Always AAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

✡️^^^Dyl^^^they/she^^^🐀

[onlyplatonicirl]

Oh man I haven’t had a new interest in a while. It’s always been the same three things on repeat. I wonder when I’ll st-

Ok.

[lightweightkate]

I’ve been cackling about this for like five minutes now

[uncharacter-istically]

[Video caption:

O-okay, let’s get into this, shall we?

*grumbling* Would you rather work for Lex Luthor or the Joker- *shouting* Lex Luthor, by like, a fucking mile!

Yes, yes, working for Lex Luthor is basically like being an Amazon employee that makes weapons of mass destruction, which is bad. Lex is like Donald Trump mixed with Mark Zuckerberg mixed with Jeffrey fucking Bezos, it’s not a great mix. He does not treat his henchmen well. Their lives still suck, and they are probably monitored on how long they take piss breaks for.

But let’s analyze what working for Lex Luthor is like versus the fucking Joker. With Lex you probably get a dental plan, a health plan, a paycheck, and the guy that you’re fighting really cares about human life. Superman will hit you just long enough to knock you out, so you’re not a treat, so he can stop the problem.

If you work for the Joker, your payment is you’re not fucking dead. You say one wrong thing? Bang. You don’t laugh at his jokes? Bang! You do laugh at his jokes? Bang! You think Joker gives a fuck about a henchman?

Who’s Lex Luthor’s right-hand-man? It’s a woman, you sexist, her name is Mercy, she’s awesome. Who’s Joker’s right-hand-man? Bob? Nah, he’s dead. Harley? Tried to kill her multiple times. Slappy? Who the fuck is Slappy?

The best case scenario of working for the Joker is that you fight the fucking Batman! And that presents its own fucking list of problems. If you stop Superman as a Lex Luthor henchman, Lex’ll be pissed, but he’ll be at least happy that Superman was caught. If you stop Batman as a Joker henchman, you better have a fucking coffin picked out yesterday.

This isn’t a fun hypothetical question, this is a screening technique that the doctors at Arkham use to determine your mental health! There is a right and a wrong answer to this question, and the correct one is Lex fucking Luthor. Thank you for coming to my fucking Ted Talk, have a nice day.

End caption.]

[loveitorreblogit]

Bitch neither I work for Wayne Industries, they got better offers than work these clowns:

[gandalfsbignaturals]

batmans secret special attack is offering all of his enemys henchmen a living wage and guaranteed healthcare

[xenosagaepisodeone]

right wing handwringing over birth rates has always unsubtly been a combination of wanting more white babies/wanting control over women, so it's bothersome that the popular response to that is just pointing out the cost of living. "we Would be having more kids if you guys made some positive changes to society" and such. pronatalist sentiment is becoming so much more explicit that I don't think many self-styled progressives are ready to reconcile with the fact that many women simply do not want to have children. we already see how women are demonized for refusing to undertake the thankless burdens of their mother and grandmother's generations lol, I can't imagine how full abdication from child rearing will come across to some people.

I can't even see "we Would be having kids" as a strategic approach to get conservatives to consider advocating for a higher quality of life considering that they truly could not care less if you, specifically, are poor. it's true that more couples would have kids if it was cheaper, but that will not be enough for these types until women's subservience is codified. even now, they consider the lack of child rearing in today's insane society to be a matter of selfishness. they view themselves as completely different animals than you. they have and will continue to advocate for more advantages for people of their specific backgrounds and income brackets to reinforce this lol.

[communistkenobi]

I think this rhetoric also ignores that the right wing want the inverse for Black and brown people - this logic of “raise living standards and we’ll have more kids” is a white perspective that ignores white supremacist medical violence, forced abortions, forced sterilisation, mass deportations, mass incarceration, police murder, imperial aggression, and forced removal of children from families as institutional programs of population control (Canadian residential schools, for example, were built for this exact purpose).

Increasing white birth rates is only one half of the equation for the right wing, and this raising-living-standards rhetoric fails to address this completely. Even in the outlandish scenario where the right wing accepts this logic and institutes robust welfare programs, do people think the state will offer these things to black, brown, and indigenous people? In any scenario where this happens it would just be Aryan UBI

[slimetony]

in 2017 we’re replacing our cerebrospinal fluid with sierra mist

[c3po]

no idea what this means

[slimetony]

lemon lime spine

[doloneia]

ok ive seen nolans odyssey and what the fuck was that actually

[doloneia]

Parts that made me tweak in a dim-lit movie theater:

