useless things no one cares about

[lastoneout]

Ya know when people told me "when you're finally safe enough that you can leave survival mode and start to let go of and process your c-ptsd/trauma things are probably going to get really, really bad before they slowly start to get better" I thought that was reasonable. I did not understand that by "things are going to get bad" they meant "you're going to find yourself in the worst mental state of your entire life, but dw, that means it's working" and tbh I simply wish someone had been more clear.

[lucineblue]

Not letting these stay in the tags, damn. Let yourself be Goop.

[queen-breha-organa-archived-dea]

Do you ever like physically feel yourself pass your mental breaking point and then all you can think is “oh these next few days are going to be interesting”

[queen-breha-organa-archived-dea]

Like you’re just sitting there silently and on the outside you seem fine and gathered but in your head you’re like “oh this is gonna hit me like a train any second”

[queen-breha-organa-archived-dea]

Glad to see all 19k of us are clearly fine and okay

[cheruib]

that comment about how you should not borrow grief from the future has saved me multiple times from spiraling into an inescapable state of anxiety. like every time i find myself thinking about how something in the future could go wrong i remember that comment and i think to myself: well i never know, it might get better. it might not even happen the way i think it will and if it does happen and it is sad and bad ill be sad about it then, when it happens. and it’s somehow soo freeing

[1dietcokeinacan]

[afewnovelideas]

I need this reminder today.

[orphic-mysteries]

If it keeps you from killing yourself it's not stupid. This applies to anything btw.

[brb-on-a-quest]

Bestie. How dare you leave “do not mock the life preserver…” in the tags.

@onewingedsparrow

[moominirl]

[what-even-is-thiss]

The way you change your immediate reactions to things is that you catch yourself having an uncharitable/bigoted/overly judgmental thought and you catch it and replace it and then you do that a hundred times a day for your whole life and eventually one day like five years later you realize that you think differently now and you’ll always be working on something but that’s how life goes and that’s fine.

[what-even-is-thiss]

Say you have a bad habit of thinking all other people are stupider than you and want to respect other people’s intelligence more.

So you start paying attention to your immediate first reactions to things. You notice that when other people around you are struggling with a math problem and ask you for help you default to seeing them as annoying and stupid.

Instead of chastising yourself for having that thought, interrogate it. Replace it. Think, why do I assume people with different strengths are dumber than I am? I need help sometimes too. I’m glad they’re comfortable enough with me to ask me for help. I’m glad I’ve got a reputation of being the math guy and can help people with that.

And the first time, perhaps the first few dozen times, it’ll feel disingenuous. The cynicism in your brain will fight it. But in time it’ll become as easy as breathing. First thought, replace thought.

And then one day you don’t need to replace that thought. That might be a month from now or twenty years from now. And it’s annoying to get there. But you do get there.

[the-real-seebs]

useful also for dealing with self-directed contempt, i'm told!

[category-five-autism-event]

Ever since I was a young child, I knew I wanted to be a fucked up creature.

[willgrahamscock]

horrible news: you have to practice to level up your skills because it's unrealistic to think you'll be good at everything first try

[willgrahamscock]

this applies to unlearning things like shame and creating better coping mechanisms and forming new habits

[is-this-fascism]

[runby2]

something i learned today:

if you are depressed and feel life has no meaning / you feel like you have no identity and life is overwhelming - check if you have anchor points.

what are anchor points? they are what make us human, and allow us to perceive time and self. humans are not, alone, able to identify ourselves without building upon our surroundings and interactions. we are our reflection, not just ourselves. so, anchor points are any sort of routine that allows you to look forward to something and keep track of time. it is why stress comes with change and lack of schedule.

anchor points can be as little as keeping a calendar, doing a weekly thing for a certain day of the week, talking to people on certain days, any ritual of some sort to identify what day is which and give it some sort of meaning and routine.

if you feel like you were stable before a huge change that ruined your routine or sense of self, you are most likely lacking anchor points and struggling to look forward to things because of the uncertainty. You may become obsessed with finding things to occupy yourself in fear of nothing sticking and giving you the ongoing feeling of existing and having meaning to exist.

you do matter, you do exist, you never changed. you just need to regain your grasp of time and work your way back into routine. we are herd animals, always ready to find a buffalo.

do you have a buffalo to hunt?

[realpersonfacts]

i started doing things scared and doing things alone years ago the real challenge is doing things tired

[papayajuan2019]

i'm digging the hole deeper tomorrow

[guooey]

I need clear instructions for every small task and conversation in my life or else I embarrass myself but it’s okay I’m handling it fine 

[traumatizeddfox]

“but it wasn’t that bad”

did it hurt? did you feel scared? unsafe? were you embarrassed? humiliated? terrified? did you feel confused on why? does it keep you up at night? do you avoid being in a similar situation? did you cry? did you want to cry? who told you it wasn’t that bad?

[susiehunsecker-remade]

people are way too comfortable being dismissive of children and teenagers. if a toddler comes up to you and starts explaining skibidi toilet lore or if a 13 year old asks you if you want to hear about their mha ocs you have to listen with utmost sincerity or at least pretend to. this is the only way you will get into heaven.

[susiehunsecker-remade]

genuinely depressing how people will dismiss the interests kids have because all it does is make them retreat into shame and never want to talk to you about anything again

[cartoonrival]

(guy whos scared of everything and feels guilty about everything) sorry i got scared and felt guilty

[steamandcream]

thinking about how when you experience a lot of shame in your formative years (indirectly, directly, as abuse or just as an extant part of your environment) it becomes really difficult to be perceived by other people in general. the mere concept of someone watching me do anything, whether it's a totally normal activity or something unfamiliar of embarrassing, whether I'm working in an excel spreadsheet or being horny on main, it just makes my skin crawl and my brain turn to static because I cannot convince myself that it's okay to be seen and experienced. because to exist is to be ashamed and embarrassed of myself, whether I'm failing at something or not, because my instinctive reaction to anyone commenting on ANYTHING I'm doing is to crawl into a hole and die. it's such a bizarre and dehumanizing feeling to just not be able to exist without constantly thinking about how you are being Perceived. ceaseless watcher give me a god damn break.

[presentlydean]

online communities are so strange because people slip away so easily. you can be on here for years, folding people you've never met into the fabric of your daily life, and then they disappear, leaving only ghost posts scattered across tumblr behind. or their blog stays dormant, for weeks, months, years, until you're only still following them because you remember that they love sunflowers or they were kind to you when they didn't have to be or the last thing they posted was sad and raw and you still worry about them sometimes.

and sometimes they come back when you least expect it, years later, even, and there's this sudden rush of relief like there you are, there you are, even though you barely knew each other.

there's a strange kind of love to it. i don't know you and i want to hold your hand across miles and time zones and oceans. i can still see the imprint of you in this community you left. you don't think anyone will notice or care when you're gone, but we notice and we care and we wish you well.

i hope you're all okay out there. i hope the sun is shining on your face and you are breathing deeply. i miss you.