs. They centered these relationships. They marketed these dynamics. They put these characters in promos, posters, finales, interviews, season-long narratives. They told us these bonds mattered.

So when they then turn around and say:

Actually, wrong. Actually, silly of you to care. Actually, this was never the point.

Of course people walk.

It’s not immaturity. It’s not entitlement. It’s not “fandom killing the show.”

It’s the audience refusing to be told that the story they meaningfully engaged with for years was a mistake.

[kiwoalaa]

NOBODY is doing it like him

[hububli]

i can't tell you how badly i want to see the foxes in everyday school situations from outsider's perspective like imagine neil josten being called to the board to solve a logarithmic function in algebra 201 after it just came out he's a son of a serial killer slash exy champion or being assigned andrew minyard, casual part time arm breaker full time terrifyingly fast and agile goalkeeper as your study buddy to peer review your criminal studies paper I can't 😭 i need this like oxygen

[dridwine]

I write like 500 words on a good evening. And then I edit it thrice on another. I max out at 2 good evenings and a mediocre one in a good week. And so on.

I will never finish my fic with its 13000 words for a still ongoing chapter 1.

It will cook forever.

On the other hand, I made myself laugh at least twice while rereading my own stuff. So you know.

[insert heartfelt moral here]

[starlightshadowsworld]

Concept: Kevin after the choking incident covering his neck. He starts wearing turtlenecks and loosely wraps a scarf around him when he’s without one.

No one comments on it thinking it’s because Kevin is uncomfortable seeing the physical evidence of his protector hurting him.

When in actuality it’s because the Nest had a golden rule, one that Kevin knew better than most “never injure where the public can see it.”

When Riko hurt someone enough to have it call attention he too was punished for it by the Master. Andrew had rightfully punished Kevin for deceit (albeit a lot more forgiving than he was used too.)

So Kevin instinctively hides the evidence because he doesn’t want Andrew to get punished for it too. He just got taken off his court ordered medication for nearly killing a bunch of guys.

Who knew what could happen to him if people saw that his teammate had dark bruises in the shape of his hands around his neck.

Kevin had already hurt Andrew enough by lying to him. He wouldn’t dare cause him any more pain because he couldn’t hide well enough.

The bruises themselves didn’t really bother him.

They weren’t a symbol of betrayal like others may believe but instead a sign of the inevitable. Of the rules that would follow him wherever way he went and the standards he must abide by.

Kevin didn’t regret keeping Neil’s secrets but he does wish it didn’t have him break his word to Andrew. But it was his own fault, it always was after all and Andrew was just correcting that.

This was a reminder to be better.

That’s all.