1. Every time we meet a woman or enslaved individual that, y’know, had some semblance of agency in the text, Nolan has just… removed that? Circe’s commanding presence & how she genuinely overpowers Odysseus? Gone. Helen actually stealing the show in Book 4 where she walks down into the room and controls the conversation re: Odysseus & Troy? Gone. Utterly Gone. Lupita Nyong’o gets 0 chance to speak on her own terms and its actually so depressing. Also I’m genuinely unsure here but it seemed like Circe & Calypso’s divine status was… nonexistent?? They’re both goddesses but apparently not to Christopher Nolan 🫤

And this treatment extends to Odysseus’ slaves, specifically Eumaeus & Eurycleia (eurynome & philoetius not appearing in this goddamn film ifg). Almost every action taken by Eurycleia in the Odyssey is attributed to someone else in Nolan’s adaptation, she gets 0.2 seconds of screentime, its actually absurd. I think she has two lines in the whole movie. Eurycleia. Odysseus and Telemachus’ nurse. The woman who canonically organizes the doors to be locked during the suitor’s slaughter? Who canonically helps secure Telemachus’ provisions for Pylos? fuckin. Not There. And Eumaeus (who literally perfectly models xenia to a disguised Odysseys while living in extreme poverty) notably Does Not Get To Do That in Nolan’s odyssey, instead he’s like. injured I guess? I’m so fuckin confused as to why that happened, it just made the plot more convoluted. Medon is also just not there at all. Medon who is actually the fuckin best?? My underestimated king??? Where Is He.

2. oh my god everything abt the scene with Polyphemus makes me want to claw my eyes out (except maybe his eye? that looked kinda cool idfk). yknow how polyphemus appears, speaks to the crew, and they let their guard down? how the polyphemus episode represents the world outside of greek customs like xenia? how he fucking talks to them? he talks to them and his neighbors? yeah. in Nolan’s odyssey, there are no neighbors. there is no existential mirror/cyclopean foil to ithacan society. there are no other cyclopes. He doesnt even fucking talk 😭😭 <- i mean he gets one line but the audios so distorted that without captions i had no idea what he said

3. Anticleia reunion scene? Nonexistent. Laertes? Nonexistent. Allegedly still around. Sir Not-Appearing In-This-Film. Book 15 reunion between Telemachus and Odysseus? Nonexistent. Reunion between Odysseus, Eumaeus, and Philoetius? Not there. The fucking marriage bed scene? The goddamn marriage bed? NOT THERE. screams into a bag

4. ODYSSEUS “DIDNT WANT TO RETURN HOME” 😭 they keep fucking saying this over and over again too and. No he very much did. No home means no guaranteed kleos guys. his sons life is in jeopardy but Ok christopher shitlan do whatever the fuck you want, i guess

5. every time i heard them say “our civilization is collapsing” or “they say the peoples from the sea are attacking” or “our age of bronze is ending” not only did i feel my soul die a little more inside but i also kept thinking “man, this sounds a lot like the white supremacist belief in ‘western civilization’ just superimposed onto a falsified image of the late bronze age” and thats because It Is.

strange decisions:

1. boar scar apparently occurred when odysseus was an adult???

2. elliot page’s sinon gets one helluva backstory which i guess was kinda cool if you ignore elliot page getting brutally slaughtered in the first 30 seconds of the movie? not sure how to feel about that

3. travis scott kept showing up randomly which was like. fine i guess? genuinely im not sure what the difference between him & phemius was supposed to be. i didnt even see phemius. tbf i was taking notes this whole time so maybe i missed him? but travis scott shouldve just been phemius idfk why he wasnt

4. The Phaecians are just not there guys and i have no idea why. odysseus’ wanderings are being narrated to calypso?

5. the crew mutinies at scylla instead? odysseus tries to sail towards charybdis??? this was a bizarre sequence

6. no nestor or peisistratus. somehow telemachus sails to the 100% inland palace of menelaus. who needs a chariot when you’ve got a Boat i guess

7. half of my notes just say “what happened to show, don’t tell” because the amount of exposition made me want to slam my head into the wall

highlights:

1. anne hathaway and tom holland had a very good dynamic, i feel like they really captured some of the tension between penelope & telemachus, ie penelope running the house for 20 years and still assuming some of that authority vs. telemachus trying to grow up/assume control of the household/establish his own kleos. loved that dynamic tbh. one of the better parts of the telemachy sections

2. lupita nyong’o was great in the uh. 30 seconds she had on screen. im so serious helen was fucking robbed in this movie

3. himesh patel fucking carried every scene he was in on his Back

4. rare cicones appearance

maybe the real sea peoples was the troy we sacked along the way

[byjove]

Heterosexual relationship culture is so alien to me and I don’t know if it’s the fact I’m not cishet or the fact I’m autistic but I hear so many things that make me go “Am I insane or are they?”

