Certified Emotional Intelligence Coach

Identify verbal and physical emotional cues to improve interpersonal relations.

[creativitycoach]

What does it mean to be creative? How can a Creativity Coach help me with my life?

Creativity comes in many forms. It is natural for some and work in progress for others. Some people feel stuck, because they have not been creative to push themselves to their full potentials. Being creative can facilitate a better understanding of self as well as emotional intelligence of others. Below are various forms of creativity.

1. Thinking

Creative thinking involves critical and analytical thinking to dissect what is seen and uncover what is unseen. Life is a big bowl of variables - independent, dependent, confounding, extraneous. Some people can only see the obvious. Deeper level thinking is natural for a small percentage of individuals. Training the brain to see beyond the obvious takes time. An example between the two would be students. When asked questions, some students simply regurgitate what they have read or heard. Other students demonstrate their understanding of the concept by using real world applications to current scenarios. The latter is creativity of thinking.

2. Dance

Sometimes we allow sound frequencies to reverberate throughout our bodies, and we find ourselves moving. Dancing and movement can be considered forms of creativity. Autists and individuals with ADHD engage in stimming - repetitive movements, actions, sounds, behavior. Dancing could be similar to stimming. When one is frustrated, one may not want to scream. Rather, one may simply prefer to move voluntarily or involuntarily. Even if you feel as if you are merely flailing, it is still a creative outlet, and your “flailing” pattern is unique to you. It allows you to expend excess energy, thus, become more calm.

3. Sound and Music

Perhaps to calm yourself, you find yourself humming, tapping, making noises with objects, your appendages, your body, or singing. The sounds you make may be considered forms of music even if the sounds have no discernible rhythm or pattern. Expressing yourself in this matter may feel calming, so why not try it.

4. Words

This method of creativity may include short or long stories, poetry, lyrics, etc., and it may be written or spoken. To understand deeper meanings of incidents or events, it helps to speak of the event out loud to hear yourself process it and discern fact versus fantasy. Autists and those with ADHD may fixate on specific words or phrases and repeat them until they are bored or calm. One weekend, I repeatedly said “kumquat” similar to substituting the eff word for three days. There are times I may stim inappropriate words, and I may even have to say them loudly. Words are powerful. They can help or harm. If certain words are harmful, remove the power of those words, so those words no longer affect you. Become ambivalent to words. The b word has negative connotations; however, when you destigmatize the word to the point of indifference, it will no longer affect you. This graphic was found in Cricut Design Space.

5. Sculpting, Building, Designing

Sculpting, building, designing things can be calming, meditative and freeing. Do not worry about being perfect. The end result is to express yourself. If your clay elephant appears to be a lump, it does not matter. You have used your negative energy in a productive way to allow your feelings and creativity flow.

6. Sewing, Crocheting, Knitting, Embroidery, Fabric and Thread Work

Perhaps making your own clothes, quilts, scarves, or anything, involving fabric or threads are the way you express yourself and/or find calming.

7. Drawing, Painting, Photography

Visual arts have been expressive since before the hieroglyphs of ancient Egypt, or Chinese characters. Those symbols were methods of communication. One need not have formal training or skill to draw, paint, or photograph. Getting the images out of your head, employing any of those methods can help you convey what is difficult to describe. As the saying, “a picture is worth a thousand words,” use your unspoken words.

8. Crafting

Crafting may be expensive unless you know how to recycle materials. It is a great way to express yourself while creating gifts for yourself or others. These French Bulldog graphics were found on Cricut Design Space and cut with Cricut Joy.

9. Makeup

Some of us express how we feel by the way we apply our makeup at the time.

A Creativity Coach can help you identify which methods with which you are most comfortable expressing yourself. A great coach thinks out of the box to help you see that which is unseen. No matter which method of creativity you utilize, remember it is for you, and it does not have to be perfect. There is beauty in imperfection, and imperfections remind us we are human.

[hwlpro]

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[orlandomakeup]

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[eicoach]

[orlandomakeup]

Fifty shades of bullies

There are two basic types of bullies.

1. Those who have full understanding of their actions and seek power and control.

2. Those who lack the intellectual capacity to understand their behavior.

The latter is the most dangerous, because there is no reasoning with them. They disparage and harass with the belief that they are doing no wrong. All bullies are shallow, insecure, and need numbers. They have no strength of their own. They are weak.