There’s a lot of hate on widowers and I saw a woman say “You cannot compete with a dead woman.” which is perhaps a reasonable statement to say if he’s constantly comparing you to his dead partner but that wasn’t what the post was about. And I realized “Oh my God, these people genuinely feel like they’re constantly in competition with their spouse’s exes and the ex being dead makes them feel insecure that they cannot best her.”

There’s also been an uptick in the ‘men and women cannot be ‘just’ friends’ rhetoric which I feel like is extremely dangerous and reflects the rise of fascism and sexism. Some of these stories of women feeling threatened by their husband’s female best friend have some merit and others are like “I feel angry that my husband still talks to the girl he grew up next door to and she and her wife are invited to family gatherings and included in family photos sometimes. Am I right to be suspicious?” No. No you’re not. I cannot imagine being you and living with that high level of stress and paranoia and constant torment and jealousy about your husband having a positive relationship with anyone who isn’t you.

[covington-shenanigans]

okay look i know this isn't relevant to this post past the second paragraph but. here's the thing. the facts of the case are as follows:

1) I am widowed. my Beloved Wife of Blessed Memory(tm) died in 2019

2) I got together with my current partner about 18 months later

3) when I am committing acts of Foolishness my current partner loves to gesture at the sky to my dead wife, like "do you see this shit, my liege" and regularly says to me things like "[wife's name] was right about this" when my Foolishness inevitably comes back to bite me in the ass

4) this happens. all the time

more importantly:

5) my current partner is on tumblr

6) they love to incessantly send me posts

WHICH MEANS:

7) they just sent me this post with this commentary:

8) they really, really are ganging up on me with her. god help us if there's an afterlife and those two ever actually meet. "eternal rest" my ass, i will never know peace again

[strictlyquadrilateral]

okay, like, listen. imagine if animals formed a support group for people who aren't human. and all the resources were like "for creatures with four legs" and the birds went "hey, we don't have four legs? can we be included please?" and the other animals went "oh my GOD stop making things about you. humans have two legs so you can't possibly be oppressed for having two legs." and also no one is even talking about insects or arachnids.

[the-real-seebs]

this is the most vivid analogy for the experience of being queer on tumblr that i have ever seen

[so1987-deactivated20230102]

who’s gonna tell tumblr that executive dysfunction is more than Not Doing Things?

[so1987-deactivated20230102]

okay

these are the executive functions. impairment of these functions is executive dysfunction

[dailypattondoodles]

Oh.

OH

[lurlur]

Girl, help. None of my executives are functioning

[orangei-sindy]

marvel universe tumblr simulator Part 1/?

🦾 ironstark-forever

i'm sick of you people acting like our mayor isn't gay and fucking a billionaire

edit 1: now which one of yall sent this post to their kid he's vagueing me on social media

🕶️ shattertremes-13151015-deactivated

mayor cage has a WIFE. he is M A R R I E D. why does everyone always assume there's some kind of cheating going on

🦾 ironstark-forever

??? oh so bisexual people don't exist now? polyamorous people don't exist now? people like you are the fucking problem

👊 bottom-ironfisting

the way op's archived posts show that they ship tony stark with his bodyguard lol. there's no way you're gonna glaze iron man getting his oil changed by that reject and then shit talk luke and danny BYE.

edit: acting like ms jones-cage doesn't think they fucked either is wild

😸 the-only-tigra-hellcat-shipper

is fumbling genetic or some shit why is hawkeye two always dating some d list zero when she could get with a HERO. ms america if you're reading this I know how to show a lady a good time i promise

🐈‍⬛ hellcatty

the implication that hawkeye is related to the other hawkeye pls

😸 the-only-tigra-hellcat-shipper

???? are they not? like i assumed that they were since the brooklyn spiderman is related to the queens one that it was the same situation here ???

🕷️ hyphenbot

spider-man

Beep-boop! I look for accidental misspellings where there should be hyphens

👊 bottom-ironfisting

this is a callout post for @ironstark-forever

they're making several false claims, namely reducing danny rand to a billionaire. he went MISSING as a CHILD why are we acting like the stuff rand did while he was lost at sea was his fault???

Keep reading

🕶️ shattertremes-131510151-deactivated

my most unhinged conspiracy theory is that haikubot is controlled by ultron. like. or maybe one of his grandkids idk I was lowkey addicted to heat for like the entirety of that m day stuff so I don't know what the family situation is

🪃 yes-im-boomerangs-cousin

oh my god this post is literally broken in every way what the fuck. why does it say it posted 2 centuries ago. what the fuck.