Millennials are exceedingly becoming the bullies about which they speak. They bully as a platform for drama and attention. They lack the intelligence to acknowledge their faults and how to conduct themselves. They lack professionalism and decency. Millennials suffer from narcissism. They think their lives and stories are more compelling, because they want attention. However, there are bullies well into their late ages that also have these characteristics.

These bullies can be found at any age and are not confined to school. They are coworkers, neighbors, strangers, and, more dangerously, online. Bullies intend to harass even if the are not intelligent to know they are bullying. At any age, they have the ability to know they should not perpetuate negativity, but some still claim they do not understand how their actions are harmful. While this may seem contrary, consider that when you address their behavior with them, they insist they are “not bad” people, ask their friends to insist they are nice, even say they are Christian. Your addressing their behavior puts them on notice that they are harmful. At this point, they become aware that they are engaging in this behavior but are defensive to avoid admitting they are wrong. Introverts and intelligent people admit when they are wrong, because they are more concerned with data and facts than feelings. They have no incentive to lie. They do not rely upon external validation. Extroverts do. This is not to say that all extroverts lack intellectual capacity, only that they are more motivated to be bullies.

Here are some examples of bullying that were unprovoked and occurred in situations where the person being harassed did not know the bully and/or was not interacting with the bully:

1. I like how you match your lipstick to your sweater. On second thought, I don’t. It’s ugly. You’re a bitch.

2. You need to pray to be normal.

3. Jesus can make you not be Asian.

4. We don’t want, you know, the black people in our neighborhood.

5. You’re not celibate. Look at you. You look like a model.

6. Don’t buy this art.

7. You need to smile.

Why are these words harmful? One of the “rules” of Christianity is to do unto others as you would have done unto you. If you cannot say something nice, do not say it at all. These examples ignore cultural and biological differences. They are punitive.

1. Introverts do not need compliments. In fact, they sometimes find compliments offensive. This “compliment” was a way to seek attention. The person did not receive attention, so he had intent to harm to assuage his feelings of insecurity.

2, 3, & 7. While there is a normal distribution, statistically speaking, people are not normal. There are cultural and physiological differences, which may seem “odd,” but those differences do not warrant being forced beliefs of the insecure. If you do not smile, shake hands, laugh at jokes, or make eye contact, you are not abnormal. You handle / process emotion differently.

3 & 4. Racist and ethnocentrist.

5. There is no look of celibacy. If one prefers to preserve his/her temple, then others should not assume their inability to keep their legs shut afflicts everyone.

6. Demanding that others boycott art defames the artist, nothing else. That statement alone shows disdain for the artist and/or the art. If one feels financial contribution to the artist is repulsive, or one feels the contribution would benefit one to the detriment of others (i.e. Boycotting people who shop at Hobby Lobby* as opposed to boycotting Hobby Lobby itself), then one should make the distinction. There is a difference between harassment and social awareness. Using the Hobby Lobby example, a person who shops at Hobby Lobby may not be aware of the practices of the establishment. Demanding people avoid the individual is harmful, seeks to exclude, and seeks to harass the individual rather than the establishment. Demanding the person avoid Hobby Lobby is completely different. A mature minded, intelligent person knows the difference. A bully who lacks intellectual capacity does not make the distinction.

The best way to handle someone who disparages you and claims they did nothing wrong is to ignore him/her. S/he will have friends to join in the disparage fest, because s/he is insecure and has to belittle everyone and everything that is secure. S/he needs power and control to compensate for the lack of power and control s/he feels with his/her life. S/he is unreasonable, immature, unprofessional, and lacks mental capabilities to examine his/her actions. This type of person always has to be right and will never understand his/her shortcomings. Additionally, these people are not intelligent enough to understand that constant communications from them and/or others on their behalves are harassment. It is no different than painting the n- word or the word “slut” on someone’s locker or home. It is no different than walking by someone bound, throwing rocks at them.

The best last word is the one left unsaid. This does not make one weak. It makes one mature and intelligent enough to understand the other person is deficient. In other words, thou shall not give pearl to the swine. Do not waste your energy on people who are unwilling to accept and admit their faults, those who are incapable of higher thought processing.

* This in no way suggests anyone boycott Hobby Lobby. People have their own reasons for shopping or not shopping there.