🕶️ windsong-truther-131510152-deactivated

genuinely fuck m0j0

🕶️ x-tremities-131510153-deactivated

dude this isn't Freaking Awesome you don't need to censor mojo if you're dissing him??

⚡️slothbaby

hypersonic space travel (or why interdimensional e-mails should have a schedule send function)

Chapter 15/? Word Count: 20K

When Ororo Munroe gets an interplanetary collect call from the Shi'ar to pick up her shortstack of a coworker from a prison cell, her first instinct is to send his daughter to get him. Instead, she and Logan embark on a mission that should have been an email thread.

read on Freaking Awesome

👽 the-silent-watcher

🪃 yes-im-boomerangs-cousin

MY LAWYER JUST WALKED IN AND HE LOOKS LIKE HE FOUGHT SHE-HULK BUT LIKE. NOT IN A COURT????

🪃 yes-im-boomerangs-cousin

oh he said he tripped because he's blind aren't i a fucking asshole

🐈‍⬛ hellcatty

how are you always in these situations girl

🪃 yes-im-boomerangs-cousin

oh yeah my fuckass cousin moved in with me because his roommates didn't renew their lease with him or whatever and his situationship got killed by some guy from the news AND IT TURNS OUT MY COUSIN IS A FREAKING SUPERVILLAIN???? AND HE FOUGHT SPIDER-MAN????? and then I got arrested because this PIECE OF SHIT had some kind of blackmail encrypted ON MY WORK LAPTOP.

[sidekick-syndrome]

Life has never been the same since @ultramanzer0 and I discovered this gem of a character. Meet...

He's from Timely Comics and is a proto Moon Knight in just about every capacity. He doesn't wear pants. He doesn't have a real name. He is simply the Moon Man.

[magewardensurana]

"The Moon Man only went into action during a full moon. If this was due to a limitation to any unspecified super-human abilities, or some psychological dysfunction remains unrevealed. The fact that Moon Man was never seen out of costume, even when engaging in leisurely activities at home also point to possible eccentric or delusional behavior."

Even the Marvel Database is dragging this guy.

https://marvel.fandom.com/wiki/Moon_Man_(Earth-616)

[ph-cutie]

[bite-my-grimy-fleshy-ass]

If You Like a Long Island, Wait Until You Try the Adios, Motherfucker

If you like a Long Island Iced Tea, wait until you try the provocatively named Adios, Motherfucker. It’s fun, boozy and blue.

Found a recipe for it that's worded like electrochemistry wrote it

[bite-my-grimy-fleshy-ass]

Update: this tastes like if a baha blast could kill you and annihilates any ongoing anxiety attacks

[bite-my-grimy-fleshy-ass]

Update update: comparing this to a long island is like comparing a pickup truck to a tank

[brawltogethernow]

[defectivegembrain]

I went to Escher Sentence Island and more people were there than I was

[threetrenchcoatsinatrenchcoat]

i went to garden path sentence island and some flowers

[oneheadtoanother]

went to sentence fragment island. sucked.

[sigynpenniman]

I know everyone says it’s best to just stick to “said” as a dialogue tag bc it disappears and that’s true and I mostly do but I want to take a moment for my all-time favorite dialogue tag, “lied.” Absolutely nothing hits like “‘I’m here to help,’ he lied.” NOTHING.

[unamccormack]

ABSOLUTELY one of my favourites.

[doctor-yoshi-soul]

[rainbowhyperfixation]

[photo of printed text from a book. Text reads “Vulcans never lie?” “Never,” Spock lied.]

[pandorashallcloset]

Girl u so unsettling I love that

[x-creature-feature-x]

when i was 10 same sex marriage was legalised in england and wales. that summer i went to so many weddings. there were weeks i went to a wedding every single day, some days we had to choose which wedding to go to. i loved it cuz i got to dress up and hang out w a bunch of happy ppl and eat food and dance. when i see that quote abt how gay ppl during the aids crisis had to choose between funerals it reminds me of that summer. of how far weve come and how far we still have to go. hiv is now controllable with a pill once a day. only 6 ppl have ever been cured of aids. the uk wasnt hit nearly as hard by hiv/aids as other countries like it, partly cuz of a massive public information campaign. 20,000 ppl still died. i went to so many 10 year anniversary parties last year.

[ancientforgcd]

[luxwing]

GAMING NEWS !!

expensive

[luxwing]

[crackedpolishedblackstonebrick]

posts funnier with timestamps on