[orlandomakeup]

Bullying signifies low esteem. If you are happy with your life, you would not need to deprecate others. Have you not learned anything from Columbine or Virginia Tech? What appeals to one does not appeal to another. Never hamper creativity. Otherwise, there would be no Einsteins, Gateses, or Trumps. Belittling others hurts you more than them, because it shows your weakness, lack of character, and your own personal self hatred. Stop seeking attention. Even you don’t think you are worth it.

[selfconfidencecoach]

Bullies can lower self esteem and confidence. Do not let them win. Hire me to regain confidence and improve self esteem.

[eicoach]

Emotional intelligence can help you ascertain the difference between someone laughing at you and someone laughing with you.

[eicoach]

How emotional intelligence affects interpersonal relations.

[orlandomakeup]

Bullying

Claiming one is autistic when seeking to harass someone and getting their friends to join harassment does not make one any less of a bully. The intent is harassment, which makes the actions bullying.

In the past few years, bullying has been mostly instigated by millennials who think their lives are much more difficult than those before them. Our society is more tolerant and aware now than it was when and before the millennials were born. They have no idea how easy their lives are, yet they are quick to pass judgment and defame others due to their personal opinions without considering their actions as harassing and bullying.

Most bullies claim they are Christian, and those are the worst types of bullies. They are not intelligent enough to realize they are bullies. A law firm administrator told a paralegal who billed the most hours and had the most excellent work product, as reviewed by firm partners, to pray to Jesus to no longer be autistic. Yet this action is acceptable in an adult, professional environment and is protected by labor laws. The actions of the firm administrator is no different than harassing people for being individuals or their race / ethnicity, etc.

If one has a difference of opinions, one should discuss it with the other rather than publicly defame and harass the person. That level of immaturity is exemplary of millennial bullying. Christians think if they persecuted you publicly for not being them, it is acceptable. It is no different than stoning Christ on the cross for all to see. Be an adult and work through your issues in a mature manner that depicts intelligence.

Self-proclaimed Christians seek to change things to force their opinions upon others without considering that is not how Jesus operated. The best Christian is the silent one. The one who does not seek to reform the individual but society. Jesus was a social reformist who was disgusted by social inequalities, yet these bullies seek to further perpetuate inequalities with their thoughtless actions under the guise of education and Christianity.

If one is not mentally mature enough to understand how one’s words / actions seek to harm others, then one is a bully.

[eicoach]

Learn verbal and nonverbal cues to improve interpersonal relations. Learn to identify the weaknesses of others, so your strengths are fortified.

[eicoach]

Why hire an emotional intelligence coach, and, more specifically, why hire me.

For people with high IQ, introversion, HFA, ASD, and/or ADHD, emotions may be further removed from us. We function more on logic, reason, and critical and analytical thinking. Our brains function so rapidly that we barely have time to process emotions. In some ways, we are like artificial intelligence or computers. Some of us even have mobius syndrome and/or alexithymia.

Interpersonal communications can be challenging for us, so we need guidance to navigate through relationships. As a child, ADHD had not made it into the DSM, and even still, autism and ADHD were reserved for boys. It was not fathomable that a girl could be introvert or have high IQ. Females were measured by different patriarchal standards such as verbalization of emotions, expression, fertility, physical size, and man made beauty standards.

INTJ is a rare personality typology, and female INTJs are nearly non existent. For us, we function more as stereotypical males. We are not accepted as females by our female peers due to internal validation, confidence, esteem, efficacy, and lack of conformity to matriarchal and patriarchal constructs of femininity.

Society kept impressing upon me that something was inherently wrong with me. Years of therapy and research resolved this fallacious hypothesis. I learned how to retain my true identity while still being able to better assimilate into society. The greater population must learn tolerance and acceptance of those of us who fall outside of standard deviations. We are not to be feared. We are to be understood and accepted.

What makes me special? Nothing. I am human. What makes me different? I understand the challenges presented by above average intelligence, introversion, HFA, ASD, and ADHD, and how those characteristics impede interpersonal communications and relations. Through my coaching, I can help you learn as I have how to better identify and process verbal and nonverbal cues to improve interpersonal relations. We do not have to like everyone, but we have to accept everyone and collectively interact with each other in prosocial ways. This may be thought of as symbolic interactionism rather than structural functionalism, and without it, it is simply conflict theory. Essentially all three camps are entangled just as people.

Hire me for results. Be a winner at more aspects of your life.